The shops now closed, we see  bright Xmas lights
Joy to children and adults alike
For many are the savage ,evil sights
We’ve seen upon our screens in these dark nights

Yet  France and Britain warred a hundred years
Our soldiers ravished  women left alone.
A hundred years of terror laid out bare
Joan’s sister raped and klled  despite her groans

Even Joan was not safe from  such men
She did no wrong ,defending  bitter France
But churchmen got her tried by word and pen.
And burned  through her Christ’s body in their trance.

God needs not more  human sacrifice
Humans kill ;it is our “virtuous ” vice.

My husband sleeps in the bath
Why?
Someone said he was a drip.

My husband sleeps on the floor
Why?
He doesn’t like wakening up by  my boyfriend.

my husband wears a cap in bed
Do you mean a sheath?
Don’t be ridiculous.His head is much too wide.

My husband never goes to bed.
How do you feel
I can’t.

My wife likes tea in bed
And do you?
No,it’s too wet.

My wife is  very cold
Do you mean frigid?
No, she likes to cuddle me
So why complain?
Her under-active thyroid means she always 3 degrees under.
Wow, she must be clever.
She passed  for normal at school.
I say!
Did you know her?
Not biblically
I meant  sectually
What sect was she in?
Jehova’s Wits.
That is  too  boastful
She used ro be very modest when  she was a God botherer
What went wrong
She bothered him too much

 

 

 

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2008/sep/22/comedy

A Catholic and a Methodist were walking though the town looking for a coffee shop/
We can get   cheap coffee in the church hall,the Methodist said.
I don’t like cheap coffee, the Catholic said.
How about salvation?,his friend asked
Free?
Yea,bring your partner and a friend, it’s three for two  in Advent.
But we’ve already been saved by faith and good works.
Forget the good works.We are saved by Faith alone.It’s now Daylight Saving Time too.
I wish you had told me that  last week, the Carholic remarked.I just agreed my mother in law could move in with us
From where
Holloway.
What’s the address.
It’s the prison
Why is she there?
She  stole some  horse whips
I thought you said,whores ‘ whips.
It was a Freudian slip.
She stole that as well?
Yes and got 5 years in jail
What a heavy sentence.
Well, she  wore the slip with no dress  as well after killing the hoese
Have you  any animals in your home?
We have six cats.
Buy them some flak jackets.
She could strangle them.
Is that a crime?
We’ll soon find out!
Can’t you hide them?
In a 2 bedroom flat?
Is there a loft?
Yes,but there are two horses  up there.
Why keep horses in a flat?
It seemed a good idea at the time.
What   time was that?
Window box planting time.
You must be mad.
Yes , it is seassonally effective disorder
Does it work for you?
No,but it pulls the horses.
What an ass.
Where?
That man  over there?
I didn’t know you were gay.
I;m not but my therapist reckons I will be soon.
That’s very queer.
What is?
The fact  that we never had the coffee.
We’ll have to change to Colombian Bean Time.
And so they prayed for us

 

 

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