The weight of knowledge learned

Underneath the weight of knowledge  learned
I seem to be reduced  and paralysed
For I had thought the painful loss would turn
And fill me with  his love unpetrified.

For a moment, we may often ask
When sudden shock invades the unarmed heart.
But “give me years” makes tangible the task
For some , the mourning ends  before it starts

That in this world there is an empty space,
Never to be filled but lived beside
Makes some  feel angry, and afflicted by disgrace
Makes the themes  of grief and  pain elide.

I feel inert like marble on a beach.
Light and absence will my sad heart  breach..