I can’t stop getting it

I can’t stop getting it
The Radio Times,lost , unread.
The newspapers all writ with blood
I can’t stop getting it.
I get that you are gone for good
I get my tears may cause  the flood
I can’t stop getting it.
The mustard, yellow, in its pot
For my taste,  too wild and hot
I can’t stop getting it.
The cutlery I bought to cheer
Those new plates, the bottled beer
I can’t stop getting it.
You think I’m smart,
I have no heart?
I only like  pure numbers cold,
Transcendental,undersold.
I write while   sentences still dart
I write because  we are apart
I can’t stop getting it
The LRB, Arthritis Care
The Oldie,Damart,what men wear.
The Guardian Weekly,Africa
Apartheid, Sharpeville.what you saw.
I can’t stop getting it.
I’ve got it all.I’ve got  the warmth
I’ve got the memories  of calm
I’ve got it all,and yet, and yet
I’ve got nothing,I’m bereft.
I can’t stop getting hit.
I can’t stop getting it.
Save me with your wit.
Your mobile features,not your phone,
The abject utterance of your groans
The trolley in  the A & E
How you died , right next to me.
I held your hand and sang the psalms
You smiled at me ,at last you calmed
I can’t stop getting it
The groups of doctors just outside
Listening to me sing you  right.
The nurses  stopped ,like frozen film
That was heaven,not a prison
I can’t stop getting it.