We once had a Dr Hull Proctor
His wife lookedq quite ripe so he plucked her
Her cheeks were well read
Sailing under my bed
Agogz mm,she’s well used in the scriptures
Is it a video home with the Oxford dictionary?
Have you been on the new British library!
I can no longer be rude
Has the book lost its glue?
I lived in Islington and then wed in Highbury
Avoid visiting places that ask you to copy captchas…..it’s better to call a friend on the phone
and see if you can talk.Talking is very therapeutic if it’s a person you trust.You can talk about a book you read or recipes.just having a good conversation is therapeutic.
Alternatively write a poem but avoid illustration…art is too much trouble.Just put down a few words.
CAT SAW
I AM
HERE
SHE WANTS MILK
OH,DEAR.
I DIDN’T MEAN TO RHYME
BUT THE WORDS JUST CHIMED.
You see,anyone can do it… just like Modern Art.
Better still,iron all your clothes.. and your bed…and mend all those torn dusters…
Use your hands.Feel someone…
A stitch in time makes a rhyme.
Does time need a stitch?
That will give us food for nought
Images made by me using Microsoft Paint program old version
Your skin glows like an old lemon which someone left in the fridge for two years or more.
It blossoms as rudely as the nastiest weeds in springtime.
My yearning heart rises to your thunderous voice and leaps like a pig at the whisper of your name,Hardknut.
The evening ascends like a lion riding on a great Kentucky Fried Chicken Wing.
I am calmed by your old vests that I carry to clean the car headlights with in fog
And I hold them in my hand when I have run out of Kleenex tissues.
I am filled with dismay that I may need to dry your tears of shame with old worn out knickers
Yet you ignore mine as ever.You appear to forget I am a woman.
As my right eye falls down onro my blue shawl,alas it reminds me of our unmade blue bed once more.
I shall not forget it for my self esteem is low and falling
and it’s a year since I changed the sheets.
In the hushed yet noisy night,I listen for the last tweets of the autumn and look forward to an icy winter of miscontent
sleeping with the cats on the internet highway
My overheated heart leaps into my hot green mouth.
My lipstick is fading away with shock.
I wait in the faint moonlight for your secret bank check
So that we may strive as one mad being
in search of a golden ring
Symbolic of ambivalent married love that has passed its sell by date
But still has some intrigue remaining.
I never met anyone as dreadful,sweet and ugly as you.
I love you,Nameless.You are mine forever
Or so I believed foolishly..but I prefer a cat now.
Longing to see you or any man with wits and a good appetite,Maria.
Hoping for a response to my email before the end of the world,Phil.
With my tested bad wishes,Anne.
I guarantee you will enjoy me if not yourself,Wendy.
I can’t speak yet but my IQ is 139 in the evening and 189 in the morning.. are you interested in statistics? I think of nothing constantly,Edwina.
For my desert island book I choose the Stanford Guide to Poetics as it is heavy enough to kill a bird..what do you think of us as a couple of nitwits? Jane.
I regret to inform you we have to split as I have become a lesbian over night… I had a dream,Christie.
Will you meet me in the lodge or shall we drown in those ghostly waves?Bill.
Please don’t write a poem as rhymes often cause offence.. and free verse causes havoc in the mind.. mine,that is,Tommy.
If you want to talk please phone somebody,your dear husband Ronnie.
If you are angry,please go out and find another woman.Goodbye,Dorothy.
I never trusted a man before i met you.And I should have stayed that way. but I went mad. yours icily,Tonia.
Why read a dictionary in bed with me?Are you lacking in word power or man power or just crazy? Your wife.
I know you have no feelings but can’t you take degree in acting? Your ex-lover.Jim
Why not just tell me the truth:there is no truth? Yours Enid.
I hate you now but I’m sure it will fade gradually as time goes by,Mia.
Why did you never eat meat on Sundays,bread on Mondays and leather on Tuesdays.. is it a new religion or just madness?love Minette.
Isn’t life overorganic? Ron.
God is not a thing,so the priest said… so he needs no dusting or polishing.. in fact he is completely invisible nowadays,Guthrie.
My analyst is so boring he’s like a dead fish;can I talk to you? Warmly Miriam.
I am feeling over mixed as I fell into the Kenwood Family sized cake makr by chance..I was drunk.Angela…do not bake me tonight.Thank you
Irritable boundary personality disorder.
Rubber boundary personality disorder
Unacceptable boundary lines disorder
Invisible boundary disorder.
Friendly feinting disorder.
Bully personality psychosis.
Prying personality disorder..
Irresolute male disoyder.
Self righteous soul disorder.
God bothering disorder.
Victim seeking personality disorder
Materialistic greed disorder.
Birds nests disorder .
Failing to brush the hair on the back of your head disorder
Disguised theft societal disorder.
Praying for others without permission disorder.
Laughing cavalierly personality disorder.
Unwillingness to care societal disorder…
Over exposed photos male disorder.
Gadget collecting personality tendency leading to more orders.
Instruction manual induced psychosis.
Translation disorder
Soul destroying societal disorder.
Humiliating others personality disorder.
Spiritual tendency errors in navigation neurosis.
Writing obsession in just one of many:sex,icecream.sunshine,love,wool,pianos,paper,newspapers,photos
Treatment is sometimes rest,arrest, or kinder revolution than before…We hope… or maybe meditation for 15 minutes twice daily for women and three times for men..
.
Complaining lady personality misrule
Look here,this is not what I ordered.
Well,someone did!
Lord love a duck
No,I’ll never love a hen again..
Her nose runs all day and she follows it on Facebowl
I bought a witch a broom and now she gives me static
At least tantalize me till it’s light and I can go out and get my hair trimmed.
He gave me a laugh and many more sinful emotions than I’ve ever had before
He kept me mating far too long.. you know what it’s like;one thing leads to a mother.
He laughed all the way to the bonk
I played a bar and then found many more in a music book
I pray for more catarrh in winter
I generally lay my bards on the table
l left my mark on his back.. nailed my man !
I leave no organ in tune but your double bass gave me the willies
I’m just a reveller in my own lifetime
I was left by his faltering at the altar
He’s at my wits end
It was the fleeter of my two feet which ran faster than I did
I let the flat out and hired a wheelie bin just to sleep in,you know what it’s like now in London
Let’s never pall again.
I’ll never wear a glove again.
No,I’ll never write a double negative for you.No. not ever
She said,let’s split now then she turned a perfect cartwheel
My identity never achieved revolution
He preys all night and an owl is photographing his movements for the Daily Beast
Ariel is no longer a spirit… what would Shakespeare say
The school tell me the children are totally nitless now
They are tested daily by flea circuses.. what a performance
And they even know how to read faces and use body language since most cannot talk….
So how can they read? Silently,no doubt
Some children wear nappies in school to save time going to the lav.. whatever next… taking a baby’s bottle to save paying for school dinners..?
Some folk think,why grow up when we die later…. why not stay as children.. but in the end most of us give in and give up the breast for a few short years.. then those with them are hunted by those without.I think it was very unfair not to give men a bosom of their own though perhaps it would lead to total narcissism and we don’t want that do we?Ahaa.
As for their organs?How about becoming a hermaphrodite on the NHS..Two fo’ one.Marry yourself and save money on beds..and sheets and so on.. I suppose it’s boring marrying someone you can’t see except through a mirror
Think about it.. you can see anyone at all except yourself… very intriguing..so save up or make a mirror from mercury.Just don’t eat it.
They say I have a great sense of rumour.
And I am extremely dutiful.
My hair is like spun mould.
My eyes are like two bars.
My nose is ironic like the poet’s.
All in all I am a site to be ribald.
My cooking is extra-ordinary ,indeed it is plain.
My figure is probably zero writ on a barge.
I am a very rude housekeeper and all the furniture is witless.
My husband buys me furniture polish for Xmas made from bees wax.This is true.
Do bees ever wane?I know they can buzz.
My doctor said I was the second cleverest person she ever met and she should know as there were ten patients signed on there…I still don’t know which one was the cleverest but I don’t believe in IQ anymore.You see mine is 200… and look t my life… then you will wonder whether I have no EQ..none at all..you don’t need it to do theoretical physics.
My therapist admired my dreams as she was in most of then rowing me out to sea.
She wanted to show me a new perspective on life but we had to call the lifeboat out… should i stop the therapy and have swimming lessons instead ? I think if one has to keep calling out the elifeboat it is not a good omen and I could save the money and buy more wool…
What does pellucid nean?I just love the word… is it related to lucid?
I need a bath and the birds have gone so for economy I shall use theirs;
He loves her twinkling ankles.
She like his waves
Her smile is discreet and she is very fleet
He prefers her bosom to Abraham‘s!
He loves himself so he goes Dutch on dates.
He takes a long walk after a short wank.
I take a witch there,she will blast the grove with my wandering eyes
I take a nip of brandy which comes in handy and I feel dandy lions all over me
Why not bare yourself and a bum may come by
I shake till I arrive then I quiver all through dinner.I’m in a fright all night.At dawn I get the blues.I drink tea till I ooze.
Wake me easy…take my knees off
Forsake him and his fleas.I’m off.
I bake it with a flake of sense
I’ll take one snap, so beam now.
Wake her and knock off that awhile
I take the bull by the forlorn women.
I take the well endowed out for the lame
Take the pleasing way out
Take her lover off,I’m the doctor.
Dr Who?
My frame has gone for a test again
Gang slang… no bells rang in my head
Let the ball start folding when you reach the boundary value problem
Set your life with gelatine.
Polish your shoes with cream of calculi
Get a broomstick on wheels.. you’ll bebewitched
Get a bird in the hedge to tell lies for you
Get a call mucked up by Nogaphone
Get a briar full of sorrow to smoke
Get back into the hearse,sir
Let her get out while the rowing’s in a flood
Met a crotch down the close once.In a clinch
She has that frown without words.my days are jumbled
I never let it disinfect me
Tetalogue or decalogue…it’s up to la rue now
Did you believe in a Sacred Rod?
Please set me off now .I’m a clockwork collage
They set out from my hedge but it’s not my defeasibility
Get out of my bier…I just need to be alone
Get out my hair.I have nits already
Get over my rump now
What a nook for a love in.Who shall we loan?
Drink to his ass for it is perfectly tensed
Get up off that cat,,,I need it to kill a rat
Sex with a slogan.Lust if you must………..but do not ever dust
Sex and you both harm me
Get your luck into flow…Mihail told you so
Can feet laugh?
Can lips hiss?Can toes feel bliss?
Naked as an obscene word
Baked like a mocking bird.
Faked like a plastic turd, he fitted in well to this Government of Mules.
Naked is the way I feel adorned.
Fear and tears filled my heart
Fires in tiers made the men start
Flowers in beer made fine running art
A accessory evil…an it bag.
What is a nit bag,mother?
Obscenity is the love of what no one mentions.
Obscenity is not loved by many conventions
My nerves danced the reel.Imagine how you’d feel with your heart in your left bunion.How the ventricle?
As impervious as a man on a shit bin roof with a leaden heart on his back
As nervous as a slighted man in a room full of mocking whores.
As nervous as an unread look on she whom you adore
1,If Marie Antoinette had said,
Let them eat hake
There might still be a monarchy in France.
2.I
You bastard.You bit my bat on its blue bed and bought bread with no butter on it.I am bellowing to be sure you cannot bet on my blog being here for you to bait me with your blistering so called “criticisms”.
Get on board or I’ll beach you forever.Why Bless my bowl,it’s Father Brown.
Hello Father,I am blaming this bigot for berating my blog.r
Don’t keep bad mouthing these Bible bashers.They have nothing better to woo.
A beautiful young lady would put them in the bin if she had any barbarism left in her.The inner child is now the inner bear… wild,beguiled and blooming like a buttercup
By the way,I can see your butt.Your zip is not buttoned!Shall I pass a bit of glue over?.
I feel so blue I don’t care if my butt shows.But ladies may be mm barrassed
so do button me up.It’s bloody kind of you to bother with a bloke like me.
I am on bail you know for omitting acts of blindness,ignoring black soled neighbors…I refer to their souls.I have been gifted to see inside you and I see your soul is in a glass bowl.What if it breaks into shards of glass?
Don’t keep blathering on.I have a bone to pick with the blacksmith…. about his brother.I am bemused
Don’t let me bother you.I am bone idle myself but accept your kisses willy nilly
Billy! Be off,you bloody bonkers bloke.Never look black,back or g
Live in the UK….. this is Springtime
1.Only make friends with people you feel uncomfortable with or inferior to.or at worst superior too ….. and make sure you let them know in the latter case so they can verbally assault you.Then go home to Till Eulenspiegel…… he’s still oiling his organ right now
2.Listen to Wagner Valkyries every night over and over.But stop before psychosis sets in.
3. Listen to the entire Ring Cycle one weekend…Wagner…. now he was a strange man.10 hours of Schubert or Bach,yes.Who did he think he was….God?Yes,I thought so.God,whatever he or she is is not a megalomaniac He is not any kind of maniac.
“And after the wind,a still small voice”
4.To get very unhappy,don’t listen to that still,small voice… just listen to loud voices and noises.I went into the Body Shop yesterday [they don’t sell bodies,just beauty creams and potions]
and then I walked right out again pursued by an assistant…I called,it’s your music… it was
THAT loud..
5.You know there are good books and bad books?And wishy washy books… the choice is yours.I know here “Fifty Shades of Grey” sold well as did handcuffs and whips….now think well… ….does it make you more unhappy because no-one has ever wanted to be handcuffed to you?In that case read it but think about this…how would you go to the lavatory or eat a chocolate cream bun? Or….think….
If this book makes you happy let me know….I’d like to meet you.
Well,laughter stops me writing and makes me too happy for such a post….wait till next week
| Nonsense makes the heart grow mankier | |||
| Whenever the sun rhymes,I shall chime | |||
| My face is wholier another soul
Do you love my new words ?I make them up now and zen |
|||
| He keeps his face up his sleeve so his glasses don’t get raindrops on | |||
| How did Hercules like my wheezes? | |||
| I like acid best.I still wrote a sssssharp will o’ the wisp | |||
| A corn doesn’t fall far from the nose unless you cut it off. | |||
| Reactions speak louder than worlds. | |||
| You are so dear my own heart feels like yours.It’s heartmony..I hope you feel the same way | |||
| Ah, to be strung out and relished…bit by bit | |||
| I am pairing dirty laundry with dirty books…read my whips.. | |||
| He is all tense like a trapped snake. And his eyes look like ice on LSD.Steer the bell clear and go up a gear.
No fear hurts like a cold fear. No fear hurts like an old fear If you are near,I know no fear |
How my heart sings 