Mary sat in her living room crying virtuously and feeling lonely.

Emile her clever cat ran out of the door into the front street and went round to Annie’s their lovely yet frightful neighbour.

You’d better come round; mother is crying, the poor animal moaned picturesquely

Annie  was wearing a purple jumpsuit with green suede boots and their matching green scarf round her neck. Not leather but wool the leather might bebetter in the rain!

She followed the small but strong  cat into the bijiu house next door and immediately went into the kitchen to put the electric kettle on

Who is that said Mary thoughtfully?

It’s only me cried Annie kindlily

Whatever is the matter, Mary? Emile’s  so worried about you

Oh it’s stupid but I’ve just got a letter saying my ultrasound scan is tomorrow and I really don’t feel like going

Would you like me to come with you?

Well that would help but you see I’m worried because…..

I’ll let you in to a secret

All these UTIs have made my bladder weak and I’m worried that I won’t be able to go there with a full bladder

Well why don’t you go to the loof first?

No you can’t because the ultrasound scan of the bladder does not work unless it is fairly full because if it’s not full all the other organs crowd it away. That sounds rather odd like animals in the jungle….

But they also look at the kidneys as well and that’s both in that case or even if the bladder doesn’t show up on the scan it will certainly be able to examine the kidneys. And I won’t be able to wear my jumpsuit because I wouldn’t like to have to take that off in a room full of technicians and medical people

Well it’s like everything in life we need some advice so why don’t we ring 999 and ask Dave the paramedic to come round to help us with our discussion and see if we can give any good advice

In 10 minutes they heard the ambulance coming down the street with the siren blaring.  In ran Dave the paramedic wearing a pinstripe suit made of pure silk and wool and underneath it he wore a large pink bra stuffed with useful items that he couldn’t carry in his pockets in case it spoiled his suit

Mary  you shouldn’t keep everything to yourself so much because lots of people have to have ultrasound scans

You don’t have to get undressed if you wear elastic waisted trousers.

You can get some very nice incontinence pants in Toots the pharmacy you could even wear two pairs of them and if the worst comes to the worst then if you wet yourself it will be an opportunity for the staff to show how kind and understanding  they are. Maybe they will send you home more quickly in urgent transport and not make you wait for three hours or more like they did the last time you went to hospital,

I will see if I can pop by depending on my duties tomorrow.

Annie thought to herself I wonder if Mary is really worried about wetting her pants or is it she’s worried about whether she’s got cancer or some other mysterious disease. After all you can change your knickers and your trousers but you can’t change your organs easily especially when you are a very  very old person.

She made some lovely hot coffee and they all sat around the fire looking at photo graphs of North Norfolk which Stan had taken on their last holiday in Ringstead. Mary still missed Stan very much

Why am I not on the photographs mewed Emile the little  yet clever vcat?

Well that was before you were born Mary told him gently because if you had been here we would have taken you with us like we did our first cat Benjamin to  Brancaster

Well that’s giving me idead Dave cried

Why don’t we arrange a holiday in North Norfolk and I can drive you and Emile can sit next to me in a basket strapped to the seat

Oh that sounds a wonderful idea Mary cried joyously

It will be nice to have some future plan to think about rather than just  day to day worries of health and foods etc

Annie said why don’t we go to Wells next the sea

Yes that’s a very nice place with a shop that sells real Guernsey and Aran sweaters

Now everyone’s got central heating not many people want them but they’re very good for folk going out in boats to see the seals near Sharingham.

Well maybe we could go out in a boat and see the seals Annie answered him as she picked up the coffee cup to take them back to the kitchen

Mary realised that worrying was using a lot of her energy and if they were going on holiday she could spend the time planning her wardrobe as advised by Good hmGousekeeping fashion page

Until Mary  had read this magazine she had never thought that anyone would buy a special wardrobe just to go for a week’s holiday but apparently they do even when they’re not going to somewhere exotic hot or very, very cold like the Arctic circle

I think Annie will have to go up to Wigan to buy some of that makeup that they’re specializing in up there because she will want to buy eyeshadow and blusher to match the coastal colours of blue mauve gray pink and the sunshine colors of spring like the Hawthorne blossom on the hedges by the coast road running from King’s Lynn to Cromer

Well at least it seems that Mary has got something else to think about and the other two will enjoy it whereas Emile om may find it rather hard but he can always travel in someone’s pocket or a special bag

Is there such a thing as a cat rucksack?

Mary is good with her hands so perhaps she will make one un start a new trend

And so will some of us!

“Your eyes are like deep pools in the Indonesian ocean” Stan murmured into his mistress Annie’s ear.He gently took hold of her and pulled her down onto his thin knee.
Just as he did , his new Habitat chair collapsed and they fell onto the floor.,the chair in many bits around them like a jigsaw puzzle in three dimenstions,
Have you got your smartphone,my sweetheart “he whispered romantically
“I think you’ll have to ring 999.
“OK,my angel” Annie prattled,
” Operator,it’s my lover’s chair .It keeps collapsing;can we bring into A and E to be fixed? Well he can’t get into to bed anymore as he is 107,so we really need this”
Just then a pebble hit the window,it was his wife coming back from Sainsburys” She’s lost her keys in her book bag yet again
Oh,wonderful,just at the right moment” he shouted,”Hello,Mary,here is Annie,she’s a chair surgeon!”
“Oh,that’s good”,Mary muttered enigmatically.
” Do you ever fix beds?”
“Why do you ask?” Annie cried sweetly
“Well, ours is always collapsing’it’s yet another of life’s mysteries.”
“Why,you are so beautiful, Mary.You are mesmerising.Come and show me your bed.We’ll leave Stan here.He’ll soon be in that ambulance”
“Annie,your eyes are like deep salty pools in the Dead Sea .”
“Have you both been on the same creative writing course?” Mary spouted satirically.
“I aim for satisfaction.Here’s my gun.I’m going to shoot you” Annie called
“But we have no guns in the UK” Mary whispered under her breath
“Well you have now.” Annie said logically.
Just then the emergency ambulance arrived with its siren scaring the cats nearby but not Emile as he heard it so many times.
“OK. which chair is it this time” the trisexual paramedic Dave enquired foxily.
“Have you ever thought of making it in the bath?We’re getting really worried about you in Casualty,at your age.”
“Worry no more” Anne screamed emphatically, firing the gun repeatedly into the chair’s remains.
“I’ll make sure he never sits in it again.And now Habitat’s gone bust,he can’t buy another.’”
“Cheers ,mate!”whispered the paramedic dramatically.
“Has anyone ever told you,your eyes are like deep pools in the Sea of Tralee”.
“Oh,no not another one!”Anne moaned tentatively,”You need to raise your whole game,not just change the name of the sea”
“You’re so intelligent too,lady.Can you teach me truly creative writing?” He yelled quietly,by the way I am Trisexual.
” What a funny name.Come upstairs” she murmured in reply, “and we’ll see what sea we can see up there,tonight”.
“Thank you so much and please send me home in a stamped addressed envelope when you are done with me.” he responded quixotically
“Whatever” she sighed spontaneously.”Let’s get on with it or you’ll be here all night”
Does it matter? he called.”I am paid by the flower”
Emile the little black cat who had hidden in the wardrobe was disappointed that the light went out as he hoped to take a photo.
And so did all of us

If this be love,then let me have your hate.

If you be true then let me hear your lies.

For this, my heart, your message comes too late.

For now my need is for the thoughtful wise.

If this be marriage,let me have divorce.

If this be holy, hasten I to hell..

For love comes in its time without such force.

And of its message who am I to tell?

If this be love,then let me dwell alone.

If this be love, I will be forever chaste.

Your love is like a blow that breaks my bones

A love that lays your world and mine to waste

.

Love can shake us to our inner core.

Hence of your love, I wish to hear no more

https://observer.co.uk/culture/books/article/philip-pullmans-the-rose-field-a-manifesto-for-how-to-be-human

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2023/may/11/a-life-of-ones-own-by-joanna-biggs-review-on-the-shoulders-of-giants?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

https://www.thetimes.com/article/60a16bd9-61d2-4240-8caf-92c3a90dee29?shareToken=c9cc26b076e5c67a428a1a144e444028

Mary was feeling very unwell  so she was not happy hen the phone rang.

It was a former colleague of hers who asked her how she was. But she didn’t want to tell anyone she was ill with covid-19

Oh I am grieving for my sister, Mary told her untruthfully but firmly.

You  have never mentioned your sister before.Were you close to her?

Oh no. I wasn’t close to her I just like grieving for people that I’m not close to, don’t you?

Mary I think you are being sardonic. I’ve never heard you speak like that before. What has come over you?

Am I really being sardonicJust think that you can be sardonic without even knowing it.

I don’t believe you Mary You know what it is I am sure you do.

Well you can know something and practice it without necessarily knowing the name or knowing that there is a name for it

Suddenly she realized that everything that has a name now must have been experienced by human beings before the name was given to it and it was they who had invented a name for it

We don’t know what it will be in another language like Italian or German either

Annie came running in lb into the kitchen wearing some green trousers and a purple top. She had no makeup on at all which is very unusual for this dear lady.What was wrong with her? Could you be about to change gender?

Mary are you feeling better? Who are you talking to? Anything exciting?

Oh it’s Leonora do you remember her? She used to teach in Huddersfield polytechnic where I took a course in algebraic mythology.

Don’t be ridiculous if you wanted to learn algebraic mythology you would have gone to East Barnet University. How Annie got this idea is a mystery since she is a very uneducated and thoughtless person but who knows? Some people become more intelligent as they get older especially if they wear a lot of makeup filled with dangerous chemicals.

Well never mind I can’t remember where I met her but she is very clever and she’s just come back to this country from Australia

Well she must be  short of company if she’s phoning you now after 20 or 30 years of absence. Was she in fact a colleague of yours?

How can you say something so rude to me? I am stunned

Oh I’m sorry Mary. I am feeling  depressed at the moment and sometimes that can make me cruel.

I forgive you  because I’ve known you for many years al. I know chronic pain can make people behave badly as well in fact there’s a higher risk of suicide for  those people. But in the current political climate we’re all at a higher risk of suicide or murder.

Why are you feeling so depressed, do you know? Of course that is the thing we often don’t know why we are depressed and that is what is so horrible about it because we don’t know what to do.

Is it just a chemical reaction that’s gone wrong in the brain or is it some indication that we are locking for a deep meaning to our lives or maybe we just hate the society we’re living in especially the newspapers.

I’m not sure perhaps it’s the spring sunshine that can bring on seasonal ineffective disorder.

Well I will say goodbye to Leonora and I will make you a lovely cup of tea in the kitchen with Emile. He will be thrilled to see you with your purple lipstick and your green eye shadow which had mysteriously appeared by themselves on Annie’s face. Free at the point of contact just like the nhs

Mary I’m so fortunate to have you as my friend.

Some people would never speak to me again if I was rude to them

Well we should never jump to conclusions especially . And this is a very minor offense that you have committed compared to what politicians do every day but even our politicians here are nothing like so bad as Ronald Stump

According to the Times readers we have to become resilient and not let things affect us but unfortunately they don’t say how.

Well we can talk about that while we have our tea

I’d rather talk about fashion really I believe yellow is the color for this year

Oh for God’s sake Emile cried. I hate the colour yellow except on flowers and the sun but I do not like women wearing yellow clothing.

Emil you are just a cat but you are very wise so we will talk about something else altogether namely what we shall have for our supper.

I’d like sardines on toast,the cat purred

Then I will do the washing up for you

I want to wash my fur tonight

Your wish is my command Mary cried

Thus it did transpire

What the two women ate is a total mystery

Send your ideas on a postcard. You might win 10 pounds for the the best suggestion on the other hand you may not win anything at all because I’m too tired to think about it

Murder has been done and there’s a War
I’m the Lamb of God and he’s my Pa.

All the angels gave a gulping sigh
Jesus ,don’t go back, you go too far
Where’s your passport, where’s your alibi

Even Satan seemed annoyed and jarred
Take away those leaders and their Whores
There’s the Lamb of God and his old Pa.

What’s my crime ,sweet Jesus, should I lie?
The Market’s bust and you are going to die.
Where’s your passport, where’s your alibi?

We had a powerful sacrifice bizarre
We killed God and then we wore his Stars.
Where’s the Lamb of God,oh,ahaha!

The world is reddened by the blood of man
On the nursery slopes, this War began
Where’s your passport, where’s your alibi
I was the Lamb of God but where’s my Pa?

One afternoon Mary decided to visit Jean in the nursing home. Jean could not walk and she had severe dementia and was an angry woman but nevertheless there was something about her that Mary liked enough

Can I come along as well cried her cat Emile peevishly,,,?

No Jean doesn’t like cats and she’s a very determined woman so I’m not going to set her off by taking you in there and don’t say you can stay my handbag because it’s hot were and I don’t want you to suffocate silently.

Would it be alright if I suffocated while mewing?

?

Emile I cannot risk you suffocating because I love you that’s why I’m leaving you at home by yourself. You can always go in the garden and meet some other cats

Emile stalked away like a woman with injured pride

When Mary got there, Jean was having a bad day

I want to die she screamed. Will you kill me? Please do please do,,,

It’s illegal for me to kill you Mary told her rudely

Oh you’re such a coward Mary: be brave and kill me. I’d be really grateful

Well it’s very difficult to kill someone like you because you are naturally strong and strangling you  would be extremely tough probably impossible and how could you be grateful to me when you were dead?

If you believe  there’s an afterlife then you cannot kill yourself or be killed by me it’s murder in either case.

You’re a chuckling print, Jean shouted.

I understand what you mean but I think you’ve got the wrong word! I have seen this written down but I’ve never heard anyone so it out loud that is, c*nt.

Why what’s wrong with it?

Nothing in itself but when it’s combined with another word like f*cking it becomes unspeakably unpleasant and anyway you should not use that name as a curse word. It’s where new life is born. It’s like a flower like a rose or a carnation

Mary thought to herself  I think I’m going to write a poem!

I never said it  answered Jean but there’s got to be some way of expressing my frustration

Talking about the afterlife Mary said politely you jave been married twice. When you go to heaven which of your husbands do you want to be with you for all eternity?

Thinking about it very carefully Jean sat silent for quite some time. Then she gave a most intelligent response.

I loved them both the same

In that case you are a very fortunate woman although I know it’s very hard for you now. Would you like me to bring my cat next time I come? He is called Emile and he is very very interesting and can speak good English. Or I have a friend who’s a paramedic called Dave and he makes very good cakes and biscuits and likes to wear dresses in the summer

Triumphantly Jean announced that she would like to see both the cat and the paramedic as she was very bored in the nursing home and she loved to talk to people or even to animals

And so do most of us

https://www.thetimes.com/article/335e06ce-1466-11eb-bca5-e85774a5f3b9?shareToken=dd935bc9c401ec9cdfd2000f115d5a39

Please play before parking your car Don’t go home without your dripping

Please use a different credit marred

Please be police to other passengers on this plane

Do as you would be stunned by Don’t be anti-specific in this Motel

Keep Britain Pernicious

Are you a Fascist? Free tuition in the UK

Please drive your car to the Brexit gate before decaying

Keep your seat polished in Church

Don’t leave the IOU today Johnson said, “what EU” to my cat

The Sermon on our doubts

Are you racist about God?

What a Gnostic! It’s Greek to me.Gnow,gnow. The Church of England is praying in Europe this week

Leave the memories be kind My sister likes to pray on her piano every day .

What’s on the TV? Just the cat I’m afraid.

Income Tax goes out

You can’t fool glee.

One litre is Equal to How many Glasses of Water? [Solved] https://share.google/hHd6FVq4TYD4g2lM0

The sun lay on the leaves like molten gold

I had to shield my eyes, it blinded me

I gazed with joy on the red maple tree.

The sky was violet blue,the air was cold.

The birds  this fall don’t emigrate, they flee.

They’re foreign birds,the Sun has told

The sunlight on the leaves was molten gold

I had to shield my eyes, it blinded me.

All that’s foreign like the sun is told

We don’t want you here, depart our trees. 

We want no alien folk within our fold

The headlines scream, the people are aggrieved

The sun lay on the leaves like molten gold

https://www.flippinpain.co.uk/

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/10/24/learning/word-of-the-day-sheaf.html

I do not like advent calendars with beauty products on each day.

Is you know what advent is and you want to celebrate it or to prepare yourself for the birth of Christ assuming that you are a believer then how can you possibly want the advent calendar to have beauty products daily I don’t know whether you get them in packages or whether you are just told the name but it’s in bad taste to my mind

If you’ve no idea what advent is then fine you must wonder sometimes about advent and lent etc etc etc

 

 

 

Do you rinse the soap suds off your face
And wash  your hair with eggs and lemonade?
Do you go to bed  in purple tights
And silken tops that shine in sweet moonlight?
Do you have a dagger in your bag?
And wash your hair with Lucian’s  paint rag?

Would you like to live your life again?
Would you live through  every single pain?
Would you have a mattress on your bed
Made of memory foam and heavy lead?
Would you  let a  pixie cut your hair?
Would you go to Yorkshire for the Fair?

 Would you go on Cruises with a man?
Would you put a tax on  copper pans?
Would you go to Edgware when deceased?
Would you tell me you were very pleased?
Would you  give up dreaming if  betrayed
By people who you knew were  sick, depraved?

Write a letter,send me with the post
Put me in your pocket  if I  boast
Tell me  nuts are good for  breaking teeth
Send me daisies in a funeral wreath
Ask my other if he will come home
Send me to the doctor wrapped in foam

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2025/oct/24/a-mind-of-my-own-by-kathy-burke-review-a-brilliant-blunt-and-beautiful-memoir

I saw my level path turn steep and dark

I saw a tunnel black without a light

I hesitated wondering how to stop.

But seemed intent on death or sudden flight.

No human being held out a warm hand

They left me all alone in anguished pain Yet how should I in that state right decide

What was best for me, what made a claim?

The golden warmth like clouds from rising sun

Wrapped me all around till we were one.

There was no speech ,no person and no blame

No demand, no order, love remained.

Beyond despair I found this unknown care.

A sheet of tears ran down my poor face bare.

Each of us  likes  our  own quiddity;

As it makes us unique,don’t you know?

And if we are felled by liquidity

We must be sure not to  get drink   up the snow.

 

Our fingerprints, our eyes and our shadows

Are not shared with anyone else.

So as we lie in the butter-cupped meadow

We must ensure we will never be  false.

 

Quiddity’s a word that the toffs use

Anglo-Saxon  is   thought  non de trop.

O Temper O Celtic  O Flores.

Norman said he told me so.

 

Per ardua ad astra  perggun tree

Eton men all speak in Greek.

So tell them to eff  of if  flumshee

The English sure know how to speak.

 

 

At dinner with  folk from the Gunnament

Be sure to say ,eclectic’s inchoate.

But when you’re at home with your fundament..

Do keep your self esteem well afloat.

 

Why  is the tongue of the Bible

Not something the rich like to speak?

Maybe the eye of   that needle

Has made them more fluent in Greek.

 

Even the poor can have chutzpa

As they fry up a bagel in  lard.

Oy vey, the Messiah is out there.

So give away on your  new debit card.

 

 

Good Lord,God must speak Aramaic

Or Hebrew  and/or HTML

For the commandments may be  somewhat archaic;

But their translation  has given us  all hell.

 

On the shelf I found a prize I won

I came out first in an old school exam

They rewarded me with this book I revered

Catholic prayers, a manual of fear.

Its pages edged in gold, it’s very swish.

Maybe I should stand this in a dish.

I would put it on the table when I ate

And read a prayer to keep me out of date

I look inside and see the latin verse.

It moves my heart remembering, rehearsed.

I liked the latin ritual and the hymns

But not the constant emphasis on sin

I thought it was my fault that daddy died.

The weight of all the world was multiplied

I think I’ll put the prayer book in a drawer

I don’t want to see it anymore

Latin is no longer used in church

Once  it was the way we kept in touch.

Now everything’s in turmoil nothing lasts.

I wish the past would stay right in the past.

This is a phrase that is commonly used. Like many of these phrases it’s got a lot of wisdom in it.

But it sounds a little bit like yourvself is a bog that you can start sinking into. And then it’s hard to get out of it

So we can get too deep ruminating and thinking about ourselves and  not look at the world around us.

I suppose a good book might do that but it might be also better to go outside if possible

Meeting someone friendly and having a conversation about something other than yourself could be good

Of course sometimes we have to think about problems and ideas and things that we have in our heads to sort them out but if we get overwhelmed then obviously it’s not going to be very good for us

Lots of the time we’re doing things we have to do like our job or looking after family members cooking meals etc. so our minds are distracted.

When I was young I remember distraction was regarded as a bad thing but it’s now regarded as good if you are suffering from chronic pain for example and no doubt for mental health problem is although I don’t really like the term mental health

I’d rather say we’re all struggling with difficulties in our human life in this world some of us are more than others somehow than worse than others but basically it’s just a question of degree. So

When I was in hospital and I was delirious I was convinced that one of the nurses was going to kill me. I thought it might not be true but it seemed very convincing

I didn’t know then that paranoia is very common in hospital patients but it’s horrible nevertheless it’s not so far removed from everyday life

You must remember going to the cinema seeing the film lasting for two or three hours and then coming outside and feeling very weird as if you weren’t related to the environment there anymore but fortunately you would return to normal after a little while.

Everything is a question of degree I think. But when things get to a certain point we might need external help or we might need to do something to get us out of ourselves and into the world.

I’m not sure why but gossip becomes into my mind because that’s what a lot of people do perhaps women more than men sharing information about the neighbors possibly with the idea of being helpful but also it’s a distraction and it’s natural to want to know about other people and what they might be doing or what they have done why they are now imprisoned etc etc

Even having a hot bath could get you out of yourself.

It was raining at Annie went round to Mary’s house next door. How quickly we forget the hot summer she thought to herself privately without telling anybody at all.

Mary was making some tea

Go and sit down Annie I’m just putting the washing machine on before I bring the tea through

The two women sat down in Mary’s drawing room next to her sketch pads paper and her drawing board

So any gossip to share she queried

No I went to the clinic and at my ear syringes and now my hearing is much better but it’s hard to find anywhere that will do it now.

They have referred me to ENT Mary told her mellifluously. They said I need hearing aids but it will be a year before I can

get them because there’s a long waiting list adult suppose the government wants us all to go deaf. I told the audiologist that I can hear music all the time and at first I thought it was coming from somewhere outside but then I realized it’s actually self-generated

Yes you have mentioned it before  said Annie.

Does it really bother you?

Not always but my tinnitus is really bad this morning I can hear a very strange noise now.

It’s the washing machine said Annie humorously I can hear this as well.

What a relief that is because sometimes I hear a sound like thunder and lightning.

Lightning ia not a sound!

UB surprised what happened when you’ve got tinnitus and the senses may get confused sometimes

Oh maybe this thunder sounds louder actually is louder when there’s lightning as well.

I don’t know how we can check that without some scientific instruments and there to expensive for ordinary People to buy but it’s possible if we look on Google or duck duck go that there may be reports of experiments carried out in universities or other places I’m sure there’s a lot of research on storms. Why when I was teaching I met someone who had been the first person in Britain to do flood research.

I wonder what sort of noise you would hear if you actually in a flood in your area like your street or your town?

I think we were too worried about safety to worry about the noise.

Emil was so fed up with the conversation that he scratched there is ankle with one of his claws

I’d rather talk about sex and love and romancem

Wouldn’t we all asked Annie plaintively.

And so say all of us

https://www.theguardian.com/wellness/2025/sep/10/creativity-unconscious-process-incubation

Whether you are learning something new or trying to switch on a computer that you’ve not used for a long time when should you stop if you don’t succeed immediately?

Well when the adrenaline starts to run through your body you should stop what you’re doing and put it away if possible.

If you must continue wait till you don’t mind stopping and then you can start again but you should repeat this if you get the same problem.

There’s no point killing yourself because your computer won’t start so it’s better to ask for help then if possible

If you’re short  of money, I hope you’ve got friends because getting help from people you know is really nice

Paying someone if you can afford it is also good because people have to make a living so don’t be too keen to do everything yourself especially it’s making you a nervous wreck

Mary had been reading a new book called,” The Path” by Michael Puett and Christine Gross-Loh.To her surprise, she saw it reviewed on her phone where she read the guardian news

.She had decided to get out of bed on the other side
When she awoke the next day, she remembered her vow.Unfortunately, she forgot she was inside a fleece sleeping bag with a zip on one side only.Should she get some scissors and cut her way out on the other side?Or was that a foolish idea since nobody but she would know she had failed her to keep her first new promise.
She heard a noise and them her friend Annie came in wearing a long satin nightgown and a green velvet trench coat.
How do you like this, she asked Mary?
Mary was very red yet silent
What is wrong, with you Mary?
I need to pee but I can’t get out of bed on the wrong side.
You have no choice, said Annie.You must not wet the bed or die from a burst bladder. Get out on the right side

But I feel a failure on my first day.
Maybe that is your lesson.Accept you can’t do it and get on with your day.
Mary ran to the bathroom.What a relief passing water can be to poor ladies who suffer afflictions in these regions.
Annie went down to the bijou yet complex kitchen and began to make some toast and boil some eggs.She gazed at the peach walls and melon cupboard doors unable to decide if she liked them.Maybe kingfisher blue might have been better.Too late now.Mary could not afford a new kitchen even if this one was really old.At least it was not orange as was common in the 70’s.
Mary came in with her golden hair standing up on end like candlesticks from the Synagogue.
I just got a shock, she said
I can see your hair is standing on end.Was it the electric socket?
No, there was a man looking into the window and I was naked in the bath.
Perhaps it was King David, Annie joked.Why don’t you have frosted glass?
Stan said it would frost itself in the winter.He was the least practical man in the world.
Maybe we could glue artificial frost onto it?
Who was the man, asked Annie her cheeks pinker than her perky pink lipstick by Licumb ; those lips which were so thick and sensual with a lovely curve.
Mary tore her eyes away from these lips.I didn’t have my glasses on, she said.Maybe it was a man from a hot air balloon?
Maybe someone fancies you at last,saidAnnie.
Do you think I’d go out with a man who does things like that?
No, you could stay in with him, Annie joked, as tears of mirth made her green eyeshadow and red mascara stream down her cheeks like rain after a nuclear explosion.No wonder men ran after her in the street.
You could succumb to his charms,Annie whispered.
I think I’d like a man more sensitive than that, Mary screeched.
Well, Mary, you are so lacking in knowledge the art of flirting you only notice men when they do something really wild or unusual
Like what, asked Emile who had just munched up a bowl of dried cat food and was full of energy.
Well, Stan kept pretending he loved reading Newton’s original writings which he bought from some unusual website thinking it would impress Mary. However as he failed O leve; maths 5 times he could not understand it.He sobbed and cried in the public library and Mary was moved by his grief.Later on, though, he became angry at her intellectual talent and took me as his mistress to get back at her.She never even noticed!
I don’t see how having a mistress is a revenge on poor woman who was given her genes by God, said Emile.
Don’t be daft, she buys her jeans from TK Maxx, Annie answered.
And so do all of us.

I can’t write any more right now!