A man waits, sleepless, anxious and unsure

In the Garden of  Gethsemane
A man waits, sleepless, anxious and unsure
Wanting to escape his destiny
From the Garden of  Gethsemane
Oh,Lord,oh God, have mercy upon me
Save me from the world’s barbarity.
Make my heart and motives clean and pure
In that Garden of  Gethsemane
Jesus sleepless, anxious, has endured

His human Cross

If God was murdered why should he help me?
He hung, an abject figure ,on the Cross
Some have labelled it a holy tree
If God was murdered why should he help me?
No-one can deny what all can see
From the Romans he could not be free
Thus the world endured his final loss
If God was murdered why should he help me?
He died forsaken on his  human Cross

Why I buy books from Amazon

I like  to go into Waterstone’s here but they do not sell more than a couple of books on computing/Windows/how  to do x y z/
They have no books about how to write poetry nor any other related topics
They have no lift.The shop is overcrowded with little tables
WH Smith’s manager told me to “shop online” when I  asked if he had a chair.They do have more computer related books and art books
I can’t travel into  a big city on the off chance I might find what I want.Time,pain, money
Amazon sellers often have old/second hand books on literary topics, politics and history and philosophy
I regret bookshops closing.What can we do?

 

Love in a mist

Western Scotland ‘s covered in sea mists
While Southern England dreams in  fragrant  heat
Today some Scottish  sweethearts kissed and kissed
In Western Scotland enjoying deep mist
While lovers touch their lips to inner wrists
Promoting in their hearts enlivening zest
Making love both holy and complete
Western Scotland bears the sea’s unrest
While Southern England’s racked by  Brexit’s heat

Emile climbs up the cupboard

Stan was happy for a few moments when he woke up.Then he realized Emile was nowhere to be seen.Mary had already gone out as she wanted to catch a very early train to London.She needed to visit the British Library.She  wanted to find evidence that Wittgenstein wore a hat in bed.
Stan went searching around the house but Emile had vanished.Usually at 8 am he would be dashing about pretending to chase flies and giving a balletic performance worthy of Sadler’s Wells.
I wonder who Sadler was, Stan muttered as he filled the kettle with fresh water and put some Earl Grey tea into the teapot.
Then, a strange feeling came over him.He looked up and there was Emile
crouched on top of the highest cupboard in the kitchen.
Emile, he cried, What are you doing up there?
I’m training to be a spy, Emile replied nonchalantly.
But how could this kitchen be of interest to the Intelligence Services?
Well, the cat murmured, I am practicing hiding.
You gave me a terrible shock, Stan said.I had this feeling I was being watched.I wondered if it was paranoia.Then I saw your gleaming eyes.
So, you need to get some dark glasses, Emile said.
No ,I would still feel that horrible feeling.And how were you planning to get down from that high ledge?
I’m not sure, the cat miaowed faintly
Well, the first lesson for a spy or even a detective is,
Never go anywhere unless you can make a quick exit,
As it is ,I may have to ring 999.
Just then the front doorbell rang.There stood a man with a white beard and moustache.
Hello ,he said holding out his hand to shake Stan’s.
I am called Peter Fried.I have just moved into one of the new flats across the road.I am a psychoanalyst.I have taken on another flat to use as a consulting room and a waiting room
A psychoanalyst! Do we need one round here? Well, Good morning, I have just brewed some tea.Would you like to join me?
How kind, said Peter.
I say, old bean, did you know there’s a cat on top of your cupboard?
Yes, that is Emile.Today he has surpassed himself in wickedness.How I will get him down I don’t know.
My training analyst used to say, What goes up must eventually come down.
That seems a bit weird for an analyst.To what was he referring… something to do with sex I don’t doubt.It’s all sex with you people.
Yes, some of us are very peculiar…that’s why we enter the profession.
What I meant was, if Emile got up he can get down.How did you get up, Emile?
I leaped, answered the tense animal.
Can you leap down?
I’ve lost my nerve, replied the poor creature softly.
Well, as it happens, being a therapist, I always carry few spare nerves with me.I’ll climb up this step ladder and pass you a new nerve.
And without waiting, Peter climbed the ladder.He put his hand into his pocket and pulled out a golden thread.
Here you are,Emile, Catch this in your claw.
Emile caught the golden thread and wrapped it around his neck.
Can you leap down now? enquired Stan.
Emile leaped down and landed in a bowl of hot water in the sink.
It’s a good thing I wasn’t making chips, laughed Stan hysterically
Come here, Emile and let me dry you on this old towel.He put Emile
in front of the fire and he and Peter drank mugs of Earl Grey tea.
I have got a mistress, Stan told Peter.
Well, do you want therapy for your conflict?
Oh,no.I’m far too old for therapy or indeed for a  mistress. She likes helping a man,making tea, typing notes, calculating averages and calling the ambulance.. you know what I mean.She likes the paramedic, Dave ás well.
Is she not married?
No , her husband fell into the wheelie bin during the night and alas he was taken away with the rubbish.
That is a strange story.Are you certain?
No, it could be he grew tired of her and ran away.Then she invented this story,
Well , this may be a quiet suburb but I can see there is plenty of material here for me to write my next book:
Deceptive appearances and the fascination of apparent dullness.
Oh, that sounds very unusual.
Well, I’ve never believed in true dullness.There is always a story.
See, I’ve just met you a man of 98 yet you have a wife, a mistress and a crazy cat.. and I’ve only been here for one day.Imagine 6156119_f260
what else I may discover here.
They heard a siren.
Oh, no!We’ve not even rung 999 and here is the ambulance….
Mary will be so angry.You see Dave is bisexual
My goodness, are you having an affair with him.
No way, shouted Stan.My life is tough enough already.He can be bisexual or even trisexual but I’m not interested.
What does trisexual mean, enquired Emile.
I have no idea but I thought it sounded good, admitted Stan.
Peter stood up.
I think I’d better go home and start to see my patients.
Now Emile, put your nerve somewhere safe.We don’t want you to lose it again.
Thank you, darling cried Emile.I think I’ve formed an erotic transference with you already.
Peter rushed out.
Is it me or is it them?he wondered.
I thought it would be quiet here on the edge of Knittingham but I think now wherever you are there will always be something unexpected happening.But I hope Emile will not begin to follow me around.I shall have to buy a lady cat and then Emile might fall in love with her instead.So off Peter went whistling a Bach cello suite and wondering how to cope with life in a suburb.. clearly it was not as dull as he had imagined.

 

Pride?

img_20190529_143608

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_deadly_sins#Pride

 

 

 

photo1473-6

 

Image by Katherine

 

 

Dante’s definition of pride was “love of self perverted to hatred and contempt for one’s neighbour”.

Extract

Pride

Main article: Pride

Building the Tower of Babel was, for Dante, an example of pride. Painting by Pieter Brueghel the Elder

The negative version of pride (Latin, superbia) is considered, on almost every list, the original and most serious of the seven deadly sins: the perversion of the faculties that make humans more like God—dignity and holiness. It is also thought to be the source of the other capital sins. Also known as hubris (from ancient Greek ὕβρις),or futility, it is identified as dangerously corrupt selfishness, the putting of one’s own desires, urges, wants, and whims before the welfare of people.

In even more destructive cases, it is irrationally believing that one is essentially and necessarily better, superior, or more important than others, failing to acknowledge the accomplishments of others, and excessive admiration of the personal image or self (especially forgetting one’s own lack of divinity, and refusing to acknowledge one’s own limits, faults, or wrongs as a human being).

What the weak head with strongest bias rules, Is pride, the never-failing vice of fools.

— Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism, line 203.

As pride has been labelled the father of all sins, it has been deemed the devil’s most prominent trait. C.S. Lewis writes, in Mere Christianity, that pride is the “anti-God” state, the position in which the ego and the self are directly opposed to God: “Unchastity, anger, greed, drunkenness, and all that, are mere fleabites in comparison: it was through Pride that the devil became the devil: Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind.”[39] Pride is understood to sever the soul from God, as well as His life-and-grace-giving Presence.[5]

One can be prideful for different reasons. Author Ichabod Spencer states that “[s]piritual pride is the worst kind of pride, if not worst snare of the devil. The heart is particularly deceitful on this one thing.”[40] Jonathan Edwards said “[r]emember that pride is the worst viper that is in the heart, the greatest disturber of the soul’s peace and sweet communion with Christ; it was the first sin that ever was, and lies lowest in the foundation of Satan’s whole building, and is the most difficultly rooted out, and is the most hidden, secret and deceitful of all lusts, and often creeps in, insensibly, into the midst of religion and sometimes under the disguise of humility.”[41]

In Ancient Athens, hubris was considered one of the greatest crimes and was used to refer to insolent contempt that can cause one to use violence to shame the victim (this sense of hubris could also characterize rape [1]). Aristotle defined hubris as shaming the victim, not because of anything that happened to the committer or might happen to the committer, but merely for the committer’s own gratification.[42][43][44] The word’s connotation changed somewhat over time, with some additional emphasis towards a gross over-estimation of one’s abilities.

The term has been used to analyse and make sense of the actions of contemporary heads of government by Ian Kershaw (1998), Peter Beinart (2010) and in a much more physiological manner by David Owen (2012). In this context the term has been used to describe how certain leaders, when put to positions of immense power, seem to become irrationally self-confident in their own abilities, increasingly reluctant to listen to the advice of others and progressively more impulsive in their actions.[45]

Dante’s definition of pride was “love of self perverted to hatred and contempt for one’s neighbour”.

What is hatred?

 

img_20190529_180835https://www.definitions.net/definition/hatred

 

Extract

  1. Hatred

    Hatred is a deep and emotional extreme dislike that can be directed against individuals, entities, objects, or ideas. Hatred is often associated with feelings of anger and a disposition towards hostility. Commonly held moral rules, such as the Golden Rule, oppose universal hatred towards another.

So then you learned that you could hate as well

 

Was this the apple,then,your mother’s breast
Which father thought was his to oft caress?
And when ,in deprived rage,you bit to test.
In anger he would ever you harass.

So then you learned that you could hate as well,
For punishment struck hard in your small heart.
Your memory was wordless ,could not tell;
Though pain and anguish made your soft skin smart.

As unknown as the journey to your birth
As shocking as the grief of unmeant wrong..
As frightening as the gauging of your worth
As sudden as the ending of a song.

Impossible to foretell or to prepare,
The ambivalence of the heart starts here.

Into a little crack  a seed may fall

Hiding in between two  garden shrubs
A little  fruiting tree has grown unseen
Now it’s filled with blossom humbly borne
That decorates the patient garden green

I see it with delight from up above
The window gives me visions ,maps of space
I see the blackbirds, hear them sing at dusk
Now all nature finds its proper place

Into a little crack  a seed may fall
A tree grows up and cracks the paving stones
Thus are the mighty broken,scattered, scorned
All they leave are  heaps of whitened bone

The humble may be raised  without request
The proud  are filled with hatred of the rest

When I have fears by John Keats

img_20190529_143523https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/when-i-have-fears-by-john-keats

 

When I Have Fears

By John Keats

When I have fears that I may cease to be
Before my pen has gleaned my teeming brain,
Before high-pilèd books, in charactery,
Hold like rich garners the full ripened grain;
When I behold, upon the night’s starred face,
Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,
And think that I may never live to trace
Their shadows with the magic hand of chance;
And when I feel, fair creature of an hour,
That I shall never look upon thee more,
Never have relish in the faery power
Of unreflecting love—then on the shore
Of the wide world I stand alone, and think
Till love and fame to nothingness do sink.

Source: https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/when-i-have-fears-by-john-keats

Are we enlightened yet?

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2013/aug/09/dark-side-enlightenment-fleming-review

Extract

“The aim of Kant’s “critical” philosophy was to restrain the pretensions of philosophers to lay claim to knowledge of items – the soul, freedom and God – which lie beyond the spatial and temporal limits of human experience. But this wasn’t just a matter of upbraiding his predecessors – Leibniz and Spinoza principal among them – for their hubris. On the contrary, Kant also recognised that the tendency of human reason to overreach itself is ineluctable. “Metaphysics” isn’t just a regrettable episode in the history of philosophy; it is a “natural” disposition that can’t be eradicated.

Fleming is interested in those who, during the Enlightenment assault on the claims of revealed religion and traditional metaphysics, were “unable to dispense altogether with ‘transcendence'”. All of which raises a number of rather profound questions – about the methodology of historical periodisation, particularly whether the Enlightenment marks a decisive and easily identifiable break with what preceded it, and the extent to which claims about an enduring appetite for transcendental experience are merely historical or in fact refer to certain permanent features of human nature. However, Fleming doesn’t seem especially interested in attempting to answer them. His approach, breezy and charmingly belletristic, is unabashedly impressionistic.”

You may be my saviour

With a Bible on one hand and a wash cloth in the other
I find that sex is difficult whatever  or whoever
My arms unable to embrace, I feel I am in danger
Despite that you’re my husband and not a total stranger
I guess you really cherish me , thank you most sincerely
If I  caress your loving face,maybe you will feel me
I only wish I might kiss you without  the microbes knowing
I cannot even wipe my nose,  I think it needs a blowing
I wonder now how we got wed, you must have been quite crazy
For wanting to get married to  a scrupulous  young lady
All too soon we shall be old and arthritis will afflict us
I’ll throw the Bible overboard  then God cannot detect us
And then I  shall be able to pull you even  nearer
For I sincerely  love you darling, you get  ever dearer.
Dearer for just loving me and all my weird behaviour
Are you sure it’s not Jesus but you who are my saviour?

Mary wants a party

acer-palmatum-shindeshojoStan was down on his hands and knees washing and scrubbing at the carpet with a new microfibre cloth and some shampoo for dry hair.He had a bucket of hot water beside him.
Happy, as always, when cleaning and
scrubbing he whistled
“The lark ascending” for his cat Emile, whilst sipping at a big mug of lager.
Mary was down in the town buying some new earrings to match her red dress from Phase 8 Sale.
Their granddaughter Flora had also gone to town but she wanted a nose ring not an earring.As she was a girl it was mandatory in the UK.

Suddenly, quite out of the blue,the doorbell rang.They always do don’t they.It was their Muslim neighbour Bert
.”We’re going away in the caravan.”He boasted gruffly.”Anyroad,the cat ,Nelsonia Mandelinaah, doesn’t want to come.Would you be able enough to feed her over the weekend without any politically correct remarks
being issued ,as it were?”
” Certainly” Stan responded jovially.”When are you off?”
“Well we went last week but we need a weekend in bed to recover from seeing Brent Cross Shopping Centre in Kettlewell right next to the old Post Office.[Kettlewell,Yorkshire’s idyllic village]
“Very strange”Stan said,”Mary was in it only yesterday ,she claims,in Knittingham spending all our minute
joint pension on new dresses and shoes.”
“I encounter women who have seen Brent Cross down the road all the time all over Britain.
Still they’re entitled to believe what they want!
” “But what will the consequences be?”
“Is there a flying Brent Cross?”
“That sounds rather religious,” Bert answered quickly
,”Is it an augury?”
“I’d say it’s an omen,myself”
“But of what?”
“The times we live in?
“But what’s going to happen?”
“God knows.”
“Well,does he though?”Stan’s hot water had gone cold.In fact it was frozen.”The laws of physics seem very mutable” Stan wrote in his journal,
“Also my spelling has deteriorated badly since I began drinking lager.
Would whisky be better?”
Meanwhile,he had cleaned only one third of the carpet.
He filled the bath with hot soapy water,stepped in fully clothed and then rolled himself around all over the carpet to pick up all the fluff.
When Mary came in she was amazed,
“What’s going on?”
“You look as if you’ve been having an orgy on the floor!”
An orgy was something unknown to Stan as yet.”Would you like one?” he murmured.
”Yes,”said Mary childishly
“Age has not beaten me yet!””Better have it soon before my knees get too bad!”So now Stan is cleaning the carpet again.It’s very soft and thick,just perfect!The list of invitees is posted on his blog.
Well,he’s been told to do something new every week.An orgy this week,the marathon later!
But why is Mary ringing 999?
Does she want to invite Dave,the paramedic or is it more sinister than I can tell you?
Yes,indeed,she wants to invite Mike Gove and Theresa May but she’s not telling Stan!.
She wants to give them her opinion of their politics before throwing a Bucket of cold water over each of them.Call it Baptism or Revenge.

And so say all of us

No man is an island

‘No Man is an Island’

No man is an island entire of itself; every man 
is a piece of the continent, a part of the main; 
if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe 
is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as 
well as any Manor of thy friends or of thine 
own were; any man's death diminishes me, 
because I am involved in mankind. 
And therefore never send to know for whom 
the bell tolls; it tolls for thee. 


Olde English Version
No man is an Iland, intire of itselfe; every man
is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine;
if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe
is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as
well as if a Manor of thy friends or of thine
owne were; any mans death diminishes me,
because I am involved in Mankinde;
And therefore never send to know for whom
the bell tolls; It tolls for thee.

MEDITATION XVII
Devotions upon Emergent Occasions
John Donne

Metaphysical, the meaning

 

 

 

https://www.dictionary.com/browse/metaphysical

 

Extract

adjective
pertaining to or of the nature of metaphysics.
Philosophy.

  1. concerned with abstract thought or subjects, as existence, causality, or truth.
  2. concerned with first principles and ultimate grounds, as being, time, or substance.
highly abstract, subtle, or abstruse.
designating or pertaining to the poetry of an early group of 17th-century English poets, notably JohnDonne, whose characteristic style is highly intellectual and philosophical and features intensive use of ingenious conceits and turns of wit.
Archaic. imaginary or fanciful.

RELATED WORDS

mystical, spiritual, abstract, esoteric, philosophical, supernatural, abstruse, theoretical, deep, difficult, eternal, fundamental, high-flown, ideal, immaterial, impalpable, incorporeal, insubstantial, intangible, intellectual

Call it a sonnet

The  fashion forward women walk by me
I can see what I  don’t want to see
Their leggings  cling audaciously  and close
I ask for mercy from the Holy Ghost

Now I fear I called  erroneously
God won’t mind what organs all can see
If he wanted  excess modesty
He’d have put it on the BBC

I guess  it’s economic for no more
Can girls afford the dresses Eve once wore
Although I made some out of purple sheets
From Eden I  arranged the Fall in pleats

I confess to stealing sewing  bees
Now I suffer psychotherapy

Germany…..recurrence of attacks on Jews

 

_107111918_054203696-1

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-48411735

Extract

The German government’s anti-Semitism commissioner has urged Jews to avoid wearing skullcaps in public.

Felix Klein warned Jews against donning the kippa in parts of the country following a rise in anti-Semitism.

He said his opinion on the matter had “changed compared with what it used to be”.

Israel’s President Reuven Rivlin said the recommendation amounted to “an admittance that, again, Jews are not safe on German soil”.

A sharp increase in the number of anti-Semitic offences was recorded by the German government last year.

Be still my heart

On the day. forlorn, we  had to part
I helped you go  as birds rise from the nest
Oh, hidden anniversary of the heart

 

I do not need to keep a special chart
I remember  every glance and kiss
Before the day on which we had to part

 

  People order me  to make a start
Create a life  of pleasure, should I wish
Oh pain, oh anniversary ,oh my heart

 

 This  bleeding of my heart, my joy  thwarts
Yet  still I  live in spirit and in  flesh
Since the  sad day  we were made  to part

 

 I fear those dreams that criticise  and harm
The words of others  pierce my tenderness
Oh, recurring anniversary in my  heart

 

Comfort me, surround me with your arms
Protect me from the Visions and the storms
This  the day we knew we  had to part
Oh,  love,  oh memory,   oh, be still my heart

 

But the square on the diagonal

abstract architecture art building
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

 

http://www.britannica.com/topic/incommensurable

My dear girl do you wish to  be married?

Don’t study maths, else you’ll be harried.

Men are afraid of us

Women can’t mate with us

So  one might as well  die and  be buried.

 

My reaction may seem  too  extreme

For surely  one may get some esteem;

For playing with irrationals,

viewing  incommensurables

is a metaphor for political themes.

 

For whole numbers are easy to see

And fractions  quite rational  be.

But the square on the diagonal

Is totally irrational

And from the circumference’s demands we  may flee.

 

And comparing the circle and square

Shows  unconmensurable  flair.

And human folk too

Exhibit this too.

So in marriage don’t expect all to be fair.

 

A straight line can be tangent to a curve

But never can two such  things merge.

But if the line keeps quite still

the curve  then might  well

Curve back  with delight in its  swerves.

What work?

img_20190311_122503This extract below is intriguing for its unstated assumptions.Would it apply to coal miners or builders?
I am sure there is value in it as you will feel the pain wherever you are.But in the modern workplace it is very stressful even  for the well.When I was in a Cardiac Unit the Sister was literally running up and down all day.And that was a  long time ago
I imagine for some of us work is a distraction but for me giving lectures when I had severe pain in my feet did not help me at all.It made me feel ill and anxious.
If I were grieving ,but well, work night give a helpful structure to my life. I find writing is a good distraction.I  could do it all day  with no difficulty

NHS ADVICE UK

“Go to work despite the pain

It’s important to try to stay in work even though you’re in pain. Research shows that people become less active and more depressed when they don’t work.

Being at work will distract you from the pain, and in most cases, won’t make your pain worse.””

From an NHS website

bonfire
Photo by Nitin Dhumal on Pexels.com

Disgraceful, inimical

I suffer from nervous dissension
Disagreeing in every dimension
Personal, political
Disgraceful, inimical
Who has   met love with attention?

I learned to speak  many tongues
So I could tell lies without feeling wrong
I also read hands
And lines in the sand
Until  when I burst into song

 

 

Silence and paradoxical meditation

 

light road landscape nature
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/nov/13/tim-parks-silence-meditation

Extract

I’d reached that point where you’ll try anything. Lie down, this book said, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, focus on some tense part of the body and don’t try to relax it. Just observe. That was the paradox: the body would only relax if I really didn’t try to relax it. But there was also this instruction: “Avoid all verbal thought: scientific research has shown that it is impossible to relax the body deeply while words are running through the mind.”

Is it hard to relax?

 

 

 

 

Rydal2019-3This method works if you have time to allow it.I used to do it for headaches

I think progressive muscular relaxation is good.But I found another method.You might like to lie down before you do it.
Then you tell yourself that deep down inside you are already relaxed so all you have to do is get in touch with that part of yourself.So lie still and feel your body and just let go until you feel you are at  one with yourself.

That’s it!