I’ve got no more rotten eggs
Well, is that not good?
I resent throwing fresh ones at politicians
Why not threw that cat’s litter?
Kittens!
Well, it is a tom cat
He probably has hundreds of children
That reminds me of Boris Johnson
I know he is partly Turkish
What’s that got to do with having children?
I was just passing a remark
His grandad was the son of an immigrant
I say, we should ban them
That’s extreme
What do you suggest?
We’ll only have Muslims and Jews
That is ridiculous
Why?
They also have lots of children
Let’s go back to eggs.
Do you want devilled eggs for your tea?
Where I come from we just put sugar in our tea.
How original!
We couldn’t afford real food unless the cat caught a hen
Then you hate foxhunters
Well, they don’t eat the foxes… it’s pure barbarity
Still, not as bad as the Holocaust and who tried to stop that?
I wasn’t born then
But you look like a Valkrie
Except I am not a maiden and is it my fault I jad golden hair?
Why not a maiden?
I got married 5 times.
Well, I admire your hope but not your experiences
Three were men and the last two were women
Next you will be marrying that cat
I hope I don’t have kittens!
Well, better than nothing
I am not sure about that
Never say never, again
What,never?
Miaow
Black humour
Make my heart into a cottage pie. Already it is minced and lies estranged My enemies insult me with their lies And my last will and testament is made. An onion and a carrot chopped up fine, Saute with these my heart till all are gold With herbs and spices I will taste divine A mashed potato will a rooftop mould. Do not forget my blood to use as sauce Though now it’s cold, with garlic make it boil. For what is gravy but the blood of lamb? With sliced onion fried in olive oil. O foes and devils eat me and you’ll be
Transformed into to myself,your enemy
T
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Digital art when you are limited by caring for others
This is an old photo which I had fun with using a simple photo editor
It is not necessary to forgo pleasure when you are a carer.Half an hour now and then is better than watching crap on your TV
Pardon my language but I find lately TV has sunk down
I wandered into Digital Art via Microsoft Paint.I could not find any books about it except when you wanted to create an image that looked like watercolour or oil paintings
Well, the tools for that are expensive and to my mind pointless.I prefer to use real water colour.
But since you don’t have to put your paints and water, brushes and other media out it takes no time to open Microsoft online,Pixlr or to download Artweaver onto Windows
At first I did weird little drawings but I was kindly encouraged by Janet Weight Reedand some others on a blog site which alas closed down
Then when I got more intrigued I began to draw cats and apples
You can change the colours to see what you prefer.Dark backgrounds look good more often
As I did this for fun,I was not concerned about whether they were good.
I did learn that space is important in Art and I like to draw two or three objects close to each other as in still lives
If my husband needed me I could just close the laptop for a while.I love colour and the geometry of form
I was told at school I was no good at Art.But now I don’t mind whaat people say because it was a great help to me to take my mind away from the suffering we both endured and the lack of care that we should have been offered.Apparently it is considered impossible for a person to look after a loved one when they are so ill .And I had had surgery just before he collapsed so had 12 stitches in my face.That did distress him as I bleed more than most people.Now they say I am lucky to be alive.I am very grateful also for having readers here and having ‘Mike Flemming’s s beautiful photos
Cats praying
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Where our attention lies
I had a fissure on my worn old thumb
The pain was so severe my eyes both ran
I felt self pity, why is life so cruel?
All day I had grieved like some old fool
Then I saw some lights flash in my eye
Soon the sight had gone, I quite blind
My eye, its lids, its lashes full of blood
I had to lie face down upon my bed
Three months passed then I had vision twice
The eyes confused, my mind seemed full of spite
Their experimental surgery may help
Another person back to normal health
The eye stitched up, I thought about my thumb
Without perspective we are quite undone
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Keep on swimming
Constant rumination kills the soul
I never think and so I am more whole
I write the sentence down, just like I speak
I find my native tongue lets symbols leak
My mind is like a small holed metal sieve
I hope I shall be kind and will forgive
What remains is worthy of a place
As for my mistakes, I beg your grace
Some minds are deep,clear streams their thoughts like fish
Other minds are tortured ,spin and crash
Keep on swimming like the drowning frog
He turned the milk to butter as he trod
Do not linger long on cruel thoughts
Scruples come from Satan, he’s worth naught
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The grit and then the pearls
When G-d came down , the rivers overflowed
Great trees were floating ,angled and exposed
The houses broke up like a loaf to crumbs
The hearts of humans trembled till they hummed
The winds deceived, the gusts unmeasured stung
The churchbells shuddered then untimely rang
The power was cut and all our screens were dark
Where were the rulers, where the saving Ark?
The women giving birth were paralysed
The babies in the womb took ill and died
Their cradles rocked the world, they swung so fast
And in a moment all of life had passed
In the void, G-d started his new world
Rich and strange, the grit and then the pearls
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A rondel
I feel you presence and I almost see
The face that was so loving .sadly gone
There may be millions but you were my own
The anguish and the joy were all for me
As we walked the white sands by the sea
Picking sea shells, seeing washed white bones
I feel you presence and I almost see
The face that was familiar,strangely gone
We had a home, we had a nutmeg tree
We grew apples,rosy in the sun
Flavour vanished like the honeycomb
Yet salty flavours linger in the sea
I feel you presence but I cannot see
The face that was so loving, known by none
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The return of Microsoft Paint:square cat
I have lost some of my skill but this editor/toolis now available on line
I have
Weekly mail
Dear Dr Jones
Thank you for refering this delightful 98 year old lady to me
I have looked into her mouth and there is indeed a tumour
She denies any bleeding.
She denies any ulceration
She admits getting so anxious she ground her teeth and broke them
She denies suffering any pain
She refuses to take codeine linctus and sell it on the street
My verdict:
Guilty and almost sane
Sentenced to two scans and a follow up.Meanwhile I will keep her under surveillance and tell you where she goes at night.
Yours,Dr Gnostic.
BDS B CH. MA.PhD BA etc
Bribes accepted weekly
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If you are the doctor,I am dead
Sorry I can’t take your call at the moment.I have to lay an egg
This is the answerphone.Who are you?
I don’t have six handsets linked to me,But you can leave a short message
There’s noone here now.We have gone to inject bleach into our veins.May see you later
We are trying Dettol in our lungs today.Please try us again tomorrow if you are sadistic enought
Sorry, they didn’t leave the answering machine on.This is a robot.
We can’t afford an answering machine so I trying to make one out of tins and string.If you manage to leave a message we will make pots of money
If you are the doctor,I am dead
Please stop trying to sell me heroin.I have decided to make my own.From oats
Is that the baker? Please hide the loaf behind the bicyle if the dog allows you.
Hi I am the dog.They have left me alone.Why don’t you come over and steal their TV?
Sorry, my daughter has got chicken pox and the cock is angry.Call back next week after we’ve eaten him
Are you the new domestic help?The key is in the door.Please lock up and put it through the letterbox after you are done
I can’t swear at you but I will call you an idiot if you like.Free!
I’ll take the cat when we divorce.Stop calling me.I am speechless but not mute
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An owl at prayer
His beauty moved me like owl at prayer
I’d better share my love of birds on here
He touched me like a marble falls down drains
Thank God we then had lots of heavy rain
He told me he was angered by my face
I drowned on his tweed jacket spiced with mace
I read so fast the teachers were amazed
My secret was adrenalin and haste
I never loved my neighbour as myself
For I was deep in love with someone else
We think we long for love but as I say
Intimacy rots if we can’t play
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Who by fire?
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The unseen Face
I
lost myself in Buttermere one night
The lake so pure ,the waterfalls so bright
When I emerged,I felt my soul renew
I lost myself in love when I met you
We walked from Keswick in a heavy storm
The elemental gales, the tempest honed
Then the sun burst out like golden dew
Melting in the sky to different hues
After further gales washed human hearts
The still small voice had whispered,Love’s not bought
The rain a symbol, holy water grace
We need a symbol of the unseen Face
Happy to be drowned in Nature’s tears
Love lives with our panic and deep fear
1 Kings 19:11-13 King James Version (KJV)
11 And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake:
12 And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.
13 And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, there came a voice unto him, and said, What doest thou here, Elijah?
King James Version (KJV)
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The happiness lab
“It’s well known that living through hard circumstances can make us happier because it teaches each of us to be grateful for so many things in life,” Santos says. In academic studies, gratitude, she says, consistently comes top of the list of what makes humans truly happy.
One of the misconceptions about happiness is that it comes down to our circumstances, she says. “In fact, the data suggests that with a little time and the right practices [as long as we have a roof over our head and our basic needs met], we can thrive in whatever situation we are in.” Furthermore, she says — give a sigh of relief — those happiness-making practices don’t necessarily involve baking bread, crafting the Acropolis out of toilet rolls or shouting at a screenful of friends.
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Shapes
by Katherine
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What we do depends on what we see.
What we do depends on what we see.
By writing, I can change my own fixed view
Gain perspective, focus less on me
And to others, make an simple plea
We can look again and see anew
What we do depends on what we see.
How the world is, how it ought to be
In my writing, I make my own review
Gain perspective, focus less on me.
Replace the “ought” by “possibility.”
A little change beats crying, feeling blue
What we do depends on what we see.
If God exists, will she with me agree?
No doubt she’d have a wider, higher view
And share perception with someone like you
Would our world be shared by love, virtue.
A willingness to wish ,desire the true
What we do depends on what we see.
Perspective, focus, possibility
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Weaving
The world is woven in such different ways
Struts the vertical, the flat below
Oh God who weaves me shall by me be praised
Oh, shall the mystic reach what she may crave
When all the strings release and she falls low
The world is woven in its different ways
Timed by ritual Lady Lazarus rose
And all the eyes that gazed were burning slow
Yes, God who weaves me shall by me be praised
There is a hollow only Ariel knows
As horse and rider as one being flow
The world is sensed in wholly different ways
The body ,home of mind, will run astray
Oh, what seams of evidence forego
Fallen God who unacknowledged knows
Beneath the sea of green the undertow,
Spirits sidle deep like melting snow
The world is woven in such different ways
That God who weaves me shall by me be praised
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Questions in my mind
Photo by kind permission of Mike Flemming 2020
Why?
Why don’t hens boil the eggs before laying them?
Why are eggs oval?
Why are there holes in doughnuts?
Why is our bread usually rectangular?I suppose elliptical loaf tins
have not been invented,Now is my chance to make a million!
Double entendre , as the Polish might have said.
Why do men like pies so much?
Or is it tarts?
Why has the sun set when I’ve not washed my hair?
I am not the sun,I guess.
I am not G-d
Good Night
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They won’t fit into the fridge
We have too many eggs in the fridge
Well, buy a hen and give her a nest,Then we”ll have some chickens
But they won’t fit in the fridge either!
Why do we eat eggs every day?
What else could we do with them?
Is it legal to throw eggs over the wall?
Not the iron wall
Some people believe they are good for our hair
Like hairdressers, you mean?
Just think.We can’t get our hair cut
Well, we can’t get our toe nails cut either
A bit dangerous in bed, then
Hair never harms anyone
If it were long it could strangle your lover
A nice way to die
I curry eggs, I stuff them, I cover them in sauce
What’s wrong with that?
I am bored of them
With them?
No, they are not bored.
I am bored of you
Why?
What has reason got to do with it?
Well the Greeks liked it
But did the Hebrews?
I am sorry, they never said
What did you want them to write? Is the Bible not enough
For whom?
Showing off now that you knew Boris at Oxford.
Not biblically, thank the Lord
Do you like souffles?
With eggs?
Well it would be hard to make one without
Alright then.A lemon souffle
I have no lemons
We’ll just have to pretend
Amen
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Speaking the unspeakable with Sharon Olds
Another of Mike Flemming’s beautiful photographs 2020
This may appear paradoxical, considering the poet is necessarily ‘speaking’ [writing], however, even if the locus of the subject is ineffable, there remains space around it to speak towards the issue, even if this speech switches between negative and positive polarities. The compounding of the phrase ‘almost-no-longer’ illustrates how the poet is caught in an in-between state: neither truly married nor yet divorced, Olds is caught within a hyphenated world within which she still has desires, and yet is unable to act upon them. Furthermore, the use of this elongated phrase shows a reluctance to truncate their relationship into the simpler realm of ‘ex-‘: the phrase is not yoked to the noun ‘husband’, but stands distinct from it, demonstrating how the husband/wife roles are compromised.
However, despite the poem chronicling the loss of love, there is a profound tenderness in its images. Once again brought back to the experience of emotions in the moment, through the reference to ‘the alarm’(ll. 14) Olds writes that, ‘my hand feels like a singer | who sings along him’(ll. 15-16), bringing the attention to both the temporal and the physical. The verb ‘sing’ is articulated in three different conjugations across three lines, both as noun and verb. While it is her hand that is described as a ‘singer’, it is ‘his flesh that’s singing’, suggesting a transference of agency – she initiates the action, the noun is used to describe her body part: her identity is associated with singing, and yet it is his body that is ‘singing’. This association of female identity with the action of the male body gestures towards what might be at stake should ‘his flesh’ stop ‘singing’, and therefore leave the singer to sing alone. The extension of the metaphor into his spine – ‘tenor of the higher vertebrae, | baritone, bass, contrabass’(ll.18-19) – uses musical terminology to trace the path of her hand down his back, her hand going lower in accordance with the descending vocal ranges.
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Bitterly sweet lockdown
I confess to doing this funny little drawing ,Katherine
We loved each other lately life was sweet
Till lockdown ,isolation , iron walls
So we’ll have to speak .oh we’ll have to speak
From the opposite side of the street
We hoped we’d live a while before the grief
As we said on our long video calls
We loved each other, we loved to love each other
So our lives were bitterly sweet
We longed to touch, to hug , to kiss at least
But unlike cats we would not caterwaul
Now we’ll have to feel , oh, we’ll have to kneel
On the opposite side of the street
We may be wrinkled with bright yellow teeth
It has been known for both of us to fall
We love each other, yeah we love each other
For old age is not a defeat
We loved our neighbours, even those deceased
We’ve had hard times but none that bit so deep
How can we feel ,oha how can we feel
On the opposite side of the street?
I wanted you beside me when we sleep
I’ve even bought us fifty five new sheets
We love each other, yes, we love each other
So our life is succulent, sweet
But how can we touch, how can we keep in touch
From the opposite side of the street?
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If your aim is good
Why do people boil eggs?
They need to keep getting into hot water
Why do others fry eggs?
They want to make sure there is nothing live in there
And furthermore, why poach?
To annoy landowners.
Why are eggs so popular?
They can’t speak.
Eggs are used in baking, why?
They need to be useful
Can one egg be enough?
Yes, if your aim is good.
Can I live on eggs for a few days?
If you are very small and light
Can I eat just a few eggs for all my meals
Not the same ones.
Is bread a good idea for egg sandwiches?
It’s essential for any sandwich regardless
Is an egg good for the old?
The old what?
Can I polish the floor with eggs?
Dropped them again?
How about the chest of drawers
Who was he?
Why do people throw eggs at politicians?
Because they look so underfed, I imagine
But it’s a waste of money!
Views differ but rotten eggs will do or ones more than 5 weeks old
Can eggs last longer if coated in vaseline?
Longer than what?
Do hens grieve for their eggs?
I can’t take any more
Anymore what?
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Even in the rain, light gave him joy
The first warm days, the birds sing in their nests
So brilliant is the sun it seems new born
In the shady green I take my rest
The art of living cannot be a test
Nor can it leave a lover all forlorn
The first warm days, the birds sing in their nests
When surprised by joy, we regain zest
Despite the costs of living and its storms
In the shady green let’s take a rest
Before he died, he sat,he gazed out West
Even in the rain, light gave him joy
The bright, warm days, the birds sing in their nests
I remember Arnside, green and blessed
The hills across the bay where we have climbed
In the shady green let’s dream and rest
In our childhood there the patterns form
Hope to harvest now the rich, ripe corn
The clear blue days, the birds keep warm their nest
In the shades of Arnside let me rest
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Still learning
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Learning watercolour
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So poignant
When you gave me that last smile I knew
You were on the way to Paradise
My singing voice had brought great peace to you
Sitting in a place in A and E
Quietly waiting, watching your closed eyes
You gave me that last smile and winked at me!
You never changed, your humour was not new
Winking at the ladies undisguised
My little voice had brought great peace to you
I felt embarrassed by the crowd I drew
In Suffolk I could have sung till I near died
When you gave your smile I guess I knew
Inside I felt a pain that pierced me through
I felt it poignant like a bird’s first flight
My singing voice had elevated you
In old Hunstanton we walked sands near white
In Wells we saw both dawn and sunset’s light
For confiding with your smiles, may I thank you?
I wish we were on long pale sands anew
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Another misfake
I keep making spelling misfakes
At least you only made two there
Why, if we have fakes we also have misfakes
I see what you scream
So a genuine painting by Picasso is a misfake,I say
But you can’t just invent words.
Why not?
You’ve caught me on the hop
We do have a bathroom
Is there a WC?
Well, we don’t have earth closets inside a house
Why not?
It would ruin the foundations.
That shows building houses was the biggest mistake after eating the apple
To cut a long story short
Very short.
Meaningless in a very surreal sense
Well, that is the end of Today the Lockdown
They had no radios during the Plague
And so say all of us
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From the dust
Power and love, two ways that we connect
One is often hateful, one respects
The Other is a person , I and Thou
Two words, two worlds , which love could well endow
Power has many guises, most deceive
Talking big but wanting to receive
Men of power who long for even more
The Jaguar, the palace, the gold door
A select few took risks to save the cursed
The Jewish baby, Amsterdam, the fist
The parents on a train, like cattle crammed
Death was not the end their love had planned
Hurtling into darkness, when all’s lost
A still small voice shall whisper from the dust
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Love, glue and hot water
What do you say to a new teapot?
We’re both going to be in hot water soon
What do you say when you are thirsty?
Show me a photo of Warren Beatty.He makes my mouth water
Why don’t we drink sea water?
Fish pee into it.Whales drown in it
What do you say to a coffee mug?
Won’t you at least try this tea?
What do you say to a rabbit?
Have you no warren of your own to go to?
What do you feel for when you get a text message at 3 am
My husband
What kind of flour do you use?
It depends on how strong the bombs need to be
Why do you like hand writing?
We can’t afford writing paper
Which pens are the best?
The ones with ink inside.
Is it hard to write a poem?
No, it’s only 5 letters.Maybe A should be capital?
Are you autistic?
Is it so black and white?
Why do you like maths?
It stops me turning schizophrenic
Did you work on differential equations?
No they were too dirty for women to stand on
How about topology?
I prefer jam doughnuts to actually eat.
How did you find the University?
We had maps then ,much cheaper than android phones
I mean how did you feel?
With maths you don’t need to feel
So what does make you feel?
Love, glue and hot water
What advice would you give to a person now?
Never give advice.
What do you think of the Corona virus?
It makes no difference what I think.It’s what we do that matter
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Hens don’t see the point
What do you say to 21 eggs?
Where are the other three?
Why do eggs come in boxes of six
Because hens can’t count past six!
Why do Sainsburys sell eggs in fifteens?
Their hens are more intelligent than the others
Will egg boxes be decimalised?
Hens don’t see the point
Why are eggs good for rubbing on the hair?
Because it takes longer to shampoo them out
How many eggs are in an omelette?
None,they are on the outside.
Is it a sin to steal eggs?
Yes, if they are human.
Are eggs used in warfare?
Their atoms are.
Can we measure the velocity and position of eggs?
No, but we feel it when they hit us
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Dusting books and washing garden gnomes
I am saving money locked at home
Whenever I go out I buy a drink
Not to mention books and garden gnomes
No bubble baths to cover me in foam
Lots more time to write and truly think
I am saving money locked at home
While I sleep, the elves and fairies roam
Putting dirty mugs into the sink
Dusting books and washing garden gnomes
Is Pope Francis locked down while in Rome ?
God looks down and even he might flinch
I will send the cash to help folk cope
Wisdom lies in libraries uncombed
Digital security’s a bitch
Not to mention research into gnomes
Might I disguise myself and be a witch
Can I do some magic and get rich?
I am saving money locked at home
Surrounded by my books and garden gnomes
