The fishing nets have tangled round a little submarine Can the sailors pull it up, or will their nets all break? We wonder who might live in it, it can’t be the Queen
I looked once in the mirror and I see my face is green Maybe I’ll eat soup again and not a giant rump steak The fishing nets once tangled round a little submarine
We once had a Bishop but he just had a Dean He told me once that saying Mass is just a piece of cake We wonder who might like such food, it can’t be the Queen
I get washed with olive oil and in summer I feel clean I wish that little wafer were a Cadbury’s chocolate flake The fishing nets once wrangled and their maths was quite marine
If I see my boyfriend now,I might let out a scream Feeling his proximity, my entire heart might break We wonder who might enjoy that it can’t be the Queen
Life can be much better with a little pat and stroke Wash your mate in olive oil, he’s such a lovely bloke The fishing nets did tangle round a little submarine We wonder who might live in it, God has not been seen
When my electric blanket broke, I tried to warm my cold feet with a hairdryer.It is no use.I put 3 pairs of socks on and somehow got warmer
I realised, when your husband dies, it’s pointless crying when you lose your necklace or watch as nobody else is interested [ maybe that is not true] I sang “Joan of Arc in a Canadian accent at the bus stop [ so I am told] I told a man “I am Leonard Cohen” even though I am a woman.Transpersonal? I put my clothes on inside out before I went to a dinner party.Noone said anything I forgot who I was.Then I read my blog.Need I say more? I made up conversations in my head but never said anything out loud to a live person I played Trivial Pursuits I forgot what Quantum Theory was.This may help my social life I decided never to argue again.The logic is dependent on axioms and, if we do not have the same ones ,it is pointless. I told a neighbour I used to be very quiet and she said, you still are very quiet. I remembered a student crying when I was teaching the history of mathematics.She was crying with happiness and asked, why were we not taught like this at school [ maybe because I am unique]
I wonder if people live alone for a long time they may lose their emotions as I believe emotions are interpersonal
I went to vote, the queue ran down the street Strange to see the British change their ways None were holding phones nor were there bleeps
Eager faces, animation sweet Well as it’s free we do not have to pay I went to vote, the queue ran down the street
The staff were kind, the voters were no sheep They did not need a shepherd for this Play None were holding phones nor were there bleeps
The politicians crippled by conceit Put fake websites on the net today I went to vote, the queue ran up the street
I alas am old but I still sweat The stupidity of gossip is made clear No-one made a video of my seat
I did not queue, a cripple may shed tears All I have is sight loss and burnt ears I went to vote, the queue stood with no light Smiling, patient people black and white
Why do we love those who love us least To prove we can obtain whom we desire? He makes cruel comments at the wedding feast
Do not call this man a nasty beast An animal is better than a liar Why do we love those who love us least?
He shouts in rage because his shirt is creased Throws your letters into the coal fire He makes crude comments at our Xmas feast
I do not mind if you are dressed in fleece Wear nylon shirts and shoes with laces wired Why do we love most the late deceased?
Never borrow men who have no price Never join conspiracies or choirs If they make “remarks” don’t on them feast
The old cathedrals have the tallest spires With older men the risks are sadly higher Why do we love those who love us least Who cannot be polite at wedding feasts?
In my coffin I will have no phone At last I shall be free like new born babe But how will people hear my mobile groans?
Who shall write my story on a stone? Ican’t ring Emergency for aid In my coffin I will have no phone
I must have a linen sheet untorn Be reminded I’ve already paid How will people hear my mobile groans?
Out we go, as in we, came alone Will someone sing for me , oh humming bird In my coffin I will need no phone
We will die as we have lived, atoned I hope a human person hears my words Help us all,dear God, to forestall groans
Free from medications .free of nerves Straight to Heaven atop our loved ones prayers In my coffin I shan’t be alone I want to go with all my garden gnomes
What a great thing Food Banks are.You can meet people like yourself and if there are enough tins of baked beans you can ask someone round for tea.I expect if there’s no bread there will be cake
I hope there will be some PG tips tea.I hate foreign food even tea. and want real tea made in England and well brewed
Gosh even if you are rolling in money you can still trawl Charity Shops in Hampstead for cheap designer wear.The poor don’t need designer clothes.I mean, they don’t even know what they are, do they?And they are hardened to the cold.Why in my mother’s era they had no shoes and when you think about it. why does the government not ban shoes for people on benefits?
I think it’s wonderful of the people in Vietnam to make a hundred T shirts a day for 10 pence I mean, it is a job all is said and done.I once worked as waitress and it is such fun during the vacation from Oxford.We are only there 24 weeks a year so I need to be occupied but only with my consent.My mother is descended from King Charles 2nd! He had lots of mistresses, such a naughty boy.Bring back the mistress but don’t marry her
I see I’m very smartly dressed today My jumper’s striped in black and clotted cream I have a black skirt with embroidery
This outfit was not planned in anyway I got dressed in the bathroom, the cat screamed! I see I’m very smartly dressed today
The skirt is from a pricey place’s sale The jumper ‘s M and S, is that obscene? I have a black skirt with embroidery
The opthalmologist admired my taste I seem to dress just like our much loved Queen I see I’m very smartly dressed today
I feel so happy , that is no disgrace From my chair I see the sun’s gold beams I have a black skirt , flowers in their place
I used to wear a T shirt and old jeans When I was teaching maths and losing dreams I see I’m very smartly dressed again I have a black skirt on, is that depraved?
Stan had eaten too much pizza because he was extremely ravenous from doing the washing. and hanging it up on the mulberry tree in his long garden Now he felt lazy and haphazardly dim and other worldly and liable to have visions..
Now and then he saw an angel whom he called Yael in his home.But having looked up Yael on a website he realised she was not a very nice woman unlike his dear wife Mary.So he was planning a new name for the angel with her permission
Do you mind if I change your name,he enquired gently when Yael came in through the French window.
Well,what to? Yael asked him familiarly
How about Ysabel? Stan offered.It’s got just an extra b and s.
Or how about,Sybael?
You seem fond of b and s, the angel answered in confusion.
It was just mere chance,said Stan somewhat defensively.
Ok I’ll take Sybael,the angel said loudly .
I want to change my name too, said Emile the cat of Stan.
How about Mebiles or Melibes or Eimbles….
I don’t know, pouted the cat haughtily.
How about Semile,said Stan.T
hough it has no letter b in it, he bragged.
They all pondered quietly as the sun shone in through the window and made a lovely lacy pattern on the wall.
In came Mary,Stan’s sweet old wife and his computer aided extension too.
You are very quiet,she murmured.What’s going on here ?
We are trying to find a new name for Emile,Stan told her as Sybael waved her wings about.
It seems very draughty in here,Mary said.
And Emile can’t change his name because it will change his personality.
I didn’t know I had a personality,the little cat purred.
It is what is most characteristic of you.For example, if you always hurt those you love then you have a cruel personality or you have got diabetes.Some people want love but they are too harsh and demanding.
So true,Stan added pensively.
Anyway,I have some awfully strange news,Mary went on.
You just won’t believe this but Dorothy Grey who lives at the bottom of the hill has just had a heart attack.
How come?
She had an online love relationship with a rather peculiar but intriguing and clever elderly man who turned out to be a sadist in disguise.So when she ended the affair he flew over and attacked her with an air gun and some cat’s claws which he had bought from a cat market
Is he a wizard,asked Emile.
No, he flew on a stolen magic carpet from Persia.
Persian carpets,I’d love one here said the cat greedily
Actually it’s a kind of plane,said Stan.
How boring ,said Mary angrily.
Anyway Dorothy was so shocked her arteries spasmed and she is in A and E now on morphine,she added…
What a shame that she got that instead of a spasm elsewhere….Stan muttered thinking of Freud.
But who’d have sex with such a horrible old man? Mary asked.
An equally horrible old woman,maybe? Stan riposted.
Any way it all goes to show the dangers of online love, he informed the room.
It’s not real love,is it, because in real love the other person is as important to you as yourself.Mary said theologically.
Well. now Eros is a kind of love,too.But many old men just want their washing done and a companion.Eros has departed from their world.
Sybael smiled and then flew out of the window.
What was that noise, said Mary anxiously.
Just an angel’s wings,said Stan quietly
If only Dorothy had seen an angel instead of that harsh old man she might be much better now.Mary mused.But not everyone can see them.Their world seems full of horrible old men and beautiful young women
Emile winked at Stan and then ran out to chase a butterfly amongst the scented tulips.. there were lots of angels there every day but only he knew.
Angels don’t like big modern cities but they like old abbeys and cathedrals and places where such things used to be before post modernist architecture took over.
And cat’s claws are not meant for scratching your loved ones either.And online dating should be avoided except with atheists and agnostics.They are less judgemental about women’s place and roles.It’s strange how harsh many religious people are.Harsh and unforgiving.
You know the widow’s sad and can mourn and grieve all day But the anger and the hatred,she’s not supposed to say She can cry upon the duvet, she can scream under the stairs But the rage and irritation are not to be declared She can order man size tissues in boxes multiplied But the venomous ,vindictive imply that love had died She can be dissociated, she can be without affect But if she says how well she hated him, everybody’s vexed Who can live so closely for forty and five years Without needing a dressmaker to sew up all the tears? Who can be accepting when money and time’s scarce There’s a war inside the heart of us, everybody knows Scratched and bitten daily, struck by falling stars Who knows what we’re feeling . what is out too far?
For 1600 days I woke alone Does it matter what the numbers where? 25 x 64 unknown
For 1600 nights I sleeping moaned Does sorrow have to make us feel too bare? For 1600 days I woke alone
1600 dreams , you cracked my bones Does there have to be a number bar? 25 x 64 unknown
For 1600 , 2 to power stole Does crime like that show how you broke my heart? For 1600 days I woke alone
For 1600, 5 is squared and bold Does that throw us off the apple cart? 25 x 64 , a poem
Why does the mind too lone become a liar ? Who will stoke its everlasting pyre? For 1600 days I woke alone 32 x 50 what’s this game?
200 days times 8……my mind now claims For forty days did Jesus learn Love’s game 400 days times 4, is that your claim? 100 days times sixteen, naught remains
Women screen themselves without the veil Wear their cream foundation, dye their hair Get push up bras with wires as thick as cords Thongs that I have seen when jeans are worn! They wear dark glasses, strands of lucid pearls Hoping to attract a deviant earl They wear pyjamas ,claiming to be cold Or polyester nighties men can’t hold But Shakespeare said that all the world’s a stage This fills me with annoyance. even rage Yet I see it’s true when I go out Disguise myself with crutches and shoes stout Cut my hair till hardly any’s left That is right,I act like I am deaf I wash it in the kitchen with the plates The water’s hot and hair cannot escape It looks pathetic yet I am so old White hair is the fashion for the bold I smile with pensive attitude and plead Do not quarrel if I act with speed
Since my husband died I have been afflicted with recurrent UTI’s.
This year has been the worst I have only one entire month when I was well.
Unfortunately they affect the brain and hence the mind.I have had scans but it seems my immune system is not strong.I wondered if it was the steroid injections as steroids do affect things like white blood cells etc
Anyway, today I have something humorous to tell you.~
I have had antibiotics then they doctor asked me to take a sample to send to the pathology lab I took it yesterday.When I gave it to the receptionist she said in a rather unkind tone Why have you brought this?
I wonder why? I might have said, it’s your morning coffee replacement Your plants need watering. It seemed a good idea at the time It’s so pale I wonder if I have anaemia. I was bored and wanted to see you. Mind your own business However I just said the doctor told me to Are they trying to economise even on lab tests? The government has told doctors to delay the referring for cataract surgery As my mother used to say:You have to laugh or else you’d cry
You may like your wife or partner to look like this but do you know what it feels like?[Though once or twice these wires have deflected bullets] never knew what underwires looked like until I accidentally bought a nice looking bra online.When I felt the wires I decided to remove them.I am really shocked to see how tough and strong these wires are.I imagine unless you were very thin [and would not need much of a bra] the wires would really cut into your flesh at the sides where it runs up the cup edge.The wires are so strong I am sure one could make a weapon from them.I showed one to a friend and he was horrified.But looking round Marks and Spencer that great British shop [!] most bras are underwired.
I can’t see how,if you have large breasts that these wires would hold them up.They’d just dig in and then the breast would hang over the edge.
With all the fear of breast cancer,why do we submit to the diktat that we must make our breasts stand up or out?
If we are that bothered then wearing a long waistcoat over a top or blouse would hide our bulging figures.
So either I return to modelling birds from wire [ I have done before] or else it’s the garbage can for these nightmare objects.I wonder who invented them?
When the underwire breaks through the bra fabric, it can cause tremendous discomfort. Celebrity chef, television personality, and businesswoman Clarissa Dickson Wright only wears a bra on special occasions. At her 50th birthday party, she was dancing when she suddenly felt a “terrifying pain in my chest.” She initially thought she was having a heart attack. “The pain got more and more intense. I staggered off and discovered I’d broken my underwired bra.”
Hypothermia made me write so well The pen froze to my hand and would not leave They’ve offered me a job dry cleaning Hell
Just in case my head should start to swell I made myself a hat from dried brown leaves Hypothermia made me write real well
The government is giving us free bells So they will ring whenever we’re deceived They’ve offered me a job dry cleaning Hell
Hell is very fiery but with gel I can get it clean from all disease Hypothermia made me write,oh very well
I tell a lie, the cold invades my cells I can’t clean yet a bottle in a breeze They’ve offered me a job dry cleaning Hell
My husband is asthmatic, he can wheeze He has inhalers as his lungs will tease Hypothermia made me write so well They’ve offered me a column, what the hell
If women’s eggs can be frozen, can’t hens? If paper can cut the skin why not have paper knives ?
What about paper tissues? Why is reading a book better than reading on a phone? Why are some pens called fountain? Why are hedge-hogs unsuitable for a full English breakfast? Why does France still have wild boars when we only have Royal bores? Why can’t I build a new house in my neighbours large garden and make a drive for my car through their side entrance? Why do some people talk like robots? Why do people feel life has no meaning ? What could be a meaning for life? Why do people read in bed? Who forbade sex outside Harwich ? Why can I perceive but not conceive?
Is it better to be deceived than to deceive?
Why did I forget to put my hat on a stand?
Why is it called an overcoat?
Do we really need Carmel’s underwear in winter?
I am pleased but not guilty of the Charge of the Light Discard
Do you like Monet’s collars?
Why did Picasso bowl me over?
Why did Lincoln Cathedral turn my legs to jelly?
Can God prove we exist?
Does that explain the 20th Century?
Ahomoist or Avirist?
Pick and mix your flaws
Why can MP’s steal without being charged?
Is the Government flat? Buy new batteries from Europe and speed Brexit
And it came to pass
And his name was called by e.manual.org
Do not harass a worm just because it can’t bite you
What is a rhyme a cousin?
QED
Please queue Elsie dear
Quarrels ended dinner
Quebec entered directly
I don’t know about a Common Market but we have a common country
Leaving the EU maybe masochistic even when legal
Goodness Brie
Lord love a duck
I’m sorry I can’t let you in.My cat is in the washing machine but don’t tell anyone
Gosh,it must be hard to choose glasses when your nose is so small.Such a pity you are myopic and your complexion is a sin and a shame
Did you think purple would suit you?
Khaki is hard to wear.You are very brave.Why not wear a very big pink scarf over your face/Try a Muslim shop.Or the market
Sorry, I can’t pick the phone up.My feet are aching
Do you wear pests in winter? A nice fox is flattering to a pale face/
We are having a new dish tonight.
Pickled hearts on a bed of mashed kale with pork dumplings.Oh,I forget you are Jewish; you are not that intelligent.
I’d invite you again but my husband is very anti-semitic.
He was born that way so his mother says.Ironically her mother was Jewish.It’s a strange world.
How did you feel in Auschwitz?
I don’t suppose they gave you the full English breakfast of egg,bacon and sausages.
Still, you have lost weight.You look like Kate Moss but older.Maybe I should try it except they’ve knocked it down.Not to mention the synagogues.Still we must keep smiling.We’re all 1% Jewish but we like bacon.Will we ever be forgiven?
Is that a love bite on your neck or is it permanent?
Is that coat real wool or is it woven by sheep?
Are tbose mittens or have your fingers fused together?
Such a pity about the buttons.They ruin the coat.Mind you mustard is not my favourite colour.Beggars can’t be choosers,I guess.
Coats for winter
Wool blend = 10% wool
Wool rich- 40% wool
Real Italian wool= 29% wool
A touch of wool for comfort =1%
Very warm coat = 0% wool
Try our Salad Scream today Try battering your toast in the morning Do not put silt on my egg Do not be too free with that red popper French flies are a change for an English man Can potatoes boast in the microwave? I like zips on everything Cod in bitter with dried fleas is for Fridays only In a class ,the whip on my trousers broke.The students were benighted. Capital or corporal let the punishment fit the times Do you weed newspapers? Don’t wave the sun about.God will be ferociously sad
Why do you watch the news, mother It always makes you get so sad You wake up feeling in the pink Then all your spirits sink Don’t you know you can drive yourself mad?
I saw you in the Hat shop this morning You were trying on velvet and fur I think maroon is too dark for you Try coral , eyes will spark for you Then you won’t get mal de mere!
Yet if we don’t read a news precis We won’t know if Hitler’s come back So choose very wisely Even precisely Then act if it makes you feel black.
What do we need to know daily About the PM and his friends Use your own judgement About the repugnant We hope to avoid a dead end
Made from part of a painting I did at my Art Class
My desires
Don’t cast nasturtiums on me Don’t lie by me again Don’t cross my hands with Gilbert’s Don’t worry, it’s only sea. Don’t throw me doubt again Don’t sell anyone,please. Don’t say I am going to swell Don’t extension it again Don’t say it’s a tin on Fridays Don’t believe all your ears Don’t say you awe me
Don’t remove my slight to privacy
Don’t see like that Don’t say you ever loved me at all
Don’t admire my pain
Don’t mention I tease
Don’t join the gravy
Don’t join the Air Coarse Don’t do coppergate sand writing
He joined a Liary after the War
Don’t go to Church on Fundays
Don’t bite the host
Don’t mention my ten thumbs as a wobbler
I left a pan of curry on the stove Hot as ash combined with burning coal Yet when I went back in a cat stood there Eating this strong curry with no care.
It must have had thick skin inside its mouth Before I looked ,it ran out of the house To think it gobbled up our supper so Leaving me with nothing but a glow
So then I made a chilli beef and beans My heart ached as I listened to puss scream Can cats learn that pans are out of bounds? I’d hate to hear again its anguished sounds
Be sure to close the kitchen door or else You will suffer torment from cats’ yells
Mary went to the hospital to see the rheumatologist.The entire hospital had been re-built and half the site was full of so called “Executive Homes” She and Annie took a cab as it was raining hard.Although Mary was wearing her new green raincoat, she did not like to get it wet. Where did you buy your mac,Annie enquired jauntily? Cotton Traders,Mary admitted nervously.It looked lighter than it is and Stan liked me in green You already have two trenchoats and a nylon mac,Annie told her.} And Stan is no longer here What’s it to you?Do you want me to give all my money to the poor? Well, some of it,Annie responded anxiously.You need to pay your utilities.
My utilities!That sounds like something sexual that cannot be openly named,Mary cried You are confusing it with urethra, Annie laughed What is my ethra? whispered Mary No, the urethra is a little tube for the bladder to empty itself through Isn’t the human body amazing? Mary acknowledged using a cliche for better effect Definitely, said Annie and I love wearing beautiful clothes like velvet Where do we draw the line though, between looking good and giving money to the poor, tortured or victimised,Mary pondered
It is hard now because we can see what the rich have and we want it.Annie shouted calmly Or in your case you can see all those philosophy books on Amazon and buy them with one click she continued. Mary could see in her mind’s eye her living room piled high with books but if she were rich like Michael Frayn she could have a huge house full of shelves and desks. Adam Phillips,’ room looked more full than Mary’s and he must want it like that
In the waiting room Mary looked at Wittgenstein’s biography by Ray Monk on her kindle while Annie read The Sun.Soon Mary was called in Hello, said Doctor Morse.How are you? In the pink , she cried shyly.I don’t understand that, he said in his kindly way It’s an old English saying.It means I feel fine, but I don’t really that’s why I am here He looked at her left hand. and said there was no cartilege between the the thumb and wrist. Where has it gone,Mary asked but he remained silent Then he said,I think steroid injections will help.Would you turn your chair round by 180 degrees so you can put your arm on my desk? Mary turned round and felt a bit dizzy It’s hard getting older isn’t it, the doctor said in a tone rather artificially kind like a bad actor on stage and afraid of forgetting his lines or whether he was in King Lear or a Comedy Mary burst out laughing to her surprise. You are a weird person, the told her thoughtfully with his glowing eyes shining like the sun over Lake Windermere in October. Well, we can’t all be exactly the same ,she told him logically Then she had to turn her chair round again. despite her poor hands Why don’t you have swivelling chairs ,she asked pointedly They won’t give me enough money, they doctor said even though I a Consultant and I have published lots of papers Can’t you buy a second handchair? Mary wondered No, it has to pass Health and Safety,Dr Morse whispered cautiously I see.Well don’t blame it all on the EU. I love the EU, he told her.I hope Brexit fails Me too she croaked sweetly They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes until his next patient arrived I will see you in September, he told her optimistically his smile making her giggle inside so her body shivered with repressed laughter not fear
Miaow, cried Emile from Mary’s designer handbag What in Gd’s name is that, the doctor asked nervously
Don’t worry doctor.I forgot to leave Emile in the Waiting Room Emile stuck out his head and smiled at Dr Morse Good morning, he said graciously.Is Dave the paramedic here? No, they are not here they have their own Ambulance Station down the road Emile began to sob as he liked to get his own way by any means he could Mary apologised as she shook hands with the doctor. Thank you for helping me, she murmured.I feel better already And so say all of us
Watch fifty channels on your TV screen Read the Sun and see a silver moon Knit yourself a hat with cashmere thread Take the milkman home and go to bed
Watch free videos, make a packaged cake Put your lover in your bed, it must be fate Change the sheets, I like them without lines Let your cat play house with porcupines
Visit Urgent Care in case you’re dead Ask them for another bleeding head Take tea while you’re there, it is not free Costa Coffee is the licensee
Adopt a cat and buy her lots of food Wait for her to mate and have a brood Get a parrot as a spy of sorts Do not tell your husband what you bought
Keep 4 boyfriends happy with your care Just pretend that you ‘re not ever there Keep them in compartments in your head Never take one near a double bed
Become transgender, wear a tie in bed Call them they , unless their name is Fred Kiss a couple, have a tin of beer Love is not another type of fear
Marry if you wish for we are free To tie ourselves in knots of misery. Have some kiddies, slap them very soon For it’s illegal in Dunfermline and Dunoon
Why not die a little now? See what grace is yours but don’t ask how Tell a lie or Dad will tan your hide He don’t love you nor your striped behind
Will we tell the truth, that Father’s dead
And Mother’s crazy,see where we’ve been led
Read my stunning book or alternatively use a brick.[ £8.99}
Read My Diary or Write Your Own Free of Content [£35.99}
Read my rhymes or the NYT [ subscribe free if over 97}
How to Die Well by my Ex (transmitting to me ){ £57.99}
Ghosts and Taunting [coming out November 1st £ 98.98}
How to Faint in the Kitchen [ waiting for polish]
How to use or misuse a Camera [£67}
When I found your photograph on the floor I wrote a poem about it My sister says, pick up all those photos Where have they come from? I say,I don’t know Maybe I knocked down a folder I am clumsy I write two more poems while she feeds me Belgian apple tarts She tells me how she fell over in a dark field in Germany Her foot went into a hole There were no lights They both fell down so she had hysterics I only had one glass of wine! She laughed all the way back to the campsite And then she fell into laughing so much I could hear her here in London So I got hysterics as well That’s genes for you! I’m still laughing, They came here on their bicycles Not dead yet
That’s their trip before Brexit
You never know whether they will start to kill Britons for messing up the entire Continent
BTW I am incontinent
I heard they are perforating Ulster again
Ireland wll be united again by the border
Boris Johnson may be Turkish,Lithuanian and British..He’s definitely not got a drop of Irish blood He thinks the Good Friday agreement was to give Jesus an anaesthetic before he was crucified The doctor says I’m dying of consumption.I blame the out of town shopping malls but he just said TB [ or not TB?]
The doctor says I am suffering from allusions of poetry.So I am on major fantasisers
I’m a nagnostic too.I might relieve God there sometimes.
He’s a wave and a particle and very light.He comes and goes.Like men may do.
Meanwhile in the garden there is mass wisteria.It will be ok in a few weeks when we get cold whether or knots
There is a big depression where we bury the vegetable peelings amongst other things like the dead.And what the cat catches,
So we are collating the law.
The priest says my sins are mortal but not deadly.
I have been text-communicated by the Immigrant in the Vatican
I didn’t realise it was a sin to have sex when your husband has died.
Is a vibrator sinful? Or is it the folk who might use them?I think that is it.I’ve never seen one yet
Is it a sin to make them in a factory?If so the economy will slump…
It’s funny that Boots sell something that could send us to hell for all eternity.I am not referring to their famous face cream though it does remove the top layer of the skin.I
t is however not enough for those who have cancer especially if it is on your bum.
If Boots sell vibrators surely the Church must see it’s now the norm and does not use birth control which they still ban, soit could be a gracious way of having sex without need to take the PILL
.Still it does seems odd to imagine that you get married and you both have sex using vibrators.Not quite a honeymoon especially if you take two vibrators.What, though, if the battery goes flat?What if you forget your adapter for the plug? I suppose you could take it in turns!
It’s like food.We used to do that ourselves once.Now it’s sex.No worry about wasting the weekend in bed whispering in each others ears though ,do rememeber not to use one while driving up the M1.I know it’s boring but do you want to be on a video on Twitter? You do!
Say no more.
Remember though that you might have an accident involving others.If you are suicidal, please jump off Beachy Head.Do not cause a traffic jam as you will most likely be murdered.And murder is not suicide,is it?You will have injured someone else and that is more unethical than using men ,women or vibrators for recreational purposes.I rest my taste.Or my vase.Or my handbag… BTW is there a vibrator bag? If not, why not become self employed and start a new business… different colours and so on.I have no idea about size so an expandable fabrix might be good.
When it comes down to it, should we get one free if our partner dies?I would prefer a large soft cat but,hey who am I to judge others? Let the Lord decide…
I
Stan had eaten too much pizza because he was extremely ravenous from doing the washing. and hanging it up on the mulberry tree in his long garden Now he felt lazy and haphazardly dim and other worldly and liable to have visions..
How my heart sings 