Author: Katherine

Poetry writer and author

Doctors’ notes

Drawing by Katherine

The patient is alive but without any signs

Her husband asked me to help him to get her pregnant. I’ve made them an appointments for tomorrow. Could you help?

She said that the marriage had never been consecrated. She is still an illegal virgin.

She was very hot in the living room but much cooler in bed her husband tells me

He said my temperature was 38.8 centigrade and I had to try harder to help myself. This morning I got up to 39 but feeling much worse. Is there any other treatment?

He came to the hospital with a broken toe but caught covid in the waiting room and died this morning as soon as we found a bed for him. It’s wrong to keep people waiting like that and expect them to die on a trolly.

The patient seems to be alive but is unwilling to give up his bed and go to work on an egg

He was deceived using a donated egg. Will it work with a shop-bought one?

He thought mobile phones would have legs but they’re too smart for that.

What does the train do when it gets to the end of the line?

Britain turns to hate

The discontent of Britons turns to hate.

It’s hell for many, for others it’s too late.

No eggs for children’s meals, no milk and cheese.

Worn out nurses see their pay decrease.

The paramedics angered by misuse

Are met at times with physical abuse

Imagination wilts is crucified.

Without an ambulance some people die

What Carers do for love cannot be asked

Workers must be paid for arduous tasks

If if people die this day who is to blame?

The government must answer this complaint

God is here and there and everywhere

They want to x-ray God to check his age

But God is here and there and everywhere.

He only had one child so he will swear

The British are annoyed in fact outraged

They think he wants to claim a child’s allowance

God was not born here ,oh refugee

God was never born can they not see ?

Send Bravermann to jail, she must do penance

Jesus died in Auschwitz more than once

Don’t let him come in here we have no room

We have no stables now, his birth is doomed.

The Stations of the Cross are undispensed.

Will they make failed immigrants wear stars

Here we’ve got bad eggs, let’s make a start

Hurl the eggs towards their bleeding hearts

Then get drunk again in some old bar.

They say the country is Christian by and large

So that they send religious cards.

And Satan pokes the fire burns all x-rays

The MRI scans now are all the rage.

Scan them x-ray put them into boats

The evil fires are hot, our eyes are closed

The junction with no name

O’Meara you’re a clucking front Cram your lies, the bloggers hunt

Top your horse the egg is wide

Your juggling mug annoys the bride.

How I hate your dirty smut.

Tell the devil he’s a duck

As for men I hate their wicks

The candle earns, a floor can’t stick.

Henry Mary what’s your game?

I wink you’re Astrid, when did you lose aim

Do pigs fly?

What do we call people who drink blood?

Catholics

I said to the psychiatrist if I ate Jesus Christ this morning what would you call me?

Greedy

Should I take holy communion under both kinds?

Only when it’s raining

I’m supposed to go to confession on Saturday but I’ve done nothing wrong. So I’m going to miss Mass on Sunday.

And confession on Monday?

What is the purpose of rosary beads?

The end oesn’t justify the means

Why do Catholics worship statues?

Because they are very humble

Why can’t Catholics limit their families size?

Because there is no limit to their love.

Why can’t a Catholic be The King of England?

Because we aren’t allowed to go into Westminster Abbey during a service

Why can’t Catholics be cremated?

Because the price of coal is too high.

Do Jews fear Christians?

Do hens lay eggs?

The ice cream,a story

So why are you eating that layered chocolate icecream,Mary,asked Annie her dear neighbour charmingly attired in a light purple skirt and blue silk top with butterflies embroidered round the neckline and hips covered by a silk dressing gown in light orange
Well, it’s a rather a strange story;it all began when Sainsburys had no slots for delivery
That’s not very interesting,said Annie foolishly
It is to me, Mary muttered plaintively.I wondered if there was anywhere else to get milk and bread delivered as my neighbours were not so keen to get my last prescription
Why, was it for heroin? Annie teased her, her smiling face ruined by a too pale foundation by Hercules of Paris and Dalmatia with crimson lipstick from Boots adorning her wrinkled lips.She looked ready to star in Death in Venice
No it was for cystitis, Mary cried.Anyhow I went on to Deliveroo and they have a store that sells food from Marks and Spencers.Only a limited range, of course
Mary’s oval face flushed with a pink glow and her singular blue eyes flashed like imitation diamonds at sunset in Weston -super-Mare
In contrast she was wearing a heather tweed skirt and jumper of pure new wool
And her green trainers and matching tights
But they had no milk so I continued with them on to Morrisons who again have a small selection
of food and drink
In half an hour they were at the door and all was well
Then one word came to my mind
What was it, Annie asked her nervously, her fingers twisting her newly washed her into ringlets so fast it looked as if she was destroying the roots
Eggs,Eggs! They had no eggs,Mary confided.
Have you none left?
Yes but Emile fell off the window sill onto the work surface and crushed them all
Do you believe it was an accident? Cats have been known to suck eggs,Annie whispered
Wow,I didn’t know that, Emile miaowed furtively
Stay away from my eggs,Mary scolded him.Lay your own.I wish I could
So naturally I went to Deliveroo where the local Coop was selling food
I got eggs,crumpets, marmalade and then I noticed they sold icecream.Chocolate icecream.
You never eat it.Annie told her
But I like it, so I thought,I’ll just get one as it is Easter
Well, the man came to the door and I saw he had a very small bag
I took it and it said, “sorry, we have no eggs so we have sent 6 icecreams”
That is illogical ,said Annie.You can’t bake icecream nor eat it boiled with toast
So then I thought I”ll either fly into a rage or I will eat the icecream
Then tomorrow I will phone them and say, those eggs you sent were off
I have been sick all night.I want a refund
This is not like you,Mary, her friend said.You don’t cheat and tell lies
Not up till now but we have to change.Not just ethically but also
we have to curse and swear
Your fecking eggs were off.
But Annie shouted: they will say
We don’t sell fecking eggs we only have pickled eggs
Then I will shout: pickle off cried Mary
That icecream has made you go crazy,Mary.,Annie informed her
Am I schizophrenic? Mary asked politely
Not yet but Emile might be if you carry on
I’ll make us some lovely PG Tips Tea, that will restore our sanity
And make some for all of us

O grief depart

The freezing gales of life have skinned my heart

Each little knife now stabs me like a sword.

Would that grief now soon from me depart

But feelings last much longer than do words

My heart needs comfort in these icy winds

People hurry past and do not see

Alas to strangers we are most unkind

Impatient friends won’t spend much time with me.

We need words but we need touch and care.

I need to see your face to read your eye

Have pity on me, Lord, for I am bare

Why am I here, why should I plead and cry?

Yet time will pass and I will feel secure

From the  fearsome cruelty  now so near

Guide me through the cruel sea I fear

We have the seeds of goodness

– I’m reading “Our Needs for Others and Its Roots in Infancy” by Josephine Klein and wanted to share this quote with you.

“For we can be sure that we have the seeds of the goodness and strength we need, hidden and repressed or split-off though they may be. Locked in our memory are traces of the experiences which enabled us to survive. We know that this is so because we have in fact survived. We did not die. At least the minimum goodness was there, and just enough strength, at least. We are already possessed of what we need, if we can but get to it. ‘Oh joy! that in our embers  Is something that doth live,  That nature yet remembers  What was so fugitive! The thought of our past years in me doth breed Perpetual benediction: not indeed”

(William Wordsworth, Ode on Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childho

————–

Little sister

Trying to keep a hold of you;
trying to keep a hold of you.
Don’t go,
Don’t go.
I’ll not let you fall down that gap.
I’ll always try to pull you back-
Little sister.

You slipped so far away from us.
You slipped because you knew you could.
You saw a gap and fell right down.
You were serious, my little clown.
Come back now.
Come back now.
My baby.

I sang all those songs for you,
But I  needed a mother too.
A mother too.
If only I were stronger…
Stronger, stronger..
Would you have stayed here longer?
Little sister.

As you rocked in your little chair,
the demons of the home were there.
Your blue eyes shone,
Then you were gone.
My sister.

I saw you in a long blue gown,
With a golden halo, all wrapped round.
You smiled and said you didn’t know
That I had really loved you so.
You were sorry to leave like that,
And would I kindly feed your cat.
My sister.

When I woke up, the dream was gone;
But life and work must still go on.
If only I’d been grown and strong,
On this earth, you’d still belong.
Little sister.

I sang the song that you once sang,
But felt my tears made it go wrong.
Once you smiled and laughed with me.
Life was not all black, I see.

Sisters, sisters,sisters, three.
Now it’s two, just you and me.
But when we meet ,a shadow’s there-
I see a flash of her dark hair,
Our sister,sister,sister.
A gap remains for grief to fill
and on we mourn till hearts are still.
One day we’ll die too
And perhaps then we’ll be with you.
Little sister.
My sister.

On reflection, would a cat repent?

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Photo by my  dear sister Eileen

If only cats could talk I’d be content,
For conversation is my sanity and friend.
I’d marry one as soon as he’d consent

On reflection, would a cat repent
If he  told the police I’d killed ten hens
If only cats could talk I’d be content

Wittgenstein would never comprehend
That cats  and women spoke a common tongue
I’d marry one as soon as he’d consent

Would a cat  be master and demand
To see each bill and say I’d paid it wrong
If only cats could talk I’d be content

He could take my name without dissent
I guess he would not mind it being long
I’d marry one as soon as he’d consent

And I’d prefer his purr to any song
He could sleep  and I could make blancmange
If only cats could talk I’d be content,
I’d marry one as soon as he’d consent

 

Boot Sale

Archimedes’ pocket calculator in working order
Cleopatra’s nightie [washed and ironed]
Aristotle’s chair with footstool and TV remote
Abraham’s hat [unworn]
Isaac’s laughter [ CD]
Euclid’s ruler [plastic]
Zeno’s hair [combed]
Ten live Greek tortoises with name tags.
Book of Numbers [ In Hebrew]
Fifty limericks and Wordsworth’s hair [1 only

Job’s watch (automatics

Isaac’s belt

Eve’s best apron

Eve’s halogen hob (new,other)

Job’s hanky.

Adam’s apple

Recipes from the Biblem

S

The shock of the doll

They gave me a small watch on Xmas Day
But with any watch a little child can’t play
I envied both my sisters with new dolls
As on the old settee the dolls were lulled

I stood there uncomprehending and alone
Had I reached unknowing a milestone?
Then my sister lent me one of hers
I broke that little head upon my chair

I was holding her with tenderness
Scarcely breathing in my velvet dress
So I sat down to rock my babe awhile
The horror of her cracking head was vile

Now I play with numbers and with words
And look back sadly at that little girl

The day out

Oh,horticultural college, you have charm
To grey old souls your roses are a balm
But if I need a stimulant
To Tottenham Hotspurs I’ll be sent
To see the players break each other’s arms”

O gardens fair ,O trees with bark that gleams
O roses red, your scent awakes our dreams
But if my brain needs livening up
I’ll burn the ordnance survey map
And wander round the garden as I beam

O cafeteria , what a terrace fair
While others eat I chew my straggly hair
But when my sister takes a snap
She makes two frogs sit on my lap
She’s so creative, she has gentle flair

Oh,horticulture is a lovesome art
Which gives us flowers with which to decorate
But once a week
We have a peek
And see old men who’re eating mulberry tarts

Oh,rapidly the summer darts away
So we must enjoy a flower while it’s here
Otherwise ,it’s tea and cake
Which Mary Berry now dictates
The main thing is to love cake without fear

Memories of childhood

My sister oh my sister do not die

I feel that I still need you in my world

And Rivington we saw the larks upfly

Anglezarke the reservoir still swirled

Fresh water for old Liverpool’s

supply

I cannot go to Rivington alone

Nor Scotchmans Stump to see birds little bones

Once we lit a fire by a stream.

I’d like to go there now my love my queen.

Sturdy and determined she would climb.

Take the bus to Horwich it’s nearby

We saw ripe elderberries full and fine

In the distance Winter Hill stood high

The highest hill about so high austere

I won’t take you there sweet Eileen dear

Oh,my dear sister what can you see ?

She’d never seem rainwater deeper than eyes
Mystery undisguised.
Round the big puddle she ran and ran;
Too much for her dolly’s pan.
By reflections of trees she was hypnotised.
Curiousity’s often so wise
Oh,my dear sister what see you there?
I hope it’s a vision fair.
What are these ships and the tugs and the tide
Where are the sailors who died?
This is an ocean and I’m in my boat
Come sisters dear,let us float.
We’ll never see daddy again, ‘cos he’s here
And down her face travelled one tear.
I see him afar off, he’s meeting the Lord
There’s the archangel with his sharp sword.
We cannot follow,no, we must go back
We each must stay on our own track.
Three little children with long  golden hair
On this road going to where?
Once three small sisters ,but now only two;
Eyes of one green, the other’s blue.
By the park gate by a pool of sea rain
We shall be three again.
One in a pushchair and one gripping tight.
I push my dear sisters into the light.
Keep hold of the handle and never let go
I loved my  sisters so.
Keep hold of my hands as Dad crosses the sea.
Don’t hope for what cannot be.
I told her it’s only a rainwater pool,
Held in God’s hand like a jewel.
But she saw the patterns and she saw the tides
Which all human beings must ride.
For nothing is “only” and nothing is “just”.
All we can live by is trust

Gnats on a pond

Distracting thoughts harass my heart and mind.

Like gnats that dance on ponds in bright sunshine

In the deeper waters there are fish.

How to tempt them to my little dish?

The gossips have no wisdom, they are fools.

Idle thoughts are idle, they misrule

Do not converse with your own idle thoughts

Wait in peace for wisdom has a heart

Gossip has a function in a street.

Gives us bored old folk sweet meats.

Do not introduce your careless hate.

As ,hidden in the Shadows, Satan waits

Quietly drowning in the rivers deep

The inner guide will help you dream to sleep.

The mystery of our old house

Shedding tears there’s nothing much to say

Everybody dies in their own way

While we’re healthy we can bawl and shout

Serious illness makes us feel afraid

Conscious of the messes we have made

Remember birthdays and the bag of cards

When they’ve died it feels so cruel so hard.

We like to think we’ve got a chance for Grace

We cant know the time of death or place

Our house is for sale it looks so small.

The vestibule has gone there is a hall

I can’t believe the other people dwell

In a place that we lived in so well

We had no inside toilet we felt cold

Menstruation bleeding we were bold

So we look at photographs with care

But still we see no toilet anywhere

The one outside has disappeared from view

Whatever do these people have to do?

Excretion is a nuisance for us all

But go on sweetheart let your sad tears fall

For rears are clean and will not do as harm

Uric acid rarely has much charm

The White clouds look too real

The  white clouds look too real

It makes them seem artificial

The sun is making them glow,nor healthily eitherm

They add a certain ornate beauty to the sky

I wish to know that had not built the extension to their kitche

They don’t even seem to be there now

Why did they bother?

There’s a tiny cloud like a left behind baby

Or a squirrel.

There’s a West wind now and it’s very strong.

I’d like to go outside but I can’t.

My sister is ill. The Impossible death

Now seems imminent

It’s alright for the clouds they have no hearts.

I still have mine but maybe one day it will just give up

Too many dying people around

And the politicians don’t help

I wonder where they find them now

Maybe under an artificial rock at Southport

The lamp posts scream with laughter

I wonder where my mother is but there’s no way to find out

One day I will die as well

That’s all we need to know

The sun burned in the mirror

The sun burned in the mirror of the loft

The window crimson like  the Scotch Queens hair.

No hallucination,  vision true

I saw the heart of nature red and bare

The violence of the dawn gave me great joy

The world’s not prim and pretty it is fierce

It burns our eyes . It drives away our dreams

If we see such dawn our hearts are seared.

For me the world will end with my own death

But while I am alive I feel its joy

The sun burns up the waste of mind and heart .

While why we are on earth we are its toy.

I saw the sun rise in your window

pane

Such a sunrise may not come again

From a poem by Francis Thomson

T

Where is the land of Luthany,
Where is the tract of Elenore?
I am bound therefore.

‘Pierce thy heart to find the key

When to the new eyes of thee
All things by immortal power,
Near or far,
Hiddenly
To each other linked are,
That thou canst not stir a flower
Without troubling of a star;
When thy song is shield and mirror
To the fair snake curled pain,
Where thou dar’st affront her terror
That on her thou may’st attain
Persean Conquest; seek no more,
O seek no more!
Pass the gates of Luthany,
Tread the region Elenore!

Francis Thompson

XXXTags: connection, death, flower, hope, knowledge, learning, life, light, loss, quest, sight, star, 

My sister

My sister’s eyes are sea green and deep

Like pools in the Irish sea off the coast off Anglesey.

Moelfre where she swam ,despite the cold,

Like a small seal.Night times I told her stories,

She lay and dreamed them till schooltime

But we grew beyond my storytelling

When adolescence drew us apart.

Years later

As I sat with her child

At my knee,

Weaving stories for her

Around the Russian horse

From the antique shop in Aldeburgh,

I saw my sister leaning towards us,

Her green eyes full of long-lost yearning.

I realised she was still my loving little sister,

From long, so long ago, her green eyes,

In the deep caves of her inner sea ,filled with longing.

I felt she wanted to get back

Into the magic circle

Of the arms of the mother we

No longer had to hold us.

So, I took her inside my heart,

And hold her  there always

Do not fall down any hole you find

Scruples make us focus more and more
We focus more and more on less and less.
We fall into the black dot we have bored.

Excessive zeal is narcissism galore,
As off to that Confessional we rush,
Scruples make us focus more and more

How can we love our sisters when  unsure
Our  guts and bladders squelch in horrid mush
We fall into the blackness off the shore.

Oh, sacred Self, oh Sanctity renewed!
God will worship me, delicious!
Scruples made me narrow-eyed and sure.

By my own will, I thought I could be pure.
A mystic soul  admired by all the toffs
I fell into the black hole of manure.

The sensitive  of mind  find life so rough
That  penance, torture, whipping’s not enough
Scruples made my focus narrow down.
I fell down the black hole , hey, what a clown!

Stan has a perplexing day

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[Image by my sister]

Stan was standing on a small step ladder washing his windows yet again with a clean blue microfibre and elastane cloth and some windolene he had bought in Tesco’s
I don’t know why I bother,he whispered to Emile, who as usual was watching from the back of the sofa,which he was “milking” gently with his paws.
With all the rain,the outside of the windows was besmirched by leaves and bits of mud.A  wiser man  might have left it alone but Stan had O.C.D which made him very nervous if he failed to carry out certain tasks… so he made use of it in house chores and baking perfect cakes and buns..and in taking  photos of frogs,birds and flowers.Neurosis can be useful sometimes.
All of a sudden he heard clattering footsteps…
Up the garden path walked two women dressed in the latest style of 3/4 length silk cargo trousers with matching blouses, all in a subtle shade of violet.Except for their faces,of course,which were both a light shade of beige and they had Revlon peach blusher on their cheeks with Chanel scarlet lipstick…on their lips.They also wore dark blue nail varnish from Rimmel
“Good morning,Stan!” called one of them.”We are Annie’s ‘s cousins from Pittsburgh.She told us to call on you today.”
“Well,I never knew wearing expensive makeup ran in the genes… can there be any other explanation?”Stan asked stupidly.
“Annie told us we must wear it all the time in the UK.” she responded,”even in bed.”
“You seem a bit fast,” he answered,
“I’m not sure I want to go to bed and as you seem like identical twins,which of you should I bed?”
They burst out laughing….oh,what a strange  noise that seemed to this sweet old man
“I was just saying what she told us,not meaning that you need to go to bed with us.In fact, we sleep together at night.”
“As children that would be normal,but don’t you think you should separate now?People might think you are gay!”
“We never worry about stuff like that… and by the way,this is Ruby and I am Rosie.”
“I’ll put on the kettle and make you some coffee,” the dear and anxious  man said in a kind tone of voice,before he went into the kitchen and swallowed a handful of red and green striped valium tablets.
“I wish the psychiatrist would give me some therapy.I don’t like taking valium but I seem to be having visions again… and I don’t want to get worse..I never heard Annie mention cousins in the USA. I wonder if CBT would help me?” he said to Emile.
“I see visions all the time,” the cat replied in a matter of fact and calm way.
“Do they not make you feel anxious?”Stan called.
“No,I just watch them drift by,” purred Emile.”I enjoy them.”
“I wish these two women would drift off.”responded the weary yet charming  Stan.

Ruby and Rosie came inside and admired the kitchen where colanders in many colours hung from the wall into which someone had knocked a few dozen nails.
“”Why do you have sixteen colanders?”asked Rosie.
“Why do you think everything has a reason?”Stan replied.
“I can see you studied philosophy,” Ruby cried disconsolately as she loved an argument
“No,I have just read Ray Monk’s Life of Wittgenstein eight times,” he quipped merrily.
“Wow,is it not boring?” they murmured softly like two doves in spring time
“No.it’s so good it put me off reading lesser books.And I love to understand things,”
Just then Stan tripped on the rug and fell over. unconscious.
.Emile picked up his mobile with its full Qwerty key pad and texted 999.
“Why are you texting?”asked Ruby.
“Well,it difficult to mioaw down a phone and now I have this Blackberry it’s so easy…. why even a mouse could do it.”
“Do you know many mice,Emile?” enquired Ruby wistfully as she felt very lonely at times
Rosie slowly made some instant coffee, walking around poor Stan ,unconscious on the floor…and she and her twin sat down on some white Swedish chairs at the old oak table and drank it,gazing shyly at the huge weigelia blooming outside in the shed.
The front door opened and in ran Dave,the bisexual paramedic.
“Is it you,Emile.Have you lost your hankie again.Are you sad?” he moaned nervously.
“No,it’s Stan… but at least he’s not broken the chair”
Stan came too and looked up. at Dave.
“Oh, lovely,I feel much better for that nap” he said brightly as he was such a positive person..
“Don’t you have a bed to sleep in?” said Ruby querulously.”I like your mean expression,my dear man.”
“Now,look here said Stan,”I’m too old for any monkey business. Besides,I don’t know if you are real.”
“We just wondered why you slept on the floor.”
“A man has to do what a man has to do,” came the mystifying response.
“Now that Dave is here,he can take one of you and I’ll take the other.”
“Where will you take us”the twins asked delightedly.
“Do you fancy the cinema… they are showing Monsieur Hulot’s Holiday”
“Don’t tell me he’s still on his summer holiday!” riposted Ruby
“Let’s go in the ambulance.I’ll lie on the stretcher” offered Rosie generously..
“I’ll lie by you,”said Dave.” and Emile can drive.Stan and Ruby can lie on the floor.”
Sometimes life seems so simple,it’s rather like a dream controlled..
Controlled by what,asked Emile,clutching his Blackberry.
But answer came there none…
And that was very odd because.. they’d vanished every one…
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We beg you not to leave but you must go

Do not leave us for your lonely grave

Do not leave us here when you are gone

Do not leave my heart in blood to bathe

We need your kindness your work is not done

Do not leave a sister all alone

Do not leave a brother empty sad.

You who share my skin and share my bones

Come back come back live not with the Dead

Here’s your daughter with her newborn babe

Here’s your eldest son oh mother mine

Live again live again oh stay

Do not leave us yet without a sign

The tears run down our faces but too late.

The human world’s not ours to navigate

I pushed  my sisters up our quiet street

I remember riding on his back
It was summer; I was only two
He had an old tweed jacket full of smoke
Woodbines, they would probably kill you too

Walking with my sister in her pram
Mam looked as happy as a summer lark
My brothers were pretending to be soldiers
We walked along, right into the deep dark

A few years later Dad was sat there crying
They never told me he was very bad
Eight years old, I pushed the baby
My sister walked while clutching at my side

I was worried Grandad would be angry
Seeing us three coming up the lane
We usually went there only at the weekend
On, on, on, went my brain

Going back home it was the evening
The sun had gone ,time to go to bed
I pushed my little sisters up our street
Auntie told me Daddy was now dead

No more rides on his thin shoulder
No more walking in the flowery park
Only the anguish of our feelings
Only children weeping in the dark