After looking in the mirror one morning Mary decided that maybe she should start to wear makeup again in particular foundation cream. When Annie came for coffee she recruited her in her plan
I’d like to wear a foundation but I’m not sure how to get the right shade. How do you do it?
I have been wearing the same shade for 50 years
Good gracious that must be in a very large tube that you bought in 1976, Mary exclaimed
It’s not the same tube you stupid idiot. I made a note of the colour and then I always chose that color.
And what is the colour that you wear?
It’s it’s rose beige said her friend thoughtfully.
Privately Mary had been worried that Annie’s face always looked very pink but she thoughts it might be connected to hot flushes and the menopause and then she forgot about it and just accepted it as normal.
So what are the shades of beige are there?
There’s light beige cool beige deep and golden beige
Emile the cat woke up and listenef to the conversation
Can I wear some makeup he cried plaintively?
Emile I’m short of money now that they’re going to take the triple lock away from my pension I can’t afford to buy a makeup for you as well.
It’s just not fair if I was your child a human being you would buy makeup for me wouldn’t you?
No I would tell you to get a job and go to work and then earn some money and then buy your own makeup
Annie intervened
Emile you can’t wear mascara because you don’t have eyelashes and you can’t wear lipstick because you don’t have lips
And you have no complexion so there’s no point in you wearing foundation cream to make your complexion look better
It’s not fair cried the little cat
Suddenly the doorbell rung and in ran Dave the transvestite paramedic.
He was wearing a new red coat from Dorothy Perkins and the green hat his mother had knitted for him.
I don’t like to see you crying Emile he shouted and I believe it’s all to do with makeup so I have got the solution I have bought you some Helena Rubenstein colour enhancing cat shampoo
Wow cried the little cat joyfully I’m looking forward to having my bath tonight and using that shampoo if Mary will help me.
There’s no limit to what Mary will do for those that she loves or at least that is what they like to think but deep down inside Mary is beginning to feel that you ought to have some boundaries even a wall around her but she is deterred because it reminds her too much of Donald Trump and his walls
Maybe I don’t need a wall she thought to herself maybe I just need the ability to say no sometimes
After all I said no to quite a few men who wanted to go to bed with me when I was young so why have I stopped doing it now? She was out of practice because since she turned 93 she found that fewer men were chatting her up . It’s so annoying when people don’t stick to the same behavior permanently when you are just the same person inside in spite of the scars on your face where you have had cancer removed, the pallor of your complexion, the thinness of your hair and the glare in your eyes although one of them is actually artificial and so you can’t control the glare in that one at all…
surely they should start to make better artificial eyes. I would write to my MP about this but I can’t see well enough to write on paper nor can I use the computer any more. I wonder how to speak to my MP?
Mary what are you thinking about said Dave you are very quiet today. Do you like my new red coat it’s only a size 14 but it’s quite big enough for me.
Dave don’t tell me you’ve been on a diet or are you on one of those weight reducing drugs?
Dave blushed. No I’m just eating less he said after all that’s what the drugs make you do so you can do it just by conscious planning if desired
Well I really admire you but don’t lose any more weight because you are a man and you need to have some muscles and fat on your body otherwise you look like skeleton
And whatever you do do not imitate that Oxford tutor who is wearing a large pair of plastic breasts
Until this past 100 years it was believed that women were more stupid because they had breasts and ovearies and wombs so in a way he is paying a compliment to women but that’s not what he’s there for is there to teach anglo Saxon or biological computing.
And no Emile you cannot go to Oxford to study biological computing you will just have to experience b your own biology and use my computer if you like since I can’t use this one anymore
Foundation cream and Mary,… you have to wait for the next installment to see what colours you like to use and what the effect will be on the men nearby
