I am so sorry that I have to email you rather than writing a letter by hand and since I have to dictate it it is probably going to be full of arrows.
I will try to edit it before I send but one is often blind to one zone mistakes.
It is like when I dictator poem I don’t notice the areas in it until I have published it on my blog which is most unfortunate for my reputation of meticulous care and precision although to be honest that’s not really suitable for poetry is it?
It shows that we don’t see what’s there but we only see what we’re expecting to see and in some cases this can produce a terrible result
Ironically now I’m hoping for some humorous mistakes to come into this letter it’s being done much more accurately than normal I wonder why that is question mark is it because I’m speaking more rapidly or is it just shake her incidents?
Sheer coincidence
When there is an area like the end of the last sentence it’s interesting that the line that’s typed rhymes with the one that I own dictators but it does not come out the same as what I have dictated usually
So this translation this is not done word by word but by the overall meaning of this paragraph even sometimes you forget to the end of a paragraph and then you look up and you see the first sentence you wrote is being changed even though that’s the correct one
So then you have to go back an older at the beginning and then you don’t know where you will end up do you when you change the beginning will you have to rewrite the entire thing?
I am disappointed because there are not enough mistakes no and I was rely on the mistakes to make this letter numerous but still what is humor two and the numerate?
Well if only all the population were literate things will be much worse because the people who can’t read at the moment are prevented from reading the sun the daily mail the telegraph and any other newspaper you like to mention and if they can’t read then they can’t read online so they can’t look at Facebook not that I hate Facebook but it depends on what you’re doing with it xxx
It’s very sad that people use Facebook to get the news not realizing that the news is not the news it’s a selection of news or all of lies who knows but when something is in print people believe it
There’s something about the written word that seems to have more authority than the spoken word is that why people think the Bible is the literal word of god?
Practices the little word of god
Perhaps it is the little word of god or the literal word of god or the little word of somebody else who is not named m
I can’t remember now why I began to write you so I think I better stop for the moment and I’ll do this tomorrow morning when I’m fresh. At least I’m with freshfield and I am at the moment
I sent him a sleeping a lot now I seem to be sleeping a lot but I don’t know why unless it’s the winter or perhaps I’m beginning to recover from my serious infection at last but whatever sleep we get wood we ever be satisfied
Because we can’t control it or at least if we try to conserve it it makes it worse
When I was young I never thought about it I would get into bed and go to sleep then I would woken up and it was time to get up
But nowadays some people start thinking in the afternoon I wonder if I’m going to sleep tonight and what will I do tomorrow if I’m tired and even if they’re waking up one hour earlier than usual but then start worrying about the fact that I’ve had one hour less sleep and they would like
We can’t control most we can’t control most things in life especially with regard to our bodies so we have to trust them
If you have good parents and you feel secure then you will see sleep will be welcome to you and it will be easy to get but when you are older and you feel more insecure then you want to be sure or something but you can’t be.
All’s Well That Ascends Well.
All’s hell that pretends swell
As You Make of It
As you strike it
Comedy of Terrors
Comedy of Worriers Love’s Labour costs
Love names the cost
Leisure for treasure
Merchants who Menace
Merry Lives rinsed here Midsummer Night’s Schemes
Much to do about Laughing
The Taming of the Crew
The blaming of Doctor Who
The Hen Pissed
The Hens kissed
Gay hens play The Twelfth Delight
Two Gentlemen who keep roaming
Winter Failed again
Winter trialed again
MYSTERIES
Henry IV, Farts 1 and True
Henry Jived!
Henry Returns
Henry comes again Henry VI keeps coming
Henry goes Straight
Kings Gone
Chariot Keys
Richard came too
Richard Revived.
Richard got blurred.
Kings Reunited
TRAVESTY
Scant on in my pantry.
Hoary old anus.
Corio Lane is Us
Symbols and dreams
Symptoms are schemes.
Symbols have means
Jam tartlet
Sam startled
Julius teased her,
Julius pleased her.
Julius Wheezer
Bling Here
Fling here.
MacDeath
Homeo and crueller yet
Simon who baffles.
Simon who deafens.
Timon and again
Tight arses anonymous
Toilets are blessed for her.
Men all get kissed by her
King Dear.
Kings’ Tears.
Cling here
Fling Beer.
Mary sat in her dining room listening to Sir Michael Atiyah on the Today programme where he was talking about very advanced Group Theory .Many years ago she had known this great man, though he had scarcely noticed her despite her big blue eyes and skinny legs displayed beneath her home made mini-dress.That was very fortunate as she was there as a tutor not as a tart.
Why her mother had supplied her with such mini dresses, she had often wondered, Going online, she saw a sale on at Welvi, the store for larger ladies.There was an orange culotte jumpsuit made of polyester for £10
Look at this, she called to her friend Annie.A real bargain in my view.
Well, said Annie, suppose you were in the country climbing a hill and you needed to have a wee. I never thought of that, Mary said shyly. Moreover polyester is too clammy for summer and not warm enough for winter, besides it looks transparent.I don’t think Stan would like it.
Well, he’s not here now, said Mary sadly.And transparent plastic trousers are in fashion.Do you wear plastic knickers underneath? No, you’d have to wear a jewelled thong, said Annie.I bet that would make men look at you.
Well, not your face… I’ve never worn a thong.Do they hurt, asked Mary politely.
Yes, I’ve got one on now, said Annie nervously.It’s really hurting me.I’d better ring 999 and ask Dave the paramedic to advise me.
Hi called Dave as he got out of the ambulance, what is wrong today? Annie is in pain from a thong, Mary cried .
Where is it , Dave asked gently Where do you think, Annie shouted? She lifted up her chambray skirt and showed him her pink lace knicker substitute. Can you take it off, he asked tenderly?
I have run out of clean knickers, she informed him scientifically.
Well in the past women wore cotton petticoats but no knickers.It was more healthy.But with short thin skirts if you fell over all the world would see your mound of Venus
That’s an exaggeration, Annie said.All the world is not looking at me
Ah, but someone could have a video camera and you might be on the News.You’d better go to Marks and buy some more proper knickers. Now, shall I make you a cup of tea?The NHS is here to care for you. Lovely, cried Mary.
Annie go upstairs and take a pair my knickers then put that thong in the laundry basket.I will wash it for you and you can hang it in your bathroom to give an impression of your taste to visitors.
On the other hand, men would be disappointed to see you really wore cotton high waisted pants and not a sort of mini star spangled banner.
All right, said Annie but Stan would have liked them.
I like them, mewed Emile.I love you, Annie.I wish I were a man, I would go to bed with you right now.I have got a French letter from Soraya.She’s been in Paris and wrote to me on real paper.
Wow, a cat using the subjunctive and reading French letters said Mary.That is a surprise.
I don’téven know what a subjunctive is, screamed Annie rudely And so say all of us.
If you go to a friend’s for supper, never take a bottle of water or wine.Never turn water into wine and never get shrunk even if he is a psychoanalyst
Wash your clothes but don’t iron them Go out in only a T shirt and jeans at night in winter. Go to A and E as much as you can except when you have acute coronary syndrome or sepsis Old grey /beige anoraks look good on most “English” people Never wear a red hat.They might think you are Father Christmas Wear skirts that show your thighs off or leggings that show everything off.Saves men buying soft porn.But do not charge. Do wear crop tops and low rise jeans especially in winter. Jeans with rips are perfect for old ladies.Rip them yourself. [Teach Yourself How to Rend your Garments £4.99 my e book’] Wear thick padded down coats in the summer. Never wear a summer dress unless you are a man Never wear petticoats and other lingerie unless you are a man Wear a T shirt saying: Anti-Semitic, moi? while touring Oxford looking for pubs Wear a T shirt saying: Belgians, go back to Congo.. Wear a T shirt saying: Take that French Leave now Wear a T shirt saying: No sprechen Sie Deutsch/Believe me.Nein.Ten,When? Wear a T shirt saying: I feel Rubbish/I feel your pane/I just feel you. Wear a T shirt that says :I Luv money/I have an oyster card/I have no bike to get on. Wear a T shirt saying: I want leave to commit crime/I want Remain to leave./I want leave to Remain. Wear a T shirt that says: Educated in Burton, can’t spell Wear a T shirt saying: Och aye, President Rump! Make sure your hair is exposed— both head and pubic. I don’t understand either but they keep saying, where are you from? I say, here. But somehow they don’t believe me.Yet. I am getting my T shirt tomorrow.It says: I’m a Viking and I don’t care.What’s your problem?
The places I associate with you,
Durham in the deepest, whitest frost
The places that I dream of what we knew
We walked the Cleveland Hills when love was new
Saw icy windows in your parent’s house.
The places I associate with you
Lincoln floodlit, threw me to my knees….
We crossed the Humber in midwinter lost
The places that I dream of, that we knew
Christmas time your mother felt so blue
We walked the sea edge Redcar,Saltburn first .
The places I associate with you
But where’ve you gone and why is there no clue?
I travel in my dreams ,with you impressed.
The places I associate with you,
The spaces where we travelled ,where are you?
Sitting on the high backed,v Ercol sofa in the large sitting room of her new neighbours Tom an n jn n n nnnd Edina, Mary sipped at the PG Tips tea she had been given in a pseudo-art deco mug.The tea tasted pseudo as well!
Would you like some delicious cake,Mary? Edina asked her rather loudly
Mary jumped.
Oh excuse me, my nerves are all on edge, she cried.I’d love some home made cake
Edina took out a penknife and cut a slice of the large cake.Alas it was coffee flavoured and Mary was not fond of that.This was agony to her especially coffee flavoured butter cream filling as she liked all the other flavours..Suffering from this is a new psychiatric disorder called uncakeophilia disorder
Why are you using a penknife in here ,Tom asked his wife angrily.We have lots of kitchen knives and other silver ones
I found it on the floor,Edina said pensively
I don’t suppose you washed it, Tom answered wildly
Mary leaned back and shut her eyes for a moment.
I hate noise, she thought.
No, dirt is good for the immune system, Edina murmured
What rubbish, you are so lazy I can’t believe it! her husband told her.
After 39 years you should be used to it,Edina told him sensibly.
Who made all these new curtains and vacuumed the roof? she went on languidly
Did you vacuum the roof in your last house,Mary asked her?
We lived in a flat before so I never had to do it.
Well, it’s unnecessary,Mary said , why not learn Esperanto?
Where do people speak that?
I have no idea but it’s a language,Mary cried decisively
But can it really be a language if it’s not the native tongue of any country?,
Well Yiddish is a language yet few people speak it, Tom told them
It would be difficult for the dead to speak,Mary said in a sad voice
It used to be spoken by millions of people in Central and Eastern Europe.
Why didn’t Hitler teach them English,asked Edina?
You think he only hated their language,said Tom in surprise.I’ve never heard that before.
It is bloody ridiculous,Mary said in her soft yet vibrant voice…he didn’t kill them because of their language and they spoke German as well,Maybe even French,Polish and other tongues
Just then they heard a strange choking sound .It was Emile the talking tomcat trying to get out of Mary’s large plastic handbag
Good grief ,Tom shouted.
Did we invite this cat? Does he drink tea from cups? Is he real?
Well, yes , I love tea, Emile mewed.And don’t shout at Mary like that!
I am not letting a cat order me about,Tom screamed like a lunatic
But it’s not nice for Mary.She is a highly sensitive person and I love her
Now, they tell us,Edina whispered.She is married to her cat
I didn’t hear you,Tom said,Is she harried ,did you say?
No I said married
But her husband is dead
Well, now she has taken the cat, for better or for worse.Edina said in a humorous yet angry manner.
For richer for poorer… a cat can’t earn a wage
Edina and Tom were shouting at each other not realising what impression they were making
Mary called out,
Why invite me to tea and shout like this?
Did you never shout at Stan?
No,I didn’t need to.He listened to me.
Well, you are very quiet, said Emile, so Stan had no fear you might shout
I might have shouted when I read Fermat’s Last Theorem.Mary admitted furtively
Was Fermat your teacher,Edina asked?
No he died a long while ago
Fancy dying and all you have to leave is a theorem
Well, it stops the family fighting,Mary said wisely
Suddenly the door opened, and in flew Annie, the flame haired mistress of the late Stan
Why was I not invited to this tea party ,she asked rudely?Are we in Boston?
Sorry,dear,said Tom.
Not many people like to come here because Edina has a bad temper
No I don’t she shouted.
You have a bad temper
I get so tired of all these projective misperceptions,Emile said in his intelligent voice
My therapist was not a cat, but I kept projecting on to him and he looked just like a cat to me until he barked one day.He was in fact a dog.I realised
Was that the end of your therapy?
Yes, I stole all the money from Mary’s purse and there was none left.And I learned about projection, that was enough
Good heavens,Mary murmured.
I thought Annie had taken the money
What!You thought I was a thief.Annie bawled
What next?
Well, you’re more like a sister and I didn’t mind as I know it’s so demeaning to ask for money.
See, said Tom to Edina,I said you should not ask me for money after we make love
Why not, she enquired? I need some new art materials
Can’t you use the housekeeping money?
Well, if you are happy to starve,Edina said sarcastically
Don’t use sarcasm.Only prostitutes take money.,Tom added.I did say you can buy whatever you like in the way of clothes and so on on our credit card
How do you know it’s only whores? Many women do need the money as they may be single mothers trying to feel their family and not getting Universal Benefit on time,Edina told him But other women might demand jewellery, and expensive houses like Wallis Simpson
That’s a fair point,Tom muttered.
It’s more complicated than I realised.
Money is a big problem in many marriages,Mary called
But I earned my own and Stan retired early and got a pension so I had no need to
beg him for money
But did he beg you,Edina asked?
No, we just kept in the bathroom under the soap.So it was clean.
I wonder if viruses can spread on money? Tom said
I feel sure it is possible but how would we test that out. his wife asked
Best to wear gloves but when you take them off the viruses might fly all over the place
I didn’t know they could fly, said Emile.Are they invisible?
Well, we don’t really know but people often get bad colds when they go on aeroplanes
Annie turned pale.
Are you ill, Annie? asked Tom
I am having a nervous breakdown.I’ve caught paranoia from a £5 note.
You can’t catch it,Mary said in her kind voice.
It’s not a physical illness and they are plastic nowadays so they can be wiped down
Well where does madness come from? It is horrible feeling to be so anxious.
This is not much fun, said Edina.
I thought it would be lovely meeting the neighbours but we go from tarts to paranoia and back.Is this wise?
They all sat looking glum,Then Annie revealed all
I am a Russian agent sent here by Putin.I befriended Mary on Putin’s orders
He must be stupid.Why spy on Knittingham?
Well, you will be surprised.Mary is an expert on differential operators
On bicycle chains, asked Tom?
How ignorant people are.Annie shouted.Did you never see anything odd about calculus and little things appearing and disappearing?
Well, to be frank, no!
I don’t believe we learned calculus said Edina
We learned quadratic quotations
Do you mean equations,Mary asked?
I don’t know what I mean,Edina said nervously
And neither do we, said the others
Calculus is a bit like the Mass.Important things happen but we can’t see them.Everything looks the same but it’s not
Then they heard a siren.In ran Dave, the heroic paramedic in his new pink dress. and coat
Don’t drop the bomb, he told Tom audaciously
I’m not President Trump,Tom informed him gravely
That’s what they all say,Dave said to Annie
Who can we trust
Just Emile,said Mary.And Annie.
Why don’t you trust me said Tom?
I am waiting to see how you behave,she replied
Like a kind of exam?
Yes, it’s called
Trust your neighbour and yourself? How to know the people who might be dangerous
to your life and mental health
There’s not much mental health in Britain now,said Tom.I’m a doctor!
Well, don’t shout at the patients, said Annie
I only shout at home,
That is horrible, surely those you love need kindness?
Tom burst into tears and Emile lent him his hanky
I don’t think we’ll meet any more of the neighbours Edina said
Enough is enough.Kindly go home
Pleased to meet you, said Dave.
Do call me when you need coal bringing in or have a heart attack
No way,thought Tom as he drank a bottle of brandy in the bathroom
I feel we made a mistake… we will have to move as soon as we can
Our Father,Aneurin Bevan, Exploded is thy game; Why,Kingdom come, Before thy will be done. Gone N.H.S.Gone Heaven. Give us fair pay,our daily bread; Don’t leave us on piece rates, As we confront those who legislate against us. And feed us not with deprivation, But deliver us from Weasels. For thine was the Fair Game,the Hour and the Story Maybe once but ever again?
When Mary woke up she could see the sun shining through the curtains. How lucky, it was going to be another bright day. She lay in bed trying to decide what to do. then she remembered that she could not go out because she was waiting for the pharmacy to deliver her medication. Owing to the cutbacks in the NHS the pharmacy was struggling to cope with all the prescriptions received especially from the older folk of Knittingham who have been put onto statins,calcium channel blockers, beta blockers, tranquilizers, antidepressants mini aspirin, warfarin and even anti-psychotic drugs because they did not believe Theresa May was a was a real living person so were diagnosed with schizophrenia. If Ronald Laing was here now he would be rolling in his grave because he said schizophrenia was caused by people being put into an intolerable situation within the family of origin or more likely within Society if we can still iue the word Is Boris Johnson real? Michael Gove… he’s hardly looks human;you see if you do not agree with what the majority of people think then you are defined as mad. This means that all the Jews in Germany and Austria and other countries in Eastern Europe were crazy in 1938 because they did not believe that Adolf Hitler was a good leader for Germany and indeed was a dangerous and evil human
And when they were taken to Concentration Camps and murdered or shot in their thousands by the advancing German army on its way to “defeat” the Soviet Union in 1941……….. were they out of their minds? Who do you think was crazy then? Who is crazy now?
Well, Mary thought this is not going to get me very far I better make myself a big mug full of hot tea so I can take my antibiotics.
I really wonder now if original sin is real or whether it is a society that is evil. Western societies have nuclear bombs, military forces and many such things. That must tell us something.
Mary was looking in her wardrobe trying to find something to wear. She picked out a skirt of many colours rather like Joseph’s coat would have been in the Bible. That didn’t do Joseph much good do it?. With that, she wore a blue acrylic jumper whose neck was too low so underneath she had to wear a purple camisole
My goodness, she thought it takes me half the morning just getting dressed; however did we manage to go to work years back?
Of course, when Mary was working she wore just jeans and a sweater.. She even wore underwear but nobody could see it except on one occasion when the zip on her trousers broke in the middle of a lecture.However, the students were very kind and none of them seemed to be looking at it. that was because her lectures were so fascinating that none of the students was looking at her as a woman despite the fact they could have seen her blue silk knickers poking out through the broken zip.
After that Mary realised that it was better to wear a very long sweater when out of the house. How kind her students had been
Downstairs she noticed that although she had vacuumed the carpet in the hall the day before it was still covered in little bits of paper and other tiny objects. I suppose you can’t have it clean all the time she murmured to her cat Emile It’s not natural to be clean. Are forests clean, are woods clean, is the sea clean? I’d better think about the latter one she thought. after reading the news about the environmentshe knew there were different kinds of cleanliness
There was a kind of a harmonious dirtiness which fostered the growth of plants and seeds and then there was the inharmonious dirtiness of grass verges being covered in crisp packets and empty bottles of Coke and the inharmonious depths of the sea where plastic bags were waiting to kill the whales or the dolphins Yes it is rather difficult to define she decided.
In the kitchen, her cordless vacuum cleaner was waiting to be charged. Had it committed a crime. Of course not, it was waiting to be charged with electricity.
Through the glass door, she saw her friend Annie approaching slowly as she was wearing very high heeled shoes
Good grief Mary cried. I thought all the top people were wearing white trainers this year with designer clothes
Well, I am not, said Annie. I bought these shoes because I have got an invitation to have dinner with that psychotherapist who lives across the road
You haven’t mentioned him for a long time, smiled Mary but in any case, it’s not the time for dinner yet
No it’s not till tomorrow actually but I thought I would try these shoes out and see what I can get used to wearing them so it won’t look as if I’m making an effort to look especially good for him.
The shoes were shiny red patent leather with 5-inch heels.
What makes you think that he will like them, asked Mary tentatively
All men like these sort of shoes and Annie told her.
You can’t prove that. I don’t suppose that the native peoples of North America would have liked women to wear shoes like that
They probably did not even wear shoes at all : they had moccasins with soles, made from buffalos hides…
Well it’s different nowadays
Modern life has made men’s sexual desire disappear so we need to do things to bring it back again
Why, even teenagers have given up sex now!
I don’t think that psychotherapist is a teenager whispered Mary with a smile on her face.
You may be right
When he was growing up women would have been wearing stiletto heels. I had some myself until they got stuck in a groove in the pavement and I had to leave them behind.
That’s why I did mathematics at University. I wanted something more.
That’s ridiculous,replied Annie. I wore stiletto heels and have been married five times and I never wanted to go to university to read anything at all. Especially not physics, mathematics or engineering or difficult subjects like that. I think it will be a big mistake for women to believe they can get married after they have read mathematics for 6 years at university. Well I got married said Mary bluntly
You must be the exception to the rule as you are so stunningly lovely and not dominating at all.
Some men like a dominating woman, Mary kindly informed her.
Well, I’ve never met a man like that so far. her friend responded
Maybe you will
I wonder what that psychotherapist likes. Do you not think he will be married already
I don’t mind. I can be his mistress.
But wearing red patent leather shoes makes it all too obvious to the neighbours ; they will think that you are a tart
What, at my age?
There’s no tart like an old tart
That doesn’t mean anything said Annie nervously.
Not logically but it means something even if it’s only humorous. What kind of dress are you going to wear with this?
I got a dress from Dash last year it’s what they call a wrap dress it’s blue and quite demure but I would like you to see me in it to make sure it is not too tight. I hate a dress that is too tight on a woman
But not on a man, I suppose, Mary replied whimsically
I don’t mind what men wear. If they want to wear a wrap dress let them wear it especially in the summertime as these cotton dresses are very comfy in hot weather
But that’s not why you’re wearing one is it? You are wearing it because you think it will make you look sexually attractive
Well, it might make a man look sexually attractive too.
I suppose we don’t really know exactly what makes people look sexually attractive. But why don’t you want to be friends with this psychotherapist first and get to know him and to understand where he is coming from before you decide to wear provocative clothing. if he’s a Freudian he might think you’ve got hysteria
Oh no no, psychotherapists can’t decide something like that from one meeting
We should not rush to judgment.A woman might be wearing a wrap dress that clings to her curvaceous body because all her other clothes are in the washing machine
It would have to be a very big washing machine to put your clothes into it all at once
Don’t be snide it doesn’t suit your nature, Mary!.
Perhaps my nature will change now that I am a widow. perhaps I will say nasty things to people and steal you fruit from their Orchards
Will you start doing armed robbery asked her friend because if you do I would like to come with you
Do you really mean that, Mary asked
Yes of course I do. although I have no guns and I have no knives except the ones in the kitchen
Well they can be deadly. Marital violence has occurred where a long-suffering wife has killed the cruel husband with the carving knife when she was trying to cook the Sunday dinner and he was asking her to cut his toe nails
That’s true but I am thinking of robbing banks and they will not be cooking a Sunday dinner in there will they?
No ,they’re probably going to McDonald’s for their dinner
That’s alright then
I was just thinking of pretending to have a gun and staring at them brazenly
Give me your money I want £50,000
it’s no use, Mary. you look too kind and gentle to be convincing
In that case, I will have to start practicing looking nasty and aggressive
Please don’t do it to me Annie asked. it might bring out the demon in me
I didn’t know you had got a demon inside you said, Mary. has it got a name?
Not so far but I will think of one soon because I am going to buy it its own mobile phone
Why would a demon want a mobile phone? asked Mary
Don’t be so logical. not everything has a reason. I expect they like to look modern like you and I do
Well don’t spend a lot of money on it You can get a Nokia 1 unlocked for £79.99 on Amazon and then you have to buy a SIM card
I would have thought a SIN card will be most suitable for demons,.I shall go and put my new dress on and return here in a few minutes so that you can tell me what you think
Why Annie thinks that Mary is a good judge of clothing is a mystery to all of us as her main interest is in mending gadgets and studying philosophy while listening to Leonard Cohen singing The Future
“One thinks of Isaiah — ”Thou hast drunken the dregs of the cup of trembling” — and of Psalm 137: ”By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat, sat and wept as we thought of Zion.” The great poems remind us that grief cannot be avoided, nor forgotten, but can be incorporated into a deeper understanding of the human condition, as in Emily Dickinson’s ”After great pain, a formal feeling comes”:
This is the Hour of Lead —
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow —
First — Chill — then Stupor — then the letting go —
It is that union of experience, insight and the simple beauty of language that helps us to give our own grief a name, that gives us a kind of company, that extends a wise hand. Many experiencing intense, even unbearable personal loss have found redemptive meaning in the famous poem Ben Jonson wrote in 1603 at the death of his son, the one in which he declares, ”My sin was too much hope of thee, loved boy.” There is no full consolation for a parent who loses a child, and indeed Jonson does not offer consolation. But he at least gives a form to what most of us only dimly understand: that the source of grief is the intensity of the hopes that have been lost, and that without the possibility of grief there would have been no joy.”
I have not seen forsythia glow so bright The flowers exult in yellow on the shed Even in the darkening of the light
For many days my mind has been upset I did not know where I had lost my head I have not seen forsythia glow so bright
My eyes were focussed where our terrors bite Without love’s consolations in my bed Even in the darkening of the light
Barbaric words of humans hate incite As the Prophets sadly have long said I have not seen the sun glow quite so bright
The dirty look, the eye so sly, the night The terror in our dreams, the bloody heads Here they come, in darkness, in our flight
Come my dearest,take me as I’m read By words expressed, the dangers have now fled I have not seen forsythia glow so bright Now the darkness dances with the light
The agent is the one who makes the choice
Who are we and how do we decide?
If we’re passive, we will lose our voice
Consolation comes in many ways
The love of other people is a guide
The agent is the one who has the choice
Consolation visits, cannot stay
Will not come if we are stiff with pride
If to power we’re passive, we must pray
A wife was once a slave, though well embraced
Her unique self and agency denied
The agent is the one who makes the choice
Now the unemployed dwell in disgrace
The monsters in the government deride
If by power disabled ,find a voice
Christian armies thought God on their side;
As if he cared what they meant by their lies!
The agent believes he’s in charge,has choice
We feel lost , where is the still,small voice?
What did all those sermons do? Did they say he was a Jew? Oh, Jesus. Did he want the First Crusade It is his blood the priest creates Lord Jesus. I don’t like the way things are I am getting tired of war Kill Jesus. What has human wisdom done From Wittgenstein to Abraham? Cripes, Jesus! Does research improve our lives As for grants, the scholars strive? Ask Jesus. We may have chemotherapy Radiation, history. Where’s Jesus? You’d think that after all the years We’d have used up all our tears Sweet Jesus. Love your neighbour as yourself Give 10 % of all your wealth Aye, Jesus .Do what’s better, not what’s worse I see another fragrant hearse. It’s Jesus. See the plastic Crucifix See him dying with dry lips Bend your knees, confess your sins Otherwise, the Devil wins Not Jesus .We destroy the good we hate Envy writhes and with pride mates. The progeny will wreck the earth Eden’s burning as drones pass. No, Jesus.No Jesus. Know Jesus.
Jack had just taken early retirement from his old job as a maths researcher. in Knittingham university.His large collection of books was overwhelming the home he shared with his excitable French wife Simone.
Simone was still working at the university cleaning computers heads all day long.Now she was hoping that she and Jack could do more entertaining.If only he would get rid of some of the many books he owned!
Simone left for work wearing her new pink cord trousers and a dark blue denim knit jumper with a long lasting beige foundation from Max Factor covering her red complexion.
Jack gave the cat,Louisa, a hot bath in goat’s milk.Now instead of being grey she was cream coloured!
I’ve been dyed,she shrieked politely but Jack never replied.
He pondered,as he dried her what to do with all his maths books.He had thought of making a large collage but who would want it?
Or he could donate them to the university or have a fire in the back garden.
Suddenly he looked up and saw a very charmingly pink faced woman peering into the window.
It was his neighbour Kim whose husband had disappeared last year,possibly inside a wheelie bin,though no-one was sure.
Hello,Kim,did you want me?” he cried nervously
I thought you might like some company for morning coffee.What a pretty cat.what is her name?”
Louisa was wary of Kim,Maybe the purple trousers and orange jumper might give the cat an epileptic fit… she was a sufferer, just like St Paul.She hoped to be converted but so far was disappointed.She longed to see a vision of heavenly cat food in the sky.
Can cats go to Mass? she mioawed to Jack.
Yes,but they can’t have Communion,he responded furtively
Well,we don’t eat bread but I love wine!
I’ll mention it to the Pope next time I see him,Kim said with a roguish smile.Her make up looked to be waterproof as the drip in the ceiling was right above her head and heavy rain was falling yet her face did not change at all.Was it plastic coated?
But Louisa,you would have to confess your sins.All your sins
I never did a thing wrong in my whole life ,the cat replied haughtily.
Well,you know the Church is only for repentant sinners,so if you never sin,you can’t repent. so it follows indubitably that you can’t join the Church!i studied Aristotle once so
I get all logical with emotion.I only wish I’d got to Wittgenstein..I could have loved that man….though now I seem to recall he was gay…still,who knows?
If that were true about the Church,would Jesus be allowed to join?
Certainly not.He was perfect and also he was Jewish.So why would he want to join a Christian church?
As he began it, he might like to see its holy life,Louisa purred loudly.
Really,I think this is a very odd conversation murmured the parrot,Felix Semper.
Not so odd,responded a tall dark man who just appeared from nowhere.
I am called Jesus he said,but I’m from Malaga.
In Spain many men are called Jesus,he continued mellifluously.
Is that so, cried Kim murmured tenderly.
I never met a Jesus before.If you married me it would give people a shock if I said I was married to Jesus! she whispered loudly behind her hand.
Marry you! Is it leap year? Women have never proposed to me before.
I was just thinking out loud,she replied demurely in her soft voice.
Nuns used to be married to Jesus and wore a silver wedding ring.
I was educated at a convent school.That’s why I’m so very neurotic.
Are you really neurotic? Jack,screamed neurotically
I have a whole shelf of books by Karen Horney here.Self Analysis, is just one.
I could give it to you now….
Not in front of Jesus,she muttered chastely.
Have you no moral feelings?
No,I’ve never had any feelings of any sort in my entire. bu life t it’s done me no harm.
I’ll ask Simone when she gets back, we’ll see if she agrees!
I’m just like a computer with a human body.
I sometimes think I’d like a suit of silver armour.
Bless you,my child,Jesus murmured.
When they looked up the tall dark man was gone.
They looked around but he had left no footprints.
Should we call the police?He came in with no permission!
How disgraceful.
How dastardly.
How disgusting
How damnable.
How divine.
How dumb.
How deplorable.
So on they murmured until it was time to cook lunch. for the cats and birds.What a morning,what a life.
Wasting life when we would like to dance Walk in ferny woods. exchange a glance Can we have a decent person at our head? Jesus Christ,no b*gger understood
Why be happy when you could feel mad? Glad that Donald Trump is not your dad Don’t let logic, reason or plain thought Sell you something Mother never bought
Why not let the police take all control? They know how to score a self made goal They can kill a man and wound a child Yet kneel down in Church along the aisle
Holding a black Bible in one hand
Will not take you to the Promised Land Cain and Abel,Jacob and Esau Does he hope to start another War?
As the old man fell towards his death They offered us a handrail for the bath
Shattered by their honest,wilful lies I could not speak, my saliva had all dried
He was walking albeit slowly when at home When they took him off I heard the groan Lost inside his head, no wife nearby Even Satan would have wept that night
Gabriel and Satan, hand- in -hand Neither one will ever understand We humans waste so much,we’re almost blind Full of envy,hate and so unkind
A bird taps on this window every day,
Frail as flying leaves are in a gale.
But now he perches on the potted bay.
He feels the weather like the blind do braille.
This bird is faithful and I hold him dear.
He’s fearless as he pecks upon the glass.
We hope he has a modicum of fear,
For who knows when a sparrow hawk will pass?
I see him like a human soul forlorn
Struggling to discern his fateful way.
For soon he may be taken by a storm
But blithely he will eat, and after play.
The smallest bird has trust in the Unknown
By his example, our own way is sho
Air,bitter they call it,whispers to the sweet planes of my face,
Shrieks shrill to my cavities,ears,mouth and nose;penetrates all that’s open;
Probing like a surgeon’s knife,to see what healing damage it might do.
A frozen finger touches my heart;
Seems like the ice is inside me sending urgent warnings.
On that high inner mountain,you’ll feel nothing at all…
You’ll be the snowman, a bloody icicle;
An Old Testament of Endurance;
A legend like the pale polar bears, snuffling uneasily around the summit
Touching a woman’s heart is the quickest way to gain her attention
I’m looking at you;you’re in pieces.You’re a puzzle,a jigsaw with two double dynamos;
A broken racing bicycle crossed with two ice skates.
Ten motorboats crashed into a yacht and abandoned on a Swiss lake in winter.
Can I leave you scattered like this?
You’re a man in a penguin suit;
Diplomatic, attached with the coldest reserves.
You’re a spy from the court of the Vatican City
A screaming Pope;
An unbaptized demon.
A lost angel with no hands;
A half hung side of meat;
An unbroken rampant horse deluded by winds east.
We were split,one from another;
Split in ourselves too–thoughts and emotions
Are raw like meat,weeping as they are pulled apart into islands.
I see there’s a cold window between us.
I rub it with my damp coat sleeve,like children do,licking on it;
And see your eyes gleam in hope like greenish diamonds.
Yet I can’t touch you, until we learn how to melt glass.
Are you trying too as you smile weakly,
desperately holding onto this impossible slippery glass?
We’ll try to reach you at the bottom of whatever frozen ocean you sigh in. to
Here you are,a flat and two-dimensional Prospero.
You rise like a non-U-boat already firing at the upper orders.
Here you are walking through what seemed like ruins
And you are not just alive, but burning.
“We are great fools. ‘He has spent his life in idleness,’ we say, and ‘I have done nothing today.’ What! have you not lived? That is not only the fundamental, but the most noble of your occupations. ‘If I had been put in charge of some great affair, I might have shown what I could do.’ Have you been able to reflect on your life and control it? Then you have performed the greatest work of all. To reveal herself and do her work, nature has no need of fortune. She manifests herself equally at all levels, and behind curtains as well as in the open. Our duty is to compose our character, not to compose books, to win not battles and provinces, but order and tranquility in our conduct. Our great and glorious masterpiece is to live properly. All other things — to reign, to lay up treasure, to build — are at best but little aids and additions.” Montaigne.
How my heart speaks 