Why did Jesus wear sandals?
Because nobody went running in the Holy Land. That’s why it took them 40 years to cross the desert. And to think there was no bathroom anywhere in sight
Is God a pacifist?
Do zebras have stripes?
Why did Jesus walk on the water?
To escape from the quicksands
Why did Jesus feed the 5,000?
That was the biggest number they could think of when writing the New Testament
Why did Jesus cross the road?
Because the other side was lower.
Why do we learn arithmetic in school?
Because it would be boring in school with nothing to do
Why do we have to learn to read in school?
So you can go on the internet on your phone and get into trouble arguing on political forums. And you can also look at pornography.
Who could have been the first person who learned to read?
It must have been the first person who invented writing because until there was writing there couldn’t be any reading
Did Adam and Eve have a library?
Nobody could read what God had written.
Did Cain and Abel go to a comprehensive school?
Well it didn’t teach comprehensive morals did it?
What would God think of VAT on private school fees?
Jesus didn’t need to go to school.
What would God think about double council tax on second homes?
God only has one home.
Why are rich people averse to paying more tax?
Because they don’t want to get through the eye of the needle.
If you are forced to give money to the poor it’s not an act of virtue.
Well it still helps the poor though.
How my heart sings 