While Mary sat in the kitchen on a large pine chair looking at Hotter’s latest shoe catalogue,Annie was creeping up the garden path in a pair of turquoise suede elegantly heeled shoes matching her teal tencel culottes and blouse.Round her neck was a large lump of amber on a gold chain handy for beating off muggers or lustful men and women
Despite the heat she was in full splendour with golden beige tinted moisturiser from Langone of Lyons on her lovely complexion,pink eyeshadow from Yves St Current and dark brown boot polish as her mascara had run out and she’d not been out for a while to buy more
Annie ran the last few yards and darted like an eel into Mary’s 1970’s orange kitchen.
What on earth are you doing,dear? Mary asked her.Those shoes look unsuitable for leading anyone up the garden path.Mind you,I do like them
Oh,I’ll explain,Annie said huskily.
I told that psychotherapist across the road I was living with you.
What exactly do you mean by living,Mary asked anxiously.
Well,he said yesterday that anyone who lives alone must be lacking in some way.Except for him of course as he had full analysis with Alfred Zion.
You mean Wilfred Bion,Mary told her.
Zion,Bion,what’s the difference?
It shows your lack of education,Mary told her.Not that education nowadays makes much difference when almost anyone can get a 2.2
.After all would you pay £90,000 for a fourth class degree in Aeronautical Engineering?
And Zion is in the Bible
That’s not quite what I would have done, said Annie.A degree in flirtation and pleasing men would be more up my street.And cooking of course although I once did have an interest in Hebrew and Aramaic.
It’s not a way to progress in a neo-liberal economy,although reading the Hebrew Bible is always interesting.Personally I prefer that to the New Vex-a man.The stories,the love songs,the action.Mary’s round eyes gleamed with intellectual life and a bit of languorous lust
How about God? Annie asked her.
He seems to have changed as he related to his people.But he was a friend despite being an abstract concept.Though one could hardly call him a concept as he is inconceivable.
Mary’s voice faltered as she was stunned by her own articulacy and wondered what she might say next that could offend millions around the globe with modern technology beinf so widespread
You should write a book,Annie said kindly.
I think I am ill-equipped to write about God.And ,also ,I am saddened to see how his own people have been treated.I can’t dwell on it over much as I already feel weak and weepy.
Why what have you been doing,asked Annie.
I have been sorting out clothes to give to the hospice shop. I’ve got a big bag
full already and 2 bags of newspapers and rubbish of various kinds which somehow creeps into my bedroom… tissues,cotton wool, old hairbrushes.I am hoping to get it nice and neat before my sister comes to see me in August.And no doubt she will not be happy even then.She’d like me to buy a small new flat with a lovely bathroom and kitchen. But I don’t want to leave my neighbours behind.If I won the lottery I could get the neighbours to move as well.Love thy neighbour etc
And now I realise I have far too many pans despite burning several.But it’s a big decision for a woman who was famed for entertaining friends with scorching Beef Vindaloo and lemon mousse that looked like yellow rubber.Giving that up is a big wrench.
Why can’t you carry on, asked Annie.
Carrying on is precisely why I can’t do it.Now I am a widow the wives of my former colleagues and my own women friends are afraid I will steal their husbands.
Emile miaowed in ecstasy as any talk about the love lives of his family were always intriguing.He was hiding as usual behind the stone flour bin.
Don’t you see,said Annie.If we pretend we are living together then you can mingle with men without suspicion.
This is beginning to sound like a spy story,Mary told her.And do not drag me into a character part in the play based on your romantic love for that psychoanalyst.
He looks ugly and boring to me.
Oh,that’s just a projection,Annie told her.You are defending yourself against acknowledging how much you long to lie in his arms and let him smother you in kisses.
Well,said Mary,I see you have been reading Freud for beginners again.
Or is it Freud for Dummies?
Mary recalled how nice her dummy used to taste when it was dipped into a jar of malt and codliver oil.Maybe that is the answer,she thought.
I’m going to Mothercare,she called as she ran out of the house in her green trainers and denim trouser suit.See you later.
Annie sat in the kitchen wondering how soon she could see the psychoanalyst again without being accused of sexual harassment.Even old age has not deterred her from seeking a replacement for dear old Stan.A few tears ran down her cheek and Emile jumped out and sat on her knee.

After hours of rumination Mary decided that she would make herself a new hat for the winter. It only took one ounce of mohair,she read in her Wild Knitting book.

Of course we’d have to buy some new knitting needles in a size 5 and a size 6.5 millimeters. That was her thought ml

Still they would be an investment in her future where she saw herself wearing a mohair coat as well.

What about a poncho she pondered?

And they would make good presents for people, the little hats.

(That’s how Northern people speak they put the subject at the end of the sentence)

As she was eating her lunch she saw a cat at the top of the apple tree.

But was it just a cat? It was very large wity thick grey fur and a broad grey tail.

Even after distance its eyes looked orange.

Could it be a demon  released during the riots we recently enjoyed in Britain?

She wondered if the tree was strong enough for this large animal. Well I’m not going to get the ladder out just for somebody else’s cat it is a cat she muttered to herself in a kindly manner.

Because Mary had been reading that the main cause of all illnesses is hostility!

Especially if you are hostile to yourself which is something that used to be encouraged in children to keep them submissive.

Well I think I’ll go and have a bath,Mary said to Emile who was asleep in a basket.

And then I can use my new Elizabeth Arden bluegrass deodorant . That should keep me safe but from what?

But is it a deodorant or is it an antiperspirant?

We will have to see but she has read that stopping perspiration is a mistake.

How lovely it is to have hot water in the house and not to have to boil the kettle to wash your hair. Waiting for the kettle to boil on a  coal fire is rather tedious especially for teenagers.While Mary was in the bath, she heard the front door open but she was not alarmed because it was probably her neighbour Annie.

After a few minutes she heard a hand on the bathroom door and in stepped a man of about her own age.

What do you think you’re doing she said to him sternly.

Well I needed to go to the toilet and I’ve just got home so naturally I have come to the bathroom.

But this is not your home said. Mary

Well my key fitted into the door and if your key fits the door surely that must be your home.

Yes that seems likely yet there is a strong probability  but maybe  the locksmith in the main road here has made a mistake and had two locks with the same key fitting them.

Do you think he planned that? Are you and the locksmith in league to commit some crimes?

I’m terribly sorry said the man but if I was a criminal I wouldn’t have come into the bathroom and let you see my face. I would just have gone the room is downstairs looking for computers televisions and anything else that had some value.

I suppose that’s true said Mary well in any case don’t you realize it’s embarrassing for me to be naked in front of a stranger?

Well I’m a doctor I’m used to seeing people with no clothes on

Go downstairs and go into the hall where you will see a door into the cloak room where there is a toilet and the wash basin and then you can satisfy your needs wash your hands and then you can go into the kitchen and put the kettle on to make a cup of tea for me when I have dressed again

You can have one as well if you like.

Thank you said the man you a very hospitable woman.

He said his name was Alexander Bruges before he headed away to find the cloakroom

What road do you live in Mary asked  as they drank the tea.

I think it’s on the other side of the park it’s called Cedar Lane.

Anywhere tomorrow I will go to the locksmith and tell him about what has happened to us today and ask him to put a new lock on my door.

That’s very sensible

st Mary and prudent in case I should inadvertently  head to your house.

Do you think he will charge you since it’s his fault?

Well he buys these keys and locks from the manufacturer he doesn’t make them himself but he can complain to them about it and get the money back from them it he is not happy.

Considering the violence with experienced in Britain recently in riots and verbal aggression not to mention try to set hotels full of asylum seekers on fire it is very nice to meet someone decent.

And by the way do you know what this big grey animal is in my garden?

The animal was now peering through the kitchen door.

Could it be a demon Mary enquired nervously.

No it’s an American cat.

I believe it’s a Mayne coon.

Were they living in the United States before our people went over there and stole the land from the Indian peoply

Do you know I haven’t got the faintest idea Alexander said politely but you can look yourself on Google.

The cat was now uttering somewhat plaintive cries.

I wonder what is wrong with that cat

Surely  he doesn’t want to use the bathroom as well!

That’s right there’s going to be a queue for it.

Well I will have to go home now Alexander told Mary but I will make a note of your door number and I will come around and put it invitation through your door to invite you to a meal. I’m quite good at cooking.

Yes my husband was good at cooking but he mostly made the savoury dishes because he thought that puddings and a lot more needed the female touch.

What about jellies Alexander said pleasantly. I have made orange jellies with great success.

Well you know if you are sensitive to the feelings of the oranges as you cut them up then I think your jelly will turn out okay.

But if you attack the oranges with the carving knives I think you will be a failure and you might even harm yourself as well by accident.

Remember hostility is the main cause of disease especially cancer and heart trouble.

Well we live and learn Alex said as he opened the door. Life will be very boring if we stop learning.

Well mother said Emile congratulations on getting a new man without even joining a date site.

What can cats know about such things she cried nonchalantly

The little cat did not speak but he knew that human beings would be very surprised if he revealed everything that cats know.