I’ve lived for 28 months more than you lived for

We can’t give our own life away to someone else

Even if we love them deeply we cannot sacrifice ourselves for them

Because this is not a play that we are in

This is reality, in other words we live and we die.
Since you had children, your death has caused more suffering

More than mine would I think

Butwho said this life was not for suffering?

The man who came to hang the curtains said to me

There’s nothing to say we were put on this earth to be happy

Although it’s possible for some of the time.

It’s possible to be very happy like we were walking on the cliffs near St Margaret’s Bay in Kent

The weather was hot, by the path:there were many tiny wild flowers

But no one goes to Kent for a holiday now.

But we did and we liked to stay in Deal

Outside Walmer Castle

We sat on a bench surrounded by tulips in full bloomA large cat came and jumped onto my husband’s knee

I think  he smelled very nice. But then I would wouldn’t I being his wife?

When he was worried I was say kind things to him like, when in doubt do nowt.

I used to empty his worry bags… when hen he was old and ill. Well it was a game.

Once in the middle of the night he worked me up and said he felt very odd. He said will you read me some of your stories about Emile the cat. So I did and then he went to sleep again

I didn’t think of him as dying. He was always alive to me right to the moment when his heart stopped beating and I saw in my mind’s eye his soul fly up like the lark ascending.

But now I’m alone. Although if you believe in God you are never alone particularly when you are doing something wicked

Does it follow from that that the bad have an advantage God is watching them so much they must feel his eyes upon them and they like it. But maybe they’re making a big mistake.

It’s better to avoid the eye of God I think but just hope that his living hands will hold you up while you’re alive

Is that not a logical deduction?

But we must not take the name of God in vain.

Or only once a week perhaps if that doesn’t offend anyone else

It’s like with my medication I always leave one pill out

It’s good to be the agent in your own life. Just by being disobedient you can win. You can’t obey everything you’re told to do, in my opinion that is

But however strong and beautiful we are we will come to dust one day.

It’s hard indeed to believe that the flowers will bloom and the trees will blossom regardless of our fate.

But it’s really better that way.

It’s a terrible responsibility if you are the center of the universe so be grateful for your humble station That’s what I tell myself every day.

“To be on a level with the dust of the earth that is the supreme virtue”

2 years after my husband died one of my neighbors lost her husband. She was unusually devoted to him because she was born in what was Yugoslavia in 1930 and was brought up on her grandmother’s small farm with one horse to help them.

Later she came to England. She married this very interesting pleasant and intelligent man but unfortunately he died in 2017

She told me about three weeks afterwards because she was unable to speak for a time

And she would come around at odd times.

One winter evening she arrived and she followed me into the sitting room where she stood by the fire.

She would never sit down so I sat down myself

She began to cry

I wasn’t sure what to say but suddenly I found that I was crying as well

Reverse cried for about 15 minutes. Then she dried her eyes. She looks at me and she said, thank you.

Then she left.

So it’s not always necessary to use words.

I suppose the feeling should be genuine

https://davidhume.org/texts/t/2/2/8#:~:text=The%20only%20difference%20betwixt%20these,a%20pleasure%20from%20the%20comparison.

For five months now I have not seen your face

I shall never see you more, we can’t embrace

Your entire being lost, heart   plucked from me.

I do not understand how this can be.

What use to me is my own telephone?

Without your voice I feel  remote, alone

It’s not just being alone that is the pain 

Who can fill the gap, what love remains?

Every person is unique I know

Without you here I feel so very low.

The air itself now shudders as I walk

Without your voice to answer I can’t talk

My sister loving  sister you are gone

Without you on this earth I am noone