“The largest part of what we call ‘personality’ is determined by how we’ve opted to defend ourselves against anxiety and sadness.”– Alain de Botton

https://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/27/weekinreview/27grief.html

Meghan O’Rourke: You know, writing has always been the way I make sense of the world. It’s a kind of stay against dread, and chaos. My mother was diagnosed with advanced colorectal cancer in 2006; she was 53, and I was 30. As her disease progressed, I found myself writing down all the experiences we had — the day she got giddily high on morphine at the doctor’s office; the afternoon we talked, painfully, about her upcoming death. It helped me externalize what was happening. After she died, I kept writing — and reading — trying to understand or just get a handle on grief, which was different from what I thought it’d be. It wasn’t merely sadness; I was full of nostalgia for my childhood, obsessed with my dream life and had a hard time sleeping or focusing on anything but my memories. Il

J

Against sadness:no-one here can weep
Nor lounge about in melancholy deep.
Was Van Gogh senseless to permit his muse.
For his masterpieces ,was the price too steep?
We see the yellow chair but not his views
Nor his mind where technique made such leaps.
Nor was his journey broadcast on the news.
Against sadness.

Happiness or joy is hard to find
When we rest, the News preys on our minds
Yet some are cold towards the slaughtered priest
His nose a beak of bone in old face lined
Now Muslims go to Mass and join Christ’s feast
Against sadness.

What rages in the mind make men kill thus?
In Syrian wars the innocents fare worse.
But these are our near neighbours so we weep
And wonder how to end the frightening curse
The sins we once committed hold us deep
We hold our hands out wanting to be nursed
Against sadness

1.When Angela Rayner was 6 years old she got a bus into town and she did not pay the three pence bus fare.

She is not fit to be in a position of authority.

Why isn’t she being pursued.by the local authority?

2. I once stole a sanitary towel.

Apart from this being a serious. sin it is illegal.

Should I return it?

Although we are ill our bodies are ignored

The natural rhythms of life are dead and gone

We are mere machines,our hearts are sore.

No humans here theyve vanished everyone.

All is rational,technical and quick.

See the penicillin as it drips

See the patients lying with dry lips

There is no Dover beach,the world is sick

Every kind of sea will rise and fall

The. circulating blood has brhythmic flow

When rhythm has gone mechanics will appall.

The Nazi politicians flush and glow.

Cut your finger, see the red blood gleam.

Ask yourself, where is the living stream

https://www.forbes.com/sites/judystone/2015/04/21/a-doctors-top-ten-tips-for-surviving-your-hospitalization/

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/money-mentor/income-budgeting/why-you-might-be-richer-than-you-think#:~:text=Those%20who%20earned%20up%20to,you%27re%20feeling%20the%20pinch.

This is what I heard three members of the staff shouting at the woman in the next bed to me at 11:30 p.m. last night

Then they were shouting,you have to move through a different ward

The kept shouting open your legs etc for about 20 minutes and I understand the reason was that they want to change her nappy before they move her to a new ward. But she is not in a private place she was in award with ceiling appeal who could all hear what was going on and obviously the staff didn’t care about it

I don’t suppose this is common throughout the hospital it may have just be one or two people who needs some kind of training because it’s not natural for women to open their legs easily . Maybe that’s the wrong way of describing it maybe we’ll culturally condition to be modest and and careful and we are blamed if we open our legs too much or too easily.

Of course I have no other witnesses because of the two people one of those is also being moved and unless little don’t want to be involved in making complaints etc

But it’s necessary because these people need more training you can ask someone quietly to explain to them what you’re doing we want to change your nappy you’ll need to open your legs of it for us and let’s just gently pull it out.

Nice clean one here.. you feel better now you’re going to go to a different wars which will be nicer than  this ward.

At the same time I feel vulnerable for talking about this because I am feeling very ill and I can’t walk easily. I’m on steroids and they make me feel terrible I think I could have killed somebody yesterday and I never felt like this before it’s very hard trying to hook control the feelings

Shouting at old people frightens them and therefore makes the more defensive and looks nice 1130.

If you frighten  people it makes them defensive and therefore less likely to cooperate with you.

When I was teaching I did not raise my voice and shout the principles of mathematics to a stupid student because first of all the students were not stupid. And secondly .. it shows that you are too stupid yourself to explain this clearly to the students in

In other words if you have to shout it’s a sign of failure of communication. And that’s lack of intelligence and thoughts and that lack of training as well.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/apr/14/do-you-want-to-receive-more-love-first-get-to-know-your-superego?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

I wish I’d seewmn you a body when you died

Your silent Face your shutteted sea green eyes.

I wish I’d held your hand when you lay down

You didn’t like your hands so square and brown

I wish that I could have  talked to you again

Your eyes are closed I think you were in pain.

You were only six when daddy died

All these years you suffered but you tried

Now you had enough of what life lends

You have gone before me to the end.

I’d like to lay my head against your breast

Go with God, for now it’s time to rlest

https://www.upday.com/uk/patient-waits-36-days-in-a-and-e-suffering-mental-health-crisis-new-figures-show

I have been in this hospital for two days and I’ve been diagnosed with severe rheumatoid arthritis amongst other things and because of that I cannot walk I cannot stand up until I have some treatment and in addition to that I have not got a bed in a ward.I am in the corridor on a trolley and I’ve been in a side room on a trolley and now I’m in a large room which is not really meant for patients as far as I can see because there’s a kind of desk with someone behind it and a large number of people just came in and stood there waiting to I deciding or sign out and I want to see people like myself we’ve been put in here because there’s no bed for them in the ward. And of course more privacy and more assistance

I informed one of the staff that I cannot get my bowels to empty. She asked me if I would like a bed pan

There are no curtains around my bed so I’m in public view with A skimpy cotton blanket over here would you like to move your bowels or use a bedpan in front of a room full of people you might say oh they were taking no notice of you but what does that do to me if I’m so insignificant because I can move my bowels in front of 15 people and they wo I would say it’s degrading being fitted like thisn’t even look at me we should one way is a really easy for some other hand it makes me like a cat or a dog that I can just do it anywhere admitedly I’m wearing a nappy but … It will be pretty obvious what was happening. Although it’s not happening in reality. and 

Am I meant to lie here all night with an aching belly?

The lights are not turned out at night they’re not turned down and attending moment you may be summoned to have an x-ray so that they have to make full use of all the machines and technologies 24 hours a day.

Human qualities like kindness touch gentleness care rest and sleep are not valued at all and if you can’t rest or sleep etc it’s just your own fault

It is degrading to be treated like this and eventually I became so distressed and confused by the steroids the time on is to ring the hospital switchboard and spoke to someone and I’ve been moved to the acute medical unit which is really good. I might even get washed soon.After 3 days…

Maybe I might get to clean my teeth one day.

I only had about four hours sleep in two nights and I am very tired now.

I think after the first few hours in A&E it becomes a trauma because I had nothing to eat on Monday and nothing to eat on Tuesday and only some water which I had to get by shouting for help . I was not given water automatically because they kept moving me to different parts of the corridor or into a different room then they would check me for an ECG about 11 o’clock in the evening and bring me back to the corridor again this idea estimate full use of the machines but this means the person is completely ignored the body exists in time and space and it needs a third of the time to be asleep and resting and if you don’t have that you’re no longer living in your body

.

What’s the difference between apathy and empathy?

Does anything rhyme with

condolences?

What is diligent indolence?

What’s the difference between sympathy and infamy?

What’s the difference between daydreaming and fantasy

Apparently daydreaming is no good for you unless you do it without ego … Then it is very good for you. But don’t do it while you’re on the underground or on tkan escalator

Apparently peaceful often confuse the word loss and the word lost so they will write

I am sorry for your lost but that’s alright as long as long as they did put I’m sorry for your loft . And I hope they do not put I’m sorry that I laughed

What are trombolances?

And is it a good idea to mention your deepest symphonies to someone who’s been bereaved? Or even if they’re being deceived or believed be careful what you say because words do hurt just as much as stones.

. Do you know that people were schizoid) personality disorder from survive better in concentration camps. That shows you what it’s like being a family in some parts of our society that it’s nearly as bad in certain respects as being treated very truly and badly by the Nazis

The only good thing I could say about the Nazis is that it was alright to hate them. Because there’s no doubt about their wickedness

Why does the Bible say

Judgement is mine says the lord and this judgment spell correctly because it’s done it two different ways in one sentence and I’m not sure what’s the right one of those two so if you know actually could write a comment. It will really nice to get a comment so thank you in anticipation

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2012/feb/26/joyce-carol-oates-mudwoman-interview?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

Waxy flowers poking through
Snow so white
Flowers bright.
Made me think of you.

I see once more your just washed hair,
Soft as snow,
On pillow.
Now my bed is bleak and bare

,
Face alight,flower to sun,
I loved you.
Love so true.
Fear by love,overcome.

Cyclamen in the snow,
Pink and red,
Now frozen,dead.
Love was,oh,so long ago.

But never gone from in my mind.
Thoughts so deep,
Upwards seep.
Love was gentle,love was kind,

Always in my mind

Since the big tree .. had been cut down the apple tree had much more space and Mary saw it was full of blossom.

She had been longing to the outside but after the washest winter on record she was nervous about opening and closing the back door. So hot and the garden looked so Green and actually took the keys off the hook inserted them into the lock and the door opened as easily as a babies mouth to the breast.

Mary stepped outside. The air itself was warm and scented.

She saw Emile. He was sitting underneath the Bench  on the terrace.

Are you hiding so that you can watch the birds, Mary said to her cat.

Why are you always so critical of others motives the animal replied pensively

. Oh I’m sorry I expect it’s because I’m rather anxious at the moment since my cousin has died suddenly

What’s the point of being anxious he asked her

Sometimes it’s just like a wave of something sweeping over me Mary told him I just have to hang on and wait for it to pass,

But now that the weather so much better we will all feel a lot more cheerful and no doubt that’s why Sunak has not called a general election yet

The voters will think its he who has improved the weather will they ?

Well you see we are like that we humans we think correlation means causation so if the weather is good when they’re called as an election then the man calling it must be the best man to win

Aristotle is dead the cat toay ld her politely and I’m very glad because he would be very upset to hear you  ssomething that souns logical but is actually just rubbish to be honest.

Will a male we can’t be clever and thoughtful all day long sometimes we have to say whatever nonsense comes into our heads

Oh look there’s Annie. I think she’s coming this way I’ll go and put the kettle on so we can all have a cup of tea on on the terrace for the first time since September 2023.

How greatl,Annie cried. We forget how wonderful it is to be able to open the doors and the windows and when it’s warm enough to sit outside without a coat on. Or in the case ile when he has to hide under the Venice because the sun is too hot for someone with a fur coat that he can’t remove.

Yes cats obviously should be living in a very cold climate and yet lions and tigers have got fur on and they live in hot countries in Africa all very mysterious.

But it’s lucky they can’t take their faur off because then  . Zayv would need

washing machines and soap powder and washing lines in the jungle to dry their fur

That would put off people going on holidays and taking safaris

Imagine your holiday photographs of lions and tigers and leopards standing with nothing on underneath washing lines full of fur and by the way what would they have used for clothes pegs?

Everyone bu4st out laughing and so shall all of us

My old blue fountain pen allows
The ink across the page to flow
Like wet paint from an artist’s brush;
And words come in a rush.

Enchanted by the hand that writes,
Bewitched by art, beauty alights.
The script is like a music score
Through which you pass as through a door.
Imagination’s home.

As,mysteriously,to you,to me,
The spirits of our hearts are tamed,
By rhythms of pen,of brush,of mind,
They enter vision quite unplanned,
Like moths to flutter softly round
Fire joined heart and hand.

The pen slows down,the hand goes still
And just as dreams at daybreak will,
They shrink,they disappear,they’re gone,
I almost caught that one.

The grief that was a stone inside my chest
Has melted into water,now my tears
That rain upon my face, that feel like death

Is human life a torment with its tests?
Must people walk with anguish down the years?
The grief pressed like a boulder, took my breath.

God did not evoke the  Storm that passed
His still small voice  may whisper in the ear
The rain runs down my face, now wrath once love

I rage against the fever,give me rest
The little whisper tells me, do not fear
The grief stood like a boulder on my chest

The Dove flies on the current of God’s breath
My shrouded eyes are wet, how is Love dear
That rains upon my face, that  causes hurt?

From the cliff top I saw  rolling seas
I shall not go again,my mind is clear
The blocked grief,  hard as marble  in my chest
Has turned to tears, yet still I feel  your death

Afghanistan, Iraq,Iran
Can “Democracy” be “forced” on “them”
Somalia,Gaza,Pakistan

The war on “others”, rights of Man
The grief of infants, war goes on
Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran

Made in Britain, torture ,gun
Electric, fearsome,profit, spin
Somalia,Libya,Pakistan

Europe, Jesus ,Vatican
Where does Revolution win?
Israel, Iraq, Iran

Egypt,Palestine,Jordan
Old Man River,death and Sin
Libya,Yemen,Pakistan

From five or six or maybe ten
The Arts of War, the nuclear ban
Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran
Somalia,Gaza,Pakistan

https://www.theguardian.com/travel/2024/apr/11/wales-cardiff-to-llandudno-on-a-vespa?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

I think now I’m okay the path is steep.

Broken stones and gravel hit my feet.

Optimistic in a shallow way

(Any little thing could wreck my day.)

I feel I’m making progress as I walk.

Look at me now- hear the way I talk.

I’m doing really well despite the rain.

Yet now my eyes are blinded by the pain.

I need someone beside me on this climb.

I’m getting older fast, there’s  not much  time

Will I know I’ve got there.. I can’t say.

I just keep up my climbing day by day

Yet if I fall from a much greater height..

I won’t survive alone through a long night.

I’m crouching now and leaning on the side.

The gravel starts to run, the ground elides.

Should I trust my instinct or my brain?

If I fall from here not much remains

https://www.theguardian.com/media/2002/sep/18/pressandpublishing.genderissues

https://inertia.blog/2022/11/08/my-new-companion-a-eulogy/

Mary had ordered all of her groceries but she forgot to put tea on the list So she sent Emile to the corner shop with a note tied to his collar
Please give the bearer your best tea.
Emile went off and managed to get into the shop after some children who were getting sweets with their pocket money or debit cards
He went up to the counter and mewed, Mother has sent you a note.
One of the children laughed
Is your mother a girlfriend of Mr. Kumar?
No, she is not, Emile growled with a loud throbbing voice
Mr. Kumar led Emile behind the counter into his living room and spoke to his wife
She asked Emile to sit down as she went into the kitchen and poured him some tea from her China teapot
.Do you want it on a saucer, she enquired thoughtfully?
Yes, please, said Emile. This is very kind.
He leaped onto the rug and began sipping the Ceylon tea. This makes a change, he murmured.
I didn’t know you could just walk in and get free tea!
After a few minutes, the shop door crashed open and he heard Mary’s voice
Oh, Mr. Kumar, I am so stupid. I sent Emile out to buy some Twinings tea and he has not come home! What shall we do? She started crying and dabbing her eyes with Stan’s hanky.
Come through, he whispered politely. Do not weep, dear. All is well
Mary came in and saw Emile drinking his tea and winking at Mrs. Kumar.
Emile, you stupid cat. I was going crazy worrying.I’ll strangle you!
Is it my fault, he replied. I only gave them that note you sent.
But is it not obvious what I intended? she said plaintively
These days you never know, the cat muttered. I try to be obedient as far as I can.
Mrs. Kumar came out and gave Mary a cup of tea.
Sit down, dear. Worry is so bad for you. Why did you not phone us?
Since it was just a packet of tea I thought Emile could carry it. He is very intelligent normally.
Yes, I am, thought Emile as he looked at Maisie, the Kumar’s lovely cat who was asleep on a chair.
I wonder if I can wake her up, he asked himself.
Does she drink tea?
Would she like to start a family? It’s not too late for me to become a parent.
Maisie opened her eyes
What’s that cat doing here?
I only came for the tea, Emile told her. But you look very beautiful. Shall we meet tonight
I’m washing my fur, she told him with a smile
How about tomorrow?
Have you got a phone?
No, he said, I’ll just caterwaul at dusk and if you are free I’ll be under the red maple tree waiting for you
Good grief thought Mary.
This cat is very cunning. Just one chance and he is making the most of it.
Mr. Kumar gave her some tea and she wandered home in a daze after asking them for a drink on Sunday.
My social life is looking up but there’s no-one who will hug me. If only Emile were bigger!
His legs are too short!I should get a donkey instead