Day: November 28, 2019

Jewish English touch of humour

1.

Who’s the most famous Jewish man ever?

Jesus Christ!

Don’t you wish  God was your Father?

2

Which Jew   was most famous  relatively?

Do shut up about Albert Einstein

3
Can mechanics be Jews?

Only Quantum Mechanics 

4.

My cat looks Jewish

Is he canny?

5.

Why are Jewish people more intelligent ?

So  God could send messages

Does he text?

Not yet but he can whisper.

6.
I’ve heard Nothing

I’ve seen Nothing

I’ve  felt Nothing

Now I almost know Nothing.Give me time, oh Lord

7
It’s so dark at night I feel soulful

Well. put a  light on

On what?

8

We forgot to turn the TV off  before Sabbat Dinner

We can’t turn if off for 24 hours since it is electric

Just   cover  it up

Is  it a crime?

No, it’s   only a  sin

I feel shamed

Join the club

But it’s Sabbat!

It’s  a Sabbat Club but it meets on Sundays

Are we all shamefilled?

No just the duvets

But shame has no feathers

They are in the duvets of the world

Is it a duck?

Don’t ask me,I’m Jewish

You might be an ornithologist

Not today, thanks.I’m an atheist

A Jewish atheist?

No, A Catholic atheist!

How many non existent Gods are there?

How can we  answer that?

GOK

 

 

A petrol bomb

As down St Giles I cycled late one night
The road as silent as an empty church 
A speeding car  attacked me from the right

I saw, I knew, I felt no touch of fright
Time was stopped until  I felt the punch
As down St Giles I cycled in the night

 Flying like a moth  towards the light
Is this my end or shall  my  mind  come back?
A speeding car  attacked me from the right

The car drove at right angles  to my bike
I had no time to scream or speed my foot
As down St Giles I cycled in the night

I saw stars,  when flung to fearsome flight
I landed on my head, a flash,  a flood
A speeding car  attacked me from the right

The choir   rehearse without  my  voice ,now crushed
To Woodstock  and to Banbury  cars  rush
As down St Giles I cycle in the night
A speeding car, a petrol bomb , ignites