It’s your funeral

I have a very Lancashire accident most days
People in London ask  where are you from , Denmark?
If I claim to be  Englsh ,they don’t like it
So I wave my Viking sword and say,remember we conquered you !
Now and then, I’ve cut off someone’s head
Well,  that’s what Elizabeth 1st did to her cousin.
And they say we  have problem families now!
Her grandad Henry V111  killed most of his relatives, especially ones who had a good claim to  the throne,
Well, it’s only natural.Every week a woman here is killed by her partner
You’d not be surprised if we all became lesbians.And  borrowed sperm ,as it were.

Talk about accidents.I am an accident.How fortunate for the human race.
Where would you be without me?
That is one question nobody can answer
I sometimes get stuck in the Town.I realise if I cross the road 2 minutes later,  the rest of my life will be completely different.I can’t decide whether to carry on.Then I am superglued to the ground until some religious sect try to talk to me.
Then I run across the road and wait for  a bus
There are 6 bus routes  so 6 buses might come and I feel an urge to get on the firste ven though it is going to Walthamstow and I live in Watford Heath or Peckam,;wry isn’t it?
Does anyone else share this strange urge?
So if I don’t post ,I’ll be walking for 12 hours trying to get home free.
Enough of me.How do you like my mac?~
It’s waterproof.So if I wet myself  it won’t show.I think it’s plastic!
It will last forever.Unfortunately I won’t.Shall I  leave it to you in my Will?
Plastic mac to my  niece Evangeline
Crocs to her as well
Plastic cutlery… who might want that?
My money to the Samaritans and  my house to the R.N I B if they can see it
My clothes to Oxfam and my 50 handbags to my sister.
My apron hand made by my sister,I leave to my brother.Let him wash up now!
The music at my  funeral is Joan of Arc  sung by Leonard Cohen and Jennifer Warne
I feel it is very  apt
Then as they walk out I want LC singing  The Future
It’s not Christian but neither was Jesus
The hymn will  be “Jerusalem” as people know it,

Shush I hear a fragile whisper
Bonjour