Many of the British people don’t  live by these values!

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/jun/19/baby-taught-british-values-childminder

“The largest part of what we call ‘personality’ is determined by how we’ve opted to defend ourselves against anxiety and sadness.”– Alain de Botton

http://www.brainpickings.org/2014/06/19/adam-phillips-boredom/

A century and a half ago, Kierkegaard argued that this impulse to escape the present by keeping ourselves busy is our greatest source of unhappiness. A century later, Susan Sontag wrote in her diary about the creative purpose of boredom. And yet ours is a culture that equates boredom with the opposite of creativity and goes to great lengths to offer us escape route.

https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/feeling-bad-about-being-sad/

“When we feel bad about feeling sad, we often have internalized these social expectations to feel sad only briefly and to value and therefore be happy. A recent study in Emotion suggests that this social pressure not to feel bad can actually intensify sad feelings, increase levels of depression and reduce life satisfaction (February, 2012).

Studies on our judgments of social situations highlight that when we think about events in our lives, we rely heavily on the reactions of the people around us. How we believe others might respond to us has an impact on our emotions and how we feel about and express our emotions.

Believing that others expect us not to feel sad in any given situation sets us up for negative thinking and unhealthy responses that can intensify that bad feeling. For example, when we fail to meet others expectations, even in the way that we feel, we may tell ourselves that we are failures. These thoughts only intensify negative feelings.

So what can you do if you’re stuck in a cycle of feeling sad and feeling bad about feeling sad? There are a number of interventions that can be helpful, but you may want to start simply by recognizing your emotions. Understanding, naming and describing emotional experiences can reduce their intensity.

Untangling feelings of sadness that originate in negative life events from feeling bad about feeling sad can, in itself, begin to make you feel better. Beyond that, changing the messages that you tell yourself from “I shouldn’t feel this way” to “It hurts to feel this way, but sadness has a purpose” can help.”

 

I wish you were still living
I wish you were still here
I was making you a cup of tea
You were sitting  near

I put it down beside you
On the table top
But before we could drink it
We heard a heavy knock

The woman  came in boldly
With a  spirit black and sheer
She wanted to assess you
But Death had come with her

Death was dancing like her shadow
She was its chosen host
You never drank that cup of tea
That loss hurts me  the most

For a married couple
Sitting side by side
Having a nice cup of tea
Is nothing to deride

Meals and drinks  form  structures
For the sick and frail
You were happy in your old brown chair
I feel that I have failed

I  should have kept that woman out
I see her mocking face
Death hid itself  just by the porch
She  left me  here defaced

Eight days later on the phone
She heard  my quivering voice
Told me to get therapy
Mourning is for ghosts

We cannot grieve and weep these days
For all emotion’s wrong
We need to be schizoid
Our affect flatly flung

Now they say I have spare rooms
They cut my  benefits
I cannot sell my body
I’ll have to use my wits

Come back,John, and have your tea
I’m still warming the pot
If that woman comes again
I’ll baptise her with the lot

I miss you, how I miss you
I only have your dust
I keep it in the window
I ‘m lost in a grey mist