Who wrote this?

The doctor says I am suffering from  allusions to poetry.So he put me on major tantrum tigers.
I’m an agnostic too.I  believe God is here sometimes.He’s a wave and a particle and very light.He comes and goes and he waves!
Meanwhile in the garden there is  a mass wisteria.It will be ok in a few weeks when we get cold blasts of air from somewhere forbidden.Not hell!
There is a big depression where we bury the vegetable peelings amongst other things like the dead.And   what the cat catches,
So we are  inflating the law.
The priest says my sins are mortal but not deadly.
I have been text-communicated by the Immigrant in the Vatican
I didn’t realise it was a sin to have sex when your husband has died.
No,I mean with someone else!
Is a vibrator sinful? Or is it  the folk who might use them?
Is it a sin to make them in a factory?If so the economy will slump…
It’s funny that Boots sell something that could  send us to hell for all eternity.I am not referring to their famous face cream though it does remove the top layer of the skin.It is however not enough for those who have cancer  especially if it is on your bum.
If Boots sell vibrators surely the Church must see it’s now the  norm and does not   use birth control which they still ban, so  t could be a gracious way of having sex without need to take the PILL.Still it does seems  odd  to imagine that you get married and you both have sex  using vibrators.Not quite a honeymoon especially if you take two vibrators.What, though, if the battery  goes flat?What if you forget your adapter for the plug? I suppose you could take it in turns!
It’s like food.We used to do that ourselves once.Now it’s sex.No worry about wasting the weekend in bed  whispering in each others ears though ,do rememeber not to use one  while driving up the M1.I know it’s boring but do you want to be on a video on Twitter? You do! Are you mad?
Remember  though that you might have an accident involving others.If you are suicidal, please jump off Beachy Head.Do not cause a traffic jam as you will most likely  be murdered.And murder is not suicide,is it?
You will have injured someone else and that is more unethical than using men ,women or vibrators for recreational purposes.I rest my taste.Or my vase.Or my  handbag… BTW is there a vibrator bag? If not, why not become self employed and start a new business… different  colours and so on.I have no idea about size  so an expandable fabrix might be good.
When it comes down to it why not enter a monastery? It’s less trouble