1.All flights were cancelled from Tottenham Airport owing to cats on the roof of the departure lounge and the runway has not been barnacled yet.
2.After a fire in a waste bin, the ladies´ toilets are very warm.Please sit carefully
3 A woman in Chingford has been fined for selling hot cross buns outside Marks and Spencers on Maundy Thursday when they are only legally sold on Good Friday and we should not be profiting from them or God
4. R.T is ¨Russia Today¨ and not the Radio Times.Do not expel any Russian lodgers from your house as the airport is already full and we are expecting a lot of British dipsomaniacs to be arriving tonight from Moscow and other cities.
5.Night is cancelled owing the the sun not going out when we pulled the cord.Please read your books and phones and refrain from screaming blue murder.We hope to turn the sun off tomorrow
[signed] H M ‘ s Government liars

