Stillness without dread

Half of me feels glad and half feels sad
I wonder which will take the higher place
I feel a need for stillness without dread
To let the hints of grace  in me  be read
Without obsession over what you said
Or listening to that fearful heavy  tread
I sometimes hear when I have gone to bed
Where is the essence of the love  we had?
Somewhere there must be a hint or trace
Part of me is sad and part is glad
Can  they each accept and then embrace?