I once became interested in virtue and perception.It began when I read  a little Aristotle about virtue being a habit.Before that for many years I believed virtuous acts would follow from being able to perceive well.
But when we are fraught our minds and eyes tighten up and so we perceive only what may be a danger to us.
To perceive others well we need to be in a position to trust others and we need to feel secure.How is this possible? From my studies I read that our ability to trust begins with a trusted caregiver in infancy,
[See” atttachment and loss “by John Bowlby reference to come]
We may be able to become more secure later by good fortune,friendship and love.If not,I seem to get the idea that if we are insecure and nervous we cannot truly perceive others and they may be in the same position.If we are very afraid then virtuous acts may be hard to accomplish. The reason is obvious… when. we are concerned with  mere survival as a person , in that state what we do to others  may be impossible for us to consider.We cannot truly see them and so we cannot act well towards them except by good luck.Or if we are able to tolerate great anxiety, we may see better…. if not we are incapable….
Those whom we cannot see properly we cannot truly consider with feeling  and act on this feeling.We see them partly or mainly in terms of the fearful fantasies in our minds and cannot see them as  other and interesting.
When we make a friend online we may feel safer but in fact we may be more likely to misperceive them.
When we are from a sad a or difficult background it may help greatly if we have some friends who might point out our errors if we trust enough to tell them.Or we may pretend to be hard and tough.Neither leads to virtue.
If we trust God it may help but I believe we see God through the lens of our parents.. which is not good…depending on the parents.
When we live in fear,we cannot see what is there before us.We cannot let go.We cannot accept grace and love nor give it.We will try to live by will power
.Ironically people who are fearful inside can develop a shell of toughness and pride and so are not seen as vulnerable  and/or lovable .They may seem frightening to others.
This account may help to explain why politics is the way it is and also  we see that arguing is not persuasive when the other is not able to open up and see things more broadly.Arguing makes us tighten up and see less well.And it can be frightening too though some  people and cultures find it more acceptable than others.

Here are  some articles

This author had a lot to say about perception… http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/obituary-marion-milner-1163951.html   http://susannanelson.wordpress.com/2014/03/02/happy-go-lucky/

I am alive and I know it is good
Especially down here in the mud
My husband has saved me
By calling the Navy
He woulda rung 999 if he could

His humour was there  and his smile
But he was hopeless at gluing on tiles
He  could bake and do  roasts
Or kippers on toast
So with food he did often beguile.

He took me up cliffs and down dales
Covered in mud,wood and shale
My boots were  worn out
But please never doubt
That a woman like me loved  her male

The wind  and the cliffs were a sight
After the snow there was light
He said, this is heaven
But we were in Devon
Still, it was heaven to  his appetites!

I sang songs as we drove down the road
With our cat  on my lap wrapped in clothes
The cat mioawed as well
He said, is this Hell?
I said, you tell me,honey,oh Lord!

Sharing life and language with   a mate
Unspoken thoughts and gestures dignify
This   happiness we each may  contemplate

With a common purpose or a fate
To feel we are alive is  magnified
Sharing life and language with   a mate

If we’re down, we can resuscitate
The soul we share, when care will satisfy.
So   happiness we each  now contemplate

Yet there will be grief to mediate
Oh friends ,  come round when someone’s lover dies.
When  they lose  sweet life  shared with a loving  mate

After grief ,let’s hope we find a gate
Leading to the gardens of  new life
Happiness we  once more contemplate

So let a husband marry a new wife.
Let a widow love and be revived.
Sharing life and language with   a mate
This   happiness we each should  contemplate

Watercolour  by Katherine digitalised with Artweaver

https://www.griefandsympathy.com/writingthroughyourgrief.html

Quote

“This particular kind of writing—writing one’s deepest thoughts and feelings about trouble—is sometimes called expressive writing. And it’s the kind of writing about which much of the research on writing and health has been conducted. Since that early study in 1983, expressive writing has been tested in a wide range of settings. It’s been shown to improve self-reported health, psychological well-being, grade point average, and re-employment after lay-off. It’s been shown to benefit women with breast cancer, to decrease blood pressure in people with hypertension, to mitigate pain and fatigue in those with fibromyalgia, and to improve markers of immune function for those with AIDS.”