He ate the cat’s dinner

My husband was so kind.He ate his dinner from the cat’s dish and let the cat eat with me.
What I didn’t bargain for is he wanted me to mate with the cat as well.After all, why would a man get married if he didn’t want to mate?
Only because he’d get his clothes washed and his sheets changed.Is that logical?Surely hiring a cleaner would be cheaper?
At least he didn’t harass women or men.He prefers reading to sex and so do I after the cat bit me.Is it my fault cats are smaller than women?
Did I roll over in bed on purpose?I was asleep.I was dreaming about a therapist who told me to stop reading Freud.
That was easy.I never read any but I am good at pretending to be super intelligent except with men,.They don’t like it,oh,no.
I used to read Wilfred Bion in bed till my husband asked me what it all meant and I said, he’s a mystic.O!
I decided to go back to base with a Rupert book.I got my first one when my mother took me to the Royal Infirmary to have my adenoids re-removed.What a bloody mess that was.When she came to take me home I was having a haemorrhage.That is not an enema!
Still, in either case, you can’t go out.
She brought my hat and coat made of green wool which she had made herself and my sister came too and she was in yellow.How I howled when they left me again.I was 5 and I’ve never recovered.
It’s those mini aspirates that writers have to use to famous, they literally make you bleed and bleed you do.I can’t believe my blood is so red a lady asked me what was the name of my lipstick as she wanted that colour.I should have told a lie but I forgot and said I wasn’t wearing lipstick.
How cruel.I should have said it is Paris in spring by Max Factor and then she would have gone all over Birmingham asking for it.That’s what we women like.Wearing makeup and tormenting men by wearing transparent leggings and crop tops with red bras over the top.It’s our right to freedom of gastrumation.But is it moral? Is it a sin
Pray Father, I have worn transparent leggings in  church
Through my fault, through my most  grievous  fault
Don’t exaggerate.I couldn’t see a thing
No, women don’t have things.They have openings.
For your penance wear a dress next week.Amen