Unwelcome calls

I find with BT Call Guardian I can eliminate all international calls and I have got lots recently.The real friends I have abroad can use my mobile number.I managed to learn a few good responses like

I was in an accident Yes ,I was killed last week and I’m not any better
How are you: I have got diarrhea/ cancer/delusions   that I am the Queen or a relative so please speak appropriately
Your computer is faulty: I don’t have one.
Your computer needs checking give me remote access; I can never find that remote.
I am a BT  engineer: so am I
I am  a highly trained person: I don’t like people touching my computer that I don’t have.
I am from Dell: Did you say Hell?
I am from HP: We never use sauce.
I am from Acer: Someone stole mine from the patio.
I am from Asus: Are you God?
I am from Lenovo:Le Nouveau what?
I am very skilful: At what?
What is your name? Theresa May.What’s yours?
Your laptop has a virus: I  have to wash my hair now.
Your laptop is malfunctioning: how amazing.I’ve not even opened the box yet
Your laptop has got a new disease: I’ll  put it to bed then and pour water into it.
Your laptop is an error.Send me a bow.
Your laptop has no sound.Why, can you usually hear it?Where are you?
This is the police.Robbers are near you. If you are the police catch them!