Patterns

We think grieving must have a pattern
So mother knits a jumper following her pattern
And grief must have one too.
We’re all different sizes
So  knitting patterns do have a bit of variation
Knitting a coat for your cat or dog
That needs a quite other pattern.
But much as we like our patterns for predicting and ordering our lives
Maybe there isn’t one for sorrow.
Maybe killing yourself might be over-reacting
Though many spouses die close together naturally.
Starving ourself might be too much
But nobody else knows,except the lost one,
What in us might govern our grieving.

With quarrelling too there are wide variations
I hurt my sister,in a week we make up.
But for others it brings  40 years of silence
Maybe apologising  is seen as failure, as a wound to our self
Whereas for some it’s a welcome means of relating again

For some things,like our British weather, the patterns are unstable
Or don’t exist.
So we feel our way like the blind do through a cave,touching with our fingers
Trying to guess the route.
And some people hurt us by saying.YOU  WILL NEVER FEEL BETTER.
And others by saying,stop moaning.
And they say,NEVER STAY IN BED.
When that might help us for a few days….
It’s as if they think that if we  depart slightly from their path we will  go mad  or die.
But nobody knows