Secrets of dressing for women

1.When you think of what to wear to bed,remember Cherie Blair’s nightie… on her first day in  number 10?

So,always wear nightclothes in which you can open the door without revealing all.How about cutting two holes in a sleeping bag for your feet? Then you would need less bedding and would be ready for any early bird delivering your Amazon order of Sylvia Plath’s Letters or enough shampoo  to last for a year.The only drawback is your partner might object.So how about a  long fleece nightgown over a silk petticoat?Get a dressing gown with a tie belt not a zip.Or keep a big towel by the door.

2.You only live once so live longer by wearing safe clothing…. make sure it is possible to move in it as on the whole we move especially in the day time.Don’t wear lycra underwear as it’s bad for the skin… of the lycra which is a lovely animal that lives in Malaysia in the jungle.

Frozen Lycra

3. For economy you might wear the new clothes your late partner left behind.I find woollen vests over a nightdress look strange but are really warm and  some cotton singlets are long enough to be mini dresses..if dyed they look stunning.So I believe and I can’t see into the long mirror so I will carry on regardless.For men it’s more difficult unless you wear a dress in bed and  inform the postman you are transgender.It hs nothing to do with him  anyway but you might be lucky.

4 If you wear too many layers you will look fatter.

5 If you wear leggings wear a tunic or your boyfriend’s pyjama jacket.If you are  a  man wear trousers!

6.Wear long boots so if you have no socks you will still be warm.Wear some clothes as well.

7 If your tights fall down  don’t fall over.It’s Fall

8 Get used to pockets.. wear a man’s jacket.But remember if caught you may go to jail.

9 Wear a wig and cut down hairdresser’s bills.You may need to convert to Judaism  but there may be advantages.Like men do all the praying and also a little preying too.God made men that way.And don’t they love it!

10 Hats are very warm but spoil one’s hairstyle.Try cutting off all  your hair at the socket and that will solve it and cure depression too.Free shocks!

11 That’s all I can think of  apart from emigrating

Be well conducted