I’m missing him

I ‘m missing him like we miss that lost tooth till the gum heals.

I ‘ve been in the dentist’s chair

Had the anaesthetic but still felt the tug and force.

And the dentist yelled,look at this, I got it all out in one

You see,the root was very twisted and tangled

I told him,take it away.

I’m missing my other because his absence makes a hole

like that bloody hollow in your jaw but in the soul.

Came home alone from the clinic

Felt that soul hole.

The first time when he was n’ t here.

God does n’ t do anaesthesia, just burns the bush

I’m missing him because he needed me so much

Now nobody needs me nor notices if I am here except Alfred

Or if I fall over in the garden,will I die and rot down to the earth

before my neighbour recalls he’s not seen me for three weeks.

Or maybe five.

I miss J the way you’d miss your flesh if someone shot you with a rifle and made a tunnel through your body;

took out a lump which would hurtle away and fall to earth.

I’m missing his honey smell. the knowledge,the feeling he had of me.

The hole in my space is almost tangible in this room.

I wake up and wonder what he’d like to eat today.

But the dead don’t eat at our tables do they?

I remember I am alone at the table and I can eat whatever I like.

Oh,love,why did you fail so fast,

When you were the one,solid I leaned on?

You were my man.

5 thoughts on “I’m missing him

  1. Always a comfort.I was looking a little video I made reading out one of my poems and I keep looking towards him and even thought I heard his voice.I just heard to day a friend’s husband has died which has brought it back.The first 9 weeks were the most painful.Maybe it’s shock.But I have done well,I think and managed to keep writing.In a way it’s good because it is my own thing and not related to my marriage although he helped me with criticism.Once he said,Did you write that? and seemed amazed.. probably did not think highly of my work initially… he would not say he liked something of it was not good.And it’s useful to get criticism if it is done kindly/politely.It shows someone has read it!!xxx

    1. Yes, I’m glad you have kept writing and it looks as though several of your web friends have followed the enforced move of your blog. It takes a while but you seem to be attracting a fair number of comments on this site now.

      1. Yes,it takes longer here as it is bigger.The difficult words posts have proved popular yet I did ot for myself initially.It’s also useful to know more words as well.

  2. I think it is the eating alone that I dread most. I always used to hate it when I was away on business and had to eat alone in the hotel restaurant. There’s no doubt that meals are meant to be shared, something that seems to be recognised at the heart of Christian teaching. Perhaps you could start a ‘supper club’ with some friends? Easily said, I know – there’s something un-British about admitting we want company. I like the way one can go into an Italian restaurant and find whole families together, from grandparents to grandchildren.

    1. Yes,I agree eating alone is not natural,,I have suggested eating together to one or two people but they don’t seem keen.Sometimes I end up making a sandwich…I don;t know why this came out in large print BTW.Sometimes it’s a relief not to have to cook at a set time but my schedule is getting erratic.I do think eating alone in an hotel is the worst thing as most people go there to meet family or friends.Anyway Ros looks very well in the photograph and she l ikes cooking interesting meals so you should be ok for quite a while.DV as we used to say.:)

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