Month: September 2014

How I became an amateur poet and artist on the Internet.Part3.

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I love color very much.I am profoundly affected by it

One of my  nieces was at University doing English. Literature Thinking of my past life,I  suggested she do Creative Writing if it were possible.It was.She wrote short stories for her assessments.During bad winter weather she was unable to access her computer at  the University. and read her notes.When she did she got  writer’s block.I sent her some  ideas from my notebook and she manages to complete her assignment and got  a First.One of my notes was about seeing a woman whose husband left her.She was recovering and was out in the snow with a big dog on  a  lead pulling her forward!

…And one day I thought,maybe I can  writ too.So I started to try to write more frequently.As I have some health problems and disabilities I find it very satisfying to do creative work.And I am happy to get criticism because it helps me.Some of my early poems were good.Some were not.Here is a strange one I wrote in 2010

But first,thank you,Helen ,my niece,for  helping me to begin writing.And  thank you to the folk on my first blog who encouraged me so much. Thank you to my brother and sister and others for reading me  on Facebook,I take all the blame for the flaws in my writing! I k eep editing but it’s hard to know when to stop.

DIRAC’S CATS :NONSENSE VERSES

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I dreamed I rowed in a large pea green boat
Accompanied by seventeen cats.
And across the Great Lake,without a mistake
I saw mountains of gentleman’s hats.
I was making no waves in my effort to move,
The cats were discoursing on geometry.
I looked in the mirror fixed onto my boat,
The moon spoke  entrancing Theology.
“I wonder who’ll help me”I thought to myself,
When I saw an entire spectrum of men–
Dirac, Archimedes,Niels Bohr, with their theories.
I got my great inspiration just then.
I need seventeen physicists,that’s one for each cat,
All tied to my boat with a chain.
The force they exert will just compensate
For the magnetic attraction of rain.
Paul Dirac came up, and I looked into his eyes,
They were full of anxiety and pain.
“I am sorry I am unable do what you wish,
But my father never taught me to swim.”
“That is perfectly alright”,I politely replied,
“You can walk on the water instead”
So that’s how my boat and its cargo of cats
Were accompanied back to my bed.
When I awoke the next day,I was filled with dismay.
I saw that Paul Dirac was gone,
With the cats and the boat,of which I just wrote
And I was now completely alone.
I took a quick look,in my old physics book
And there was a photo of Dirac
I stared at his eyes,and I am not telling lies,
He threw me a very strange look.
I caught this strange look,it’s here in my book.
I am saving it for a special event.
When I gather more Data on Relative Quanta,
I’ll understand just what Dirac meant.

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The digital art came later.And even later my stories about Emile the cat and Stan his owner.You can see a few on my blog

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With charms like

 

 
abstract summer

I was unready for anything,
with no charms, like a bee.
Each fresh day is torture..
When you don’t hate me.

I was as tame as a mango,
I was alright in my mind.
Each night was  a daydream
Where you were  so kind.

I was harmed by your molars.
They were sharper than whales.
Each claw brought the moon out.
As you cut your nails.

Rolling stones gather….
Your heart is not mine.
I’ll give you what you wish for.
It ‘s a true new design .
.
As long as the clock speaks
As long as the rose.
As long as the bike pumps..
I’ll remember your nose.

As long as my patterns;
As brief as they are;
As long as my brain’s dead…
I shall parse on a star.

I love a good proverb.
I love no cliche.
When you find some Wisdom
Do not never pay.

Justice long as a ruler,
Sharpened to a screw.
When you are more kind,then
I may leak what I brew
.
As long as the flat Earth
As wise as it’s broad.
The moon in the water
Heard the crow caw.

Please hear my tall story
Sing  beside my cello.
I may fail at  the Wife Class
But I can  still say,Oh,no!

I went to the Church belle,
And asked for a clue.
The finger on the dial
Keeps pointing at you.

The music of laughter,
The joy of details,
I went by the river
and the moon never paled

I know the  sky’ s tilted
My muse is with me.
Don’t sting like a buttercup
Nor like a striped bee.

The music of silence

 

 
trees swirl

I didn’t hear you coming,
then you were by my side.
Happiness fills me.
Standing in the garden
looking at red leaves,
I hold your hand gently,
and share the sweetness
of these green leaves,
the distant doves cooing,
the sun dipping to the horizon.
Life is good.
We hear together
the music
of this silence

 
 

How Daniel met the lion:Bedtime tales

 

Free.-jpg

[image from arkadiansystems.com]

http://www.arkadiansystems.com/?p=1391

Daniel Spinnett was a newly  homeless man in a horrible  wealthy but cruel country called the Reblighted Kingdom.He had been married once but his wife often  used to hurl his hot dinner at him if he was a bit late home and she also had fourteen lovers into the bargain.When she was made Head of Uncivil Service UK he decided he was leaving her and hoped for a second chance and maybe a child as well with a gentler woman
At first he was truly happy in his new  commodious flat and also with  meeting women on the Guardian Solemates website but all too  soon his firm was affected by the recession and he ended up with no money to pay his rent ; his ex-wife was completely and utterly unsympathetic. though she was absolutely rolling in money and men or both at once!
He went to the Council to seek for cheap accommodation
I have nowhere to live.The rents in Lone-don are so high.. can I get a council flat?I am on job seekers allowance of £70 per week…
A council flat?The man behind the desk laughed sarcastically like a dying flea.
There ain’t no such anymore,mi duck…didn’t you know the Trying Lady sold them off.
Did you not build more using that money,he enquired courteously and logically. as was his wont
Sorry,chum, we spent it on wine, women and bling… gold watches,golfclubs,moats, you know
Daniel felt very upset so he set out to walk to Lightw.ebbs Forest a couple of miles away for a time of  green beauty andquietness…He fell asleep under am old oak ; he was nervously exhausted ,no doubt
When he woke up a huge cat was standing near him staring curiously
Hello, the cat said in a kindly but loud voice
Hello,I am Daniel from down the road
Well, the cat said,I’m a lion from the circus.We have escaped and we are living here in the woods.
But what do you eat? asked Dan.
Well,we forage around and we find quite a lot of food left out for house cats.. we also have learned to cook leaves and grass over a fire in a double boiler.
The lion smiled down at Daniel showing a light in his amber eyes
You look very thin.Why don’t you come with me to have dinner?
Daniel was  afraid of the lion but he had no alternative. in mind.
After a circuitous walk they reached the deepest,densest  most magical part of the wood.There were four lions,two tigers and four  leopards.
Is this our dinner,they cried excitedly as they gazed at Daniel.
No,this is a poor starving man with no home.
Well.lie down Dan and eat this leafy risotto..
Absolutely delicious,awesome, he cried greedily as he used his hands like a child with no table manners
Then the first lion asked Dan to come with him to his own den.
When they got there he said piteously
I have got a problem and none of the animals here  can help.I have got a piece of barbed wire stuck in my tail and I need a human with fingers to untangle it..
Daniel looked and there was about 12 inches of barbed wire which hit  and beat the old  lion as he walked or ran.Dan managed to untwist it and uuntangle it.He got some water from the stream and washed the lion’s backside where the barbs had cut into him..I have no Elastoplast, he muttered anxiously.The fresh air will heal it, said the lion gently….

And that was how Daniel came to be living in the lion’s den.
He says he prefers it to living with his dominating wife.
He certainly looks fitter than before and is considering asking for surgery to change into a lion on the NHS as there is a lady lion whom he has fallen in love with.No doubt lions don’t get married in church but they do love each other very deeply.
Just go to the forest and take a look next time you fall asleep.
Now the lions enjoy even better food because Daniel has  recipe books and unlike the lions,he can read.They found some old sauce pans at the recycling centre so he can do cheese sauce using milk from the sheep on the edge of the wood,
If you knew what went on in our many woods,you’d definitely get a big surprise..I can tell you.

Moses was an Eruption

Anglo-Catalan Psalter or The Great Canterbury ...
Anglo-Catalan Psalter or The Great Canterbury Psalter, folio 1 recto: Genesis (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
AdamsFamily
AdamsFamily (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The First Mourning
The First Mourning (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Moses was an Eruption I hear.So he had to be kept warm in a basket.
Then Foureyes daughter let him gloat  down on the  River Nile…till a bull rushed him
Then he turned into a shrew and found God.. or God found him
But God would not let him find Galilee so he found Emilee ,Loelee and Phoeebilee linstead.
He had many children such as Matthew,Hark,Look and Gone.They were all men and had more children with no wives.They didn’t have any women so who did Cain and Abel marry?Eve?
Is this what Freud never realized… men used to marry their mothers and later their daughters who were also their sisters,Crikey,what a blunder
Blimey what is this Bible?Libel?
As we were taught in school Daniel lived with a lion and a lamb.I’m unsure if they had children…. it might explain a lot if they did.
And finally Solomon was very wise.It was easier then when there was no judge or jury to stop him cutting a baby in two… well, he was just pretending.
I say,the Shrews were very shrewd and clever.Like who told Adam and Eve what to do before Masters and Johnson wrote that book.. the Human Textual despondency?
In any case Adam could not read.In fact they didn’t write either.And to think children here can write so young.Adam and Eve were a bit lacking but they have lots of family
Everybody on Earth… pity they are dead and can’t see us though God knows they’d be shocked if they saw our behaviour to our family

Related articles

Falling

Hilltop
Hilltop (Photo credit: Aeioux)
King's Cross railway station, London, UK
King’s Cross railway station, London, UK (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The man who never listened to the troubles of his wife

fell down the escalator at King’s Cross station.

No-one met his eyes,

as he lay sickly on the concrete,

though someone did push his shiny briefcase towards him

as if hoping that was enough.

He phoned his wife but she was out

complaining about him to a neighbour instead

of painting or cooking dinner.

As he lay down there on a level with the feet

of the commuters

he noticed no-one polished their shoes anymore…

well,no-one could polish trainers of course..,

though you can wash them—-

he saw the way people leaned forward as if pushing themselves

against a gale.

though it was a still warm day.

It seemed as if they were battling against a huge force,

not relating to the feeling of their weight upon the earth.

It was some spiritual force which was pushing them back

towards the Underground,hot and turgid with sweat and dust.

A sanitised Inferno,where the hell is in the collective mind

.

The force seemed to push them in and they pushed back and did

eventually make it into the street outside and into Westminster,

for we all need our rulers.

He lay there all morning musing, until a tramp came over

and asked him to buy a copy of the Big Issue.

And he stood up and bought it gratefully,

taking strength from the acknowledgement of his humanity.

He phoned the office, went home

and told his wife

he’d like to know how she had spent her morning

how she felt,how he wanted to learn to talk and listen,

and recommends now

that if you can fall off the escalator

without breaking a leg

you might be glad

to see life from the bottom up;

for he’d always looked from the top down

and was above everyone.

These reversals,though fearful,

can give us a new perspective

especially on women who are so often

on the underside of society

He’s wondering about changing his life

from up to down..

and down to up.

Mothers always said,it’s good to have a change.

I don’t think it was their husbands they meant..

though………who knows?

A game of musical chairs might be good

on the weekend,

if you live near a good escalator.

Escalating… it’s not for the beginner

at falling.

Related articles

Avis vigiliae: A Golden Bird sits on the line…

An intriguing writer

Gill McGrath's avatarGill McGrath

2014 08 19 mushroom palace, robed faerie kings and a horse jpg sig
….in purple lit shadows
While the Faerie caravan moves on
Towards some new stopping place.
Dressed up in robes and tiny crowns
These funny flying things
Do hide their wings
So they can pull their toadstool on its course….
Then dragging slow a sort of worn out faerie horse!
Yeah!
Gill McGrath©

View original post

Ask the wife

I love you and you love me!
Believer!
Where on earth should I be?
Whenever.
I blocked cookies all my life
If you want one,ask the wife.
I eat spam, and google then,
I begin all over again.
whatever.
I ban websites for a living
But my wife is very forgiving,
Men ever!
I eat splogs and gurgle blogs
Then I cut up all the logs.
Whenever.
I’ve been married fourteen times,
They divorce me for my rhymes,
Whatever.
I eat cookies if I can,
If I can’t I get them banned,
Forever!
I’m the God of Monster Space,
I’ll destroy the human race,
Moreover.
If you meet me you won’t know
‘Cos I look like old so and so,
Whoever.
But I am mad and I’ll get you
I eat up this human zoo;
Together.
Whenever.
Can’t forgive,erhhh

A worm in therapy and other Freudian notions

The psychoanalysis of a worm

Home of worms
Wisteria aided by worms

Wisteria aided by worms

Blossom in September

I was planning to make a carrot cake till my mother told me:

  • Carrots don’t eat cake.What are carrots anyway? Why are they so picky?I have to eat all my food or I get punished by hunger pains.Are there worms inside me eating my food or biting me?Do worms have teeth?What is it they like about soil.

    Charles Darwin wrote a book about worms…

    So far I have not read it.

    Worms are the opposite of us.

    They never get angry or depressed as far as we can tell..

    How fortunate as to psychoanalyze a worm would be hard.

    Indeed could you tell a worm to lie on the sofa

    Or would you have to climb inside a plant pot next to the worm?

    As Wittgenstein might have said,

    If worms could speak we would not understand what they said.

    I don’t know,I think I can guess though…

    I have some experience …symbolically that is.

    Or is it metaphorically?

    Imagine a worm on your couch.

    Hmm,how are things going?

    Yurp,blurp!

    Well,that’s good.

    Werp,serp!

    Quite right,I am interfering with your transfernce.

    Hurpppppppp.

    Would you like a little soil?

    Mummmm

    Oh,dear…I should not have offered you anything.

    Daddddddd.

    Surely you don’t remember him?

    Herrrrrrrr.

    So your dad was a lady?

    Oh ,ahhh!

    Well,it takes all sorts.

    Glumb,glomb.

    I’m afraid your time is up.

    Tinnnnnggggggggg

    You want a minicab?

    Taaaaaaaaaaaaa.

    That’s £500

    Do you take plastic?

    No,only notes.

    Doh,ray,me

    I never knew worms could sing…

    Well,you do now.

 

I’ll not skimp

The Lord’s my shepherd I’ll not grunt.
Was a Jew’s lamb lingering here,in England’s green unpleasant land?
O praise ye the sword,its works to proclaim.
While leopards rung their blogs all night
Oh,run all ye faithful
Pale St Joseph poor and mental,God has made thee a cuckold.
We worship our bling,its worth we proclaim
All people that on earth do smell
Silent night,wholly light

…. call into Boots later.

[You may sometimes see ads here to make money for me.]
And an angel appeared to Mary and spake thus
Oy vey,Miriam.
And she replied.Oy vey.
You will be bare and wild
What?
Sorry,the wrong script… you will bear a child.
So what’s so odd about that.All women do it…
Well,that’s what is in the telegram.
But they’ve not been invented yet!
Oy vey! Amen.
Drecked again.
What an angel,what a wife!Poor Yussif

Habberfrocky

rabbitduckmain

With apologies to Lewis Carroll and his fans including me

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/171647

 

‘Twas feelring ,and the grimy stoats
Said,wire a bumble to the knave.
All grimly were tomorrows moaned
And the thrown graphs stones were paved.

Beware the fabled cheesy scone
The laws so trite,the flaws per batch.
Beware the run up blurb and bun
The floor left on the latch.

He spank abnormal words in hand.
Wrong rhymes the grandsons wrote.
They arrested me by the pillow flea
With irony they bought.

And as in his British thought he would
Meet catwalks filled with eyes of glame
He rifled through my saddled frogs

Until spears brought me frame

Uno duo. uno dua
The awful spade bent thick as flak.
He raised the dead without their heads
Then froze the buffalo’s back.

Oh,was it pain,to write and schlock?
Give me those larns my Flemish buoy.
Oh,captchas day,hullo,oy vey!
He smarkled faux de roi.

‘Twas spellig and the grimy stoats
Said,fire a grumble on the waves.
All grimly were tomorrows moaned
And the grown graphs growths were grave.