Tag: loss

Tarmac. cobbles, flat slabs  of grey stone

Did   the earth weep when we paved the streets
Tarmac. cobbles, flat slabs  of  grey stone
Leaving  merely holes for trees long roots?

Covering in our cities all that’s deep
Startling ancient graves and  bits of bone
Did the earth weep when we paved the streets?

Motorways  increased that tarmacked  roof
As we drive  our ruinous cars    alone
Leaving  there no holes for trees long roots

In the hidden depths beneath our feet
Live the riches, seeds  awaiting growth
Did the earth weep when we paved the streets?

As the trees bloom  we see our deceit
We want it all  but do not pay nor mourn
Leaving  there  small holes for trees long roots

Once an orchard, now  so sterile,  torn
The gardens   became car parks  bleak, forlorn
Did   the earth  quake when we paved the streets
Leaving  merely holes for trees long roots?

 

 

 

Solace

The comfort of another’s kindly glance

The solace of a writer”s l voice.

These may arrive as if    by chance.

To be responsive   is in part our  choice.

Some days our shell is closed,  and all rebuts.

Not even  loving arms   or lips are felt.

So little on this earth will bring comfort

Until  this hardness wants itself to melt.

Be wary as  it may not  yet be  time

Far better hide until right days are born.

To let our soul reject the dagger fine.

We  needs respect a fear of  ruinous scorn.

Though  isolated,lost, uncertain we  may feel,

These  dream wrought symbols make the soul to heal

The dark blue skirt has flown and I am all alone

The skirt that I wore,that I wore,that I wore

The dark blue skirt that I ,I I wore,wore wore.

I wore no hat

The skirt that I wore to your, your, your  funeral service

Your funeral,the skirt I wore…that day,that live long day..

The skirt that I wore has vanished away

Since the old man decided  he’d die.

It hung very well,very well indeed

It hung very well,shall we say?

It hung very well  and draped elegant I pray

When the coffin came inside,came inside ,inside…

An now it has gone,like a flag  torn from its pole

It’s gone to its home high above

Across the blue sky,it  seemed to want to fly

On that very hot day, on that day, I say.I say!

When we sent you,my dear,far away,far away

It’s not a surprise   that  the skirt has flown so gay.

For such was its nature and way,oh,its way ois own way

The colour was so stunning

Black yet blue,becoming…

It turned the heads of the men,oh the men

So instead of saying,Sorry!

They said,May we meet tomorrow?

And this to my widow’s weeds,Indeed.indeed,indeed.

.Oh,leave me alone, like a toad under a stone

I’ll never love a man again,again,again,again

I have given away my heart

And  the deep hole is full of hurt

It pains me to think he has gone.

Has he gone?

No,don’t go.

Has he gone?

No,oh no ,John

I saw him in his chair

But my hands passed through like air

And empty was my  fond embrace..

Yet smiling was his face as he saw me dressed in lace

A wedding he wanted it to be,in my dreams,

my dreams and schemes

But it was but a sad  yet well right end

To the time  here on earth that he did spend

Spend,spend,spend

A working and a  loving for a while.

So if you see me smile,I do not you beguile

I  am dreaming  about what  gives me joy  yet truly hurts

That divine dark blue skirt and  my jacket of jet black

Have gone in search  of him,yet again,again

So high in the sky, with the square root of minus pi

For ever they will fly,they will fly, oh fly!

A sign of  heavenly love

Yet  heaven was not above

But down here  with my dove.

A weeping I’ll ever be,

For I shall never feel or see

his tender touch on me

A weeping and a wailing for a year.

His foot on the stair, his benevolent ,wide eyed stare

Oh,love,oh love,my dear.

Oh love where have you gone?

You were a  kindly one

For ever I’ll be rent

My skirt tore into two

After your big do

So out of the window it flew,oh how  it flew

And  now I’ll never see

My skirt and mon ami.

In desolate devotions I shall be.

Adieu,mon petit.

You were such a darling treat.

Till  we meet again

Tot ziens

Later, my dear  one

I too shall be gone but will  we meet again?

Missing

I ‘m missing him like we miss  that lost tooth till the gum heals.
I ‘ve been in the dentist’s chair
Had the anaesthetic but  still  felt the tug  and force.
And the dentist yelled,look at this,
I got it all out in one
You see,the root was very twisted and tangled
I told him,take it away.
I’m missing my other because his absence makes a hole
like that bloody hollow in your jaw but in the soul.
Came home alone from the clinic
Felt that  soul hole.The first time
when he wasn’t here.
God doesn’t do anaesthesia, just burns the bush
I’m missing him because he needed me so much
Now nobody needs me nor notices if I am here except Alfred
Or if I fall over in the garden,will I die and rot down to the earth before
my neighbour recalls he’s not seen me for three weeks.Or maybe five.
I miss J the way you’d miss your flesh
if someone shot you with a rifle and made a tunnel through your body;
took out a lump which would hurtle away and fall to earth.
I’m missing his honey smell.
the knowledge,the feeling  he had of me.
The hole in my space is almost tangible
in this room.
I wake up and wonder what he’d like to eat today.
But the dead don’t eat at our tables do they?
I remember I  am alone at the table and I can eat whatever I like.
Oh,love,why did you down so fast?When you were the one,solid I leaned on.You were my man and you are gone

A fallen tree

The rain fell and the clouds hung overhead

As I walked on the moors to meet my man.

If only we had found a heather bed.

We’d would have done what men and women can.

The sun was absent anf the trees all bowed down

The wettest winter for a hundred years…

Yet full of love ,my face displayed no frown…

My heart was full,and absent any fears.

The moon too was watching as I ran

Her silver crescent pierced the clouds with joy.

I could not wait to meet my loving man.

And with his hands and face I longed to toy.

But when I reached the spot where he would be,

Nothing waited but a fallen tree.

Death and loss and grief

When death and loss and grief fill up my heart
And behind an icy wall I am entrapped
Where should my work of holy healing start
Where is the hidden place where loss is mapped?
As on the earth I walk amongst the trees
And on the grass I lay my sleeping head
I make my friends from stinging wasps and bees
Who comfort me on this my own deathbed.
Yet do not sun and moon still shine as bright?
Do not men and women tender lie.
Does not this small glowworm give me light?
Do not courting tom cats saunter by?
With wider vision spreading from my eyes
I see more clearly where my comfort lies

With its open maw

I put the broken pieces of my heart
Into a dish of gold and diamonds hard
But metal is no match for flesh
And hearts don’t need a fancy dish
So now I hold them gently, though I smart.

The pain’s familiar yet it seems more raw.
Like tigers scratching me with sharpest claws.
Oh.god give me some grace today
For as it is I cannot pray.
And death hangs over with its open maw

No sound,no touch,no smell,no sight,no seeing.

In fields of lushest  buttercups we ‘d lie
We’d watch the clouds as gently they blew by.
Love was born we thought would never die.
But now you’re gone and here I sadly sigh

That love itself remains without your form
Yet tears of loss enfold me like a storm.
I knew you’d never hurt or  do me harm.
I  felt your smile’s embrace, so wide, so warm.

How is the world,now emptied of your being?
No sound,no touch,no smell,no sight,no seeing.
How is the world when you have gone ahead
Yet I must linger in my lonely bed?

Some days I weep with gladness for my friends
Some days I weep in sadness without end.

My sister

Trying to keep a hold of you;
trying to keep a hold of you.
Don’t go,
Don’t go.
I’ll not let you fall down that gap.
I’ll always try to pull you back-
Little sister.

You slipped so far away from us.
You slipped because you knew you could.
You saw a gap and fell right down.
You were serious,my little clown.
Come back now.
Come back now.
My baby.

I sang all those songs for you,
But I needed our mother too.
A mother too.
If only I’d been stronger…
Stronger,stronger..
Would you have stayed here longer?
Longer,longer.
Little sister.

As you rocked in your little chair,
the demons of the past were there.
Your blue eyes shone,
Then you were gone.
My sister.

I saw you in a long blue gown,
With a golden halo all wrapped round.
You smiled and said you didn’t know
That I had really loved you so.
You were sorry you had to leave like that,
And would I kindly feed your cat.
My sister.

When I woke up,the dream was gone;
But life and work must still go on.
If only I’d been grown and strong,
On this earth you’d still belong.
Little sister.

I sang the song that you once sang,
But felt my tears made it go wrong.
Once you smiled and laughed with me.
Life was not all black,I see.

Sisters,sisters three.
Now it’s two,just you and me.
But when we meet,a shadow’s there-
I see a flash of her dark hair,
Our sister,sister,sister.
A gap remains for grief to fill
and on we mourn till hearts are still.
One day we’ll die too
And perhaps then we’ll be with you.
Little sister.
My sister.

A pool of sea rain

Into the puddle she gazed and gazed
My sister was amazed
She’d never seem rainwater deeper than eyes
Mystery undisguised.
Round the rain puddle she ran and ran
Too much for any doll’s pan.
By reflections of trees she was hypnotised
Curiousity’s often wise
Oh,my dear sister what do you see there
I hope a vision fair.
What are these ships and the tugs and the tide
Where are the sailors who died?
This is an ocean and I’m in my boat
Come sister ,dear let us float.
We’ll never see father again, for he’s here
and down her face travelled one tear.
I see him afar off, he’s meeting the Lord
There’s the archangel’s sharp sword.
We cannot follow,no, we must go back
We each must stay on our own track.
Three little children with newly washed hair
On this road going to where?
Once three small sisters ,but now only two
Eyes of one green,other blue.
By the park gate by a pool of sea rain
We shall be three again.
One in a pushchair and one gripping tight.
I push my sisters into the dawn light.
Keep hold of the handle and never let go
I love my two sisters so.
Keep hold of my hands as Dad crosses the sea.
Don’t seek for what you can’t be.
I told her it’s only a rainwater pool
Held in God’s hand like a jewel.
But she saw the patterns and she saw the tides
Which all human beings will ride.

For nothing is “only” and nothing is “just”.
Nothing and everything’s passed.

I wear my heart

I wear my heart displayed upon my face.
Attentive readers find their meaning there..
Where feelings thought too deep to be embraced
Can shine demurely where they do not scare.

As Freud observed, we're never quite disguised
Betrayal is our body's real motif
The message comes conspicuous from the eyes..
Bright sparkles or our tears of blackest grief.

The answer to a question seemly leaps
So Yes or No is visibly revealed.
The blush that spreads so fast across the cheeks
Both bold and shy unable to conceal.

Your face tells me you lied when Love you wrote.
Love is more than kisses and false notes.

Now there is no vertical

When you struck me,I vibrated like a kettle drum,
then as smaller percussions and repercussions
echoing from all the glassy surfaces
creating a balletic geometry of sound tracks
in space and time.

When you knocked me down,
I fell against her and her and her;
we were like a row of skittles
and we all went down with the lifeboat;
The infinite chain of being is.

When you hit me,the Fall spread across the world
Now there is no Vertical
All is undivine and graceless.
By the Rod it’s ruled

When you left me,I left myself,the world,the rocks,dry land
I weighed down sank to the ocean bed
with coral eyes
gazing.

When you struck my mind
I became an instrument of a foreign power
Singing a song I didn’t know.

When the glass was smashed
the splinters flew into all our hearts.
You didn’t know what we couldn’t see.

I lay on barren ground and gave birth
To my own Creator in the desert.

When he went away

When he went away
He said,”Lehitraot,mama.”
Do vstrechi.
He died, but I’m still here
Yes,in my heart I feel his love.
But why did I live,
And he did not?
Auf wiedersehen
Lehitraot.
Yes,darling,I’ll see you later,LC3_3932
When the sky turns black and all the stars blaze bright
I’ll see you shining in the night.
I’ll see you in my dreams alas.
Do vstrechi.
But why you and not me too?
Araka
I can’t understand.
Lehitraot,beloved.
A plus tard
Some where in this world,you fell
But no-one,not even God, can tell.
God was absent then or in some other place
He’s gone again.
They said He’s died too,
But He didn’t have a mother like you.
Do vstrechi.
My breasts ache and my heart and soul,
My breasts were made to make you whole.
To feed, give love and to console.
A plus tard
And now they ache with grief as my tears fall.
A bientot
My body trembles in the night
As dreams may bring my lost ones to my sight.
A plus
I’d walk across the roughest bleak terrain
If l I could find my loves and hold your hands again.
Do vstrechi.
The bell rings on the ancient clock
As time goes on as normal,  never stops.
Araka
I wish the hands of time could be reversed,
And I was not living with this curse.
People forget that I once had a son.
They think my grieving has been done.
Araka.
But grief and loss and pain will never end
Until the curtain of my death descends
Auf wiedersehen.
Meantime I look at flowers and birds and trees,
But it’s really you my deepening insight sees.
Lehitraot.
Th inscape of my heart is shown to few,
An artist of the lost would know this view.
I know I want to see just you.
Do vstrechi.
But for me there is no
Auf wiedersehen
Never again will you say
What you said that day
Lehitraot,
Mama.
Papa
A plus tard
Tot ziens.
See you later
See you soon.
See you.
You
 my beloved son

For the worms

I feel my soul is trembling like a leaf
that clings on in the worst of a fierce gale
It will fall into the mud so far beneath,
though briefly through bright sunshine it may fall.

 
I am as nothing, trodden into earth.
And lower than the lowest living beast,
I make no estimation of my worth
and for the worms I shall provide a feast.

 

At first I thought that I could ride the storm
That I could live without your circling arm
But truth has taken hold of me entire.
The choice is death by mud or death by fire.

 
I know well I’ll be trampled with earth’s dust
No more to be an object of mere lust

Oh,John Joe Brown,you were my man

Oh,John Joe was a jolly man.
He was the one for me.
He had ten fingers on his hands,
And always on my knee,

Oh,John Joe was my husband dear,
He slept upon my bed.
He had ten toes upon his feet,
No man was better bred.

Oh,Dear John Joe did pass away,
Whilst he lay on the grass.
And now ~I have no one aside of me,
How slow the night hours pass.

I love John Joe with all my heart,
I’ll never love a man
The way I loved my dear John Joe.
I don’t believe I can,

I read a twenty dozen books,
And went for therapee.
But all I want is my John Joe
In bed aside of me.

Oh come back John,Oh come back Joe
Don’t you leave me here.
Oh,John Joe I can’t live without
MY husband lying near.
Oh,life’s so simple,life’s so clear,
We all need work and love,
I have my work cut out today
A grieving for my dove
.
Oh,John Joe Brown,you were my man.
I’ll not have any more.
I wish I lay within your arms
Were oft I’ve lain before.

I’ve never lain wi’ noone else
And never will again,
If I can’t have my sweetheart John,
I’ll not have any man.

Oh,come back John,Oh,come back Joe
Don’t lay down in the grass.
I’ll bake thee cake and mutton pies..
So sweet the hours shall pass.

Come back,beggar man

I saw you on the pavement
with your old brown dog
You were shabby,poor,ragged,
Sat on your tartan rug.
You had water for the dog,
You hugged him and you sang,
But the people walked on by,
And no-one looked at you.
No-one looked at you.

But you still sang your song.
And you sent me so much love
It crossed from eye to eye.
I felt it coming in.
I heard that you had died,
Though you were only thirty three.
Only thirty three.

I wonder,where’s your dog?

I felt our souls had touched,
You gave to me so much
As I wandered in my grief
Through the roads and round the streets.
In your glance, you touched my heart.
I felt love swimming through,
From you right into me.

Will you come again?
I see all these dim, grey men
Who cut your benefits
To give more wealth to few;
So that the needle’s eye,
which is waiting when we die,
is forgotten, for they want
protection for their wealth.

I wish that beggar man
would come back here again.
I liked to hear his songs
But I can’t recall the tunes;
Maybe I’ll write songs myself,
That’s the highest sort of wealth
Our creativity
Is a path to dignity.

Come back every one!
I wish you had not gone.
come back in my dreams
and give me some new themes.
I’m singing like you sung.
it’s this world that’s so wrong.
come back beggar man,
I knew you were the one.

Little sister

Trying to keep a hold of you;
trying to keep a hold of you.
Don’t go,
Don’t go.
I’ll not let you fall down that gap.
I’ll always try to pull you back-
Little sister.

You slipped so far away from us.
You slipped because you knew you could.
You saw a gap and fell right down.
You were serious,my little clown.
Come back now.
Come back now.
My baby.

I sang all those songs for you,
But I still needed a mother too.
A mother too.
If only I were stronger…
Stronger,stronger..
Would you have stayed here longer?
Little sister.

As you rocked in your little chair,
the demons of the past were there.
Your blue eyes shone,
Then you were gone.
My sister.

I saw you in a long blue gown,
With a golden halo all wrapped round.
You smiled and said you didn’t know
That I had really loved you so.
You were sorry to leave like that,
And would I kindly feed your cat.
My sister.

When I woke up,the dream was gone;
But life and work must still go on.
If only I’d been grown and strong,
On this earth you’d still belong.
Little sister.

I sang the song that you once sang,
But felt my tears made it go wrong.
Once you smiled and laughed with me.
Life was not all black,I see.

Sisters,sisters three.
Now it’s two,just you and me.
But when we meet,a shadow’s there-
I see a flash of her dark hair,
Our sister,sister,sister.
A gap remains for grief to fill
and on we mourn till hearts are still.
One day we’ll die too
And perhaps then we’ll be with you.
Little sister.
My sister.

My heart is apart

Love blinkered my eyes until my ears rang

A dove made off with with an ear ring I was wearing one night.Was it getting wed?

I love to crumple all the bees stings for tea
I can not meet your eye until it meets mine.
More than words can express, I love  your coffee coloured face
My head is winning for my heart is a bum….Blaze away,Pascal
My art  is baked daily
My heart clangs near you like a dungeon door shutting
My heart cries out Not you!
my heart is a lonely punter
My heart is a flame and you are the wood
My heart is a haughty book noone has read
My heart is drowning  tomorrow.Save me!
My heart is  on an island and I am on the shore.If you do not love me they are split for ever more
My heart is on the  fire as coal is too dear to me to burn.I
My heart is weary  of  numbers and letters.Am I cazy?
My heart laid bare your lies and then you read the riot with tact
She longs for your underpants to be washed and ironed,say nothing please
My hand reached out and stole a kissing couple’s  picnic
My heart sings to your i tunes
My heart waits for your passing daily.Please worry now.
My heart will always be in my shoes,I fear no evil,just the booze
My heart will never be a free payer
My heart dithered like a leaf in the storm and all for losing his arms
My lonely tart needs cream to annoint it
 Oh,where is my one shoed love?
my open soul shut down
My soul is a shadow in a passage in your book
My soul is a lone spirit looking for a bottle to enter… like those ships
My soul is on the high wire dancing madly but it’s too late
My soul was degraded to flare up and die but I defy!
My soul reached out with its own hands and touched him where no bee e’er stang
My soul took a  flight to California
My stomach is writhing in knots and loopd
My tears fell like trains colliding in a tunnel in the Alps
my wandering soul got lost in the mist
my weary soul is dying of sorrow
no man is an island and neither is a woman

She loved an adverb more than me

 
 
Image

 

My wife has left me for an adverb.
I don't know which one it is!
Is it slowly,quickly, nearly?
Life should not be like a quiz.

She told me that she "nearly" loved me,
When "dearly" was what I had hoped.
Life is full of lost illusions...
How do we 'reaved lovers cope

I think I should have kept it secret,
For now I sit and sadly grieve.
Do you think my wife is cruel?
What a strange excuse to leave!

Would she leave me for a pronoun?
Would she leave for a full stop?
Would I leave you for a quote mark?
Would I fall down in a black dot?

Come back,darling for I love you.
I have learned I must take care.
I will go for grammar lessons.
I am sure I can learn flair!

We can write a poem together,
You can choose the topic,dear.
I will hold my pen and write for
They say true love drives out fear.

Did I fear her? Did I love her?
Was she worthy of my heart?
Did she dislike my hairy nostrils?
Was that why we had to part?

Come back Mary,come back Mavis.
Come back Sunny, come back Sue
Without my wife I feel so lonely.
What is a left man to do?

Shall I vote for love or money?
Shall I throw my self away?
Shall I get a new agenda?
Will a new life start today?

Come back Miriam,come back Sarah!
Where have all the women gone?
Come back Rivka with your grammar.
I can feed you a cheese scone.

I work hard and I can cook.
I put fresh linen on the bed.
I can pay my bills in full.
But without my Love,my heart is dead

Parting,a sonnet

  •  

    P1000280
    I wear my heart displayed upon my face.
    Attentive readers find their meaning there,
    Where feelings thought too deep to be embraced
    Can shine demurely where they do not scare.

    As Freud observed we’re never quite disguised
    Betrayal is our body’s real motif
    The message comes conspicuous from the eyes..
    Bright sparkles or our tears of blackest grief.

    The answer to a question seemly leaps
    So Yes or No is visibly revealed.
    The blush that spreads so fast across the cheeks,
    Both bold and shy, unable to conceal.

    Your face tells me you lied when “Love” you wrote.
    Yet let us part with song as we are poets.

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What love has loss revealed?

 An old poem

Image
  

When I saw you waiting in that cafe
I knew you would be mine.
You were handsome, smiling,funny..you were specially designed.
You looked like men I’d only dreamed about in all those years before.
I’m so broke up,so broke up;you don’t love me anymore.

I saw you on the station as I came from out the train.
You wore an old green parka to protect you from the rain.
I wanted to be one with you,to make a Love entire;
But all you did was give me       pain too bad be endured

You walked away so quickly,I could not see you long.
I wish I had a big guitar to draw you back with song.
I looked at where you disappeared;what love has loss revealed?
I wish I could just lay down on this floor and keep my face concealed.

Railway stations sadden me, for I know we’ll never meet .
I won’t cry more ,for tears are running almost to my feet.
I walk fast looking straight ahead past that entrance gate,
I pretend that you have missed your train,that work was running late

I count from one and one up to a thousand and many more–
But I know for sure it's far too late; you have closed that heavy door.
You are hiding in a dungeon
You are covered with white steel
But I know you had a heart and you must surely feel.I lost all my illusions, and then I lost some more.
I wish I could lay down and die,right here on this floor
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So good to miss,so hard not to kiss

Mileage Out of Bicycle Parts
Mileage Out of Bicycle Parts (Photo credit: cobalt123)
Carl Jung
Carl Jung (Photo credit: Psychology Pictures)
Loneliness doesn't come from having no one aro...
Loneliness doesn’t come from having no one around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that are important to you. -Carl Jung (Photo credit: deeplifequotes)

Image

Since you went away

I miss your tenderness

I miss your affection

I miss your music

I miss your humor

I miss your voice

I miss your hands

I miss your bony shape

But

I don’t have to hear how the shadow side of your literary persona is feeling…. usually terrible

I don’t even have to know you are not your literary persona.

Was it all that literary?

More pretentious

By the way,it was Jung who invented the term persona for a front we put on

I don’t have to hear your view on a topic I know more about than you but you hate to admit it

I don’t have to pretend to be less intelligent than you

I don’t have to tolerate your sulking for days

I don’t have to spend my money on books you think I should read… especially on politics

I don’t have to worry if my art is better or worse than yours

I don’t have to tolerate your extreme rigidity…it’s hard sleeping with a board!

And a beard!

I hate most of your favorite foods

I don’t have to act like a mother to you… a good mother,that is

I  like the space you have left.

Sometimes we really do need more space.

I don’t have to wear a pretty but chilly  nightgown

I can read all night and play with the cat

I can go out with the man whom I met in the museum of modern art

I can drink all the tea in the pot

I

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My cat

Male tabby cat
Male tabby cat (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Feeling the sadness in my heart
and in my arms a tender feeling
as if the flesh is calling out;
My breath’s coming in gasps and
my throat makes a murmur
as if trying to speak.

Sensitive skin on my inner arms yelps
and my heart aches like
I’ve run too many miles .
My legs feel strong
My mouth is dry and my back
needs an arm around it
for protection.
My eyes are wet with the moisture
that might have made saliva.

My cat died
And then my other cat died.
Whatever.

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Lost in shadowed caves

Autumn 2013 070When I saw you waiting in that cafe
I knew you would be mine.
You were handsome, smiling,funny..you were
 specially designed.
You looked like men I’d only dreamed about in all those years before.
I’m so broke up,so broke up;you don’t love me anymore.

I knew you would be mine.
You were handsome, smiling,funny..you were specially designed.
You looked like men I’d only dreamed about in all those years before.
I’m so broke up,so broke up;you don’t love me anymore.

I saw you on the station as I came from out the train.
You wore an old green parka to protect you from the rain.
I wanted to be one with you,to make a Love entire;
But all we did was  create pain too bad be endured/

You walked away so quickly,I could not see you long.
I wish I had a big guitar to draw you back with song.
I looked at where you disappeared;what love has loss revealed?
I wish I could just lay down on this floor to keep my face concealed.

Railway stations sadden me, for I know we’ll never meet .
I won’t cry more,for tears are running  straight down to my feet.
I walk fast looking straight ahead past that entrance gate,
I pretend that you have missed your train,that work was running late.

I count from one and one up to a thousand million more–
But I know for sure it's far too late; you have closed that heavy door.
You are hiding in a dungeon
You are covered with white steel
But I know you had a heart and you must surely feel.

I lost all my illusions, and then I lost some more.
I wish I could lay down and die,right here on this floor

The model who seduced two Renoirs – Telegraph

First edition cover
First edition cover (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Lise Tréhot (1848-1922), Mistress of french pa...
Lise Tréhot (1848-1922), Mistress of french painter Pierre-Auguste Renoir (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The model who seduced two Renoirs – Telegraph.

This is really amazing

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As if I were

November
November (Photo credit: Cape Cod Cyclist)

I was walking behind you

on the footpath

by the river

and I stopped for a moment because

I could see some wrens inside a shrub.

When I looked up

I saw you were

quite far away and  walking fast

as if you were already leaving me

and going on to

the next phase.

The sun shone on the playing field,

It was obscenely green for November,

as if to deny the end of the year

is getting nearer.

I left the wrens fluttering

inside the shrub

and hurried after you

as the swans eyed their five cygnets

and a few drops of rain

ran down my cheek

as if I were weeping

in the sunshine.

You looked smaller,

more determined,

as if anxious

to be off….

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Emotional Abuse and Invalidation – Practice of Madness Magazine

Diagram of the Neuroanatomical basis for emoti...
Diagram of the Neuroanatomical basis for emotional lateralization. The diagram is adapted from “Forebrain emotional asymmetry: a neuroanatomical basis? by A.D. (Bud) Craig.” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
this untitled event brought to you by scanner ...
this untitled event brought to you by scanner abuse anonymous (Photo credit: Dead Air)

Emotional Abuse and Invalidation – Practice of Madness Magazine.

A fascinating and awful story…. and an intriguing website to visit.

Many women suffer at the hands of a husband or partner,or from a cruel tongue….here’s some advice

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I have loved you and I’ve held you.

ImageI have loved you and I’ve held you.

Many years,you have been mine;

If the time has come for parting

Let us embrace for one last time.

You know you have to leave me,

Though you desire a longer stay.

Let me hold you in my arms now

For just tonight and perhaps one day.

Then I’ll watch you travel on,sweet.

We take this last step all alone.

I’ll be here beside you watching.

I shall feel when you are gone.

        May you accept, may you surrender

I’m sure you’ll reach the promised land.

Into this earth my tears will fall, love,

As I recall your tender hands

Deserted

The woman walks in a bleak landscape of monotone colors.
With child,she crosses this rough terrain
without a Joseph to protect or a donkey to carry her.
No inn nor stable is here.No cattle nor sheep
nothing alive.
Now she feels her labor pains coming;
Lies down amongst the rocks to wait
Here is an anonymous,faceless figure.
Pronounces himself a doctor.
She labors; he picks up her son.No Messiah nor Oedipus;
Without speaking,he conveys to her,this child  is dead.
Not ever held in the arms of hie mother
Nor father either.
He’s tossed, light as a few feathers,
light almost as a bird
onto a pile of bodies nearby.
Whose unwanted children are these:?
Still lying flat she observes her child
one of many there.
Days pass and strength returns.
Stands now and walks over to say,Farewell.
The child opens his eyes
Mother,they say,mother.
Holds him and presses him into herself for warmth…
Which way to go and when?
No signs, no maps…
Is there a right way?
Is there a guide?
Why was she journeying this way?
She remembers nothing
She has lost almost everything ….
Steps forward..and walks on.
What other choice is there?

You don’t love me any more

I found the message on your door,
You don’t love me any more.
Once you said “Oh,je t’adore”
Confusin’ ,musin’ losin’.
Why leave your message on display?
It’s been pinned up there all day.
I feel it’s such a cruel way.
Posin’,.musin’,.choosin’.
Can’t you tell me face to face,
Are you so short of human grace?
A brief letter would show more taste.
Deludin,broodin,floosin’.
Let me learn a lesson here.
I will not live my life in fear.
I’ll just shift into high gear
Illusion,fusion,musin’.
Once I thought that you loved me.
You announced it on the BBC.
Was it just publicity?
Amazin’,fazin’,crazin’.
Everybody has one life,
Sometimes filled with woe and strife.
Your loss went through me like a knife.
But,thank God I’m not your wife!
Musin’,choosin”,loosin,boozin’.

Your absence has so distanced us in grief.

Image

I try to feel through dark and distant space
To where you dwell in a so called “heavenly” place.
And you are far from those of us, who care.
Our hearts are dulled with loving thoughts not shared
Your absence has so distanced us in grief.
We can neither share our loss, nor gain relief.
I stare into the star filled sky at night
And see a space almost devoid of light.
I feel into the edges of my soul
I sense,somewhere, a partially dismembered whole.
Would new technology be able to aid my view,
As I search everywhere for some tiny trace of you?
How can someone vanish suddenly in the night,
And never ,from then on, be in my sight?
I wish that I’d been there when you went off,
Then I could have expressed ,in touch,my heartfelt love.
Shall I never hear again your gleaming tenor voice
Enchanting me once more with your intriguing choice?
Shall I not even find the laces from your shoes,
Floating gently back to earth through these  elm trees?
I see more flocks of gracious geese flash by.
Are those your fingers tracing lines across the sky?
Do you too see these geese from up above?
But you’re on the other side, too far from love.
And even with the very new best technology
There’s no way back now , so you won’t ever be
With us again,Goodbye,Goodbye Goodbye
I’ll turn away my tear filled green- blue eyes,
And look at all that’s near,as I’m still here.
I know now you’re too far away ,too far away, too far away ,my dear.
I know now that you’re too far away,my dear.
How can we learn to live with love, not fear,
As we go on ,now, down these coming years?
So sad that you’re not near,not here,not here,my dear.
Shall I sometimes, in the night pretend, you’re there,
Oh,that heaven were not  so agonisingly too ,too far?
As we slide down the escape chute of the years,
Like children clutching at our teddy bears.