Tag: light verse

The Bible add on:Evening at home

NEW RELIGIOUS TAX ON KOSHER DOGS IS UNFAIR!
NEW RELIGIOUS TAX ON KOSHER DOGS IS UNFAIR! (Photo credit: roberthuffstutter)
Easter morning headline
Easter morning headline (Photo credit: c_neuhaus)
Thus Saith The Lord God
Thus Saith The Lord God (Photo credit: premasagar)

And it came to pass that they ate their dinner
and that she did washeth up.
And she did leave the dishes to drain
Whilst she put on the washing machine.
and the man was very pleased.

And it further came to pass
that she gave the man some pudding
and he was more pleased.
And then it came to pass the he fell asleep
By the fire.

And the Lord God,said
who is this man that sleepeth by his fire?
And He said,I shall waken him up
And the man awoke,
And God spake unto him

How is it that the woman laboureth in ye kitchen.
And that thou sleepeth here in an armchair.
And the man said,
But Thou didst order women to labour.
And the Lord God said unto the man
Why dost thou remember so selectively what I have said?
And the man said,
I knoweth not and therefore I will help this woman.
And the Lord God said,
Why dost thou not think of it thyself?
And the man said in reply,
It was Thou that made me,O God.

And the Lord God was displeased with the man.
so he called down a plague of butterflies
To prevent him from sleeping.
And when the woman came in
she was much pleased to see these butterflies
and so she fell onto the man
And he did make love unto her.
And the cat was very pleased.

For it thrilled a cat to watch humans loving
and gave him hope
That the Lord God would take his rib and make a mate for him.
And indeed it doth seem to have happened
Judging by all the cats staring in ye old window here;
And by their ecstatic yelps
That the Lord God was very generous with them
and made them many mates.
For truly there is no jealousy among them
And they mate freely and happily
and never have rows about the washing up..
as they eat straight from the can.Amen

Here endeth today’s lesson.
Be thou kind to thy mate always

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I see the sun through closed eye lids

English: Poppies and cornflowers in Jubilee Park.
English: Poppies and cornflowers in Jubilee Park. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Cornflowers
Cornflowers (Photo credit: simone-walsh)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

English: Buttercup meadow The shorter creeping...
English: Buttercup meadow The shorter creeping buttercups (Ranunculus repens) are most popular in this field however patches of the much taller meadow buttercup (Ranunculus acris) are abundant. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Underneath the deep sky,sweetheart,
You shall be the one.
You were with me in the dark
When all the rest were gone.

When the trees grow their green leaves,
I’ll love you all night long.
When the flowers fill the cornfields
Love shall be our song.

Poppies red.and linseed blue
Shall decorate my dress.
Hold me in your arms tonight
While I my love confess.

Meadows filled with buttercups
Fill my inner eye.
I love the scent of minty leaves
When my mind is all awry.

I see the sun through closed eye lids
And rose scent’s in the air.
Wherever summer joy comes from….
We have had our share

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It runs in the family

Zebras
Zebras (Photo credit: flöschen)

 

photo1049_001Oh,yes,I do lovely handwriting

Just like my dad.

It runs in the family

And I like chip sandwiches with butter

It runs in the family.

No,I can’t do cryptic crosswords.

Or enigmatic looks.

It runs in the family.

I read too many clever books

Instead of earning money.

It just runs in the family.

Yes,we are all music freaks.

We listen to Schubert and Schoenberg all night.

It runs in the family.

We are all impolite.

But we can’t help it cos

It runs in the family.

Yes,we all use four letter words,

It’s a free country,besides,

It runs in the family!

And no we can’t write poetry,you see

Writing doesn’t run in my family.

But,we all practice monogamy,

So far,though, unsuccessfully,because

Adultery runs in the family.

Which puts a slightly different complexion on the phrase

“It runs in the family”

But, alas,all of my ancestors are dead.

It runs in the family!

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Tears in your eyes

Autumn 2013 070Until the very end of time I’ll be loving you.
Until the end of all my rhymes,I’ll be writing you.
Until the day I die,I’ll be unintentionally annoying you.
Older and older,I’ll never leave you,but I will,no doubt, grieve you and deceive you,misperceive you.
Otherwise I’ll think of you,wink at you and make a hyperlink to you
Still,for ever,I’ll be all over you..looking for fleas in your floes, and
B’s in your Y’s.
I’ll be looking for tears in your eyes
and making you feel surprised.
That’s a love poem,innit?
Well,innit?
Wot!I’m British,innit!
Oh, geddit!

Lovers flee

LOVE and CARE for you , my Dearest!!!
LOVE and CARE for you , my Dearest!!! (Photo credit: Thai Jasmine (Smile..smile…Smile..))

 

When yet another lover flees my bed
and leaves me cold and lonely in the night,
I wonder is it unkind words I may have said,
Or is it that my eyes have lost

Sweet Noise
Sweet Noise (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

their light?

I lure them in with all my female arts.
They feel I’m like a spider with a trap.
to lure ,devour,digest my foolish guests,
They think there should be warnings on the map,

But some who find me feel they have been blessed.
I give them my attention and desire
I give them tender care and sing sweet songs.
I give them comfort like a winter fire

Oh,come back,sweet one,don’t desert me yet,
The clothes I washed for you are still quite wet!

 

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Don’t go to bed,whatever ,who says!

Don’t go to bed with an elephant

Don’t go to bed with a frog

Their skin is too cold

When they unfold

In need go to bed with a log.

 

 

Don’t go to bed with a cobra

Don’t go to bed with a worm

You will feel fear

When snakes come near.

You may go to bed but you’ll squirm.

 

 

Don’t go to bed with a tiger

Don’t go to bed with a lamb

You may feel warm

But not very calm

Lovers unite against spam.

 

 

Come to my bed in the morning

Come to my bed in the night.

I am very soft

When I am washed

Let’s snuggle up till we’re right

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Friendship problems.. nature consoles

My friend is like an FBI interrogator…asking so many questions

ImageImage

Do you have a friend with no charms?

Do you have a friend who alarms?

Well,go  hug a tree

And  you will then be

Caressed  with nature’s own balm

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Lavender’s blue

Painted 2 My books and home 010

                  By Katherine  Marmalade October 2013

I made love to a tree with no leaves.
Well,I had no clothes on myself so I   was correct
And they say all is flair in love with a toy
Please make no groans about it
It was make love or break down for me
So don’t make out I am less than candid.
I made the glade at noon…on i tunes
And made tracks too in the grass.
I took some pics and caught no pox
I am not making it up really,it just comes in through a hole in my head
Don’t take to raving all night.I won’t heed you
And the tree trunk made your love seem out of sorts.
Why your love makes my blood feel like a coil of wire.
Faking leaves a lady aching!
Love is a phantasm with no orgasm.
No coronary spasm
is as good as a bird in a rush.
Too many books have spelled out wrath. for no reason
So roll your stone
and look for your marbles.
I’m aflame for a laugh…
That’s a free Plath for Hughes

Buy the Oxgrudge Fluke of English Birth free at Ram’s Inn
.

God’s not on a map

 6880061_4bcc9b92ca_m 3
    I bought a brand new A to Z.
    I bought a map of Wales.
    I roamed around the whole day long
    Despite the snow and gales.
    I bought the Ordnance Survey too
    of all of the UK
    I looked at maps on Amazon
    and even on E Bay
    I studied charts of Greenland
    And Africa and France
    I talked to expert geographers
    Who looked at me askance.
    Borneo or Burma?
    Malaysia or Spain?
    Where does Father Brown say..
    I must read his books again
    But giving up, I came back home
    And lay down for a nap
    Suddenly it came to me!
    God’s not on a map.

Be my lovebird

Honesty seed pods

Be my love bird for tonight,
I want you always in my sight.
And I want to hug you too
I do,I do I do.

Winter is a cold affair.
Snow and holly in my hair.
I need your arms to warm me through
I do,I do ,I do,too.

I have to be open with you
I want to win your love somehow.
I feel as if I’ve met my NOW
I do.I do,I do.

I love your eyes,I love your face,
At which I gaze when we embrace.
I love your voice and music taste
I do.I do.I do.

Be my lovebird,be my mate
Don’t let’s ever separate.
Your kisses give me appetite
.They do,they do,they do.

Shall we nest in this larch tree?
There is space for you and me.
And maybe soon there may be three!
We doobie,doobie dooooo.

End of the month humor

Image
We once had a doctor called Powell,
Who spoke to patients mainly in vowels.
When he called I O U,
I asked for A and E too,
As I had so much pain in my bowels.

Image

Then we had a doctor called Keith
Who liked eating chips and roast beef.
He got so obese
We feared for his  very demise.

But he was  spectacularly thin underneath.

Image
We still have a doctor called Satan,
Who is very proficient at mating.
His children are numerous,
Don’t mention  the incubus,
And a true hell on earth they’re creating,
b

Chaste by good fortune

6399449_0b46a66935_m

Stan woke up with a sore throat.

He had to write his wife a note.

He could not speak without much pain.

Oh,dear,he’s got a bug again!

 

 

Mary made him lemon tea.

He listened to the BBC.

He read the  paper front to back;

Did Su doku,called the quack!

 

 

This is Dr Browne right here,

but only gurgles could he hear!

He drove straight round to visit Stan,

He felt concern for this old man!

garden 2

 

Stan was lying in the hall.

Dr.Browne asked,Did you fall?

No,said Stan,I hate my bed.

I thought I’d lie down here instead.

 

 

It may be draughty,never mind.

Dr Browne is very kind.

What about this long settee?

It looks quite like a bed to me.

 

 

I hope you are not feeling gay!

Oh,my my!.What did you say?

I mean it seems a trifle odd

To compare a sofa with a bed.

 

 

I wonder if you love me, Stan?

Stan said,Doctor you’re a man!

I only love the sweeter sex!

Dr Browne looked very vexed.

 

 

Doctor I never knew before.

You are gay.,Oh,zut alors!

Yes,but I am very chaste.

I never go below the waist

 

 

So you just hold hands and kiss?

Yes,my man,it’s utter bliss.

But were do you meet your lovers gay?

I find them mainly on E-bay!

I place small adverts in the Times.

I joined a club for tasting wines.

 

Some I meet by chance alone.

Can’t you settle on just one?

But you are unfaithful to your wife?

You do not lead a saintly life!

 

 

Oh,Mary is not keen on sex,

She sits in bed and sends out texts.

Once our Lyra had been born,

She treated me with utter scorn!

 

 

 

I’m not God, I do not judge.

He gave Stan‘s arm a little nudge.

Don’t you want a tiny hug?

It really may scare off that bug

 

 

So Stan and Dr Browne embraced.

I assure you it was completely chaste.

Stan went off to make hot drinks

While Dr Browne admired his Quinks.

 

 

Do you use a fountain pen?

I use my Shaeffer now and then.

I got it when I went to college.

Through that pen has passed much knowledge.

 

 

But now my mind has gone quite blank.

I’d like to be completely frank.

Was  all my learning utter waste?

Not at all,it kept you chaste.

 

 

While you had your head in books,

It kept attention from your looks.

But now you’re   empty,Je t’adore.

With that he made for Stan’s front door.

 

 

 

Stan was gobsmacked by this visit.

He called to Emile:Oh,what is it?

Even though I’m 93

All I meet want to love me!

 

The English are mainly very queer.

Oh,said Emile,Oh,dear,dear!

Cats  don’t have much time for hugs

They chase the frogs and sleep on rugs

Not a pair of pliers

Unaccustomed as I am,to being……………

Seascape painted by a man's adjunct
  Baby work
 
 
 
 

Unaccustomed as I am

To being the adjunct of a man,

I find it mostly beneficial

To give neat brandy to officials.

 

Unaccustomed is the game

Custom fittings fall like rain.

I dwell among the nuts and bolts

Look down here,you witless dolts!

 

I’m just a pair of kitchen pliers

Made for untwisting your wires.

Keep me in your bottom drawer

In case you need to see a lawyer.

 

This poem is a nonsense rhyme.

Please sign on the dotted line..

If you think my verse too short,

I shall make a wise retort.

 

I like Lewis Carroll best.

Do I pass the nonsense test?

Learn some number theory now.

And write it on your vessel’s prow.

 

Did you say your bedtime prayers.

Do you dress in woolly layers?

Will you dream of me tonight?

I’ll send you schemes in colours bright.

 

I’ve got tennis elbow in both of my feet.

  1.  
    I once used to love eating sweets
    I hated to chew up fat meat.
    My mother didn’t mind.
    As she was so kind.
    Now I’ve got tennis elbow in both of my feet.

    I kept my own bedroom too neat.
    And I pressed all my clothes into pleats.
    The cat was quite wild..
    And I was only a child.
    I got tennis elbow in both of my feet.

    We used to eat oats and brown wheat.
    Digestion was such a fun feat!
    My sister was small..
    And then she grew tall.
    Yet I got tennis elbow in both of my feet

    At last I was due for a treat.
    I heard our cat give a loud bleat.
    A ram walked past our house,
    Wearing my blouse.
    I got tennis elbow in both of my feet.

Ninety one and still loving

Sun through trees
Source: Kathryn
Source: Cat playing
Source: Kathryn
Source: Kathryn

Oh,Stanley Brown is ninety one.

His time to procreate has come!

His lover is now having twins!

See how Stanley grins.

Oh Stanley’s cat is called Emile.

He likes mouse pie and conger eels.

He watches Stanley making out.

He’s curious no doubt!

Why does Emile not find a mate?

Perhaps Emile left it far too late.

Though he has serviced twenty cats.

And killed so many rats.

But none of Emile’s lady mates

Stayed with him past their due date.

So Emile is a bachelor.

He’s peeping through the bedroom door.

He’s watching how these humans mate.

They seem to kiss and celebrate.

They sleep wrapped in each others arms.

This kind of love has charms.

So Emile wants to go online,

To find a site called “Yours is mine.”

He wants to find a sweet,sweet wife.

And live the loving life.

We must give Emile privacy,

Just like we permit Stanley.

They must not be in photo-shoots,

No matter that they’re cute.

Annie gets up in the night.

She keeps peeing,that’s alright.

She’s peeing now for two or three.

Her kidneys are busy.

Stanley brings her morning tea,

Emile notes in his diary.

She wears a dress and looks so bright.

What a cheerful sight.

Stanley has a his pension now.

Will they have child allowance too?

Age Concern will check on that,

While Emile’s on his mat.

Do you think Stan is far too old

To father twins and be so bold?

Should he forfeit his freedom pass?

He’s not short of brass.

Oh,George Osborne is coming round.

He wants to take the old man’s crown
[an old English coin]

He wants to punish older folk.

Ain’t he an evil bloke?

He thinks he will be Camerons’ heir!

He smiles a bit like Tony Blair.

He thinks we’ll all forget his tricks.

And we’ll just take his kicks.

But Stan and Annie organize

A protest march of the Oldies.

Not many are expecting twins,

Not when the march begins!

As you grow old, don’t give up life.

You take a lover or a wife.

You organise campaigns and march

From Camden town to Marble Arch.

You sing Dylan and play guitars.

You know what’s right and it matters.

You don’t leave life to other folk.

Oh,Stan’s a great old bloke.

Politics is for us all.

So get involved whilst you can crawl.

Make protests in your own sweet way.

Go on, begin today

George Osborne is a merry soul.they gave him all our money

 
my hand 3

The Earth keeps googling all of us

To see just where we are.

I am feeling rather angst ridden but,

Nevertheless, I care.

The earth is sweet ,the earth is round

It might be a ginger biscuit,

I think I’ll have to  gnaw on it.

I wonder,shall I risk it?

The earth has many seas on it,

Shall we drink them dry?

You can if you want to do,

I ‘ll just sit and cry.

The earth has googled Nicky Clegg

And found him in Westminster.

She wants to move him up the road,

To somewhere much  more sinister.

She googled Osborne wallpapers,

For to decorate the sky.

But her credit card was out of date,

So she’s not allowed to buy.

George Osborne is a merry soul

They gave him all our money

And  on Budget morning we’ll find out,

If the outlooks’s sunny.

And David Cameron looks down

To see what we will do.

I think that I might emigrate

And so should all of you.

You want to google Mrs.Earth

And she is googling you.

We are much too inquisitive,

And now we are all in view.

The earth is square and made from silk

,t hangs upon my wall.

Don’t let David Cameron know.

I bought it down the mall.

I think I’ll find a rabbit hole

To go down when I worry.

Alice went down one of them

Look how the rabbits scurry.

Those rabbits know more then we do,

Like all of earth’s dear friends,

Don’t google rabbits please I beg

That would be the end.

Dotty cats

No privacy for animals,

No privacy for people

Let’s send google far away,

And climb up the church steeple.

Let bells all ring,let angels sing

And ponder on earth‘s wonders.

We don’t need google earth for that

We do it every Sunday7

my hand 2

The book lover

Two blue cats on pink background
Source: Kathryn
Pink cat gazing
Pink cat gazing

Source: Kathryn
abstract

I once fell in love with a book.

I was unable to eat or to cook.

It’s cover was blue,

That’s my favourite hue too.

I kept giving it meaningful looks

I bought it and carried it home.

I wrapped in white plastic foam.

Alas it expired,

After I had retired.

So I buried it in a bucket of loam.

I never even read my blue book.

What a pity I didn’t take a look.

The attempt to preserve

The love object served

To make me a real  neurotic freak

The moral of my limerick is this

We are alive now,so now we must live.

Don’t keep love back,

You are on the wrong tack.

To live is to love is to give.

ALL FOR THE LOVE OF A TREE

 

 
 

 

 

My daughter‘s in love with a tree,

It’s a most wonderful sight to see.

She hugs it all night

In the pale moonlight.

But what will their joint offspring be?

 

My sister’s in love with a book

She gives it long lustful looks.

She takes it to bed

I think it’s so sad.

If she conceives it will be by a fluke

 

My niece is in love with a girl.

She thought she’d give gay life a twirl.

They dance and they kiss,

O what utter bliss!

I think I might give it a whirl.

 

My neighbor has love on his mind

He’s ancient,,but he is so kind.

He showed interest in me

But I’m in love with a bee.

So I ‘ll have to see who-em I can find.

 

My friend  loves a politician.

You’d know him,you definitely can’t miss him!..

He’s on the T.V.

He’s a P.M. to be.

.She’d be far better off with a tree!

 

The love song of J.Stanley Prufrock

 

Love apples
Love apples

Cat disgusted
Happy cat

Oh,Stan is feeling happy.
His wife has gone away.
She’s gone out to Australia.
She won’t be home till May.

Oh,Stan has got a mistress.
She lives next door to him.
She is very curvy.
She won’t go to the gym!

Her first name it is Annie.
She loves Stan and his cat.
She wears far too much makeup.
Her cheeks are very fat.

She wears bright coloured stockings.
Her handbag’s apple green.
She wears a dark red jacket,
In case she meets the Queen.

Stan loves Annie dearly.
He loves his wife as well.
What will be the outcome?
I’m damned if I can tell.

They’ve been in this threesome
 For twenty seven years;
Even though Stan’s mother
 Said it would end in tears.

Mary is Stan’s wife.
They only had one child.
Her name is little Lyra.
and she is very wild.

She looks quite like a tiger.
Her eyes are very sharp.
But Lyra’s a musician.
She plays an Irish harp.

Stan wanted more children,
But Mary went off sex.
She never let him love her
Except via a text.

She called him her sweet baby.
She called him little lamb.
Stan gets very angry.
For Stanley is a man.

He wants to join with Mary
Like couples usually do.
He wants to unite with her
But she always has the flu.

So now she’s giving lectures
In the southern hemisphere.
So Stan makes love to Annie
And swigs ten pints of beer.

The cat Emile is watching.
He keeps a daily log.
Stan has bedded Annie
Right there on the rug.

He’d vacuumed it that morning
To Emile’s great surprise.
The antics performed on it
Have opened Emile’s eyes.

Now they go to the kitchen
And microwave a meal.
Then Stan says to Annie
“I like the way you feel. ”