At my interview for Uni I said my favourite books were:
To thrill a mocking bird
War and Lease.
A Xmas Carrot..
Picnic capers
Doctor give over..
Sins and incivility
Far from the mad and crowds.
The green and wooden flea.
Oliver missed.
David’s copper failed.
Hard Rhymes.
A book of humour for life buoys.
Cookery snooks..
How to learn anything in five minutes a day.
How to be your own best fiend.
What was it called?
They offered me a job in the library
The doctor told me I have lice.Not even nits..real lice.Still it means I won’t be alone in bed tonight.
My friend was short of money so she ate her children’s goldfish for lunch.When the kids came home she said the goldfish and ascended into heaven like Jesus.With friends like that….I feel holy.
The doctor rang up tonight.He wants me to have a Y ray.What’s a Y ray?It’s what they give you when the X rays are too expensive… they shine a light on you and demand to know Y U R ill so much!Modern speech.. it makes me sick.That;s just my diagnosis but i’ll tell the doctor to save me having a Z ray.
I guess the lice are tired so I shall take all my clothes off and do something vulgar.No,I am not posting a photo of my nude body here.Or even my nude face.If you see my beauty it may harm you by giving you lustful thoughts.Anyway now in the UK you have to have a Brazilian before you go out naked. [it means having all your body hair removed by waxing].Are women mad or what? Don’t say anything now
My last boyfriend went from adoration to disillusionment with me in two weeks
That’s pretty fast!
Apparently I was not fast enough.
You’re better off without that sort.
So,how about someone who loved,adores and worships you for six months before throwing you out like an old newspaper?
You should have let him read between the lines!
Be serious.I am deeply wounded,disjointed and falling into despair
But you only knew him for two weeks
But we spent every night and day together.
Always a mistake.Has he no job?
Yes,he’s hoping to seduce a rich widow.
So how did he get into your arms?
He imagined I looked very rich and was ready to shoot my husband.
But you have no husband
It’s all hypotheatrical.
You mean hypothetical?
Aren’t words odd when you stare at them for a long time?
Like men!
Never stare at a man or he will wonder if you fancy him…
What’s wrong with that/
What you need is a man who’s less impulsive.A slower kind of man..
Not these men who go through you like a dose of salts and leave you tied to the lavatory.
He never tied me to a lavatory
No he left you tied to 100 boxes of paper hankies.
It was so thoughtful of him tp bring them
You could say that
That!
Oh,you are so funny.I just adore you.Tell me,have you ever fancied another woman?
Another than what?
Yourself!
I don’t fancy myself.
What a pity!
Why?
It takes the waiting out of wanting!
Like a credit card
Think about it
I already think too much
Oh,well,come here and I’ll show you what a woman can do for you
Er, sorry,,, I have an appointment..
With whom?
My dentist.
Don’t tell me you are going out with him.
No,we are staying in
Well,you are a fast worker
I have to be as they all leave me so soon
There’s a moral here.
You write it down and show me tomorrow…
I see… off to see how comfy his new dental chair is
I always thought a dentist would be good for a sado-masochistic relationship… or bad of you catch my drift.
I think you are an absolute fool.Will you never learn
What@
To be more discriminating
No,I’ll be incriminating..discrimination is a crime
Whom shall you incriminate
The dentist.. whom else?
My,our English grammar is coming on.
Now we have to call it,British grammar.
But we have no language called British!
British English!
I blame Human Rights Legislation
Oh,give over.It was that common market…I blame de Gaulle!
And that is the end of
“Thoughts for Today” on the BBC Home Service…. and what a service!
“Two minds with but a single thought… how Newton and Leibniz invented calculus.”
I saw that jokey sentence somewhere but it’s funny only to people who know some history .
I find it very strange that quite frequently people in different parts of the world invent or discover the same thing more ore less simultaneously………..this was true long before people could share ideas on the internet.I believe that Charles Darwin’s Evolutionary theory was also invented by someone else and that’s what pushed Darwin to publish it.Whether it’s true or not it has resulted in some dreadful consequences like Eugenics which was favored by Galton and influenced many minds[ of politicians] in Europe in the late 19th and early 20th Centuries with dreadful results…
Many of our discoveries have more than one face… like nuclear power.And now we need so much power,electrical and other to maintain our civilization such as it is now..Some people think we are nearing the end of this era…and some are bringing it on using post modernist thought which has links to Fascist thinking I read though I have never grasped exactly what it is.
How my heart sings 