We’ve seen the tear gas for five weeks
We saw the smoke
If might could let the  people speak
Although the issue’s intricate
They would not choke
If  Solomon would bring his  knife,
And cut the land so cold, so broke,
Would he end the cruel strife
The fire, the smoke?

Can one catch paranoia  like a bug
Feeling insecure and ill at ease
Noone near to offer you a hug?

Being skinless  makes   it hard to love
The heart unwrapped can never take a tease
Can we catch paranoia   from above?

The nerves exposed, the shoulders cannot shrug
Nothing seems like fun or  a mere wheeze
Neighbours will  not let you walk their dog

Is it a disease, is there a drug,
That makes your skin like rubber in the breeze,
Repelling  paranoia, that old bug?

Sensitive to  danger, the heart tugs
Signals fight or flight or final freeze
Noone near  allowed to give that hug

Can one   learn to trust when panic leers
See through the futile fantasies of fear
Can one kill paranoia  like a bug?
Resolve to live with  fear and make it good

In the NYT women are asking how to respond when men at work call them “sweetheart”

One    person suggests calling them “darling” but be careful.I did that once and the man was really happy and thought I loved him.
Another time I was having lunch with some colleagues.Several left to g9 to q meeting.The man remaining then said
I want to have an affair with you.My wife said she doesn’t mind
I nearly fell off  my chair.He was a very nice person and I just pointed out that I was married.
It seemed strange though to come out so bluntly.Did I somehow give the impression I was wanting lovers? There’s no point even thinking as there could be a million reasons.But that approach  is a bit strange even if I were looking for someone.It can happen more easily on blogs but only once to me where I got a message saying,I know you love me!
Well, it was news to me.Then the blogsite closed down.I didn’t do it.The owners got fed up.

 

 

The sunset is pale
Coral with grey finger marks~
No bird sang today

The little cat lies on my garden chair
Yellow and distinctive is her stare
Off she leaps  and finds  her hiding hole
She drinks rain water from a plastic bowl
She’s dark like coal with no white patch of fur
I wish the cat would stay,I am prepared
But she is shy and does not ever dare
Here’s  the sun umbrella and its pole
The sound of birds  in shrubs will  make her bold
The little cat

How well designed she is, for wear and tear
Whatever scientists say,I know God’s  here.
Oh, on the   desperation of a human soul
He will send out rays  of marvellous  gold
Yet to  such visions we must not aspire
Just little cat

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/05/the-confidence-gap/359815/

 

“Even as our understanding of confidence expanded, however, we found that our original suspicion was dead-on: there is a particular crisis for women—a vast confidence gap that separates the sexes. Compared with men, women don’t consider themselves as ready for promotions, they predict they’ll do worse on tests, and they generally underestimate their abilities. This disparity stems from factors ranging from upbringing to biology.

A growing body of evidence shows just how devastating this lack of confidence can be. Success, it turns out, correlates just as closely with confidence as it does with competence. No wonder that women, despite all our progress, are still woefully underrepresented at the highest levels. All of that is the bad news. The good news is that with work, confidence can be acquired. Which means that the confidence gap, in turn, can be closed.”

http://nfs.sparknotes.com/tempest/page_48.html

	ARIEL (sings)  Full fathom five thy father lies.  Of his bones are coral made.  Those are pearls that were his eyes.  Nothing of him that doth fade,  But doth suffer a sea-change  Into something rich and strange.  Sea-nymphs hourly ring his knell

The more you know yourself, the more patience you have for what you see in others.

https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/Barmecide

 

• A person who offers benefits that are illusory or disappointing.

  Example sentences

Origin

Early 18th century (as a noun): from Arabic Barmakī, the name of a prince in the Arabian Nights’ Entertainments, who gave a beggar a feast consisting of ornate but empty dishes.

 

 

“Fresh words could help us arrive at fresh ideas, for there is an intimate connection between thought and word. Careful use of words requires careful thinking.”

Thomas Moore

In Israel they have the Dead Sea and in Italy the Holy See.And sinners see as well.

Don’t tell Aviv I read Hebrew between the lines

My husband told me in a dream to move to Ealing. So I went to A & E and then to a spiritual healer.After all my husband is in heaven.So I am going to the beauty salon for a full body massage.And my body is very full.It will be like Heaven to me

My dread is the freezer breaking down while I am in Malaga

O,slow dear.Don’t let the bloomsbury set swallow you.

Oh, you are such a rotter,damn!

He asked if Nick could see her but she’s in Malta.

So,hoe my field and plant my panorama in the British Library.

She’s just a little Minx tonight

Will Brussels sprout again?

What are Vichy potatoes?

But a pest is not needed here.We have more than we can use.

Ici ma tante,ici mon oncle and ici monaco.Ou est ma tomato?

I feel as if I have Riga mortis.

Warsaw is an apt name for this sad city and the Jews who rose from the Ghetto and fought so bravely.And the Poles who fought the Nazis while the Russians stayed away,

She wore a short dress and a cape in town.Before she discovered Bikini

There’s an ambush, a rose bush and then there is Stellenbosch.What does it mean?

Meaning is not innate nor in Innsbruck

Like many of you,I have a lot of cables,chargers,pencils for drawing, other art materials and so on.I have a really nice  wicker basket  with a  lid on wheels which I can’t get on the bus anymore.I thought one day,if I got some polythene bags in different colours I could put some of these things inside.And it does work for me and holds a lot.Not recommended as shared storage with a family member!
Sewing boxes with compartments are useful.Maybe fishing bags?

As you can see I have a broken lamp which my husband bought and I keep hoping I can mend it but maybe soon I will decide it can’t stay,His family always have a lot of ornaments and pottery and so on.Meanwhile I use the lamp from IKEA.
Emotionally I find it hard to remove things we bought together.I am sure if I were a bit stronger I could fix that lamp
I realise as well that  keeping these things is a way of clinging to his  presence.But  I don’t have that much space.I have spent many hours drawing that lamp before and after it was broken.So it holds a lot of emotions for me
I suppose it’s books that I have collected over the years.I gave away my textbooks and mathematics ones but I want to keep enough to feel I can take a little break from life  by immersing myself in them.

My art teacher said never throw your work away.I was the least able person in the class but  when I look at my creations I think they are better than I feared.Words come to me easier than images.I still feel nervous but  it helped me to do digital art
I think I must be the eternal student.But I recommend it as it helps me through hard times when I can sit and write or draw.I feel lucky I’ve been able to start writing so late and got to  enjoy it very much.I am sad when I hear people say,I can’t write poetry or draw.If you learned to write with a pencil at the age of 5 ot 6 then you can learnt to draw.. as long as you are prepared for the peculiar images you might produce and also for the odd bit of envy or cruelty or truth

I have also been fortunate in being able to use Mike Flemming’s  photographs and been encouraged by  his enthusiasm  for nature, books,poetry and music.A  pleasure to  have a  younger brother  like Mike.I hope  you enjoy  his images as much as I do

https://scroll.in/article/834722/i-like-the-process-of-writing-poetry-to-be-play-rather-than-work-doodling-rather-than-penance

 

“Who are some of your biggest influences in your poetry? 
My influences are as varied as Wallace Stevens, TS Eliot, Adrienne Rich, Basho, Tukaram, Akka Mahadevi, Sangam poetry, Denise Levertov and Neruda! I admire AK Ramanujan as poet and as translator, and Arun Kolatkar as well. And there are many poets whose work I enjoy, who are too numerous and varied to name from John Burnside to Savithri Rajeevan and Manglesh Dabral!

What is the state of contemporary poetry in India? 
Contemporary Anglophone poetry in India seems to be bristling with activity. There are lit fests, poetry competitions, performance poetry sessions, spontaneous addas, and quite a flurry on the internet and in social media, in particular. Something’s definitely in the air. And that’s to be celebrated.

Of course, when a form is suddenly on the upswing, there will be a fair amount of indifferent verse as well. That’s inevitable. There do, however, seem to be several distinct, self-assured and skilled voices that have emerged on the scene and that’s exciting.

On another level, it takes time for even the most assured voices to truly become themselves. For craft alone does not make a poem, and neither does mere inspiration. There’s a particular mix of innocence and experience, of assurance and bewilderment that is integral to a creative process – and that takes a long time to arrive at. Probably a lifetime. It’s part of the much larger journey of growing into yourself.”

“Give me a home
that isn’t mine
where I can slip in and out of rooms
without a trace”

“Airport lounges, flights – those are good places to scribble random lines. And my bed is a good place to revisit those lines and work with them. I like the process to seem as undoctored as possible, so that it feels like play rather than work, doodling rather than penance. So, no desks for me – that would be too formal, too deliberate. You need a studied carelessness to write a poem. A kind of lazy guile. And ball point pens and books that allow me to scribble in the margins – that’s my thing. Many of my poems have been birthed in the margins!

Quiet definitely helps. I need a lot of it anyway, more than most people I know. But on occasion, a bustling café can offer just the right mix of dynamism and stillness. While others are busy leading their lives, you can quietly follow the course of your poem. That’s fun!”

https://www.macmillandictionary.com/dictionary/british/elusive

In  human hearts there is an unhealed wound
From such loss no person is immune
Mine I feel.with yours I empathise
For finding  we are like is no surprise
In close up.  the horror seems to loom
In perspective, it  is no High Noon
And from another angle, perhaps a boon
Arriving  by some mystery in disguise
In human hearts
By envy grief and  anger we’re consumed
Until we wish to die to end our doom
Yet should we look again with different eye
We shake our heads and shiver at the lie
As if perception’s shackled onto zoom
In human hearts

 

 

https://lithub.com/on-envy-unsatisfied-desire-and-not-waiting-for-permission/

 

Extract

Michele Filgate: Taylor, in your novel Stranger, Father, Beloved your character Michael sees his wife talking to another man at a party and is certain that’s the man she should have married. From the outside Michael is a successful man with a nice house and a perfect family, or so it seems. So why is a man who seems to have everything envious of a moment of passion he witnesses between his wife and a stranger?

Taylor Larsen: I love the question because it contains the answer. He sees passion for a second and that’s what’s missing from his life. He is one of these people who is so caught in his head and disconnected from his real desires that he actually sees two people having a spontaneous, beautiful moment and is so envious and it just ignites in him this desire to be spontaneous, to be in the moment. As someone who is sort of an intellectual, I can relate to that feeling of feeling really disconnected and wanting passion, which is kind of what I think everybody really wants deep down.

Photograph by Sean Fitzroy.

MF: Jamie, in Fire Sermon you write, “C.S. Lewis says that if we were able to return to the locus of our nostalgia, the place or person or spot of time in which we experienced joy, we would find only more nostalgia. As far back as we could go—a view from a childhood window, patterned light on a nursery wall—we would find only an unsatisfied desire that is itself more desirable than any other satisfaction. An indication not of the illusion of our existence, but of its ultimate reality elsewhere. A home we once knew but can’t quite remember, to which we will someday return.”

And that’s just beautiful, I think it’s an appropriate way to look at envy, this idea of the unsatisfied desire being something we have always known but we can’t always grasp.

Jamie Quatro: That envy in ourselves, if we kind of take a step back from it, and evaluate it and observe it and think, well, what is it that I’m envious of, that can be an indication of something, like from that passage, some longing that we have in ourselves—possibly a calling.

For example, when I was growing up and kind of starting to get my feet wet writing and I would go to these readings, and I would go to these events and I would see authors sitting up front, I had this feeling in my stomach like—I want that, I want to do that. And now I’m like why did I want to do that. [laughter] It’s terrifying. But truly I would feel this passion and I think that it was like the coin flip of envy. I was envious but I was also excited and it motivated me and it made me want to go home and write. So I think if you can step back from your own envy and see those things and evaluate and it and say, OK I think this is an indication of something, an indication of my calling. Let it motivate me and flip it on it’s head like Kate said, it can help you with motivation.

Someone told me that when you envy someone else that implicit in that idea is that you believe there is a pie and only so much of it available, and if someone else gets a piece of that pie that’s less pie for me. But that’s bunk. [If] we encourage and support each other the more success there is, it multiplies. To remember that when you feel that envious feeling.

Poetry & Ritual

Beginning:

“I wrestled with death as a
threshold, an aporia, a bandit,
a part of life”

–Akilah Oliver

“The poem is restorative, rather
than fragmenting.”

–Alexandra Grilikhes

for Anne Waldman

Can I take a walking stick  on the train ?
Can it talk as well?

Can I take my hat off  before I sit down?
Gosh,is it on your behind?

Can I eat pizza with my bare hands
You tell me.

Can I have an egg for  breakfast?
You may.

Is there any milk in the bottle
Yes,baby.

Can I play cricket?
Well,it looks like cricket but who gives  the permission?

Shall I part my hair?
You need at least two to part.

Am I human?
God only knows!

Do I need a crutch on holiday?
Are you planning to go in the Fall?

Do I need a crepe bandage
I suggest you  try it on your mouth.

Why are you cruel?
To be kind.

Why are you not very intelligent?
Je suis  le moron de Tel Aviv.At least my T shirt says that, a gift from an admirer.
But are you agreeing you are stupid
Read between  the mines

https://www.moneycrashers.com/small-house-living/

To save money

1. Watch Less Television. To curb the impulse to buy, cut down on watching TV. We don’t have cable, and when we do watch TV, we tune in to public television, or watch a movie. The less TV you watch, the less ads you see, which means the less pressure you feel to go out and buy new things all the time.
2. Adopt a Strategy. If you bring something new into the house, something of equal size should go. I keep a bin in the downstairs closet to make adding to the donation pile quick and easy. Figure out what works best for your lifestyle and space, and set it up.
3. Make Use of All Free Space. Use furniture that has closed storage built in. Nothing makes a small house look smaller than clutter. If you can keep it organized, your house will look and feel a lot bigger.
4. Work With Color. People differ on whether bright paint colors make a room look bigger, or whether darker colors actually make a room look large. I’ve erred on the side of bright and cheerful. My own home is full of color: turquoise, orange, red, off-white, green, and yellow. The result of this bright color palette is that, at least in my opinion, each room feels open and full of energy and possibility. If you live in a small home, don’t be afraid to experiment with color to find a blend that makes it feel open and inviting. At least if you don’t like the color, the room is small enough so that repainting won’t take that long!

All in all, living small successfully means staying mindful of the physical objects you choose to live with. This mindfulness is, I believe, sorely lacking in today’s society. And many small home owners would say the same, including Weaver.

“I think it does make you think about what you can get by on,” Weaver says. “That you don’t need a bunch of stuff to be happy. There’s something of value in knowing that you can get by on living with less.”

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2018/may/03/sex-a-key-part-of-life-for-people-over-65-study-says

Arthritis and   angina won’t  stop me
I’ll have a sex life till I’m ninety three
I’ll take a mini aspirin and  trust luck
For I feel like I need a total shock

I’m sure we’ll find a posture we can use
If I lie down then you can suck my toes
If you need many kisses just keep still
I feel I can give fifty with good will

We’ll have to go to Pilates and gym
If we’re not married,will it be a sin?
I feel it keep my elan high  to  care
For a nice man who wants to  brush my hair

And then we must keep clean to be prepared
In case  we get a chance to all unbare
So it  is good to keep us in the flow
People come and sometimes have to go

I’ll keep  my GNT beside the bed
To olive oil  and perfume I am led.~
And we can use a waterproof or two
To keep the mattress dry as I love you.

Incontinence will mortify the shy
As from their body water seems to fly
But do not fear the shame will be the end
Don’t give up  unless you cannot bend.

Two stiff old  people smiling in their bed
Was it for this that we on dew  were fed?
See us drink our tea from china mugs.
In Hartlepoole we drank tea  from pot jugs

On Teesside people speak a different tongue
So we can swear while singing a love song
Noone understands the  Viking lore
Light a fire and I’ll reveal much more

https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/explore/weird-and-wonderful-words/

A few I chose

astrobleme	an eroded remnant of a large, ancient crater made by the impact of a meteorite or comet
Attic salt	refined, incisive wit
autotomy	the casting off of a limb or other part of the body by an animal under threat, such as a lizard
badmash	Indian a hooligan
bandoline	a sticky preparation used for setting hair
bardolatry	humorous excessive admiration of Shakespeare (‘the Bard of Avon’)
Barmecide	illusory or imaginary and therefore disappointing
barn burner	N. Amer. a very exciting or dramatic event, especially a sports contest; first used of an exceptionally good hand at bridge.
bashment	W. Indian a large party or dance
bawbee	Scottish a coin of low value
benthos	the flora and fauna on the bottom of a sea or lake
bergschrund	a type of crevasse
bezoar	a small hard, solid mass which may form in the stomachs of animals such as goats or sheep
bibliopole	a person who buys and sells books, especially rare ones
bichon frise	a breed of toy dog with a fine, curly white coat
bilboes	an iron bar with sliding shackles, used to fasten prisoners’ ankles
bindlestiff	N. Amer. a tramp
bingle	Austral. informal a collision
blatherskite	a person who talks at great length without making much sense
bleeding edge	the very forefront of technological development
blind pig	N. Amer. informal a place where alcoholic drinks are sold illegally
bobsy-die

Fried orange rind with duck’s legs and whispers of potato
Speckled eggs in the cup with Turkish pudding and  bastard
Lemon fried soles and heels on brown lice with green ballet
Yorkshire pudding in union flag and  postures
Pick your own pig and we will slaughter in  immediately.You pay.
Unknown meat in thick gravy and sprouting greetings

Pay with real money and we give you real food

 

Out of all the people on this earth
Is it merely chance that I loved you?
Who can tell me what my love was worth?

My  haunted aunt, afflicted by a curse,
Married someone cruel and was so blue
So are  many people on this earth.

Out of love we hope there will be birth
A child, a poem a thought, a clue
Who dares tell me what my love was worth?

Love must surely tempered be  by mirth
And for me this  is  is  now overdue
As for many people on this earth.

Now I wander random  on these paths
Am I seeking you or someone new?
Who  shall tell me what my love is worth?

As the grass is wetted with the dew
So my tears ran  softly over you
Out of all the people on this earth
Why  do  strangers ask   me for love’s worth

 

 

 

 

 

 

A British celebration comes in May
The month not politician rest assured,
A wedding  Royal , a love and its display

Remember kind  Diana and the Play
She  gave her little sons  her love mature
A British celebration comes in May

Why do they give no workers’ holiday?
The souls of politicians are impure
A wedding  Royal , a love and its display

We might have had a party and felt gay
The   entire street united, not so sour
A British celebration comes in May

Those who hate the Royals can go away
No enforced watching must  these men endure
A wedding  Royal , a love and its display

For unconscious racists, conscious cure
Meghan helps us all with sweet allure
A wedding  Royal ,a lasting love displayed
A world wide celebration comes in May

https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/love-poems

The town of Alston in Cumbria BBC

A hamster,damn.
Where does glass go?
I’ve done Dee a favour
The isle of Wight is changing its name soon as people can’t spell Wight
The isle of Dogs has to let cats in
Blackheath  says it is having electric lights put  all over it.
Well, who was the Carl in Carlisle and who was the Ull in Ullswater
Don’t mention  Pen’s wrath.
I used to hear mum saying Shap fell.But to whom?
Loch Lomond  is changing to Loch Lowmood as  the people who fell in are not happy bunnies any more
What made us build a town as high as Alston in Cumbria?Was it so we could see the Langdale Pikes below us?
I will lift up mine eyes to the hills

Mesmerised by   voices in my head
I did not  live by senses or desire
But into inner chatting I was led

Do I think democracy is dead?
Do I think my good friend is a liar?
Listening   to the voices in my head

Will I faint or  blush in someone’s bed?
Shall I light the oven or the fire?
Into inner wordiness I’m led

Silence  gives  us space  for joy and dread
Too much talking makes the mind feel tired
Shall I miss the gossip someone said?

In our psyche  is a space for God
Yet fear too can erupt  with rapid tread
All my inner chatting hurts my head

The senses teach the soul how we might pray
Being alive to Nature in the day
Weary of  the Plays inside my head
I  looked at trees  and flowers and birds instead