Allergy to dusk

With my broken-hearted syndrome and my allergy to dusk
With my head inside a bottle and my body still unwashed
I don’t know my arrival time;my soul’s got a new desk

I need a pile of money, I wonder should I busk?
I need a sturdy saviour as Jesus has got lost
With my broken-hearted syndrome and my allergy to dusk

I saw a few pink elephants but none had any tusks
I need a lot of money and a salad that’s been tossed
I don’t know my arrival time nor if my soul’s got frost

We used to go to cinemas and consume big bags of crisps
Now that we are ancient we need a defter wrist
Mend our potty syndromes and the fear of musk and dusk

The hair once long and silky has matured into small whisps
The eyes so blue and singular turn red when I am pissed
I don’t know my survival times nor if my soul loves rust

I was looking for a husband but I found an iron fist
Oh, men, you don’t need armour in the bedrooms of the lost
With my broken-hearted syndrome and my allergy to facts
I don’t know my arrival time, the timetable’s been wrecked

Enough

Oh silence hissing

Silent, arms and legs akimbo, floating
In a cloud of photographs and files
I must not think there is no solid ground below
The act goes on but I ‘m not reconciled

No one speaks to me, the alien woman
I see the fence, invisible the door
Floating with my feet like hands contentious
I must not think there is no second floor

Silent with constriction in my larynx
Flying with the wind an awful presence
Where the edges. where the strapped up artist?
Where the place such silence starts to lessen?

Floating through detritus, not existing
Not the journey ‘s end, oh silence hissing
,

Much more flippantly

The wind blew fresh leaves
Across my pale countenance
I did not need that

The trees are swaying
Not as ballerinas do
Much more flippantly

They do not keep time
With human clocks and watches
A different drummer

The storm hovers here
Like an eagle on a cloud
Deciding on prey

Why use tarot cards
When we have sky and sunshine
When we have neighbours?

Sylvia saw a yew
Sylvia , a rook, the rain fell
Feathers gleamed like coal

Oh, Ariel runs
Sylvia becomes a myth
Knee and heel, the ride

Into the hot sun
Into the ennobling flame
The alchemy of fire

Gold from coal dust comes
What good is this to children?
The cauldron bubbles

The orchestra played

I am fortunate
If I can find two gloves now
One left and one right

The other problem
My hands are misshapen too
Ladies’ gloves might not fit me.

I can be a man
If I decide I want to be
There! I wear your gloves now.

But I prefer scarves
Made for women, with flowers
Embroidery, silk, cashmere.

My taste is quite good
I know I like your image
You stand on the bridge in Prague

In Wenceslaus Square
The orchestra played Ma Vlast
The Elektion

Holocaust Museum
Children’s coloured drawings are
Butterflies for God

He died too with them
So we have no floor to stand on
Everything’s trembling

I forgot I am.
I was lost somewhere other
How I stand on air.

As I rise enriched

As I rise enriched from deeps of grief
I feel alone as if my old world’s gone
Though trees still flaunt their newborn coats of leaves

The passing of the years, our life seems brief
Oh, love, oh death, oh fear, oh lost my own
Must I retreat from darker depths of grief?

What new space must you and I conceive?
How shall I live where my love was undone
While trees will haunt with summers of green leaves

Our latent wishes, frozen, must deceive
Oh, Freudian world, oh, Foucault, oh Lacan
Must I leave the holy depths of grief?

Like the flowers, most die on graves of grief
Oh, Shakespeare, elegaic, oh John Donne
See trees still image life in shining leaves

Misfortune strikes, still love and heart shall win
As we cling to life with threads so thin
When we rise enriched from depths of grief
The trees delight in mantels of green leaf

Discord or harmony

Clematis-macropetala-Wesselton

https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/discord

Extract

1. 1.1 (of things) be different.
  
  ‘the party’s views were apt to discord with those of the leading members of the government’
  
  More example sentences

Origin

Middle English: from Old French descord (noun), descorder (verb), from Latin discordare, from discors ‘discordant’, from dis- (expressing negation, reversal) + cor, cord- ‘heart’.

Pronunciation

discord

NOUN/ˈdɪskɔːd/

discord

VERB/dɪsˈkɔːd/

Trust, itself. will widen gaze

Inside my heart, this sacred place
Where freely mingle truth and grace
Where friends and enemies alike
Are viewed as equals for love’s sake

Inhabited by deeper self
In touch with soul that in me dwells
I leave my failures gladly here
I will not live in morbid fear

I don’t insult the force divine
By pride in any good that’s mine
For willpower cannot birth virtue
But can attend to the eye’s view

By trusting in the vast unknown
We turn attention from the known.
Our eyes relax and gaze without
To bring proportion to our doubts

Trust, itself. will widen gaze
And enable us to find our ways.
With terror, fear or loss of pride
Constriction comes to human eyes.

Perception is the highest good
By what we see, we choose our road.
The blind rush like the swine to hell
In patient, watchfulness let’s dwell.

Life may be the flood plain and the flow

He has done with me, his earthly woman now
Gone away as dust motes dance in air.
I must live, I wonder where and how

To the fiercer visions, my eye goes
All is snatched while we seem mute and bare
He has done with me, his earthly woman now

What is this killing Nature, it does cow
The mighty King, the princess blue-eyed, fair
I must live, I wonder when and how

Life is may be the flood plain and the flow
Emperors are killed by those who dare
Who has gone from me, a widow now?

The Ouse drops from the Pennines and it grows
Until it drowns the earth, the Minster’s prayers
Must I stay on grievous tears afloat?

Oblivious to the people and the stares
Oblivious to this sleep and its nightmares
He did for me, his earthly female spouse
I could not swim, my heart sank from the blow

The tarmac heats as if it wants to leave

Near my destination my mind swerves
The object of my passion’s hard to catch
In a fast car bending roads to curves

Do we ever overcome our love?
Do we think the next one is our match?
Near my destination my mind swerves

I am thinking of the words I heard
When the door was left upon the latch
Shall my car grind roads into deep curves?

With the passion my heart leaps and heaves
The Sacred Heart was mentioned , a faux pas
Near my start and end ,my mind will swerve

The tarmac heats as if it wants to leave
The rubber on the tyres screams at last
In a fast car bending roads to curves

We mix up the future and the past
The future is not written nor surpassed
Near my destination my mind swerves
In its fast car bending roads to curves

Then the creatures wild may be allured

Sitting in the garden with no thoughts
Empty minded,listening to the birds
Ideas rise up like fishes to be caught

Activity and purpose may be taught
Not silence and deep listening beyond words
Sitting in the garden with no thoughts

Creative moments cannot yet be bought
We think upon the conversations heard
Ideas rise up like fishes to be caught

The mind is best when muscles are not taut
Then the creatures wild may be allured
Sitting in the garden with these thoughts

What arrives is rarely what we sought
Pain and feelings darker may occur
Ideas rise up like fishes to be caught

Relaxation makes the visions blurred
This is not the end of the affair
Sitting in the garden with my thoughts
Ideas rise up and dance and then are caught.

Jacquiline Wilson

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/feb/06/jacqueline-wilson-interview

“It is strange,” says Wilson as she gets up to leave, “that sometimes people assume the worst of children if they come from poor families. I remember being astonished when I took my daughter to a party given by her schoolfriend’s parents. They lived in a lovely, big house very near the block of council flats where I grew up. The mother was very friendly to me, and said how pleased she was that our daughters were friends because obviously she could have nothing to do with ‘those dreadful scary rough children from the council flats’. I didn’t want to embarrass her by saying that I had once been one of those very children.”

Keats’ life

https://www.biography.com/writer/john-keats

“Keats’ daring and bold style earned him nothing but criticism from two of England’s more revered publications, Blackwood’s Magazine and the Quarterly Review. The attacks were an extension of heavy criticism lobbed at Hunt and his cadre of young poets. The most damning of those pieces had come from Blackwood’s, whose piece, “On the Cockney School of Poetry,” shook Keats and made him nervous to publish “Endymion.”

Keats’ hesitation was warranted. Upon its publication the lengthy poem received a lashing from the more conventional poetry community. One critic called the work, the “imperturbable driveling idiocy of Endymion.” Others found the four-book structure and its general flow hard to follow and confusing.

Recovering Poet

How much of an effect this criticism had on Keats is uncertain, but it is clear that he did take notice of it. But Shelley’s later accounts of how the criticism destroyed the young poet and led to his declining health, however, have been refuted.

Keats in fact, had already moved beyond “Endymion” even before it was published. By the end of 1817, he was reexamining poetry’s role in society. In lengthy letters to friends, Keats outlined his vision of a kind of poetry that drew its beauty from real world human experience rather than some mythical grandeur. ”

More from Keats’ letter

huttonroof2017-1

SpringFlowers2019

“It has been an old comparison for our urging on – the Beehive; however, it seems to me that we should rather be the flower than the Bee – for it is a false notion that more is gained by receiving more than giving – no, the receiver and the giver are equal in their benefits. The flower, I doubt not, receives a fair guerdon from the Bee – its leaves blush deeper in the next spring – and who shall say between man and woman which is the most delighted”

Diligent indolence

img_20190311_170607 http://www.john-keats.com/briefe/190218.htm

Extract from a Keats’ letter

When Man has arrived at a certain ripeness in intellect any one grand and spiritual passage serves him as a starting-post towards all ‘the two-and-thirty Palaces.’ How happy is such a voyage of concentration, what delicious diligent Indolence! …Nor will this sparing touch of noble Books be any irreverence to their Writers – for perhaps the honors paid by Man to Man are trifles in comparison to the Benefit done by great works to the ‘spirit and pulse of good’ by their mere passive existence. Memory should not be called Knowledge – Many have original minds who do not think it – they are led away by Custom. Now it appears to me that almost any Man may like the spider spin from his own inwards his own airy Citadel – the points of leaves and twigs on thich the spider begins her work are few, and she fills the air with a beautiful ciruitin

Mysteries

Why is Pythagorus’s theorem not mentioned in the Bible?
Was Homer acquainted with grief?
What pen did St Paul use?
Why did the Jews not discover Logic? It was all Greek to them.
Mythos is the Hebrew Way.
Futility is British now.
They used Word 365 to write the stories down, no doubt.
Microsoft wrote the Bible? I can’t believe it! Did Jesus know?
Well, what will Google write?
We await Revelations
Facebook is waiting to show the Apocalypse the door,Now!
Spelled wring again
I’ll wring your neck in a minute.No hands!

Was it for this that God endured the Fall?

At midnight I was tidying my room
Oh,not feeling tired, can’t sleep in tune
But in the morning I feel tired as hell
After sixty sinners burned pell mell!

My room looked even worse than I believed
I fell sideways, then I was relieved
My head cracked on the mirror on the wall
Was it for this that God endured the Fall?

I thought the wardrobe door was my way out
It would not open even with a clout
Where’s my husband with his soothing touch?
I lost him once so I’m not very rich.

Noone here to listen as I sob
Nothing like a kiss on Lyme’s old Cobb
Noone to be happy if I laugh
None to phone the doctor when I cough

I fear to go upstairs in case I dream
I’m giving birth too early with no screens

How shall we sanctify our little hour?

What meaning has a buttercup in flower?
So many trodden down in meadows green
How shall we sanctify each little hour?

The celandine ‘s no warrior full of power
Underneath my apple tree they bloom
What meaning has the life of any flower?

Their very being brings grace, disgusts the dour
They live so wisely while by sun consumed
Melodious is their soul song for an hour

We saw the princess followed from her tower
Was her life superior in its doom?
What meaning has the life of any , even flowers?

Diana hunted, shot, her image ours
She consumed herself ,was her own food
Her funeral -leaded coffin we endured

If we are intent we hear life’s tunes
Standing on cracked paths, with stiff old brooms
What meaning has a buttercup in flower?
Do not demand meaning, it’s no cure.

Chagrin

NewRiver_rev

https://www.etymonline.com/word/chagrin

chagrin (n.)

1650s, “melancholy,” from French chagrin “melancholy, anxiety, vexation” (14c.), from Old North French chagreiner or Angevin dialect chagraigner “sadden,” which is of unknown origin, perhaps [Gamillscheg] from Old French graignier “grieve over, be angry,” from graigne “sadness, resentment, grief, vexation,” from graim “sorrowful,” which is perhaps from a Germanic source (compare Old High German gram “angry, fierce”).

But OED and other sources trace it to an identical Old French word, borrowed into English phonetically as shagreen, meaning “rough skin or hide” (the connecting notion being “roughness, harshness”), which is itself of uncertain origin. Modern sense of “feeling of irritation from disappointment, mortification or mental pain from the failure of aims or plans” is from 1716.

Lessons

cat gazing at flying objects — **Cat gazing by Katherine 2012**

What is the binomial theorem?
Would you mind speaking English, Miss?

What is an isosceles triangle?
I will not even go there. Are you crazy?

What is Aleph null?
Do you mean who is aleph null? Sounds like an immigrant from Israel
 without money.Except we don't get any.

But Israel is not in  financial trouble, why would they want come here when we are in a mess?
They want to know how the other 99.9% live
Sounds like God to me.
Sounds like God, looks like God.Is God.
Is that a proof?
Ask God
QED

What  or who is Aleph null ?
The brother of Aleph One!

What is Aleph?
Do not you know, sir? It is Hebrew.
And Epsilon also for you
This is Greek.
This shows that we are all one
But which one?
Aleph, of course,
Do you mean Ralph? Beowolf?
Gamma of it.
Ooh, what a classy accent.
No more personal comments, thanks.
It does not bother me
Well, you do not mind the worry but I do.

Wie mein Herz spricht


Heute werden wir rationale Zahlen studieren
und irrational
Zumindest hoffe ich darauf
Sie sind vielleicht ein bisschen schlauer
Haben Sie gedacht, wir wären sehr dumm
Überhaupt nicht, ich kann nur aus meiner Erfahrung
Angenommen, es ist etwas
Du hast es noch nie gewusst
woher soll ich das wissen?
Meinen Sie damit Ihre Abwehrmechanismen
das Holz blockieren?
Ja, das meine ich sehr gut
Wir sehen nicht einmal das Unendliche
Ich weiß es nicht
Würde ich wissen, wie würde ich wissen, wie würden Sie wissen?

Ich werde nächste Woche Dokumente geben
das ist das Ende der Konferenz dieser Woche
Bitte unterschreiben Sie das Formular
durch die Tür sagt, dass Sie nichts sagen werden
 an alle, die ich in diesem Vortrag gesagt habe

Wenn Sie nicht unterschreiben möchten,
Bitte schreibe ohne Namen und setze ein Kreuz
Es ist nicht schlecht für jemanden mit
mein IQ von 65. Immerhin ein Mathematiker
Berühmtes Französisch mit 55, also muss ich sein

Voulez-vous dire que vos mécanismes de défense ?

Aujourd'hui, nous allons étudier des nombres rationnels 
et irrationnels
Du moins, c’est ce que j’espère dans cette 
c’est que vous soyez peut-être un peu plus intelligent

Avez-vous pensé que nous serions très stupides
Pas du tout, je ne peux que de mon expérience 
en supposant que c'est quelque 
que vous n'avez jamais connu auparavant

comment pourrais-je savoir?
Voulez-vous dire que vos mécanismes de défense

bloquent le bois?
oui c'est ce que je veux dire très bien
Nous ne voyons pas même l'infini

Je ne sais pas
Saurais-je comment saurais-je comment sauriez-vous

Je donnerai des documents la semaine prochaine 
qui marque la fin de la conférence de cette semaine
Veuillez signer le formulaire 
par la porte en disant que vous ne direz rien
 à personne que j'ai dit dans cette conférence

Si vous ne souhaitez pas signer, 
veuillez écrire sans nom et mettre une croix
C'est pas mal pour quelqu'un avec 
un QI de 65. après tout un mathématicien 
français célèbre a 55 alors je dois être brillant

Meter bends the time.

acer-palmatum-shindeshojo-1 My lover went to Lapland for he found my love too warm
You porcupine, he hollered out, I prefer a seal
Are you sure.I questioned him, for I did not wish him harm
I need to get away from you, I want a conger eel.

He set off in his brand new car, the ferry was quite late
He was a little angry but drink gave him false calm
He got talking to a mermaid and now she is his mate
She lives deep in the icy sea and he loves her frigid arms

I don’t know how you would feel, if after twenty years
Of being called a porcupine, when swaddled iin his arms
Your lover found the Northern Pole, and left you only tears
At least I can enjoy my bed without his wild alarms

The melody is not the words but how they are combined
I have lost all faith in men , unless their names form rhymes
I know we have got clocks today but meter bends the time.
Like dancing bends the entire space of humans ,rapt, sublime

On falling down the full stop at the end of a sentence

Blind sight scattered my wits
Like whitened bones
Across the deserts of my mind.
I descended into darkness.

Love shrank into the tame cat
By the fire,unacknowledged hate
Grew to fill the room.
I stared too much.

A full stop grew gigantic
Crowded out
All the words in the sentence
I saw nothing but this dot
Now a gigantic black hole
Into which I was dragged.

An energy coming from within my own head
Sucked me into the black hole.
That place was the wrong sort of darkness.

Within that full stop,
Love Fundamental became invisible.
Disappeared into the dark.
I dragged my eyes away
And saw the moon appear , so eerie,
It shone,grey silver.

If I had opened my eyes wider
I would not now lament
What I destroyed in the wormhole
Of the black dot that drew my eye
Into a tunnel of darkness

It blinded me to the light
Did not let me read the sentences
Beside the full stop.
An error of focus left hate
Unacknowledged,unmitigated unredeemed,
Kept from love or goodness

Afraid to spoil my love with hate,
The fear of hate became
That which spoiled all else else,
By freezing Love itself

Je ne suis même pas français

Aujourd'hui, nous étudions la topologie
Ça doit être bref.
Et le caoutchouc
Ooh, vous êtes impoli, n'êtes-vous pas
Regardez, ce n'est pas un jeu de mots croisés
Non, mais vous êtes. Vous obtenez la croix et nous avons
Qu'en est-il des mots?
Juste bourdonnement aujourd'hui.

Maintenant, nous allons apprendre sur les nombres transcendantaux
Vous pouvez parler mais nous ne pouvons pas apprendre
Pourquoi, est-il interdit?
Non, nous sommes juste épais
Eh bien, mon QI n'a que 65 ans et pourtant j'ai un diplôme de maths
D'où?
Vous ne pouvez pas les acheter.
C'est ce qu'ils disent tous
Je suis un crétin, vous êtes un crétin, ils sont des crétins
Et nous?
Tu es un imbécile.

Pourquoi avez-vous cette lettre dans votre main?
C'est un refernce de mon tuteur. "Ce garçon est tellement stupide qu'il ne peut même pas épeler Feck et il n'a jamais entendu parler de Sodome et Gomorrhe.
Eh bien E n'est pas U
Sont-ils les jumeaux sur la rue Coronation
Pour l'amour de Dieu, lisez la Bible.
Sera-t-il heureux?
Non, mais ça t'arrêtera de parler autant.

I told a lie once

short coated white cat facing sideways — Photo by Dids on Pexels.com

I like to go out in the country to see lambs gambling in the meadows as the horses are racing all day.

I told a lie once.I said, I will when I get married.

I must make a will, so I am told.From what?

The sausages are rolling the pastry.They are just like pins.

I don’t know what language cows speak.Moo,moo.Metoo# I blame the paypal bulls,

The cats are at it now MioawMiaow2#.How did they l earn about unacceptable behaviour when they don’t even speak English or read the Telegraph?

Apparently our soles are black and desperately need someone who can dye for them

I believe in salvation as long as I can pick who gets it.Do you get that?

I’d prefer an immobile phone but who makes them?

Smartphones implies we are stupid,How did they know?

I would not be here in this house

Image result for redcar beach

After eating several oranges my mother in law gave birth to her son in the kitchen in the terraced house near the centre of an industrial town.He was 8 weeks early.She and her husband had been to the seaside for the day.No doubt the train journey could have jolted her insides.
Years later he and I walked down that long beach at Easter time.If she had not gone into labour so soon, I would not be here in this house in a big city.I wouldnot have this blog!

Giving Birth

His mother was a fan of the orange
Preceded by large bowls of porridge
Scott’s Quaker oats
Old fishing boats
Giving birth to a child needs great courage

She made lovely bread with brown flour
And drank her tea hot by the door
She roasted and steamed
As she did in his dreams
92 years exact to the hour

Beach huts generic

How to do nothing

Homework

BlackRedstart2019-2 Do we have ” best by” dates on our birth certificates?

Do politicians have ” use by” dates after which we throw them out? Why or why not?

Do we ever throw ourselves away for the wrong reason?

Why do we say, she threw him over? Over what?

I think someone might buy me but as what? Explain

Why is irrational a critical word?

Are we metaphors?

Am I as bright as a button though my IQ is 65?

Four years ago…

Tu me fais donc schlumpe
Vous me faire sentir si glumpe
Tu me fais il ya des cloches à Schwung
Enfer à brhung
Et un poumon woenderful à Thung.

Vous êtes juste un cocker alter
En bas, dans la vieille doekker glosse
Vous me faites crissement être rimé
Je aspire à un Signe, maligne vuenderfifle
Et un vieux bedde essen divine

Je suis autobrat non; animaux non je ai a la tete.
La montagne, vey oy.
Youpi yappee yay.
Quel day.Je sais blunderful.

Mein Mutter Olden is kranke
Mein Olden Daddie is Swanke.
Esperanto aucune façon!
Européens restent.
Lehitraoat, Mutter,
Kranky vieille guttere.
Sie is mal de simple
Dreck ne est pas tout à fait un jurer.
Il ya rubbische partout?
Ils clamme le zéro de l’inflation.
Aleph null.my héros.

Je ne ai pas loike votre tarte;
il n’y a pas de pomme dans sa Harte.
Venez à mes Zands et emplay moi avec vos handes.
Il ya everyhear muzak …
Nous tolérons aucun feares.
Dankeschön zie unt ende de l’ci-dessus.

You make me feel so schlumpe
```
Mein Mutter Olden is kranke
Mein Olden Daddie is Swanke.
Esperanto no way!
Europeans remain.
Lehitraoat, Mutter,
Kranky old guttere.
That is wrong of simple
Dreck is not quite a swear.
There is rubbische everywhere?
They clam the zero of inflation.
Aleph null.my hero.

I do not have lawke your pie;
there is no apple in his harte.
Come to my Zands and use me with your hands.
There is everyhear muzak ...
We tolerate no feares.
Dankeschön zie unt ende from the above.
```

I don’t even know if it is Russian.

low angle photo of brown and gray cathedral during daytime — Photo by Kris Schulze on Pexels.com

Thanks for calling to tell me I am owed insurance money after that bus ran over me in Uxbridge Road.However,I have died since.

Thanks for asking me what I think of your telephone service.I
prefer Westminster Cathedral.

Thanks for saying I have a beautiful voice.However you may not realise I am 87 and no longer date strange men or indeed any men or other human beings like women

Thanks for the offer of three pairs of shoes for the price of two.I have 50 pairs of shoes now so I must turn down your offer or buy a new home.

Thanks for sending me the Sun.If the Guardian is not there I’d prefer nothing at all to come or if you are desperate for money send The Times

Thanks but the LRB is too much for me already.It gives me a certain je ne sais pas or qua or da da as I walk into the Turkish Cafe for my coffee.
It keeps men at bay.And women too.I am a loner now

Please stop writing to me.I don’t speak Russian.I don’t even know if it is Russian.And I do not want to be your wife.Or a spy.

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Origin

Pronunciation

discord

discord

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Recovering Poet

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chagrin (n.)

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