Why did Jesus walk on the water?
He never learned to swim
Why did Jesus feed the 5,000?
That was the biggest number they could think of when writing the New Testament
Why did Jesus cross the road?
Because the other side was flatter.
Why do we learn arithmetic in school?
To escape from the quicksands
Why do we have to learn to read in school?
Because it would be boring in school with nothing to do
So you can go on the internet on your phone and get into trouble arguing on political forums.
Who could have been the first person who learned to read?
It must have been the first person who invented writing because until there was writing there couldn’t be any reading
Did Adam and Eve have a library?
Nobody could read what God had written.
Did Cain and Abel go to a comprehensive school?
Well it didn’t teach comprehensive morals did it?
What would God think of VAT on private school fees?
Jesus didn’t need to go to school.
Why are rich people averse to paying more tax?
Because they don’t want to get through the eye of the needle.
If you are forced to give money to the poor it’s not an act of virtue.
Well it still helps the poor though.















It is customary to blame secular science and anti-religious philosophy for the eclipse of religion in modern society. It would be more honest to blame religion for its own defeats. Religion declined not because it was refuted, but because it became irrelevant, dull, oppressive, insipid. When faith is completely replaced by creed, worship by discipline, love by habit; when the crisis of today is ignored because of the splendor of the past; when faith becomes an heirloom rather than a living fountain; when religion speaks only in the name of authority rather than with the voice of compassion – its message becomes meaningless.