My skin is aching,tender, loss has pierced
My heart needs walls, its boundary has gone.
I miss the touch of love from him so dear |
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A rack of metal pins brought me tears
Why suffer this till I am quite undone?
My skin is aching,tender, by loss pierced
We forget that grief is close to fear
When alone, we panic, what’s to come?
I ache without the love from him so dear
Psychotic, with no unity, who steers?
My head is so remote,I have no plan
My skin is aching,tender, by loss pierced
Cursed be the One who made our sphere
Since Eden went,by so called sin undone
I ache without the love from someone dear
I should get my cell, St.Julian
Hid inside the church wall, does Love come?
My skin is aching,tender, loss has pierced
Uncaressed by him whom I held dear,
Category: feelings
The cat
Cats make homes wherever they find ease
I wish I were a cat and you were too
Cats pay no rent are never mortgagees
Cats make homes wherever they find ease
Self sufficient, they don’t live to please
And if they are disturbed they simply flee
No sulking and no moods, they’re never blue
Cats make homes wherever they find ease
I wish I were a cat and lived with you
I never think
They tell me I’ve got three years
What did you do?
Stopped chemotherapy, got all my money together and sailed round the world
Sounds good
But I have no money left.They said I’d die in one year
I am so sorry you are still alive.Those doctors are idiots
I’ll have to go on benefits
Just applying might kill you
Well. God knows I want somewhere to live
Try a Stable!
I can’t afford to be ill.What’s the cheapest way to die?
Either starvation or Beachy Head
I long to visit Gaza first
Why?
I’ve never seen a person strip
And if you go near the Border….. it could be the answer to your prayers.
I’ve not prayed for years
Just a metaphor.You could go to the USA and as you are black the police may kill you free if you can’t pay for your cigarettes.Just get a fake 20 dollar bill before shopping
Where from?
I can make one here
You mean you are a crook?
Not yet, but I am hoping
Why?
I’ve got schizophrenia and I need money for therapy
You mean they charge the sick?
They are just being politically correct
It reminds me of the Light Brigade
They say a foetus is sacred
Yes, until birth!
Well,I’ll have to think about this
I prefer never to think
How thoughtless!
Everyone is bleeding
Everyone is bleeding but we won’t stop fighting wars
We even sell our weapons and the torture tools make gold
Europe a disaster for more than several hundred years
We will not watch the News as this sort of stuff’s a bore
My heart is beating faster and I’m feeling freezing cold
Everyone is bleeding but we won’t stop fighting wars
We’re defenceless little creatures with wicked central core
With our many nuclear weapons, maybe we are over-bold
Europe courts disaster for more than several hundred years
Jesus hangs defenceless outside the liquor store
I wonder how much longer those Roman nails will hold
Everyone is bleeding but we won’t stop fighting wars
The pain of living here is that our swollen hearts will tear
God picks up a paperclip, his lips are cold and closed
Europe a disaster for more than several hundred years
Now the Day of Judgement comes, we stand arrayed in rows
The Jews are singing Kaddish while the tortured children freeze
Everyone is bleeding but we won’t stop fighting wars
Civilised disaster for the last two thousand years
The one ram’s horn
Xmas lights induce a feeling sweet
Memories of the love inside our home
Little children safe drift into sleep
I never knew that other mothers wept
The smell of baking,cards and keeping warm
Xmas lights induce a feeling sweet
My errant brothers did their best to tease
Burned my golden hair as if to warn
Joan of Arc rocked restless in her sleep
When the lights are off nobody sees
The moment when the Saviour child is born
Xmas lights induce my feelings deep
Holy are the beggars in the street
Waiting, hear the sheep bells, the ram’s horn
Little children dream this as they sleep
Midwinter low, and slow the sun, the dawn
The veil between the worlds must not be torn
Xmas lights , oh stars that deck the night
Little children smiling draw us tight
Not the words we read
Do not rush about when under stress
You may fall and bang your tender head
With agitation caused by business
Rather than do more, we must do less
Do it slowly till it’s time for bed
Do not rush about when under stress
Do not ruminate nor second guess
Grace is blocked,imagination led
By agitation caused by business
Slowness leads some space, so slowness bless
In tune with nature, not the words we read
Do not rush about when under stress
If you are a hare,keep from excess
If a tortoise,you’ll end up ahead
No agitation caused by business
The lilies of the field by grace are fed
And so our hearts are when our burden’s shed
Do not rush about when under stress
With agitation causing grief to living flash
It doesn’t have to hurt
I get up in the morning after twenty cups of tea
I dress in some bright clothing that will make God worship me
I am getting so much older and I never learned to flirt
How did I have time to go to work ?
I spend a long time daydreaming,I love a reverie
Now I have no cat at all, my new plants all love me
I sit and write my poetry, it doesn’t have to hurt
How did I have time to go to work?
I’ve a prayer plant from the tropics,Brazilian so I read
I’m buying it some pebbles, it likes a waterbed
I’ve also got a Peace Lily, surveillance is covert
How did I have time to go to work?
Time they say is precious, as they run with manic verve
Like a tangent to a circle, they miss the holy curve
My ambition is for indolence, my ideas I will nurse
Why did I waste time and go to work?
Cliches for all

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times in a very real sense.
Mary dreamed Stan was in heaven enjoying the company of Wittgenstein,Jesus and Pascal , not to mention Lady Jane Grey Ann of Cleves,Juliet,Cleopatra and an angel.
At least at this point in time he can’t sleep with them ,she thought as she woke up.Though did that matter? Can men be faithful and monogamous?
Look at Leonard Cohen.Was he better off flitting from flower to flower? Was he so stunning that women threw themselves at him and he could not resist?Sometimes people are actually afraid of intimacy or feel life is short and want some new experiences.Was he a wolf? It t akes one to know one
It was indeed almost the worst of times when Mary remembered she had no food in the house except cat food for Emile.He was all she had now as her daughter Lyra lived in Australia and Stan was in heaven, she hoped.
Here I am, she thought, pondering unanswerable questions and not looking after myself .It is probably best to err on the side of buying food and going out rather than lying in the bed wondering if life has any inherent meaning. or if we must create our own.
Even discussing that with someone else would be better.But men folk don’t want to discuss serious topics with their lovers.
It was an even worse time when she recalled a man who once loved her leaving her because she asked him if he knew what post-modernism was one night after going to the cinema to see a comedy.She realised then that she would have to play a part,To act like a woman.So far it was but moderately successful owing to her myopic view of life
If only I had kept quiet, she told herself,I could be lying beside him now enjoying a few kisses and hugs and asking him how to light the electric fire.Still ,there’s many a slip twixt cup and lip
Now then, said a loud voice.Stop ruminating and get up. One stitch in time saves nine.
Who are you to say that to me, she called nervously ?
She wondered of stress had driven her round the bend.She had begun reading a book which said mental illness in not an illness like flu.
It is a reaction to bad events and other life strains.
It doesn’t matter who I am,just do as I say, came the answer
Mary recognised the voice.It was her dad who had died when she was 9.
Dad, she called, why are you here now?
Because Jesus told us to love our family, he revealed pleasantly.
Why now after all these years? she persisted.
I have missed you.
I always did have a bad sense of direction,he told her.But do as I say.You won’t recover easily if you never get up.Stan is here but he is busy cleaning the gold cutlery for an angel.
Alright, but I never knew there was cutlery up there, she murmured as she put on her new clothes.She had bought some purple trousers and two new jumpers.One was pink and one was teal.The trousers were exceptionally comfortable being in a last years’ sale by a famous label..She then found some Weetabix in the cupboard and some long life milk.As she drank her tea she admired the acer’s brilliant red leaves.
Almost too bright, she thought.It’s due to the hot September.Plants are affected by their environment and so are we.Especially by bad or hot tempered men and women
Poor people may have more than in the past but they tend to live in the ugliest areas of the town with no gardens nor parks.
And seeing the better off walk by wearing expensive clothes it is surprising there are not even more muggings.
She recalled seeing a man with a Rolex watch and gold earrings on talking on his new iPhone as he wandered through the Mall.I suppose we think everybody else is like us; we don’t mix with very poor or very rich people on the whole.Unless we are one of those two types.
Mary went outside and found a neighbour wheeling in her bins.
Thanks ,Tom, she cried.I wondered who it was.I am very grateful.What is post modernism,by the way?Nobody will tell me.
Emile was watching from the window sill.
I knew it was Tom, he mewed.
But you didn’t tell me,Mary replied.
You didn’t ask.
Tom wandered off ,while Mary admired the autumn trees lining the road.Tom turned back and looked at her but she didn’t notice.
Time for coffee, she muttered and went inside again.She was embroidering a table mat which said “Rumination is for the birds”.Where it had come from was a puzzle.But it may be a good thought
And so say all of us
Blythburgh thoughts

Today is yellow ochre, damped to grey
Not much contrast from the soft silk sky
No birds nor any brightness, light won’t play
The ones who act so manic are not gay
If there is no truth, there are no lies
Today is yellow ochre, damped to grey
On our backs on Sutton Bank we lay
My acts outcry, my grief I shall defy
No birds nor any life. the light won’t play
Who is born a hunter.who the prey?
The lion has lost the unicorn nearby
Today is yellow ochre, damped to grey
I think of brexit, oh the blush,shame
The spirits flatten;rise up,do not die
No birds nor any life, the light won’t play
I wonder what the loss is or the gain
I wish we were in Suffolk by the Bly
Today is yellow ochre, damped to grey
No birds, no life ,I’m languid, would you stay?
Confess again


May I confess my sins online,Father?
If you must.
Well, I don’t like Boris Johnson
Is that it?
Sorry to be so boring.
Everyone today is confessing the same thing
I just saw him!
Yes, he hates himself too
Is he a Catholic?
Well. Hitler was.
But was Johnson brought up as one?
Well, he knows how to confess sins
That’s no use unless he stops committing them
Right, he has no firm purpose of amendment.
He compliments Trump for his racist outbursts
He may even complement Trump.
Stitch them together and there is still something missing
What?
Humanity, humaneness,caritas, agape,care,kindness
I see you went to a good Seminary,Father.I used to like the Latin Mass
But not Latins en masse
I prefer them to the English
That is a sin.We must love equally
Can’t we hate equally instead?
I am ambivalent about that
You’re a Paradox
Where do they originate?
Somewhere Unorthodox.
This is getting rude
No it’s not!
Don’t contradict me
That’s Latin!
It’s an order
Or a disorder?
Stop playing games
Who’re you? Wittgenstein?
He’s dead
What a shame
Actually would he enjoy living in England now
No, because he was Jewish.
So are lots of people.
Somehow they get hurt or even killed at times
What times?
Nazi.times
Stalin-times
Tsar-times
GoodFriday-times
Greedy-times
Allthe-time
In the Times
Of the times
Oh, time!
Well it’s about time we stopped it.
About time
On time
In time
After time
Time and Motion
Soon we’ll have the Flood
Why has Boris not built an Ark?
Because he doesn’t Noah how to
Because God didn’t see him
Because there was a full stop at the end of the sentence.
Is that not normal?
Not on WhatsApp!
What is up?
What is down?
I don’t know, where’s the Eskimos snow
The eyes see what we fear or what we need
He thought I was an enemy , he said
The eyes see what we fear or what we need
I gave him love,but hate grew there instead
If you need to hate, try someone dead
Do not say cruel words that make us bleed
He thought I was an enemy , he said
Do not dwell where people hate the good
If they curse, it’s best to pay no heed
I gave him love,but hate welled up instead
Emotions mingle, wanton like fresh blood
Let them be till form can be perceived
He thought I was his enemy , he said
Do not confront the paranoid nor mad
The agony of their minds has them deceived
We give them love,but hate wells up instead
Never take such people into bed
Let them run away, they’ll be relieved.
He mistook me for an enemy , he said
I gave him love and care now I feel bad
Confusion is a pool but not a lake
With words. he pulled some in and pushed some out
He wanted love but still encountered doubts
Should he make commitments then feel trapped?
Should he disappear from lovers’ maps?
He joined an online dating site and smiled
His profile photo strong and slightly wild
He got ten ladies asking for a date
Did they want a lover or a mate?
He gazed upon their photos,felt confused
Did he want a wife or perhaps a muse?
He could not bring himself to use the phone
Spent the evening time at home alone
He fell into obsessive thought and dreams
A new friend may be party to a scheme
Could he trust his judgement or their truth
Soon he lost his temper, gnashed his teeth
Should he seek a therapist for aid?
Was his mind withdrawn or in decay?
Should he join a gym or grow a beard?
Was he what they wanted, what they feared?
In the end he thought his life away
He died in bed alone one autumn day
It does not matter deeply what we choose
But life is more important than these clues
Do not ask
Astounded by love’s impact, my tears fell
As if a door was opened up by you
The reservoir of grief, the flooded bell,
The marble on the shore, the hidden view.
I stayed still and by you I was held
In your golden cloud, I felt embraced
You covered me with warmth,I was your child
A candle in the gale,a shining face
I was silent,I was even dumb
They who see a face can not unknow
Love is not a method nor a sum
Nor can logic point the way to go
Do not ask for knowledge or belief
Do not ask reprieve from human grief

Oh,mother
Oh,mother dear wherever have you been
To leave a cat all day is very mean
Emile,I need my freedom now and then
I can’t love Dave but I would like a man
I must go out to buy a handsome coat
Cognac is the colour I love most
Emile cried, whatever do you think
I saw some frogs a-courting in the sink
I was on the draining rack up there
They asked me to avert my amber stare
Are frogs faithful, don’t they just leave spawn?
They are cold towards tadpoles unborn
We saw them by Moss Bank in shallow pools
Mary wonders if all frogs are cruel
Stan came in with his angels right behind
They are tired of heaven, they’ve resigned
Here’s a pin upon which they can dance
Mary was delighted and entranced
Do you need a dinner now you’ve died?
I wouldn’t mind a steak, the old man sighed
Some buttered new potatoes and a fool
Rhubarb or vanilla would be cool
I have done no shopping, Mary cried
I have no money for the food you like
Shall I get a pizza, fish and chips
That will put some colour in your lips
I am only joking, Stanley said
I shall merely visit you in bed
Emile wept with joy to see his Dad
What a spirit, is he going mad?
In came Annie in her long green coat
Her eyes were black and scratched was her throat
I fell into the Croal when eating chips
See the bruises on my purple lips
Never walk on water,Mary screeched
Even when you cross all Southport Beach
Stay away from danger,I’ll ring Dave
He will dress your bruises with his gauze
Annie did not tell them all the truth
She had fallen off the sloping roof
With good will
At last my one ambition is fulfilled
I have a desk where I may write at will
No more the dining table or a board
A two desk family is safely moored
Men must have their study if they write
Though grandad was a coalminer at night
And Father was a writer in gold paint
Embellishing the Churches with quotes quaint
He also did The Stations of the Cross
Then he died, what torment ,oh what loss.
We went to see his grave and said a prayer
Jesus was so quiet, hardly there.
But I believe in love and always will
Now I’ll write my poems with a quill
The valued sin
If you need to find the perfect man
Find one who’s a good companion
For as we age we are not acrobats
Preferring to dance slowly as we chat
If you can go further, keep it quiet
Or all your lonely neighbours may cause riots
Very few lack a last faint desire
Eying others in the Oldies’ Choir
But when at home we like to read and talk
Take the cat out for his daily walk
Only jealousy revives the beast
So with a married women flirt at least
There is value in all kinds of sin
Whatever life you choose, you’ll always win
Keep a cat
The writer told me psychopaths love dogs
Those who murder rarely keep a cat
I wonder if a thief might love a frog!
The author told me psychopaths love dogs
Cookbook writers might go the whole hog;
Sad ghouls enjoy the company of bats
The writer told me psychopaths keep dogs
Those who murder never love a cat
Thieves
The thieves took only one of my blue mugs
Spode, I think,from Holt where cars break down
I still keep my wildflowers in the jug
The thieves took only one thing, sweet blue mug
My husband gave me China.so he browsed
All Spode, I think,in Holt where we broke down
The car was large but caused frustrated howls
The thieves took only one thing, a blue mug
My gifts from Holt, the bed ,the wedding gown
And their prayers
My heart and guts were stolen by a thief
All I was became a frame for grief
Extremities of bony hands and feet
The shrinking brain now denser.distressed heat
Umoving in this lethargy, I stared
My head and body felt like they weren’t there
A headless chicken runs though it be dead
Motion in itself does not fool dread
I gently felt my hands,I let them be
My eyes were still closed to humanity
My feet were trembling as they lay so flat
I saw the slivers of the shattered glass
The glass had cut my skin,I felt despair
Bring me stained glass windows and their prayers
No new disgrace
Trapped in home made offices , we work
Reading from our screens, no space for thought
As we type ,our tender fingers hurt
Not the copperplate that I was taught
No commuting, no more fraught deceit
Harder are affairs, no private door
No more kisses unless they are quite fleet
Just daydreams, which will come to be no more
No walking to the station at sunrise
No hour alone to read or look without
All is known, where is the grand surprise?
Where the room for thoughtlessness or doubt?
Work from home but keep some private space
Do not harm your friends, keep from disgrace
Human sacrifice
The sacrifice of humans, slain by will
The death instinct, no accident, the kill
Now it’s done more subtly than with fire
We need the help of cunning and of liars
Propaganda,adverts, image, word
Overwhelm our minds till life’s absurd
Inhabited by ghosts of adverts seen
Saturated minds, for soul no room
Who is in and who is out today?
Mainly white and Western on display
I was born without a screen to hand
The radio was old and had a stand
Little drawers where Mother kept her songs
Sonatas,Mozart,Schumann, was it wrong?
We read each other’s faces and our books
Heard Mother playing as we fell asleep
Time and space and peace, a slowed down age
Now we’re full of data and of rage
Father lost so long ago,we weep
Civil discourse takes a lengthy sleep
of overwhelming people with adverts ad cheap credit in Western Socie
The personality of trees
Trees lean over,watchful as we meet
The tall ones do not shiver in the breeze
Trees can hear the torment in our speech
We have flowering cherry in our street
But mine died like my lover with great ease
Trees lean over listening as we meet
The tree won’t bend too close, it will not reach
As panic,worry, horror,nightmares squeeze
Trees discern the music in our squeaks
Alas, no tree has mastered human speech
But when they can, they coax the honey bees
Trees lean over sweetly as we meet
The leaves will rustle,wrestle and may tease
Smile for selfies,what’s the word, it’s cheese
Trees lean over, wonder, and conceive
Yet trees hate noone, nor do they believe
We still stand on shifting sands
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We walked on sea shores with our mates
Though wide oceana separate
Now we’re abandoned on the shores
By the loves we’ll see no more
We still stand on shifting sands
Expecting , needing, helping hands
But most people walk on by
And we’re too afraid to cry
Lost in places we once knew
But recognised by very few
Our eyes look out but do not see
Filled by tears we can’t set free
Shall we stay here evermore
Hoping lovers we adored
Are on their way back to their home
As slowly, sadly, we still roam?
The sturdy walls that bear the sky
Have been shattered from on high
And feeling smaller than the snails
We hear the long lost sea winds wail
Oh, weep for him and me, wide seas
Embrace our souls in your salt breeze
See the crushed and broken shells
Hear the tolling of the bells
A crack, a loud smack
I know that's how death will come, Suddenly flying into another orbit when I am photographing flowers It's not a gentle transition. No-one will know where I've gone. One step wrong and I'm off the high wire And plunging into the no safety net. Flying for a while Jumping into hyperspace,spinning electrons Startle my wide eyes. Transiting the new black sun I'm on a double gold helix, Spider on her web, Knitting furiously Into the future heaven on gossamer wings. Butterfly goodbye, I'm off to see the stars. And the black holes. No one will come with me. I'm shaking off,evaporating into mist. I'm a flying saucer on a circus mission. I can't say no to a new invitation. Make it fast and break with tradition. Time is passing smoothly till that break In the music, I've been transmuted into a different key someone else will play me on their violin I'm a tune, I'm a thought, I'm a whisper in your vision. Goodbye,darling. I'm under orders Ready to leave for my performance On the electric carpet. Death dancing to a tune on a violoncello, Arpeggionne sonata I'm playing your words upside down In a new foreign translation, Accompanied by solo artists,ice cracking I'm going in. It's too sudden. I'm flying. Spinning faster to amuse the clowns, too many ups and no downs. I'm going right out of orbit I've broken the pull of gravity, And fly with pure equanimity Into my future life, I'm off at some moment An instant,a crack,a loud smack That was me passing v
When I saw with no intent to look
I love Picasso, it’s his line,you know
How he evokes the movement fast or slow
The sundered parts arranged in a new form
The image still and yet depicting storms
The unexpecting vision threw me down
My mind was blown and I lay on the ground
I heard no sound except for music lite
For I was in a shop,not an art site
I did not think I’d see great art in there
My fences bypassed by such beauty bare
The light of art burns into human souls
May shatter or fragment, create new wholes
Noone ever knew the blow I took
When I saw with no intent to look
The angst and joy of life
The clock electric does not need to tick
The seconds pass unheard by any ear
If you watch, the hands don’t seem to move
Eternal is the memory of love
So my life is passing as I write
I see the seconds hand move fast as light
The memories stored inside my brain,my mind
Will influence all I do, will make designs
When this my heart stops ticking like a clock
The cells of all my body run amok
Who will mourn for me when I am gone?
The angst and joy of life will soon be done
The golden numbers move in patterns bright
The sun defeats the ogres of the night
Mary’s virtual name Part 1

While Annie departed in her unsuitable violet velvet trenchcoat for a holiday in Cleethorpes,Mary took a look at her FaceBook page before cleaning the grate
You are a vile ,vicious person,Mary someone unknown from the Church of the Hard Left had written
Well,I suppose eventually we all get stung by wasps, she muttered silently.Another person wrote, you are too stupid to have been to Oxford
Maybe I should have gone to Cambridge, she pondered
Don’t they realise that if they attack me personally it shows they can’t answer my questions?
Why, there is a name for that…ad hominem?
I know , said Annie, giving Mary a traumatic shock as she made no noise entering.
It was too wet in Cleethorpes and there were no donkeys on the beach so I have come home.
Have you any spare food
You can eat with me,.I doubt if they let large people ride on the donkeys,Mary teased her
Well,I’m not as fat as you,Annie cried rudely unable to contain her rage silently
Even so,you may be too large for a donkey to carry you.Mary advised her ruefully
Well, they should get stronger donkeys,Annie said critically
How about an elephant,Mary joked in her cliched way
What are you doing on FB?
I have changed my surname to my Irish grandmother’s name
What is it?
McCracken
I’ve never heard of it.
Actually,it’s Scottish
Why?
She married a Scot,And I hoped those horrible people won’t know it
You could wash up or make the bed instead
I am tired of making beds and getting dressed
Indeed Mary did look odd in a long striped dress from Land’s End and some hobnailed boots
That dress is weird,Annie called.It’s like something from a Museum
Oh, do stop criticising me;I have seen noone so why worry?Who cares
But God can see you
Do you think God is concerned about me wearing an orange and purple dress?
I have no idea, but I don’t like orange unless it’s the sky at sunset
Oh,my.I didn’t know my clothing might make you feel ill.No wonder men don’t ask me out.
Do you want a man?
Well, they give a background to life;they come in handy like electric tin openers
Emile mewed loudly,I don’t like that.You should value men more
OK Emile,I shall try my best.I’ll have to go to the pub to meet some
Can I come too?
I don’t feel a talking tomcat is a suitable accessory for a lady
I won’t say a word, the poor animal replied.Am I now called McCracken too ?
No, it’s only my virtual name,Mary assured him sensitively
I am sure you could have got a better one, given more time,Annie said thoughtlessly
I just didn’t want to think anymore,Mary said with anger in her voice
I can understand that.There is too much thought and not enough feeling
in modern society.
And so feel all of us
I think

From the world of kindness do not flee

Defend yourself with fences and high walls
Then cringe in fear from what you cannot see
Imagined there are monsters which appall
Pain has purpose, for attention calls
With more defence,less possibility
If we defend ourselves with iron walls
We may have windows but they are quite small
Closed or partly open,which to be?
Imagined are most monsters that appall
Our reflections flash in mirrored hall~
And on the ghastly surface of dark sea
That we can’t defend with any walls
Are we sinners, was there any Fall?
Can we give the stranger Charity?
Are we ourselves the monsters that appall?
From the world of kindness do not flee
Take more risks, though slighted you may be
Defend yourself with fences and high walls
Then you’ll get your Fuhrer, mobs ,Hell, Heil
Trying to glimpse another through their veil.
I lingered in ambiguity like a bride
Who fears disclosing that her face is fake
And while we’re on the subject, I take pride
In mixing water colours from the lake
Ambiguous in intentions we don’t know
We send out signals full of world slass news
If this rebounds an artist might then show
Our vision centres on our point of view
Seventeen types of clarity are mine
Fifteen from my mind and two from pride
From this glass I make a view divine
Though Sunday someone said they thought I lied.
Ambiguously enchanted, given bail
We try to glimpse another through their veil
Illegitimate and born in desert grey.
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So you are gone who once declared your love
For that phantasm conjured in your mind
For onto me you brought down from above
A torment bitter and some words unkind.
Used to friendship from within your books
You did not understand that I was real
Irritation grew as you did look;
You threw your poisoned arrows at my heel.
What once you loved then you began to hate
If not perfect then intolerable I must be
And then you cursed me with this sorry fate
Our child was born and him you’ll never see.
Illegitimate and born in desert grey.
I carried him alone from death’s dark way.
Love will need no trick
In my despair I felt that I was stuck
Paralysed by grief and guilt I failed
By the end I had tried every trick
From prayer unthought to deeps of logic black
My life, my engine ,juddered off the rails
I hated God and of “his” Church was sick
Starving and alone I was in shock
The death of one I loved had made me frail
By the end I had tried every trick
I felt love’s arms around me, death to block
I knew this goodness, why else would I wail?
I thought I hated God but Love had struck
Warm and golden light that did me hold
Where are you now when refugees die cold?
Kind despair that made me long time sit
By the end I knew Love needs no trick

