Author: Katherine

Poetry writer and author

In the sea of grief, we swim not drown

The grieving one who never looks outside
Suffers like a prisoner in a cell
Yet we has some freedom to decide
To grieve yet view  our real world here as well.

To turn the eyes back to the lost and dead.
Is what we all must do  in painful  times
But to this natural world, we must be wed
And under suffering draw a heavy line.

From despair, we rise to be renewed;
To see our friends and make our hearts feel glad.
And  look behind  us with a gentler view
See the joy and love and all the kindness had.

In the sea of grief, we swim not drown
Cast away the weights which pull us down.

Love will need no trick

In my despair I felt that I was stuck
Paralysed by  grief and guilt I failed
By the end I had tried every trick

From prayer unthought to deeps of logic black
My  life, my engine ,juddered off the  rails
I hated God and of “his” Church was  sick

Starving  and alone I was in shock
The death of one I loved   had made me frail
By the end I had tried every trick


I felt  Love’s arms around me, death was blocked
I knew   this goodness,  why else would I wail?
I   thought I hated God  but Love had struck

Warm and golden light  that  did me hold
Where are you now when Evil has grown bold?
Kind despair  that  made me long time sit
By the end I learned Love needs no trick

Family Information Service | Foods to avoid if you’re over 65

https://fisd.oxfordshire.gov.uk/kb5/oxfordshire/directory/advice.page?id=HILSGDAEKa0

Someone who wants taught this subject in a college in Britain says that this is poor advice.

Many older people have got very strong immune systems.

How did our parents and ancestors survive without advice from the local authority

A matte screen?

When I die I’ll come back on your screen

Matte and stylish, why not try sage  green?

Sage is rather grey compared to grass.

I don’t worry, I let conflict pass.

Sage advice is wise, like ancient Greeks

Plato had no Prozac, he could speak.

So shall I draw on tablets as I age?

No pencil sharpener,rubber, no disgrace

It looks paper ,wonder how it feels?

Will it to the senses still appeal?

I think that in the end real papers best

Charcoal and a finger end the quest

The falsehood of screens

Drawing with a stylus on the screen

Makes us think of what we might have been

With paper and some charcoal, pen and ink

The sensuousness of touch, the eye that winks

The false  self is as real as any truth

Adapting to what’s needed, that’s its proof.

Always having time for someone else.

Never saving up for inner wealth.

Running to the door when someone knocks.

Keeping your own soul inside a box.

Living in our rhythm as does the sea

We guess that is the better way to beat

The frightening separation of the heart

Is just the proper place to make a start.

In the kitchen stirring strawberry jam

Is only one more away to fight the spam.

Cutting up the rhubarb into chunks.

Staring at the horse until it blinks

Snapping off the peas that sprawl in sun

Waiting for reality to come

On snails

I envy  snails their shining shells sublime.

For mortgages are  large, a  human crime

.Alas the shell’s a fragile luttle house

On second thoughts I’d rather be a mouse.

I’d sleep inside your slipper by the bed

I’d go into the kitchen, look for bread.

If I became a cat,would Oscar mind?

I’ll check with him to find out his designs.

Yet going back to snails I do declare.

Evolution might lead to despair

Snails would be quite safe were they alone.

Human beings treat them like they’re stones

Into the void, the sightless foot can step

Bringing instant death, Christ Jesus wept.

We’ll go to the sun

“The Belgians decided to go in for space travel. So the Russians have Mars and the Americans have Venus, and so they thought they’d go to the Sun. Somebody complained that this would be too hot. That’s all right, they said, we’ll go at night.” It got a guffaw, which is what it was for.

Nicholas Freeling.

A very tortured Xmas

Mince pies,mince pies, don’t you love pies
Say that you do even though it’s a lie
Cream,cream, don’t add much more
For if you do, you’ll  be sick on the floor
Meat,meat, we love our meat
Birds of a feather will   keep the house neat
Raisins and currents  give some diarrhea
If you’re  on codeine. you’ve nothing to  fear
Jump over  hedges, there’s always some cover
Take a big doll and we’ll think it’s your lover
Never let shyness   hold you back when we’re near
For imperfect our love and yet perfect our fear
At Xmas  our loved ones will fight like wildcats
Siblings are nastier than any poor rat
But they have not murdered you yet, I’m sincere
Wash your  hair soon and then rinse it with beer
Cain killed  his brother, the envy, the spite
Adam and Eve were distraught every night
Procreation  was rapid, we soon  filled the Earth
How did high culture   bring about  Hitler’s birth
Can God be omnipotent  when millions are killed
Maybe He died and   more innocents will
God seems quite dead but  he is merely remote
The tree of the cross is alive and it grows

What has human wisdom done?

What did all those sermons do?
Did they say he was a Jew?
Oh, Jesus.
Did he want the First Crusade
It is his blood the priest creates
Lord Jesus.
I don’t like the way things are
I am getting tired of war
Kill Jesus.
What has human wisdom done
From Wittgenstein to Abraham?
Cripes, Jesus!
Does research improve our lives
As for grants, the scholars strive?
Ask Jesus.
We may have chemotherapy
Radiation, history.
Where’s Jesus?
You’d think that after all the years
We’d have used up all our tears
Sweet Jesus.
Love your neighbour as yourself
Give 10 % of all your wealth
Aye, Jesus
.Do what’s better, not what’s worse
I see another fragrant hearse.
It’s Jesus.
See the plastic Crucifix
See him dying with dry lips
Bend your knees, confess your sins
Otherwise, the Devil wins
Not Jesus
.We destroy the good we hate
Envy writhes and with pride mates.
The progeny will wreck the earth
Eden’s burning as drones pass.
No, Jesus.No Jesus.
Know Jesus.

What haunts  me are the quicksands of the soul

What haunts me are the quicksands of the soul
The heart and mind and body all agree
That I will drown by struggling towards a goal

Apparently, we try to be more whole
But this can only come by grace all new
What haunts me are the quicksands of the soul

It’s best to relinquish hope too cruel
To lie quite still without fear or taboo
Or I will drown by struggling towards a goal.

Opposing all we learned in many schools,
Where teachers spoke to you and you and you
What taunts me are the quicksands of the soul

The art of living is not found in rules
But by wandering without any hint or clue
We can sink by struggling towards a goal.

Though we may use the stars to travel by
The moon is covered by her alibi.
What haunts me are the quicksands of the soul
Where we may drown by struggling towards a goal

An Upside to Envy, and a New Reason for That Commandment – The New York Times

https://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/11/science/11tierney.html

Traditionally, envy is linked with the eyes,” Dr. Smith said, noting that the word comes from the Latin “invidere,” which mean to look at with malice, or cast an “evil eye.” Just as an invidious comparison is by definition bad, so is envy defined by some psychological researchers to be inherently malign.

Mary is insulted and assaulted

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Mary was feeling very bad tempered.Wearing her good brown coat without its fake fur collar she had ventured into Waterbones Bookshop.Putting her crutch against the wall she sat down on a small metal folding chair for a few minutes., pondering whether to buy a book for £20 or to go into Boots and buy some foundation cream and pink nail varnish
Suddenly a young woman approached and said in a strangely peremptory manner
If you want to sit down, you will have to go upstairsâl
I can’t get up the stairs Mary told her truthfully.You have no lift
Well, you are next to the Crime Section, it is very popular
There’s nobody here right now.So if people come I shall have left
No,get up cried the assistant
As the woman seemed unable to leave her alone, Mary left the shop.She decided to use Amazon.
So much for protecting her High Street!
As she approached her home. a neighbour came by and said a very offensive few sentences.Maybe she had an aversion to women
In the evening Mary received a text
I realise I offended you.I was in a hurry.Apologies.
After a few days Mary replied
I am sorry I could not stay to allow you to insult me further.I am in severe pain when standing still.If you wish to verbally attack me or insult me please invite me to your house and let me sit down .Then you can ring 999 and ask for Dave.
Later on Dave the transexual,transvestite and transforming paramedic ran in with a chocolate cake in his hand.He wore his denim dress with a yellow pinny decorated with embroidered ladybirds and some pink velvet shoes he had just got in the Market
Would you like me to make you a cup of tea,Mary? Where’s Annie? Dave said anxiously
Annie is down in Brighton for the weekend.She wants to see the sea,Mary lied
What’s wrong with Sheringham? Dave asked thoughtlessly?
She liked the shops in the Brighton.She likes to wander aimlessly about the lanes bumping into men now and then,Mary cried ironically
She could be arrested and imprisoned,Dave said untherapeutilcally
The men don’t seem to mind! Mary muttered loudly with envy on her voicel
You look pale,Mary,Dave whispered into her ear.Are you ok?
No , she murmured.Why are people so cruel to me?
Why not hit one with your stick, he suggested brilliantly
I am a pacifist and anyway they might hit me, back she thought out loud
How about :The gentle art of verbal self defence? I saw you read it/
I’d rather kick them, she answered pointedly
Now I have an idea,said Dave.I’ll put a suit on and accompany you out to the town
I can’t believe I need a “man” to protect me, she said in a low voice
But I am not a “man”, he cried desperately
Are you ” other” she queried
I am all and nothing, he said in a puzzled tone.
Are you God? she said in a sudden panic
Not yet, he cried.It’s Emile who is to be the New Messiah
No, mewed Emile.I am still not fully converted to Judaism.It is complex.
Well, get a move on.We can’t keep living the way we are,Mary sighed
Would you like to walk on water in this weather, the cat answered . Many are called and a few are frozen, he continued philosophically.
It would make a change, from the Gaza protests, Dave cried
I wish the PM would try it,Mary giggled fervently.Would her leopard skin shoes get wet?
We will never know.She’s into ankle boots now.
Next it will be knee high boots
Heil Theresa…..
Heil Boris
Who’d have Brexited that?
Send us peace in our rhymes,Lord

With horizontal fur like wire

Its horizontal fur like wire

The black cat runs, climbs fences

Dances on the roof of the shed

Hides in the forsythia branches, like a demented child

My hair cut that way I could pass for 23.

The cat runs up the seesaw, its teeth gleaming like an advert for Colgates’

Back up the seesaw, the little devil flashes green eyes like old marbles iced with frost

Now he wants some money he says.

He’s just a stand-up comedian nowadays.

Are you allowed to have four legs?

I don’t know what God would think

But does he even think?

The black cat laughs and I say would you like to borrow my hair dryer for a blow dry.

But you can’t blow dry wire!

I’m dubious about the  Christian idea that suffering is good for you

Many people suffer a lot in life most people suffer a certain amount it’s inevitable. It’s possible that sometimes it might have the effect of making you change or become more sympathetic was the suffering others but I don’t think that suffering itself should be sought.

On the other hand I don’t believe that emotional suffering is necessarily a sign of mental illness. How many people have suffered broken hearts? Nearly everybody probably in our society at some point but that doesn’t make you mentally ill.

If anything it might really be the inability to tolerate suffering in the form of painful emotions that could cause mental illness.

I have refined you, but not as silver is refined.
    Rather, I have refined you in the furnace of suffering.”
Isaiah 48:10

Truth is love

Teal skies glaze Lake Windermere again.
My lover arrives,
looking calm and kind.
He inspires me–that man
walking by me in near silence to
Stone house where my cat waits patiently
by the glittering fire.
Now gentle teal skies fade
into soft lilac grey endings.
Cat,once more.
On the prowl.
Lover in my bed
Softly caresses
my skin with tenderness.
Skin against skin.
Touching.
Love touches;
Allows goodness
And truth into this world.

The naked and the read

After dinner Mary and Stan often went for a longish walk.They liked to go to a road where the richer people of Britain lived.,where there were some Georgian houses and one Tudor house.
At dusk they would stroll by looking into the lighted windows to see how the rooms were decorated.And if the front garden was large sometimes they crept in to see more
One beautiful house they liked from the outside was spoiled for Mary by the garish tartan wall paper.
What sort of people would live there, she asked Emile who was in her handbag.with his head peeping out
Well,they have a cat called Percy, he mewed softly.
Why Percy?It is a noble name from the British past of course,she answered…
Earls of Percy were involved in affairs of state.
Well.Percy is a Chinese cat,Emile said to her wittily.
He ought to be called Hu Ar U then,Mary joked ,or tried to as her sense of humour was somewhat lacking or maybe just odd.Still she looked lovely despite her moth eaten clothes bought in Sales in colors nobody else wanted like purple and lilac and bottle green.
She and Stan crept slowly up the garden path and peered nervously into the empty sitting room trying to identify the paintings on the walls.
All of a sudden, a woman who was completely naked came into the room and lay modishly on a sofa as if she were a trained dancer.She was a sight for sore male eyes.
Are they about to have a drawing class,Stan whispered.
She must be a model for a Life Class or an abstract woman ,with cat ,if Percy gets into the frame,Mary mused
Percy might scratch her then.Stan muttered.She could scream.
Suddenly a loud voice was booming at them.
What the bloody hell are you doing in my garden?
There stood a big man in plus fours and and an oversized red jumper with matching cheeks
We were admiring your wall paper,Mary said.I think it is very unusual.
He smiled in gratification.
I chose it,he cried.All by my self.
But why is there a nude lady on the sofa,Stan enquired.
I am so annoyed, the man told them.My fiancee likes to walk around nude but she forgets to draw the curtains first.
Does she want to make an exhibition of herself,Stan enquired hopefully.
We wondered if it was for a life class, you know,students learning to draw and become artists of note.
Well,that’s a good idea said Arthur thoughtfully.
The woman got up and came over.She opened the wondow.To their astonishment she was Annie,their neighbour and Stan’s mistress too.Stan might have known but he had kept his face immobile after years of practise.
Fancy seeing you here,Annie whispered creatively in her sweet little voice
I am trying to seduce Arthur but with no success so far except a marriage proposal.
You need to be more discreet and indirect, said Stan.
If you act like this he will think you are an artist’s model and likely to be featured in the Tate Modern Annual Show of Infamy .Now, would a man like this marry or even sleep with such a woman as you appear to be walking around like Eve before she ate the apple?
I don’t know said Annie but my clothes are all in the tumble dryer,anyhow.
Did you wet yourself? Mary asked her kindly.It’s nothing to be ashamed of.We all do it now and then especially since public conveniences were shut down across the UK.And now ,even winter coats are machine washable.
Well,I knocked over some lemon barley water in a big jug and so I decided to wash all my clothes. while I was here as Arthur as a tumble dryer
That’s a very strange tale Arthur told her.You look ravishing hanging out of the window with your nipples pointing up.Let me take a photo of
you.Say,Cheese
But will you put it on Twitter,Annie asked anxiously.
No,dear.I am not so cruel.Why don’t you get your clothes and make us all some tea .
I can’t make tea,she yelled and without pausing she dialledd 999.
What is it Fire or Ambulance the lady receptionist asked politely.
It’s a kettle.
Is it on fire?
No,it won’t boil.Can you send Dave the paramedic ,please, as he makes good tea.
We are quite busy so it may be two hours or more she was told.
I thought this was an emergency service,Annie said.
But who defines what an emergency is? the lady asked her philosophically.
I will die without this tea,Annie informed her in a ringing tone
Ok ,hang up and I will send the ambulance now.
Arthur seemed a little surprised
I have private medical insurance,he cried.But they don’t make tea not even for old people.
Well,in the UK tea has always been essential to the National Health
But it will soon be drying up and we shall get flasks from the dustmen on Sundays instead.
I just don’t believe it,Arthur said and he then passed out on the rug which stood in front of a bookcase full of leather bound volumes of poetry.
Will he live?
Will he die
I don’t know but I shall cry
Awry then

And places full of light

When the sun is high and bright and strong
We feel that it will always be the same
But when we live on earth we know we’re wrong
And for that darkness we have got a name

Now in England we have lights and screens
We do not fear the dark,the devils’ night
But often in the winter we will dream
Of summer heat and places full of light

The steps at Aldeburgh where we saw the sea
The cliffs at Lyme and Charmouth in the spring
But from such places I dread memory
The pain of loss is hard and no child brings

Now the sky is lilac in the dusk
In creation I find what I trust

Like a fallen moon

Old man,bending over,
arched like a fallen moon
in a dark lilac November sky.
joy and pain wrestle my heart across the emptiness
and toss it up like a damp rocket
to fall in a hidden corner where mice live.
Would that not be a good ending,to be dust
to these little creatures nesting
in my chewed green twine and my tartan basket?
They have eyes and shiver in my hand when I rescue them
from the cat…
as any heart might.
Now night falls on the newspaper basket
where the damp Times and the Guardian mix into glue
and tomorrow the sun will rise
and it will just be the garbage
with no poetic undertones nor deathly hushes..
Heather and a silver light
you stand on a hill top like a god
looking over his domain.
Strong and now weak
it’s the humane condition
Everlasting life is too dangerous for humans.
Silent,motionless,home of beetles
bit by bit we fall away
into the mother soil
with cracked jugs and dropped coins
for a future academic to dig into.
Transparent hand touches me.
Whose might it be

Crazy cats of Knittingham

Hallowe’en
Stan was feeling sad because the clocks had turned back so it was dark at 4pm.His wife Mary was out on her old Raleigh with battery lit lights front and rear….though not quite on her ass.Stan is very vulgar sometimes as it cheers him up.When Mary gets home he did say to her once,You need a light on your ass .Mary,like the Queen,was not amused.
Emile Stan’s cat suggested they go for a walk before sunset and so off they went.Stan wore an old green overcoat and a flat cap.Emile was running ahead as he was so excited.Some times he sat on the sturdy old man’s shoulder on a cat pad.[On sale everywhere for two pounds ten and sixpence.]Stan felt his spirits rise as he walked as the sky was so beautiful striped in blue and peach just like it had been in the Holy Land when he went on a Pilgrimage with other old Catholics from Knittingham Cathedral
How lovely it would be to walk in the wood and feel crunchy leaves under his boots.[From Hotters of Whelmersdale,Lancs] And Emile liked to bury himself in the leaves and leap put as Stan went by.But as they approached the wood a strange sight met their eyes,,, all four!
The trees were full but not with birds.They were full of cats.Big cats,fat cats,thin cats,pedigree cats,mixed race cats,cats of all colors and sizes.You can imagine the effect of having a hundred or more cats’ eyes staring yellowly at you in synchronized glares.Why,it was almost enough to send Stan running home for some brandy

Emile went nearer.He spoke to a big black cat

What’s going on?,he mewed.You are in my territory,

The black cat looked at him with his big green eyes.

We are witches‘ cats.We have come from all over Great Britain,excluding Northern Ireland as cats are not allowed on the boats now. no ratsl eft]..Tomorrow is All Hallows Eve and we are accompanying our multi-ethnic multicolored witches on a grand flight over Knittingham…tonight we are having,The Big Sing… at midnight precisely.
Did you remember to change the time on your smartphone,asked Emile.All the cats began to giggle and laugh.
We don’t need phones or clocks.We go by the stars and the moon…though doubtless the witches have watches.
Do witches have watches?,Emile asked Stan,after telling him why the cats were there.
Old witches have watches,Stan murmured,mesmerised by the vision of the cats swaying in the gale force winds.Thank God cats have fur,he thought lovingly.
Can we have a walk here,?he asked testily.
Well,Sir,do you recall a song from your childhood,If you go down to the woods today,you
’re sure of a big surprise.At your age,is your heart soft enough to stretch when you see five thousand cats…
I am sure I shall be ok as long as the Good Lord does not come here to feed them with five loaves and two fishes
All the cats laughed again.Stan was puzzled how they managed to stay in the trees with wind and giggles and a few scrapping and fighting as tom cats so when lady cats are near.
We are already full of fish supplied by all the local pet shops,markets and goldfish bowls!
How disgraceful, thought Stan,to eat pet goldfish.but owing to the number of crazy cats he decided to keep quiet…As he got nearer he saw a few cats smoking pipes..Well,I never knew cats smoked,he said to Emile
.Maybe it’s magic mushrooms or coyote,the cat said cheekily
Do you mean peyote?,Stan said querulously.Coyote are animals..
Ah,well.you get my drift,Emile replied cheekily
What was most strange was why this big meeting was taking place in Knttingham
Then he remembered it was the cent of the UK…that must be it.Most intriguing to see all these cats.A few even had tartan ribbons on as they were from Scotland.But how did they travel so far.No doubt it was all arranged by the Chief Wizard.
Somehow Stan and Emile felt self conscious as the cats were almost glaring at them,reminding Stan of an occasion when he and his wife had wandered by accident onto a remote beach for gay nude men.The looks they gave the old folk were far from gay;So he and Emile turned round and headed for home… at least they were forewarned of the midnight concert they and Mary would hear.Stan made some tea with twice as many tea bags as usual.
as he was concerned he might get PTSD or worse,maybe kittzophrenia.This poor man was blessed with a vivid imagination.
When Mary came in from the University he called out,
We have had the most amazing day,Mary….But Mary was wearing a pointed black hat and cloak…. and a big smile.
I know what you mean,Stan….I am just off to take a peek myself.She picked up her broomstick and rode away into the darkening sky.~to think one could be both a witch and a mathematician,,though numbers have a certain magic of their own as we all know

Grammar spelling etc

And other animals..
drawing is difficult but I try

I have been wondering no 8 recently about doubling the last letter of the word as for example

Focus…should it be

Focused or focussed?

There is a rule about this as follows

Is the last syllable of the word is stressed and ends in a consonant then you do double the last letter.

But for focus but the last syllable is not stressed so the past tense will be

Focused

If I have made a mistake please tell me

The branches  in the breeze  sway , cats miaow

Already sparrows dart between  the shrubs
No asking where to go or what to do
Before the blossom and  emerging bulbs

No outdoor flowers  decorate  my tubs
The waxy flowered cyclamens are few
Already sparrows dart between  the shrubs

As I watch the sparrows my heart ‘s stilled
The  politics, the corrections are subdued
Yet  trees will blossom  over crocus bulbs

The leaders seek to force a war by will
No reflection, certain what to do
Would I were a sparrow on the sill

Will the warships move their mighty hulls?
From bow to stern they ‘re filled with bombs for U
Yet  trees will blossom  over  tiny bulbs

The branches  in the breeze  sway , cats miaow
Was evolution wise for chimpanzees?
Already sparrows dart between  the shrubs
Our species cannibals ,  can we not love?

 

 

 

 

 

Different kinds of loss

I thought I had lost my  cheque book and I don’t use it very much so it’s not so important but there’s one person  i deal with to whom I must give s check sometimes I remember thinking that it was making my handbag too full

Then I believed that I had taken it out but I couldn’t remember where I put it so I’ve been searching as they say high and low for several days and then I sat down on my chair staring at my handbag which is red and I noticed that there’s a pocket on the back with a zip in which I kept my bus ticket or train tickets .So sweating with professional versatility I gazed at this bag then I picked it up and of course the check book was in that compartment where the tickets normally go.

So I suppose the lesson is make sure you really have lost what you think you’ve lost before you start searching for it because believe me 1 searching in my living room is no fun whatsoever as it’s full of computers houseplants books pens paintbrushes different sorts of reading glasses  tissues combs brushes paint brushes watercolor paint

I think I left it too late to learn to be tidy up but I can see the attraction of being a nun just two habits one in the washer one on I  have don’t know what they were underneath there habits in fact probably they’ve given up wearing them all together but if so they won’t have a lot of clothes maybe two skirts and three blouses and s cardigan

When Jesus told us to give away all our possessions and maybe it wasn’t help other people it was to help us that we would have more time and less worry if we had fewer possessions it’s just a problem when you’ve already got them and you’ve got  arthritis ato try to sort it all out but rest in peace because I know how to do it now

I have found an organisation that comes around at a pre-owned time and will take away clothes books almost anything that’s clean and in good condition so having given them 10 by within the last two weeks we’ll probably be getting some more next week and so this will help the shops that sell these things to get more money to help their cause whether it’s Oxfam or mental illness or cancer.

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