The wordless feelings of the soul catch light Like fire,like diamonds, like the dust of stars With their fire they penetrate the night
To expression, they the mind incite To where the words may open and be clear The wordless feelings of the soul catch light
Expression by its methods brings delight We see the molten universe desire With great fires , with wonder, what work’s wrought?
Like a flock of geese in happy flight The heart of unknown worlds is not a liar The sense of feeling souls will bring us light
Of the thunder and the lion we note The natural world with its own might conspires With its being it permeates the night
So our hearts and souls does love devour Never cornered never shall love cower The wordless feelings of the soul catch light With such brilliance, can we feel the night?
Mary sat looking out of the window watching a large ginger cat who was sitting quietly on the tall fence.
As she was wearing her reading glasses, she had first thought it was a fox
But the foxes were all thin and starving, unlike this fat round yet beautiful cat.
She wanted to send an email to her friend Amy.
She started but there was no onscreen keyboard on her ne tablet.
How can I write an email with no keyboard, she wondered.
Her mind was completely blank after a late night with her friend Annie trying to pick up men in the public library. Unfortunately there were no men in the public library late at night possibly because it was shut. It sounds more like a dream than a memory she thought to herself.
Accidentally her finger tapped the space where the email began and there suddenly was the on screen keyboard.
This is a very important discovery because it means that nothing will happen until you start. You have to start without any knowledge that you will discover what you need. This is called Faith.
Possibly also Hope
Musing on this, she completely forgot to write the email
Suddenly the door opened and in ran her neighbour Annie holding the big ginger cat in her arms.
Help we need some first aid she cried. Ginger has trodden on some broken glass.
Do you think she needs a tetanus injection?
I don’t really know said Mary.
Maybe they’re not considered important enough to have such treatment said alAnnie thoughtfully. Should I start a petition?
Well I’ll get a bowl of warm water and wash her foot with some pure soap.what colour is cat’s blood by the way?
Well I think all blood is red isn’t it because we’re all mammals just like the cats of dogs I don’t know whether I’ve ever seen a cat bleeding.
Maybe Ginger is not bleeding maybe her paw is just wet
Between them the two women managed to wash all of Ginger’s feet and dry them on a small old towel before they lay her down in front of the fire to dry.
She won’t be taking mini aspirin so we don’t need to worry that she will bleed too much and it won’t clot
It’s such a worry being Human because we have been given mini aspirin. But then our blood is thin and when we get cut we bleed more profusely.
And why do doctors have the right to impose things on us like when you’re in hospital they can change your medication for some reason they changed mine..
What did they change?
They give me soluble aspirin instead of enteric coated ones
Well that’s not such a big change. What if they put you on something you’ve never had before?
If they made a mistake they can put you on largactil .. I wonder how it will feel to someone who was not psychotic or come to that how does it feel to someone who is psychotic? Do they feel better or just completely zonked out?
Don’t ask me I’ve never taken it but if I went to A and E I was anxious about the fact that the washer machine won’t work do you think they might give me some ?
Not unless you thought the washing machine was actually an alien from Mars who had come up to take over your life.
That sounds really interesting.
Well this is but it doesn’t fit you for living in the real world of the United Kingdom 2024
But what would prepare you for living in such a place with a general election coming up my dentist’s son getting married in July?
And the fact that I don’t like Waitrose’s sausage rolls?
How do we know what’s important and what is not important?
I suppose it’s what they call trial and horror…
That sounds like wearing some new makeup..
I put some Foundation on before I went to the doctors and they thought I was very ill but it was just at the foundation cream was rather pale so it wiped out my beautiful pink cheeks made them turn white so beware especially if you’re going to A and E do not put any foundation cream on before you go especially if you’ve got poor eyesight and you can’t choose the correct shade.
But what is the correct shade?
I suppose it’s subjective but most people don’t want to look too pale nor did they want to look as if they’ve been outside all day in hot sunshine.
Well we just have to keep trying until we succeed. A space for thought is often useful because we can’t do everything ourselves and the other part of our mind likes to help us but only if we give it space and time.
This sounds like a talk on radio 4 not like two nervous neighbours having a chat but where do you find neighbours like Mary and Annie ?
Well said Emile I am going to put the kettle on in the sense that it’s already full of water so all that needs doing is pushing down that little switch under the handle to the red light comes on and then after a couple of minutes we will hear the water boiling. I’m very grateful to water because it didn’t make a noise when it was boiling we wouldn’t know,!
Why you’re turning into Stan that is just a sort of thing that he would have said.
Don’t worry about that because he is transmitting his thoughts via me, said that cheeky cat with a smile
So there is an afterlife then?
Yes if you don’t mind transmitting your thoughts via an animal.
The problem is that not for all animals speak English but with a translator a) wi) be well
I think the government needs a translator but it’s far too late for that we should just boot them out and tell them never to come back again for any reason at all
They’ve caused a lot of poverty and suffering and they are blind to their own faults
So it is for this reason that Mary &:Annie now believe in original si.n.
I’m learned from my experiences in the nursing home especially those I had with two very old ladies with dementia but also with a lot of personality as well. one of them said to me if only I could have visitors who didn’t keep talking I would just like to have someone there like my son in the room but not constantly talking. I was glad that I was able to be with her for an hour and a half on her last day of life. she was conscious but in severe pain and I sat by her until the nurse asked me to to leave because they had to wash her. When I got to the door she said say goodnight everyone. It was only 3:30 in the afternoon but I did what she wanted as I said on her behalf goodnight everyone good night it was a great privilege to know this Welsh school teacher who was a mother of three children the other woman was more severely affected by dementia I learnt from observation and experience that I could communicate with her much better if I was present snd fully aware of my own body. You could say when I was indwelling in my body. then she would respond even when she seemed mentally disturbed. through this being present I became fond of her I would say that in the end I loved her; she was very different from the angry person who swore at me when she finally said: you are so gentle, I love you K
I am going shopping today,Mary informed Stan.I have decided to buy a corset.I am too fat.
I hope it’s not a whalebone corset,Stan teased her. gently
Are they still allowed to use the bones of whales? she asked.One whale must have massive bones.Why not use dog’s bones?
Well,Stan said,you may be plump but don’t torture yourself for beauty.I love you as you are,sweetheart.
Mary got onto her bicycle and rode into town passing some lovely magnolias and forsythia.She locked her bike to the church gate as sinners cannot be trusted especially just after Confession.
Hello,I’m looking for a whalebone corset,she informed the lady in the lingerie department.
What!We don’t have them any more.They ran out of baleen which is horny material in a whale’s mouth.
Was it their teeth ,asked Mary tremulously.
Eeh,I don’t know said the assistant.Anyway,now we have shapewear.It looks like underwear but it’s elasticated.So it keeps your curves in like those minimiser bras
Mary burst out laughing as she imagined wearing an elasticated vest which would push all her fat up round her neck or down onto her bum .Or an elasticated pair of knickers which push the fat upwards. onto her abdomen.And furthermore,how easy would it be to get them down in the bathroom? Worse still,if Stan took her to a restaurant and she could not pull them down for a wee…should she take some scissors?
Mary stopped laughing when she saw all the staff staring at her,
Are you alright,madam? one asked rather ferociously.
Yes, it’s my dwindling hormones.They make me laugh hysterically from time to time.It’s better than getting those hot flushes,in my view.
Why not have HRT? the lady replied.
Excuse me,said Mary,but I do not wish to discuss my health matters in public but thank you for your concern.She was rather pleased with that having just read
“A woman’s guide to compassionate self assertion.”
Although she did wonder why it was addressed only to women.Emile agreed when she discussed over milk and cat niblets which Mary had to eat when she ran out of food.
As Mary stood in the Shapewear department she remembered the time she tried on some denim jeggings as they seemed to be in fashion.They looked very nice but she had such a hard time getting them off she thought she would have to buy them and cut them off at home.
So all of a sudden she picked up her Mondrian pvc shopping bag and her green handbag and ran out of the door into the button and wool department.
My,you look hot, her friend Gail said.I am buying some merino wool for neckwarmers.Do you ever knit nowadays,Mary?
Only with whales bones,she murmured.And it’s so hard to find them now.
Well, whales must still have bones,dear,otherwise they would collapse.
Surely you don’t expect me to catch my own whale.Mary cried in fear having seena film on this topic.
And how about Jonah?Suppose I find a prophet inside the whale?
That could be just who we need,Gail said.Someone who can tell us what God wants us to do.
Would people listen,Mary asked Gail tremulously
Only if he went on Twitter I suppose.
Could Donald Crump be a prophet? Mary muttered
No,he’s too big for a whale to swallow even if the common people swallow his nonsense.He sounds as if he’d like to treat women the way they do in some countries like Saudi Arabia.40 lashes for taking the morning after pill.
It could be hard to have,”the night before” in a place like that.
The two women gazed blankly in front of them trying to remember their youth and their mad love affairs.
Let’s go into the Cricketer’s Arms and have a drink Gail said.
I’d rather have coffee,Mary replied.So off they went arm in arm humming
“I believe in angels “very loudly to frighten off any evil spirits from the lingerie department.We know the Devil loves bras and suspender belts with lace trimmings as he is ,in fact ,the god Pan who was a goatherd with a horn on which he played his music to tempt the weak;some even say he was half goat half human but we never did that in the maths department.
We only studied shapes and forms and symmetry.Well,I know it sounds suggestive but we only dealt with it in an abstracted manner.That’s why you see mathematicians with all sorts of undies hanging off them as it’s the geometry they need to learn and how better than on a field trip to a department store. Anthropologists go to Samoa and mathematicians go to Sex and Undie shops.They have no choice.They need to see those conical bras.Conic sections!My eye!
Maybe we only think of anxiety as bad because we only realize we’re anxious when it becomes quite Powerful.
Sometimes we can be in danger and not even feel the slightest tinge of anger
When I was 22 I was riding my bicycle through the middle of a medium-sized town along the very broad Street there was no traffic it was eight o’clock in the evening and I was on my way to sing in a choir.
I noticed a car was coming very very fast out of a side road and it was coming straight at me .
There was absolutely nothing I could do it was almost on me as soon as I noticed it.
I remember thinking, is this it question mark time seem to go very slowly as the car approached me struck me on the right I flew up into the air it seemed very slow to me and then I fell down and landed on my head.
I saw stars and I thought oh so it’s true you do see stars
It’s possible that the problems I’ve had with my vision maybe related to this accident but at the time I did not even have concussion mysteriously
Anxiety is useful when you can do something about what you fear is going to happen as crossing the road you see the cars moving faster than you thought and you can run. Maybe anxiety is only bad when it lasts for a long time
I feel very anxious once when I cut my hands or rather I pricked my hand on a thorn
I know I was not well and I felt very nervous but I decided to investigate and it appears now that we don’t have tested this boost as every 10 years because the world Health organisation has a decided that if you have the three injections as an infant
That is you are vaccinated as an infant or later in life that is sufficient to last you throughout your life unless you have a deep dirty cut or a wound from a very dusty rusty object.
Now one of my neighbours was trying to reassum me that you can’t catch tetanus in your own garden
She has a strong defense of what is called denial in fraudian terms which I don’t have and I wish sometimes I did have it but on the other hand maybe it is better to face reality. Reality might be unpleasant but it is reality and that’s what we have to live in, the real world
But it’s very hard and we all have our defences the mine might be different from yours or hers
Anxiety or even fear can be very useful as long as we are not afraid of it.
If you’re already un well or exhausted then your anxiety might be stronger and you may need to rest or take some protective action
Stan was leaning over, cleaning the new bath.When the doorbell rang,he rushed downstairs and opened the double front door. “Will you take this parcel in for the lady next door?” The postman asked wearily. “Oh,fine Stan stuttered.He was trying to avoid Annie but here she was,coming down the road of superior semi detached houses suitable for ex-headmasters ,small businessmen,econometricians,surgeons,pie salesmen and theologians. She was wearing perfume, and green sandals from TK Maxx,light khaki tencel cropped combat trousers with a purple silky over-blouse, not to mention her matching raspberry and cream underwear .Round her neck hung a miniature grandfather clock on a solid gold chain,and she had three imitation gold and silver watches on each of her three wrists making a total of 333 watches according to Carnap’s theory of logic and Russell’s terrible handwriting. Stanley didn’t know that she had a mobile phone stuffed into her bra—one advantage for the larger sized woman.In fact she had 4 down there in her raspberry coloured glamour bra,as she had a phobia about their batteries running down all at once The more she had the lower the probability of her being without a phone whilst out and about the town and countryside.So she reasoned in her womanly way. Just then one phone rang.She rummaged around to the consternation and turmoil-uation of Stanley and the postman.She plucked out a pale blue phone. “Hi,it’s Annie” she murmured. “Hi Annie it’s Dave the paramedic with carpentry skills. You’ve not rung 999 lately so we were wondering if all was well!” “Oh,I’m terribly sorry.I’ll try to phone later on.Thanks,Petal.That was Dave,our ex-transvestite converted paramedic”,she informed the men.The postman galloped off on his donkey, his bags full of undelivered males.It’s a tough but interesting life in Knittingham. Would you like a male delivery?Contact Parcel Force without delay. Annie went into Stan’s house and demanded a cup of coffee. “Won’t it make you put weight on” Stan quipped ironically. “Do you think I’m too plump?” she responded anxiously.. “Too plump for what?” he quipped amiably. “To attract men,of course!” “No,my angel,you are just perfect”he quacked definitively.”Nor are you an angel,strictly speaking,as I have good reason to know.Thank you,my beloved for services rendered so generously and freely.” “Oh,my goodness I must get home to render the fat from the beef and to make some gooseberry jam.” Stanley looked uneasy. “I wonder why babies are left under gooseberry bushes? The thorns are so big it’s quite dangerous getting them out,or so Mary told me when Lyra was born. She was covered in scratches and wouldn’t come near me for months.” “Why don’t you come upstairs to look at our new purple bathroom suite.Since the Royal Wedding it’s the in colour.The gold taps were expensive but they do go well.” “My God,let me out.” she bawled,”It reminds me of the Vatican and that’s no place for a lady”, “Not even a gay lady?” Stan muttered parsimoniously, as he licked her eyelashes gently. “Stop that.I’ve got my Yves St Laurent mascara on.” “I prefer the taste of the Chanel,”he disclosed privately in an internal secret memo.[available in 50 years] “Why not lick my neck instead?” she enquired curiously as she tripped over Emile the cat, who had slipped into the bathroom as usual to see what they were up to,you know what I mean, you catch my drift? She fell floppily into the bath and banged her head on the taps. “Oh,gosh,better ring 999” Stan said to Emile. “Have you got your catphone warehouse mobile on you?” “Yes ,it’s in my y-fronts”, the cat amiably miaowed. “Hi Dave,this is Emile.Can you come quick.Annie is unconscious and what is worse,she has scratched the new bath.” In fact it was Emile who had scratched the bath that morning but since Stan had not noticed he hoped to, callously, pass the blame onto poor Annie.How cruel can a cat be? Ask any mouse! Still in the end God made all of us and what a terrifying and beautiful world it is.
You shall have no other Gods for tea ever You shall not make for yourself any mind doll nor sit down with it nor versify nor terrify it nor me You shall not misuse the Home of the Word. You shall remember and keep the Sabbath day wholly free You must not commit murder nor fantasise it nor pretend war is just harmless fun You must not commit adultery even with uncivil partners You must not steal benefits from the poor nor deride them You must not give false references about your Saviour You must not be envious of your neigbour’s goods.
You shall not be sensuous with his mouse nor her wife, nor any cat that emits love with right behaviour.
Snake
Bitch [in UK]
Toad
Wolf sometimes, referring to men of a type who exploit women for their own pleasure
Goat as in randy man unable to control himself
Rat
Mouse [ timid]
Vulture
Does Cuckold come from Cuckoo?
Magpie
Weed
Spaniel [ as they fawn on people]
Swan [conceited]
Goose [ silly]
Chicken [ coward]
Sheep [ passive and without will of own]
Cow [ a term used to denigrate woman]
Egg [ fragile person]
Beetle [ despised]
Worm [ someone low and inoffensive, also maybe sexual]
Ant [ insignificant]
Wasp [ stings with words]
Grass snake
Centipede [ woman with too many shoes]
Einstein [ Too clever]
Pig [ they are in fact very intelligent and clean if left alone]
Heidegger [Intellectual lacking in judgment]
Hitler : cruel Fascist with Messianic beliefs too weak to come out and show self after being defeated
Jew is used as a term of abuse
Famous Jews
God
Jesus
Einstein
Mendellsohn
Mahler
Bob Dylan
The Rothschilds
Saatchi
St Paul
The disciples
L.Cohen
Maimonides
St Peter
St Teresa of Avila
St John of the Cross
Moses
Abraham
Mary mother of Jesus
Jeremiah
Emmanuel Levinas
Yehudi Menuhin
YehudaAmichai
Abraham
Isaac
Jeremiah
King David
Heute untersuchen wir die Topologie
Es muss kurz sein.
Und der Gummi
Oh, du bist unhöflich, nicht wahr?
Schau, das ist kein Kreuzworträtsel
Nein, aber du bist. Sie bekommen das Kreuz und wir haben
Was ist mit Worten?
Habe heute nur gesummt.
Nun wollen wir etwas über transzendentale Zahlen lernen
Sie können reden, aber wir können nicht lernen
Warum ist es verboten?
Nein, wir sind nur dick
Nun, mein IQ ist erst 65 und trotzdem habe ich einen Mathe-Abschluss
Von wo?
Sie können sie nicht kaufen.
Das sagen alle
Ich bin ein Idiot, du bist ein Idiot, sie sind Idioten
Und uns?
Du bist ein Idiot.
Ich bin nicht einmal Franzose
Warum hast du diesen Brief in der Hand?
Es ist eine Ehrerbietung meines Vormunds.
"Dieser Junge ist so dumm, dass er nicht einmal
Feck buchstabieren kann, und er hat noch nie von Sodom und Gomorrah gehört.
Nun, E ist nicht U
Sind sie die Zwillinge in der Coronation Street?
Um Gottes willen, lies die Bibel.
Wird er glücklich sein?
Nein, aber es wird dich davon abhalten, so viel zu reden.
It’s tempting to assume that everybody wants peace and that he will agree it should be easy to get it if only our enemies were more tolerant or more willing to change. But this afternoon it crossed my mind that having enemies can serve a useful purpose.
In a country which is not very stable and which might be at risk of civil war having an external enemy serves to bind the people together.
Interestingly it’s easier for a country to become a democracy or to remain one if there are strong geographical boundaries such as we have in Britain being on an island.
The same thing maybe true of people that it’s easier to hold yourself together if you believe you’ve got enemies that you can think about and attack.
Stan awoke feeling very thirsty.My, this bed is too hard, he thought.He put out his hand and felt some wood not far away.It was his desk Emile was lying on his stomach purring You fell out of bed, the little cat miaowed.Luckily I clung on with my claws and I am ok sleeping down here….I can see any mice better.Well ,it’s not ok with me,Stan informed him gently .How can I get up? He picked up the Cambridge Companion to Sylvia’s Wrath and banged on his desk softly. Mary was awake and heard a strange sound.She got up and found Stan lying on the floor with his head by his wooden desk. Emile wanted to sleep by the wall, you see.,he told her. Then he rolled over and I fell out. That is logically and scientifically insensible,Mary told him. Surely Emile is not so big that his weight was enough to knock you out of the bed? Anyway, why don’t you get up? I like it down here, the old man lied to her. OK, Mary said,t hen she picked up the phone and rang 999. Hello, she said.My cat is very upset as he feels guilty for pushing my husband out of bed. How terrible for you, the man answered.I’ll send an ambulance right away. Mary opened the front door and left it unlatched whilst she lit the electric lights with a match. How do you feel Stan, she enquired. I am thirsty, give me so brandy, he ordered her in that way men do. They said not to let you or Emile drink or eat. Bloody ridiculous, he told her gently. Soon the ambulance arrived and the paramedics were running up the stairs. Mary fainted so they laid her on the bed whilst they comforted Emile. Then they picked up Stan and laid him right next to Mary. Why don’t you have a bigger bed, one asked Stan. Bigger than what, he responded academically. Well, if you were any fatter you’d not be able to get in with your wife. True,he replied but I am 96 you know.I have erectile mal-conjunction already and soon I’ll be bowled out. I shall make you some tea, the female paramedic told them. Well, you don’t seem to be hurt, the other one told Stan, but the cat may need therapy or counselling because of the guilt he will feel. He’s not a Catholic I hope. No, he’s Jewish, Stan shouted hopefully. That’s alright then.He can have concubines.How do cats get to be Jewish? It’s their souls, Mary said…they are all waiting up there for a suitable place to be reborn and some choose to be cats. But how can you tell? he asked wonderingly. They miaow in Hebrew, Mary said. Do you speak it? No, it’s just he hates bacon and pepperoni and always wears a hat so it seems he must be one of Jesus’s friends, but not Judas of course.I suppose Jesus wore a hat but it’s never been found as yet.Not even being sold as relics. Well, that’s intriguing.Do you think Emile might be the New Messiah? Oh , dear.We never thought of that.Will he have to go to Galilee and catch fish? No, he can go to Rome and tell the Pope that the Church is not what God planned. I hope they don’t kill him, Mary cried… God will not be very happy. I didn’t know God had moods, Stan said. He has post-creative depressive disorder….no wonder when we look around the world. Still, they did try, I’ll say that for him or her. And so say all of us For he’s a very good yeller, he’s a very good yeller. A cat’s life is a fuss.Miaow.:)
I learned the maps of all the counties here
The contour lines, the rivers and the meres
Then I learned the street maps and train lines
New golf courses built on old coal mines
I traced all of the A roads with my thumb
So I would know the way to kingdom come
I marvelled at cross -Pennine Motorways
And thought that our Lord God must be amazed
Then I followed coastline paths and cliffs
I gazed until my eyes became quite stiff.
Finally the weather maps and clouds
And restaurants where cats are not allowed
At last I knew enough to start to walk.
If only I had known I am a hawk.
The grey cloud of unknowing held me fast
I knew reality unsymbolised
I gaped at trees with blossom till it passed
I would have paid no heed to stinging wasps
The strange, lost feeling blinded heart and eyes
The grey cloud of unknowing held me fast
Is this why girls self harm to feel at last?
Inner pain too deep to make us cry
I look at trees with blossom, this shall pass
Numbness,nothingness,the human test
To try our being ,show our hearts can die
The grey cloud of unknowing taught me fast
Who owns life and whose forefinger traced
The universe, the stars, the earth and sky?
I look at trees with blossom,self effaced
Our words are maps,our sentences are lace
That weave us into being, all engrossed
The grey cloud of unknowing held me fast
What I did not know held me in trust
Posted on May 17, 2019 Should we write in form to make a shape Or let our minds run free, associate? Such tangled webs within the mind are draped
Oh, to run as free as antelopes But from sharp tigers noone will escape Can we control , disarm within a shape?
Love’s enacted falsely , making rape Inside our hearts shall we recover hope? Such tangled webs the curtained mind creates
Round the marbled minds we half dazed traipse Wherever we go hunting, we’re too late Can we control our fear within a shape?
Collapsing faith cracks , can we concentrate Or from the deal , do we dissociate? Such tangled webs of mind make ripe our hate
Now sex compels but will can’t procreate Can kindness smile and friendship instigate? Should we write in form when we love shape? Our mingled maps of mind might alter fate
Words float like water in a stream,
Reflected gently by sunbeams.
This stream flows swiftly to my heart
And through these words your love is caught.
The space inside my heart is clear,
Your love will find its right home here.
Your words are treasures in my night,
And in the dark, they glow with light.
Oh,let me read your notes of bliss,
And seal them with a loving kiss.
I hope this stream will always go
Where living waters softly flow.
For love is kind, and love is true.
Connections form from me to you.
And love creates an open heart,
From which all other feelings start.
Yet love is free, and does not bind.
Love is glad,and not unkind.
So if my love displeases you,
Then you can find a lover new.
I have life inside my heart
Which will sustain me if we part.
I wish you much great happiness…
And know my grief will one day pass.
But for today,let’s laugh and play.
Let’s make love inside the hay.
It’s summer and we like the heat.
Let’s celebrate with kisses sweet.
8. Writing is fueled by hard work rather than innate talent.
“I know some very great writers, writers you love who write beautifully and have made a great deal of money, and not one of them sits down routinely feeling wildly enthusiastic and confident. Not one of them writes elegant first drafts…For me and most of the other writers I know, writing is not rapturous. In fact, the only way I can get anything written at all is to write really, really shitty first drafts.” -Anne Lamott
Lamott’s line about “shitty first drafts” has gotten a lot of airtime in the writing community. Many writers seem to use it as a rallying cry.
To me, this quote is a great reminder of the fact that authorship is not a land of “haves” and “have-nots.” The world population has not been divided into capable writers and hopeless wannabes.
If even the best writers in the world struggle to write beautiful prose, we know that writing is a learned craft — one in which we can all improve over time.
My husband was in the hospital and he tested positive for TV
That’s all right you can turn him on whenever you like
The surgeon drained my knee with a lozenge. Or was it a Syrian? I wish I’d learnt to read when I was blunder
Did they put a primula in the back of your hand first?
She said your knee is twice the normal size, are you in any discomfort?
I knew my stockings were too tight, so I said, no.
She said, you don’t seem to realize the toll this is taking on me.
So I suggested she should change her job.
I was having a problem distinguishing between myself and other people.
She said, all this pain is bad for you. Would you like a morphine patch on your shoulder?
I said, what about putting it on my bladder I would really like that better
She said I’ve never been so consulted in my satired life. You have to put the patch on your skin on top of some blood vessels
So I said, what about putting it over my heart?
Maybe you could inject it right into my heart directly.
That will be assisted dying and it’s not even legal yet so I will be committing murder.
I didn’t realise morphine was so dangerous. And it can make you feel depressed as well as killing you
Have you noticed now that nearly all the doctors are women and they work part-time and they tell you at 8:00 p.m. in A&E,
stop talking because I’ve got children working for me at home.
Is it my fault if they employ foreigners as underage slaves?
Anyway I think I might be going deaf when I recover from all my ailments I have to go to the doctor and say
I can’t hear you
And she will shout
What?
Modern slavery in Britain a serious things l
By the way there are people here we brought from Africa tempted by the offer of money and they are working as carers being paid the minimum wage and their own money to the company that brought them over claiming their needed it for their visas.
It’s a form of modern slavery in my opinion and it’s disgusting I have met some of them and they are lovely people some are qualified teachers and other professionals
The poverty in their home country is great and the life expectation is not very long but this is no reason to exploit them.
You have to be brave to write because all you have ever felt, experienced or studied can be drawn up into your consciousness whilst you write.A friend of mine who is a writer put it like this.
“It has taken me to places I’d rather not have gone to.”
However she said she manages to live through it.At the time I had only written mathematical works so I didn’t understand what she meant.But I have now had some experiences which give me a hint of what she was trying to say.If you’ve had many fearsome experiences then these feelings may come up when you loosen the grip of consciousness.
However I have also found a spirit of laughter in me which is new.Step into the darkness without knowing.It’s only by going there that help may come.But the fear is that it won’t.You can’t get an insurance policy beforehand. Are you stepping into a void or will there be something there? Also in drawing or painting, it can take courage to draw what you perceive.I found that especially when drawing buildings and studying perspective.I’ll see if I can find a drawing to illustrate it.I have the feeling,
“No, No.It can’t be this steep a gradient.It’s too much” And in being inside a building like Westminster Abbey or Durham Cathedral trying to assimilate the vision, the huge spaces and the power and size of the shapes can create awe or even terror.One can lose one’s sense of self entirely.But it can also be revivifying when one has returned.The fear is that one will not return. Maybe it’s the same with relating to people as well?
Rosa awoke later than she liked to which indicates a control freak element in her personality.She had stayed at her desk till the sun was rising, writing her intriguing diary which she fantasised would rival Sylvia Plath’s.She got up gingerly and made herself a cup of tea in a china mug on a work surface in her lovely peach and teal kitchen
Passing water into a small bottle for the doctor to have analysed was a task even the most brilliant find hard.Rosa was not even the averagely brilliant amongst the brilliants of history like Plataho,Aristittle ,Simone de Boredwoy or Blazed Rascal not to mention St Coal.She grabbed her mobile as a dying man at his wife’s hand and rang the cab service. she used now she was unable to see properly or ride her bike.
Hello, she cried, it’s Rosa Benchez here.Can a driver pick up my urine sample and take it to the surgery for me.Thank you so much.
No problem, the manager told her and soon afterwards a young man with dangling earrings and showed him the sample hidden inside a Sainsbury’s shopping bag.He looked puzzled but agreed on payment of £259.89
She realised she had not eaten any breakfast so decided to have an early lunch instead.As she ate her toasted cheese and snake oil she fell into a daydream.She was with her online man friend walking through a huge field of her favourite flowers, cyclamen.They were walking along companionably without holding hands but together whilst also being apart which waa delightful.This was agreeable since she had never met this very charming man in the flesh.He was called XY Matrix although his parents had never studied algebra as far as historians can tell.Could it be a pseudonym?
Maybe he was being raised to be a mathematical prodigy but he became a writer and musician and managed to earn a good income and he had a beautiful detached house filled with antiques and ceramic lamps like Freud’ study.In fact , he had copied that from historical photos and descriptions and one day he planned to become a therapisr.
Rosie and Fox as she called him got on well and shared a liking for poetry and music.Sometimes he had sent her music as attachments on his emails.He seemed to love Wagner and Britten which is a curious combination to the British woman.He loved Britten’s Donne’s Sonnets sung by the stunning tenor Ian Bostridge.
After lunch, Rosa opened her laptop.She found an email from Fox.
You have been here and broken all my windows and my bath is ruined, he wrote.I am moving house to get away from you.And I am having plastic windows installed there,
Rosa was alarmed as it defied common sense.She did not know where his house was and it was in another country.So she emailed him back,
What is wrong , dear?You only said 2 days ago that my poetry and linguistic jokes had helped your sick friend when you went to visit him in the hospital.
Waiting anxiously for his answer, she sipped some coffee and looked at her friend Dolly walk by, dressed in a pink suede jacket and black linen culottes with unmatching red boots
.Where is Dolly going she wondered pensively, feeling like a cloud floating over Rydal Water in the winter not knowing which way the wind might blow it.
After two hours of utter silence, she decided to wait until the evening when she had put away the groceries and written a triolet or two.She was keen to do it before she lost the impetus and had to write a lecture,
The whole evening went by so she emailed him again.But again he did not reply.
The next morning she found a letter on the doormat.
1, Rancour Villas
Horror Lane
Terrortown
Undear Rosa
I thought you would be kind and gentle like your poetry but you haveave wounded me.You asked me what date my dental appointment was which was an invasion of my privacy.You told me you would not mind if your son was gay whereas to me it is a sin to indulge those sick appetites and you should not encourage him.You refused to send me a photo of yourself with nothing on except a pair of socks and a hat.I hate you now.I am deeply aggrieved that you have ruined my entire life
Signed XYM
XYZ McSez
A dental appointment? It’s not as if she had asked him if had a sexually transmitted disease or whether he really believed in Jesus as his Saviour.Nor had she asked him if he liked to smoke cigars in bed nor if he let Lassie his sheepdog sleep on the bed and cuddle with him.For all she knew, the dog might be his partner or even his wife
She emailed him as she felt anxious in case he was having a breakdown.He replied, saying she was not who he thought and he was finished with her forever
I wonder who he thought I was, she asked herself as she sat with tears in her eyes feeling concerned about what was really going on in his dear mind.Her cat Lucy ran up and sat on the arm of the chair gazing frenziedly at her owner and mother
Don’t worry Lucy.I am sure I will soon be ok.This must be a mistake.I think he has got paranoia which gets worse and then better
Having read a little of the book online she decided it had some useful tips which could also apply to people who were not paranoid , like always being polite, never telling lies and never arguing.As it was only £1899 she placed an order.If her friend was really ill she did not want to make him worse.
On the other hand, who knows what his real motives might be.He could be a sadist or have got many women friends and not enough time to keep them all happy.He might even be gay and be using her to see if he could love a woman at a distance better than one in the flesh.
We have to admit that often none of us know why we do certain things.As a friend used to say
It seemed a good idea at the time.
And so say all of us
At issue here is our inner life. In a chapter called “The Social Divide,” Duff describes the widening gap between sleep and waking consciousness. She briefly traces the history of the marginalization of not only our own subjective experience, but also the mythologies that once provided its context.
“I was most familiar with Greek mythology,” she explained. “[The Greeks] paid a lot of attention to sleep and dreams and how that material is worked in us. I was surprised to find out how my Eastern philosophical traditions had studied sleep. Three or four thousand years [later], we think we’ve just discovered it. But there’s so much folklore and cultural life passed down from generation to generation. Everything that mothers learn from their mothers to promote sleep [like] lullabies.
“With the Enlightenment we sort of erased our awareness. Darkness became aligned with [what] we were trying to rise above—emotions, feelings. We wanted rational control, and you can’t control sleep. Sleep is one of the ways we return to nature. By responding to alternating phases of light and darkness, we return to our natural cycles, and join with all of life.”
Sleep and health
It’s no news that regular sleep is important to our overall health. In her work as a counselor, Duff has found increasingly that a good night’s sleep is instrumental—even essential—to our emotional well-being. As part of her intake process, she routinely asks her clients how they are sleeping.
“Once they got more sleep,” she said, “their issues became more manageable. Even bipolar disorder and major depression are often preceded by six months of sleep problems.”
On the other hand, as she states in the book, the “effects of sleep disruption on mood, perception, and behavior are so strong” physicians sometimes misdiagnose patients as having psychiatric disorders when those patients “simply need better sleep.”
Along with diagnoses come medications. In a chapter on the commercialization of sleep, Duff notes: “The use of sleeping pills among adults between twenty and forty-five doubled between 2000 and 2004. In 2011, 60 million Americans filled prescriptions for sleep medications, up from 46 million in 2006.”
Statistics that I find deeply disturbing.
The problem is not so much the amount of sleep we get or how we get it, as it is our relationship with sleep.
“We want to commodify it,” said Duff. “[We want sleep to] help our days be better rather than offering its own vantage point. It’s about productivity. We keep going over the day’s events, but we process them with a different mind, much more associative, which works more by Gestalt. That’s why people will come up with solutions [when they’re asleep]. It’s non-conscious processing, which goes on when we’re awake as well. But we don’t pay attention to that either.”
Duff points out that the problem isn’t with science, but with “scientism”. She is glad that scientists are paying attention to sleep and making serious studies, but she worries about them “jumping on the bandwagon of making money—selling us machines and pills.”
She encourages us to take back our sleep, which she likens to a “n
How my heart sings 