1 Fell off writers’ block into a pit of tigers.Bad layout. 2.Strangled by over-loving cat.
Verdict: guilty
3.Large bottle of ink bounced back off wall . thus broke skull.Suicide denied by dead man or wife as appropriate [Delete one]
4 Forgot to eat while writing long novel.Was not worth it
5 Forgot to sleep owing to inspiration.Stupid despite possessing unique genius
6.Killed by malfunction of new laptop.[Can be returned to Amazon free when body is removed]
7.Tried to meditate and fell out of the window. Oriental death 8 Tried to clean outside of the window with a microfibre cloth.A pane broke and cut his throat.Incidental death 9 Got depressed by lack of air.Jumped and lost balance killing two cats on the patio.Verdict Unfair 10.Thought he was sleepwalking and walked off roof of extension [only just completed].Insurance will be paid. 11.Fainted in church and was used as a human sacrifice.Jesus wept 12 Hit head on bannister while falling down the stairs.Euthanasia while dizzy.Resurrection imminent 13.Fought off wife but bitten by the dog .Both dead.Verdict, pointless end. 14 Wrote a best seller, got drunk and died of shock! 15 His website was declared a threat to humanity.Died of shame.
My husband was in the hospital and he tested positive for TV
That’s all right you can turn him on whenever you like
The surgeon drained my knee with a lozenge. Or was it a Syrian? I wish I’d learnt to read when I was blunderer
Did they put a primula in the back of your hand first?
No
She said your knee is twice the normal size, are you in any discomfort?
I knew my stockings were too tight, so I said, no.
She said, you don’t seem to realize the toll this is taking on me.
So I suggested she should change her job.
I was having a problem distinguishing between myself and other people.
She said, all this pain is bad for you. Would you like a morphine patch on your shoulder?
I said, what about putting it on my bladder I would really like that better
She said I’ve never been so consulted in my satired life. You have to put the patch on your skin on top of some blood vessels
So I said, what about putting it over my heart?
Maybe you could inject it right into my heart directly.
That will be assisted dying and it’s not even legal yet so I will be committing murder.
I didn’t realise morphine was so dangerous. And it can make you feel depressed as well as killing you!
Have you noticed now that nearly all the doctors are women and they work part-time and they tell you at 8:00 p.m. in A&E,
Stop talking because I’ve got children working for me at home.
Is it my fault if they employ foreigners as underage slaves?
Anyway I think I might be going deaf when I recover from all my ailments I have to go to the doctor and say
I can’t hear you
And she will shout
What?
Modern slavery in Britain a serious things l
By the way there are people here we brought from Africa tempted by the offer of money and they are working as carers being paid the minimum wage and their own money to the company that brought them over claiming they needed it for their visas.
It’s a form of modern slavery in my opinion and it’s disgusting I have met some of them and they are lovely people some are qualified teachers and other professionals
The poverty in their home country is great and the life expectation is not very long but this is no reason to exploit them.
Technically this may not be very good but it’s certainly me.
There’s an epidemic of loneliness in western society.
All of our messages emails WhatsApp messages etc etc all verbal all words but in the end it’s the presence of others that we miss. Someone to be silent with?
When we are alone and lonely we feel that the presence of others will help sometimes however when not fit to be alone with ourselves we are not fit to be in the company of other people either.
This is a dreadful form of loneliness.
Ironically when we’re fit to be with others we are also happy to be alone
But the strange thing is if we talk to someone on the phone it doesn’t help totally because what is missing is the company the presence The silence from words but the presence to the whole person.
This is why I don’t believe that phone counseling will help you as much as being in the presence of the counsellor and the evenim if you don’t talk in your session you still experiencing the company of another person who might be more patient than your family and friends.
Too much talking too many words written or spoken all of these can be damaging.
I don’t agree with banning books but I can see the damage that some books and other forms of writing have done
The little words invented as we lovedNow have no other speaker but myself.Lost,unique, the man whom I once loved,These humorous words came from our deep, sweet love.In my tongue , these words no longer liveI cannot use our words, our loving wealth.The chosen words invented as we lovedNow have no other listener but myself
At three o’clock, we ran across the park Then up the Wigan Road, we children roamed Past the houses and along the fields
Looking for our daddy coming home
Looking for our daddy coming home.
I was only two or three at most We passed our church and saw the Pope in Rome We climbed a fence and walked by fields of wheat Looking for our daddy coming home Looking for our daddy coming home.
From the distance came a tall thin man A ladder on his shoulder, hair well combed A bucket full of paints and all his tools Look, Paul, is that daddy coming home? Bernard, I think daddy’s coming home!
A look of shock, a smile, a cry, my loves! He rushed towards us, happy and transformed What about your mammy does she know? Yes, yes, yes it’s daddy coming home Yes, yes, yes, it’s daddy coming home.
Oh,Mammy had no idea of it at all She thought we were just playing by the wall Children were much bolder and more free But Daddy went to Heaven after that Mam was so depressed she killed the cat
Happy in the golden fields of joy Happy with no money with few toys Daddy never walked that road for long I missed him so I cut off my own tongue
Come back to me, my sweetheart
Don’t leave me all alone.
Come back to me, my darling
I can’t believe you’ ve gone.
I’m crying ‘cos I’m feeling blue again.
I’m crying’cos I’m falling like a stone.
Oh, let me tempt you with my beauty
And my voice forever young.
Let me tempt you with my spirit
My laughter and my songs.
I’m crying ‘cos I never did you wrong.
I’m crying ‘cos with you I still belong.
I thought maybe I’d follow,
To see where you have gone
But there’s a hand upon this tiller
That is not mine alone.
I’m crying ‘cos I wrote this old blue song.
I’m crying ‘cos I’ve been lonely for too long.
The hand upon my tiller
The mystery of the dark
The unknown one who lives in me
And sings like a skylark.
I’m singing ‘cos I wrote you a new song.
I’m singing ‘cos the cat ain’t got my tongue.
They are like some other beings altogether the cry more animal than human The wordless pathos, musical,disturbing They have gone back to a troubled and unimagined infancy but no mother responds to such a nightmare of overgrown voice boxes the cry of a rabbit wolf in a trap it’s the shriek in the wall cry of a baby in a psychotic nightmare. Nicholas haunts Sylvia in the evocative memory of Ariel And so it will end for you and me Trapped in this old body with its old brain on and on they cry help me, help me,help me nurse nurse I want the manager I want the manager I don’t want to be here I don’t want to be here I want to go home Help me we don’t listen because they have dementia what they say has no meaning. that’s our defence I am the norm You are abnormal but you smiled when I asked you if you would like your hair dyed pink and I know you love the music therapist. Your smell repels Alas Is this where Jesus dwells If you did this to the least of my little ones, you did it to me. We you haven’t forgotten about Eros you are still hoping to find love you are not dead yet but you can’ wait to go home Published by Katherine
I was diagnosed with this a few years ago and I have to take folic acid
As we get older it’s a good idea to have blood tests to see if we have any kind of anaemia or shortage of vitamin d or iron etc because it’s all too easy to label people as demented sometimes even fear can make someone appear to be demented as I saw with my husband when he had an accident
I suppose joints of the chairs or id humans can wear out
It’s easy to buy a new chair if you have some money
Not so easy to buy a new joint for your knee or your shoulder.
Ask for the organs you can have a new kidney even the lung now .
Even the heart can be transplanted if it’s a good one.
We didn’t have a piano and now I regret it
Should I learn to play the recorder instead?.
Maybe a violin would make my neighbours realize I’m still alive.
That’s my ambition to get them to complain about something that I do like playing the violin upside down on the ceiling looking down upon them mournful and humorous
They have a large ginger cat but I don’t know its name I call it Ginger
Ginger does not respond to my voice but maybe a violin would help. what do you think?
Trial by life has an unbearable twist Sad days of darkness must come to an end Trial by life’s an endurable test
Send for the minister,send for the priest. With her long pointed nails ,she has her garments all rent. This trial by life’s unendurable tryst
The priest is no longer either sacred or blessed. The succession has faltered with bitter dissent Trial by life’s an endurable test
The people must now to each other confess. The Tabernacle’s empty ,for who paid the rent? Trial of life, who can endure such a tryst?
We need to look into our own hearts that cursed. We need to take shelter,though torn is the Tent Trial by life’s an endurable test.
Who gives the verdict,which judge is not bent? Who can decide whether we should assent? Trial by life:what a blow ,what a fist. Trial by life: the unbearable last
How my heart sings 