Sudoku puzzles habits and being alive

Although I have recently done probably two or three hundred Sudoku puzzles I have never liked them. Why would I do something that I don’t like?

Sometimes you don’t have a lot of choice. If you are ill but tired of reading and not sleepy enough to sleep… It may be something that appeals to you.

Suddenly thought while I was doing one I know why I don’t like them it’s because they could be done by a robot.

In a way they are a bit like jigsaw puzzles. But Jigsaw puzzles also appeal to the senses as they usually are an image with colour and shape and you have to find out what that is by putting it together.

Then again it reminds me of studying a skeleton but what is most interesting about us is not in our skeletons. Not many people may know what is most interesting about us but we know it’s got to do with being alive and aware of conscious of others and having warmth.

Of course the man who invented the proof that there is no complete set of axioms which determine a set in mathematics in which all questions can be answered within the system.

It’s very very complicated and the poor man Gödel was not very happy to start with and after working in this field for some years he became paranoid and probably mentally ill afraid of being poisoned and died young.

It doesn’t attract one to study that kind of mathematics for more than one hour a day.

Not everybody who’s good at mathematics is autistic but it’s not unusual and good luck to people of different find a career that suits them and does not make too many demands of the wrong type

I heard someone on the radio being interviewed and he said he was a mathematician in a an American university and it only discovered he was autistic when he was 54. The interviewer said but did your colleagues not notice anything different about you?

No he said because they were all very similar to me.

Anyway I have decided if something can be done by a robot then let a robot do it but it’s not my idea of creativity or fun or joy

It could just be a habit but welter Pater so that habits where a kind of living death

Where would we be without our habits of drinking tea at certain times of the day, going to church on Sunday

Habits come provide a skeleton for a life but we don’t like to go to bed with the skeleton and we don’t like to be too habitually addicted to various ways of passing the time which in a way is a form of death

How much life can we bear to feel? Our emotions unless they’re very conformist maybe labeled as ADHD or borderline personality disorder etc when maybe having strong emotions and feelings anxiety, rage anger love kindness tenderness are all forms of life.

Mind you I would say that rage is very dangerous if it is not held in check sometimes but lots of feelings are just unpleasant for us to bear so we would rather be numbed by drugs or drink or by doing Sudoku puzzles..

We need to understand the skeleton but it’s not life itself is it?

It’s the flesh that is alive. The flesh the nerves the muscles and the mind. The brain itself is flesh.

Now I have become habituated to doing these puzzles.

When I was very ill it took me 3 hours to do a simple one which I can now do in 9 minutes so it’s a way of seeing how I’m feeling but apart from that I don’t think it’s something that I want to concentrate on for the rest of my life, however short that might be