Which husband do you want with you in heaven Mary asked her

One afternoon Mary decided to visit Jean in the nursing home. Jean could not walk and she had severe dementia and was an angry woman but nevertheless there was something about her that Mary liked enough

Can I come along as well cried her cat Emile peevishly,,,?

No Jean doesn’t like cats and she’s a very determined woman so I’m not going to set her off by taking you in there and don’t say you can stay my handbag because it’s hot were and I don’t want you to suffocate silently.

Would it be alright if I suffocated while mewing?

?

Emile I cannot risk you suffocating because I love you that’s why I’m leaving you at home by yourself. You can always go in the garden and meet some other cats

Emile stalked away like a woman with injured pride

When Mary got there, Jean was having a bad day

I want to die she screamed. Will you kill me? Please do please do,,,

It’s illegal for me to kill you Mary told her rudely

Oh you’re such a coward Mary: be brave and kill me. I’d be really grateful

Well it’s very difficult to kill someone like you because you are naturally strong and strangling you  would be extremely tough probably impossible and how could you be grateful to me when you were dead?

If you believe  there’s an afterlife then you cannot kill yourself or be killed by me it’s murder in either case.

You’re a chuckling print, Jean shouted.

I understand what you mean but I think you’ve got the wrong word! I have seen this written down but I’ve never heard anyone so it out loud that is, c*nt.

Why what’s wrong with it?

Nothing in itself but when it’s combined with another word like f*cking it becomes unspeakably unpleasant and anyway you should not use that name as a curse word. It’s where new life is born. It’s like a flower like a rose or a carnation

Mary thought to herself  I think I’m going to write a poem!

I never said it  answered Jean but there’s got to be some way of expressing my frustration

Talking about the afterlife Mary said politely you jave been married twice. When you go to heaven which of your husbands do you want to be with you for all eternity?

Thinking about it very carefully Jean sat silent for quite some time. Then she gave a most intelligent response.

I loved them both the same

In that case you are a very fortunate woman although I know it’s very hard for you now. Would you like me to bring my cat next time I come? He is called Emile and he is very very interesting and can speak good English. Or I have a friend who’s a paramedic called Dave and he makes very good cakes and biscuits and likes to wear dresses in the summer

Triumphantly Jean announced that she would like to see both the cat and the paramedic as she was very bored in the nursing home and she loved to talk to people or even to animals

And so do most of us