Teacher why have you brought a cat to school?

So he can learn to read

He can’t even talk.

I’m not going to get him to read out loud

Why have you brought a frog to school,

Because I was coming to school when I found him.

Well don’t come to school via the Bullring tomorrow

Teacher to girl why have you got a curtain ring on your finger?

It won’t fit on my toe

Why have you got a hat on in the classroom?

I wear it outside as well.

Are you Jewish?

I’m not sure but I thought I’d practise the rituals

Surely your parents must know whether you’re Jewish.

They’ve not been speaking for the last 10 years.

The should go to a marriage guidance counsellor.

They’ve not got married yet.

And how old are you?

I must be at least 9 months.

If you were 9 months old you wouldn’t be able to talk.

There’s always a first time for everything.

But you’d be a newborn baby.

Can’t they talk?

Have you never seen a newborn baby?

Yes I have seen them when my mother gives birth and she says to them I’ll never have sex again.

And what o1¹ they say?

It’s too late now

I said I am waiting for transport not where is the banned port

I said I’m writing my blog not get lost in the fog

I said I want good pain relief not I want to compare our disease

I said I love Pablo Picasso not you look very declasse

I said I’m going to pick some apples not I’m going to lick  some nipples

I said I like Stephen Leacock not I’m turning into a peacock

II said am I too old to blog not go and fall off a log

I said I prefer cats to dogs not I prefer rats to frogs.

I said do you like a hot dinner not don’t tell me you’re a sinner

Too old for sex not I shall break all your necks

I said what is your name not you are entirely to blame

I’m getting tired of all these misunderstandings and you think I’m just rambling

I said are you a psychiatrist not I’ve got infantile paralysis

We can get spectacles for our eyes and hearing aids for our ears but what can we get for our minds?