The hand upon my tiller

The mystery of the dark

The unknown one who lives in me

And harmonies does spark.

Thoughts

That is the last verse of a poem i wrote .I did not have the notion of another hand being on my tiller before I began writing.
Yet I feel it is very important.Clearly we don’t consciously make our own blood circulate and you can think of other things like that.If there is another hand steering me I need to cooperate with it.Maybe that hand is wiser than mine.I came to the conclusion that we can only cooperate with it if we are relaxed.
So becoming relaxed is necessary for good living and also for prayer, if we do pray.The best thing about many religions is that before God all souls are equal and all of us are valued unless we deliberately allow evil to overcome us.I think it’s always been hard not to to share the common view that our possessions or our our stupidity or brilliance determine our value.I have got more trust in humbler people if they can avoid bitterness in modern society.
I think working with the hands benefits the mind and heart.Intellectuals can be very cold sometimes.Maybe they were cold already and fled into the intellect to escape human feelings.Meanwhile let’s think about the other hand.

https://www.google.com/search?q=amygdala+origin+of+word&client=ms-android-motorola-rvo3&sca_esv=7d4dc610cbe5f3b5&sxsrf=ADLYWIKg-bSz6iixwbjwr_xCEyVjKKWJOQ%3A1736666173341&ei=PWyDZ5XAFNizhbIP1v3OkQ8&oq=amygdala+origin&gs_lp=EhNtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1zZXJwIg9hbXlnZGFsYSBvcmlnaW4qAggBMgsQABiABBiRAhiKBTIFEAAYgAQyBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeMgYQABgWGB4yCxAAGIAEGIYDGIoFMgsQABiABBiGAxiKBTILEAAYgAQYhgMYigVItKEBUM8jWIGCAXACeAGQAQCYAcEBoAGOC6oBBDEyLjO4AQHIAQD4AQGYAhGgArMMqAIPwgIHECMYJxjqAsICBxAuGCcY6gLCAgoQIxiABBgnGIoFwgIKEAAYgAQYQxiKBcICERAuGIAEGLEDGNEDGIMBGMcBwgILEAAYgAQYsQMYgwHCAgQQIxgnwgIIEC4YgAQYsQPCAg0QABiABBixAxhDGIoFmAMU8QWU41bmQZaGjZIHBjEzLjMuMaAHhnA&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-serp

https://www.synonym.com/synonyms/amygdala

There is no order, randomness is come An act of war when no war is declared

Makes war a problem of the entire world

Now we see a plane burn in the air

Was this just an accident bizarre?

No land is safe, all meadows killing fields We all are soldiers, none of us have shields

We must pretend for how else can we live

To make the children safe, what must we give?

Once we had imperatives,now gone There is no order, ethics are undone

War is undeclared , we now shall share

The fate so many suffer unprepared Global markets lead to global war

The essence of the incident lies bare

News from the UK:Hospitals 

Posted on August 10, 2017

Chapel for funerals on site of hospital by Katherine

Theresa May has ordered that all corridors in hospitals be  be relabelled as wards. and given names:
“Long thin dirty blue ward”
“Long yellow windowless ward”
Dull Entrance Lobby Ward for people with claustrophobia.Make sure the wheels on the trolley are locked otherwise you may be ejected when someone opens the door.
Outdoor car park ward for people with TB or asthma plus privy or earth closet free to use.
Multi storey ward for the laid back[summer only]
Also toilets and cloakrooms.
A toilet is “An ensuite ward for one”
Seven toilets are 7 ensuites.

Wow.It sounds great
A bathroom  could be “a ward for people who like sleeping in or near water.”
Since a Ward is now anywhere with a trolley or bed in it, no logician can complain.
And if it’s you there, you’ll be too ill.
You may even be dead but as there is no nurse in the bathroom, they don’t know,
Neither do I

The wildest thing that children see today….

Are tiny weeds that grow in payments cracked

Mere tom cats overgrown that bite in play.

No quivering thorn to show us what we lack

Where is the wild acacia, where the thorns?

And where the gypsy people and their tents

Where is the open space where Christs ars born?

Where the hand of God, the sacraments?

We fear and yet we love all nature wild 

Although we have destroyed it to make roads

The gods of  vegetation are defiled

Yet children pick the weeds that grow abroad.

What is our dark desire that we have lost?

No one knows and children pay the cost?

Life begins in wilderness and joy

And from the nest the little birds will fly

Art by Katherine

Onion Croup I’m Chicken Froth Vegetarian Beans Duped Ma’s Mite Jelly Avocado Prayers with Lemon and Olives Boiled in Oil

LCorned Beef Crash and processed pleas Toad on the Whol

Fish with Lips Sausages Past.

Beef Miaow and Ballad Roast Pram and Hint Sauce I’m

Holly Flowers Wheeze Willy Fun and Barmy 3 Iced Reams with Rasps Mice Sudden and Fried Eyedrops 

Fresh Foot Salad and Screams 

Bilberry Fooled Cart Blank Mange Caramel Bastard Tiger’s Pudding Demo Scene A4 Cheese and Whiskers Toffee au lait 

Free Bed and Butter thrown in Chips with Halt free for all rages Pot of Tea free with any blood Thank you to our customer for praying now and again

Though  she was perfect in her form and in her grace

I did not value well her time and place

My mind was all awry with sudden grief

Too many mishaps wrecked my peace, in brief

So foolishly I smashed the window panes

  I must beg the glazier to come here again

My lover cried, you mis pronounced that word

I lost my temper then as she observed.

I let my temper run its red hot road

Now I have no lover, sense has flown.

My foolish words took her embrace.

To my entire shame I am disgraced

What is the motive for such acts insane?

Now I wonder, will I find such love again

They have entered me, colonized me

They have put their clock inside my heart and a fire alarm in my mind

Their cameras look out of my eyes

Who planted their flag inside my guts?

There is nothing that is me except the  thin surface is

This is not a false self created to protect the true self

There is no self at all except the tips of my fingers and the remotest ends of this brain I once called mine

But they need me, they need my smiling face to give an impression of humanity to the whole enterprise.

I can’t remove my watch at night to signify the time in a private place of my own.

No never to escape from time again never to sleep and dream but just to be kept alive by electric current

They won’t need robots because they have turned US into robots and not even the government can change that because they are the richest people in the world.

Who is controlling what I write?

I am afraid of becoming other and without your presence that will happen soon.

If I miss pronounce some words like

awry and glazier

Then you will know there is a bit of humanity left because robots never make mistakes and this is my way of trying to get a signal out stop these people before they go any further

Once you are separated from the world of images and symbols and dreams then you are not human

You’ll never be able to communicate without them.

The fact that I can still weep is good but one day they will disconnect my tears and make them flow somewhere invisible and then I will be dead as far as you are concerned

Earth may burn and human hearts may freeze

Before you send that email,stop and muse Do not shoot the arrow poison tippe

Why so hurt a friend for differing views?

The vulnerable, the lonely,how we choose To pass the suffering on, in words encrypt Before you send that email,stop and muse. When we do evil, we our virtue lose.

See mouths down-turned with narrow tensed up lips. Why gravely hurt someone with differing views?

You may have got a match,don’t light the fuse.

Might you be more gentle, less abrupt? Before you send that email,pause to muse. Earth may burn and human hearts may freeze

Does that mean that we must be corrupt? We’ll stretch our minds instead to hear all views Our own dear heart,our own sin will corrupt

We will suffer most from our descent Before you send that email,stop and muse. Why gravely hurt ourself when we can choose?

1 Fell off writers’ block into a pit of tigers.Bad site layout.
2.Strangled by over-loving cat.Verdict: guilty

3.Large bottle of ink bounced back off wall . thus broke skull.Suicide denied by dead man or wife as appropriate [Delete one]
4 Forgot to eat while writing long novel.Was not worth it
5 Forgot to sleep owing to inspiration.Stupid despite possessing unique genius
6.Killed by malfunction of new laptop.[Can be returned to Amazon free when body is removed]
7.Tried to meditate and fell out of the window. Oriental death
8 Tried to clean outside of the window with a microfibre cloth.A pane broke and cut his throat.Incidental death
9 Got depressed by lack of air.Jumped and lost balance killing two cats on the patio.Verdict Unfair
10.Thought he was sleepwalking and walked off roof of extension [only just completed].Insurance will be paid.
11.Fainted in church and was used as a human sacrifice.Jesus wept
12 Hit head on bannister while falling down the stairs.Euthanasia while dizzy.Resurrection imminent
13.Fought off wife but bitten by the dog .Both dead.Verdict, pointless end.
14 Wrote a best seller, got drunk and died of shock!
15 His website was declared a threat to humanity.Died of shame.

Rolling marbles made of coloured glass

Skipping rope and learning ancient rhymes

Filling inkwells , polishing the brass With dip-in pens we wrote upon the lines Licking out the bowl where cakes were mixe 

Running wild with brothers and their friends

Wonder at those fireworks Daddy fixed Catherine wheels rotating, transcendent.

Mother smiling in her flowery dress

Little rocking chairs where we placed dolls Daddy saying,Good night and God Bless Teddies with no fur left, ask our Paul

Little sisters, brothers’ cricket balls

Hot coal fires where kettles used to boil

Old gas cookers, scabbed knees from our falls

Fuses blowing, making light bulbs fail 

In our bed , we whispered little tales

In the morning feeling warm and dazed

Love was in the air, the baby wailed Daddy singing Mother’s happy fac 

I see the cobblestones all hot with sun 

The Street Party , the Coronation

I brought home a kitten from a friend
So tiny yet so fierce he bit my hands
We could not find him when we came back home
He was tucked in with the sheet under the foam

We had no garden so we took him out
Wrapped in a wool cardigan,I think
He lay contented on my knee all day
Looking at the trees and coloured sky

When mature he roamed the night away
Sleeping in a rocking chair most days
Benjamin, we called him, was run down
In the rush hour by a speeding clown,

The amber eyes of Benjamin would glow
He gave us happiness,we loved him so

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2020/sep/06/michael-sandel-the-populist-backlash-has-been-a-revolt-against-the-tyranny-of-merit?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

What’s the most important thing to take into hospital with you?

My phone charger.

What not your toothbrush?

You can’t charge your phone with a toothbrush

You can’t clean your teeth with a phone charger either although you could use some tissue paperm

But suppose you have a heart attack?

I might have to ring 999.

If you’re capable of using your phone it seems unlikely that you’ve had a heart attack.

That depends on the person and how polite they are.

What’s politeness got to do with it?

You’ll find out one day

You want to keep it secret

Because it’s embarrassing that’s all

What else would you take with you to the hospital

My phone my toothbrush my comb

What about your boyfriend?

Only if it’s a mixed ward.

Do you think the beds will  be wide enough  for 2 people?

They might have to sleep on top of each other.

I don’t think the doctor would like that

Let’s change the subject. Which book would you take with you?

The penguin v book of comic versem

How ironic

No that’s a separate book ; irony is not the same as comedy

Sometimes irony can be funny

My goodness you are so intelligent. Have you ever taken an IQ test?

Yes the 11 plus

What did you get?

85

You must be very clever to be able to do maths at university with such a low IQ

It’s not that low’

half the population have an IQ of less than a hundred

Half the population have a height less than  the average also.

Short and intellectual stunted and that’s just half the population 😄

Is it less than or equal to?

I can see that you did maths or statistics

The probability is greater than or equal to a half.

But a half of what?

They don’t tell you that even at Oxford

Did you not ask them?

No they are very cruel.

Once they said to me I don’t believe someonewith your intelligence does not understand  infinite sequences and series

So I replied strangely if I could explain why I don’t understand infinite series and sequences then I would understand it wouldn’t I?

That is the paradox that we were always trying to escape from

But maybe it’s the paradox that’s the most important thing in life whether it’s in intellectual subjects or it’s the paradox of living with other people who claim to love you but also seem to hate you something that cannot be avoided

It’s  as if life is in a big knot has been tied in the world and we can’t undo it

So the most important thing in life is learning how to live with paradoxes even though you would never know that that is what you were doing

So you can live a good life without knowing what you’re doing

That is what I believe but if you do know what you’re doing you can also explain it to other people though they may not thank you for it.

That’s the other paradox that you try to help people and it makes them angry.

I suppose we are all insecure to some degree

That’s why we keep trying these knots

Thank you very much Professor Blogge

Don’t mention it

Alright I won’t mention it Thank you very much

I found the charger for my mobile phone

It’s super fast what did I do before?

I guess it’s part of any real smart home.

I feel it’s virtue deep within my bones

Once it was the oak tree I adored

The little path the cat walked on at night

And once it was the carpet on the floor.

The joy of children running with a kite.

But then I was invaded by new tech

The phone is not a phone it’s so much more

A computer in my hand, a crooked neck

And then I  knew I  had become a bore

Surely these fast charges are not gods

What is going on inside our heads?

There are some advantages to being in hospital. You will not be paying for the heating nor for the food and that could save you quite a lot of money in the winter so why not budget for a fortnight in hospital midwinter.

Of course you can’t be sure which hospital you will be taken to once you have managed to have an emergency illness.

I was lucky because the hospital near me was completely full and so they were not taking anybody at all even someone is important as myself was turned away and I was taked to a hospital not very far from the best part of not London Highgate and Hampstead

Well it was very interesting because we actually got a Catholic chaplain coming round on Sunday morning to see if we wanted to take holy communio well it’s a long time since I was in church but who am I as refused something so good? No I mean it it was a very deep experience for me mainly because of the three other people who with me at the time and I enjoy being stuck with holy water anytime of the year really the Christmas especially.

It created a special bond with one of the other patients up till then and not been able to speak very much but she began to talk and was kind

But I got a message from God saying don’t leave it 49 years the next time because you won’t be here I’m by the way you are supposed to go to confession at least once a year so you’ve got 49 times to go why not go once a week for the next year that will cover you and it will make you remember all the sins that you thought you’d obliterated from your mind but other people didn’t know that and there were wondering why you didn’t apologize or even look guilty when they met yo

It’s rather like the WhatsApp messages when you want to delete your message you get the choice

Delete for me or delete for everybody

When we go into denial about our sins we believe that if we’ve deleted the sense of our mind as it were it would delete it from everybody’s mind but that’s not true is it?

It is better to face up to things. Bessing not to pretend that you’re someone other because people are compassionate when they see that you are sorry for what you may have done that offended them but if you pretend that you’re perfect when you didn’t defend anybody that does not go down well.

What am I thinking about I must have gone back 50 years or more because nowadays who talks about sin confession and receiving holy communion in a hospital ward.

It’s a pity we have so many different religions because if we all have the same one it would unify us. L

It’s a pity that being an atheist is not a unifying force. There is no liturgy there are no prayers there is no singing there’s no joining in.

Just for now we’ll forget about the bad side of many religions

I found the charger for my mobile phone

It’s super fast what did I do before?

I guess it’s part of any real smart home.

I feel it’s virtue deep within my bones

Once it was the oak tree I adored

The little path the cat walked on at night

And once it was the carpet on the floor.

The joy of children running with a kite.

But then I was invaded by new tech

The phone is not a phone it’s so much more

A computer in my hand, a crooked neck

And then I  knew I  had become a bore

Surely these fast charges are not gods

What is going on inside our heads

Stan was happy for a few moments when he woke up.Then he realized Emile was nowhere to be seen.Mary had already gone out as she wanted to catch a very early train to London.She needed to visit the British Library.She wanted to find evidence that Wittgenstein wore a hat in bed. Stan went searching around the house but Emile had vanished.Usually at 8 am he would be dashing about pretending to chase flies and giving a balletic performance worthy of Sadler’s Wells. I wonder who Sadler was, Stan muttered as he filled the kettle with fresh water and put some Earl Grey tea into the teapot. Then, a strange feeling came over him.He looked up and there was Emile crouched on top of the highest cupboard in the kitchen. Emile, he cried, What are you doing up there? I’m training to be a spy, Emile replied nonchalantly. But how could this kitchen be of interest to the Intelligence Services? Well, the cat murmured, I am practicing hiding. You gave me a terrible shock, Stan said.I had this feeling I was being watched.I wondered if it was paranoia.Then I saw your gleaming eyes. So, you need to get some dark glasses, Emile said. No ,I would still feel that horrible feeling.And how were you planning to get down from that high ledge? I’m not sure, the cat miaowed faintly Well, the first lesson for a spy or even a detective is, Never go anywhere unless you can make a quick exit, As it is ,I may have to ring 999. Just then the front doorbell rang.There stood a man with a white beard and moustache. Hello ,he said holding out his hand to shake Stan’s. I am called Peter Fried.I have just moved into one of the new flats across the road.I am a psychoanalyst.I have taken on another flat to use as a consulting room and a waiting room A psychoanalyst! Do we need one round here? Well, Good morning, I have just brewed some tea.Would you like to join me? How kind, said Peter. I say, old bean, did you know there’s a cat on top of your cupboard? Yes, that is Emile.Today he has surpassed himself in wickedness.How I will get him down I don’t know. My training analyst used to say, What goes up must eventually come down. That seems a bit weird for an analyst.To what was he referring… something to do with sex I don’t doubt.It’s all sex with you people. Yes, some of us are very peculiar…that’s why we enter the profession. What I meant was, if Emile got up he can get down.How did you get up, Emile? I leaped, answered the tense animal. Can you leap down? I’ve lost my nerve, replied the poor creature softly. Well, as it happens, being a therapist, I always carry few spare nerves with me.I’ll climb up this step ladder and pass you a new nerve. And without waiting, Peter climbed the ladder.He put his hand into his pocket and pulled out a golden thread. Here you are,Emile, Catch this in your claw. Emile caught the golden thread and wrapped it around his neck. Can you leap down now? enquired Stan. Emile leaped down and landed in a bowl of hot water in the sink. It’s a good thing I wasn’t making chips, laughed Stan hysterically Come here, Emile and let me dry you on this old towel.He put Emile in front of the fire and he and Peter drank mugs of Earl Grey tea. I have got a mistress, Stan told Peter. Well, do you want therapy for your conflict? Oh,no.I’m far too old for therapy or indeed for a mistress. She likes helping a man,making tea, typing notes, calculating averages and calling the ambulance.. you know what I mean.She likes the paramedic, Dave ás well. Is she not married? No , her husband fell into the wheelie bin during the night and alas he was taken away with the rubbish. That is a strange story.Are you certain? No, it could be he grew tired of her and ran away.Then she invented this story, Well , this may be a quiet suburb but I can see there is plenty of material here for me to write my next book: Deceptive appearances and the fascination of apparent dullness. Oh, that sounds very unusual. Well, I’ve never believed in true dullness.There is always a story. See, I’ve just met you a man of 98 yet you have a wife, a mistress and a crazy cat.. and I’ve only been here for one day.Imagine 6156119_f260 what else I may discover here. They heard a siren. Oh, no!We’ve not even rung 999 and here is the ambulance…. Mary will be so angry.You see Dave is bisexual My goodness, are you having an affair with him. No way, shouted Stan.My life is tough enough already.He can be bisexual or even trisexual but I’m not interested. What does trisexual mean, enquired Emile. I have no idea but I thought it sounded good, admitted Stan. Peter stood up. I think I’d better go home and start to see my patients. Now Emile, put your nerve somewhere safe.We don’t want you to lose it again. Thank you, darling cried Emile.I think I’ve formed an erotic transference with you already. Peter rushed out. Is it me or is it them?he wondered. I thought it would be quiet here on the edge of Knittingham but I think now wherever you are there will always be something unexpected happening.But I hope Emile will not begin to follow me around.I shall have to buy a lady cat and then Emile might fall in love with her instead.So off Peter went whistling a Bach cello suite and wondering how to cope with life in a suburb.. clearly it was not as dull as he had imagined. Share this:

https://creakyjoints.org/living-with-arthritis/arthritis-invisible-truths/

Where do tears come from,wet our eyes?

Where do griefs come from,where our sighs?

Will we have mourned enough one  new day?

Where does love come from, what does love say?

Does even God weep, where are his eyes?

Does even God weep as more children die?

Where is the saviour, where is the Cross?

Knock down the churches, they are no loss.

Weep with the grieving weep with the lost

Weep tears of blood for we all know the cost.

See vultures circling, eating the dead.

Can you love Western culture when you see where it’s led?

See the poor children hungry in school.

The scientists have proved they themselves are the fools.

Economics and warfare developed our brains

We are the victims by new mathematics chained.

Bring me the music bring me the song

The rhythm of the future beats like a gong

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2025/jan/04/i-became-an-optimist-the-night-my-wife-died-a-science-writer-on-loss-and-letting-go-of-rationalism?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

I dreamed I rowed in a large pea green boat
Accompanied by seventeen cats.
And across the Great Lake,without a mistake
I saw mountains of gentleman’s hats.
I was making no waves in my effort to move,
The cats were discoursing on geometry.
I looked in the mirror fixed onto my boat,
The moon spoke  entrancing Theology.
“I wonder who’ll help me”I thought to myself,
When I saw an entire spectrum of men–
Dirac, Archimedes,Niels Bohr, with their theories.
I got my great inspiration just then.
I need seventeen physicists,that’s one for each cat,
All tied to my boat with a chain.
The force they exert will just compensate
For the magnetic attraction of rain.
Paul Dirac came up, and I looked into his eyes,
They were full of anxiety and pain.
“I am sorry I am unable do what you wish,
But my father never taught me to swim.”
“That is perfectly alright”,I politely replied,
“You can walk on the water instead”
So that’s how my boat and its cargo of cats
Were accompanied back to my bed.
When I awoke the next day,I was filled with dismay.
I saw that Paul Dirac was gone,
With the cats and the boat,of which I just wrote
And I was now completely alone.
I took a quick look,in my old physics book
And there was a photo of Dirac
I stared at his eyes,and I am not telling lies,
He threw me a very strange look.
I caught this strange look,it’s here in my book.
I am saving it for a special event.
When I gather more Data on Relative Quanta,
I’ll understand just what Dirac meant.

When Mary got home,she took off her coat and put the kettle on the fire!She got the tea caddy out and put some tea into the pot.Suddenly the door burst open and Annie her exuberant neighbour fell into the kitchen Are you ok,Mary asked her gently.Those 4 inch heels are rather dangerous. Annie was wearing a sky blue track suit,red stilettos and a big green pashmina. Her make up had melted all down her face as she was so warm with running.She had some waterproof make up but had the feeling it might be dangerous to clog the pores. Where have you been?She asked curiously.You were ages. I forgot to get off the bus as I fell into a reverie. That sounds like a black hole! I was daydreaming so I ended up by the river and a policeman asked me for a date,sort of. Did you have any dates with you? No,I only had Stan in my bag,then. Where is he? Have you put him into the wardrobe? It’s already full.He’s still in the bag at the moment on the sofa . The two women fell into a sad, mutual silence realising Stan would never now teach Emile to swim in the bath nor return his overdue library books. Am I liable for his fines,Mary wondered prudently. I can pay if you like,Annie,said generously.She got out some home made biscuits and gave one to Mary who was wearing a long black dress from Lands End which resembled a nun’s habit. Are you thinking of retiring to the cloister soon ,she continued. No,I don’t believe in Christianity any more.Christ.yes,Christianity ,no. What about Xmas?Will you celebrate? I shall pray and do out the kitchen cupboards. Are they that bad,asked Annie curiously, twiddling a ringlet with her thin fingers. Possibly,Mary giggled! They didn’t teach domestic science at Oxford!And Mother was always busy cooking and cleaning the grate after she got home from work. Talking about grates,I’d better look at the kettle. She lifted it off the fire and held it up in the air.It was very black on one side,just like the one Mary’s mother had had so many years ago. Why don’t I make some tea,she asked. I don’t know,said Annie.Is this the Xmas quiz? No,you don’t understand.It’s a rhetorical question. Oh,do stop showing off,Annie told her.I only went to Knittingham Polytechnic and we never did Greek,just Aramaic.I have forgotten it now. Mary poured out the tea into two pint sized mugs and the women sat silently warming their hands on the mugs and meditating on the wilful backwardness of the local poly which now only taught Latin,Hebrew and chemical engineering.The latter was an error as the professors thought that was what Wittgenstein had studied before finding Bertrand Russell more attractive. Russell’s paradox had haunted Annie ever since those happy student days.Whereas, she being a lady with a very high libido would have preferred Russell to his paradox ,if she had been given the choice.What Lord Russell would have liked we can only speculate.

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/sylvia-plath

What is a mishap?

Someone who used to be a bishop

What is awry?

Slightly  awe inspiring. Hence a contradiction in terms.