He cooked his own goose with one stroke and hit the nail on the head.Which is more than one can say for her.

There’s no smoke without a fire, as the farmer said to the pig.
In my view, I’m not a racist I’m British and proud of it.
The empire was of great benefit to the natives on all sides.
Well, look at it with my lack of perspective.

Confession of the day

Bless me Father, I have twins.Through my fault, through my fault , through my most enjoyable grievous fault.
No need to boast.Just keep the home fires burning if you’ll pardon my depression.

I just can’t cry anymore.
Too many crooks spoiled the broth and I can’t blame them as we’ve all been in the same position more or less, bar the missionaries of course
.I’ll tell you what I think; we’re all mad as that hatter who lived in a shoe.And he didn’t know what to do by a long chalk.
He wasn’t Jewish, which was a shame.It wasn’t his fault.I blame his parents.Definitely.
What could he do?
He had psychoanalysis for thirty years but was never circumcised so he couldn’t pass for Jewish even with his hat, beard and vocabulary.If only he hadn’t gone to the gents he could be praying in the synagogue right now, although admittedly it was burned down by that Himmler chap and his cronies.That was in the most civilised country in Europe… it makes you think, doesn’t it?

There was always something of the barbarian about those Nazis… say what you like but I’d never trust one further than I could throw him, in a manner of speaking.Though with Drumpf we may have trouble

You know what I mean; it’s horses for courses although I don’t know any Jewish jockeys myself.I think they prefer lions or possibly antelopes.Have you ever seen a gazelle pulling a cart?Me, neither.That makes two of us.
Great minds and so forth.Well, I can’t keep listening all night.I’m off.I have other fish to fry.I’m so popular I’ve been framed.
Why do women talk so much when they could be scrubbing the floor.It’s innate, you know.genetic.They’re wired for it and love a few brillo pads for Xmas or Channukka…say what you like but God did impregnate a lady of Hebrew ethnicity…life’s a puzzle to all of us but more so to men as we have no hearts to speak of.
For God’s sake, be quiet or I’ll call the police.

Talking isn’t illegal, is it?

It is now!

Don’t pull me under the water with you  now

Don’t take me to the cavern of the drowned

There’s too many down there already don’t you think?

All pulling on the rope around me wound.

Don’t pull me under the water with you yet.

I’m not ready for another world today

But yes I feel the force of all those hands

And by this family yearning I’m beset

Don’t pull me under the water with you all

Leave me here alone I’m still alive.

Take your hands away from me at once

I don’t want to swim with you much less to dive.

Don’t keep pulling at me all the night and day.

There’s one more act in this my last,my final  play

A dead sheep, drowned, was washed up on the sands
Not treasure from the deep brought to the land
We came to Morecambe Bay for time and peace
Noone can escape from unfelt grief

The Arnside Knott had given me new views
As if it were that green hill were Christ mused
I saw the Langdale Pikes, now small and far
Affecting me, their pulling like a star


Sheep can’t safely graze on Salisbury Plain
The Army tests it weapons there these days
Man and Nature do not see the need
For slow creation, not excessive speed

Every blade of grass is trodden down
Not symbols of creation nor its crown

Mary went into the staff room at 10:30 a.m. where one of her colleagues asked her if she wanted to play Bridge at lunchtime.

I’m sorry but I don’t know how to play bridge, she answered mellifluously. Besides I’ve never seen any women playing with you

Well most of the women are not very mathematical or logical but you are, Mary

That’s what you think she thought to herself as she ambled rapidly away to the lecture room.

Hello, she cried to the students I  was am really looking forward to giving my lecture today.

The student  stared blankly as if to say, well we are not.

Where are your lecture notes Mary?

Asked Bryan a student rather like Mick Jagger in his youth

I don’t use lecture notes or any other memory aid. I just have the key points in my mind and then I pretend I am telling a story

I can’t understand how you can do that with mathematics because there are no people there no relationships no conversation.

Yes I understand what you mean but I have to do certain things to grab your attention for example I am wearing red corduroy trousers today. That will make some people look at me even if they think it’s a foolish choice.

And then I kind of talk myself into it well for example

Does the order in which we do things matter ?Yes it does for example you make the bed before you get into it not after you’ve got into it usually.

What is true in ordinary life is also true in mathematics if you multiply a number by 50 and divide by 1.9 I think you’ll get a different answer than if you divide it by 1.9 and multiply by 50 but I might be wrong

Yes I am wrong it’s the same answer because the order does not matter for those two operations but when we’re getting into more advanced mathematics like matrix algebra it does make a difference.

But what we don’t understand said the student is why anybody would want to do matrlix algebra

Well it’s a bit like this if you were studying Hitler you would not just begin with where Hitler was born and who his parents were you want to study the social and economic factors operating in Austria and Germany at that time and in Europe more widely namely the advent of the first world war and the defeat of the German empire which was very hard for those living there. It was hard because it was not in their minds a defeat it was an armistice and yet they were treated they had been beaten.

There was a revolution and the Kaiser of Germany was deposed

This led to grudges and hatred and envy madness and murder

The Versaillat treaty was thought to be unjust by many people including  Hitler.

So you can’t always explain everything before you begin to learn but you will gradually get closer you knowing the subject as time goes on.

So now I’ve told you that I can’t tell you why we study algebra before we begin to learn it I will expect you to read chapter 1 of modern algebra by Birkhoff and McLean

Go through it by yourself and then meet another student from the group and discuss what you have learned with them before you come to my next lecture.

Just then she saw her friend Annie slipping into the back of the lecture hall.

Good grief something must be wrong for Annie to come into the room.

But no nothing was wrong except that Annie had decided to go to the university to study mathematics and physics.

This dear woman had no concept of time whatsoever so she did not realise that when you do something you have to begin at the beginning.

And that the time to Make  preparations is before you begin

So before you go to any lecture you will buy some paper and a pen.

You will need something hard to put your paper on and I do not mean your head, hard though it may be.

Of course some of you would have paid 500 pounds to buy a tablet and i a digital pen so that you can take notes on the screen but is it really worth all that money?

You also need to get out of bed and get dressed before you come to the university as well

I think you understand what I’m saying don’t you because if you don’t understand this you’re certainly not going to understand algebra.

Well that’s all for today students. I’ve given you a bit of motivation so go away and study that book that I have recommended

And do you know they did

Leaving Anna trying to explain to Mary why she had decided to start at university when she was already over 75 years old

Perhaps she thinks it will make her younger.

If you heard of general relativity then this is what is confusing her and everybody else except for professor Mary Brown. Because nothing confuses Mary except other human beings.