As Mary was sitting in the sitting room she realized that when she put her jumper on she had carried out two operations
The first operatiob was to turn the jumper inside out.
The second was to turn it back to front so that the label was underneath her chin giving everyone who came close to her the opportunity of seeing where she had bought it. And of its composition
Now speaking as a mathematician she was saying to her friend Annie, Unlike many operations the order in which you do these things to your jumper does not make any difference
Trivial to you this may be, but in mathematics there are many operations which are not the same when the order is reversed
Even in ordinary culinary life this is the case. If you are making a cake the order in which you carry out a sequence of operations is extremely important
You do you do not begin by putting the cake tin into the oven for 40 minutes
You begin by creaming the butter on the sugar together by hand or with an electric beater
After this you add the eggs and it’s very important you don’t add the eggs before you beat the butter and sugar until they are soft and creamy
Suddenly Mary became aware of her train of thoughts
Why in the world am I thinking about that she asked herself?
Really you don’t need to keep having an internal conversation with yourself it’s quite alright to be silent with yourself.
She knew she ought to write this down in her notebook but her notebook was full.
Suddenly her front door opened and she heard the voice of her friend Annie.
I had better not tell Annie what I was thinking because she would tell me that I need more and do something exciting like go to play bingo or to a dance hall if there are any dancehalls left in this area of Knittingham
Even hopping around the room on one foot will be better than thinking such useless though logical thoughts
No wonder I get tired she thought as my mind is burning up all my energy and really who was interested in whether I put my jumper back to front first and then took it off until this inside out and would it be the same whichever order I did it in
I’m not sure that it would though if you turned this inside out and put it on the label would still be at the back then if you turned it back to front, it will be at the front.
Now you understand the nature of obsessive thinking :that you might think you have stopped thinking but you are thinking wrong because you are still thinking all the time
For goodness set put the kettle on she called to Annie I’m driving myself round the bend.
It won’t be the first time you’ve gone around the bend Annie replied in her challenging manner
But what is the bend I mean which bend is it referring to?
Could it be the bend in the toilet?
My toilet doesn’t bend
No,it’s the outlet.
There must be some other bends in the house. Room to room there are no bends in the bathroom except the u-bend in the sink
Well the bedroom has no bends in it
Maybe it’s not in the house maybe it’s referring to something historical or some famous Bend in history.
Does it mean when you’ve left the straight a narrow road and gone on the winding path to perdition?
When I was a child I used to wonder why there was no bus to Perdition
What about a skating rink?
If it’s circular you go off and when you reach the other side you gently turn around with the circle and come back to the beginning. so you are meant to go around the bend
Well somebody must know about it; you had better ring 999. Ask them
Hello do you want the five brigade or the ambulance or the police
I’m not sure can you send all over them at once.
What are you or who are you. Are you a crazy person ?
Well that’s the problem I don’t know because I think I may have gone round the bend but I’m not sure what the bend is or whether I can come back from the other side.
If I was you I would go to see a psychoanalyst
Can you send one here on the NHS?
I’m afraid that they don’t work for the national health service although some of them used to do in hospitals for example Adam Phillips used to work in the children’s department of a South London hospital giving help to children in difficulties.
Well could I go there?
I’m afraid he doesn’t work though anymore because the changes that came in during the 1980s and 90s were so draconic that he was no longer able to give children the help that they needed. You see they can do it on computers now it’s called cognitive behavioral Therapy and it just asks you questions like
What are you upset about at the moment?
Well I got ipset about the big pile of clothing on the chair in my bedroom which is driving me insane.
So what does that make you feel like?
It makes me get out of bed and go over to the chair and start sorting it all out.
I’m afraid you are not suffering from depression then and you do not need CBT.
That’s not very helpful.
Health service only gives stuff like that now or if you want to you could catch flu and come and lie in the corridor on a trolley for 48 hours that might make you feel better when you see the suffering of other people around you.
I’ve seen enough suffering in my life already.
Anyway you shouldn’t be talking to me you’re only a 999 phone operator
Well you’ve got me all confused : do you want animal vegetable or mineral or fire or ambulance or the police
I’ll have an animal because my cat Emile is lonely so I would like another cat.They have to be black and female.
Ok I’ll phone you when we get one in and you can come and pick it up or I can bring it around to you in a taxi if you like and the government will pay the taxu for you.
Oh it’s so wonderful now with this labour government:wait till I tell my friends about this.
No matter if you believe everything I’ve told you then you are really round the bend and you need to go to A&E on foot because I know there’s nothing wrong with you except that you need to get some mental health advice
But you have a lovely voice would you mind if I asked you have to have meal with me tomorrow when I’m not working? There’s a very nice restaurant opened about one mile away from here.
Well you can ring me tomorrow and see what I’m feeling like because at the moment I’m not accepting any invitations for dates or meals or anything at all except going to bed
Well I will go to bed with you if you like because you sound very charming and attractive
I don’t mean going to bed in order to make love and have sexual Congress with men I mean going to bed to sleep because I am tired of worn out and anyway I’m 91 tomorrow.
Are you really need it your voice sounds so girlish.
Well that’s the nicest thingsl anybody has said to me this week.
You need to go out and mix more
More what?
Mary put the phone down and picked up the cup of tea which her friend brought and it was absolutely delicious.
That has hit the spot she cried loudly
Don’t asj me what the spot is because I don’t know!
And so say all of us
How my heart sings 