Why did Jesus cross the street?

Because it was wrong.

Do you have a hotline to God?

What would Jesus think of the Guardian newspaper?

I don’t know but when I was 10 I was reading the Guardian and then I went into the front room and I said to my mother and her guests

What is rape?

From there onwards we took the Times. Sometimes we read it.

I got an A star in general studies. because generally everything is in the Times

Sometimes I wonder whether I should read the Independent.

I find it very useful when I’m polishing my boots. Or abolishing old fruit

We used to take the Manchester evening news to the chip shop because they didn’t speak English

https://www.durhamworldheritagesite.com/learn/architecture/castle/intro/west-range/kitchen/pelican#:~:text=It%20is%20easy%20to%20see,to%20pierce%20its%20own%20breast.&text=The%20pelican%20was%20believed%20to,frequently%20represented%20in%20Christian%20art.

Why did Jesus have no shoes?
He had sent his soles to be heeled.

Why did Jesus not wear trousers?
Jewish tailoring had not got that far 2,000 years ago.

Did Jesus drive a car?
Drive a car what?

Did Jesus write letters?
They had no Royal Mail then and soon we shan’t either.

Why did Jesus go to a comprehensive school?
He wanted to widen his appeal.

Did Jesus iron his clothes?
It was before the Iron Age when he lived. (That is not true)

Am I sure I’ll go to heaven?
Stop going to betting shops and wearing red bras and you should be ok
How about this atom bomb here in my pocket?
Please, let it drop,I beg you

Dream
Hollyhocks,delphinium and phlox
Foxgloves,cat mint, nettles,near by docks
The blind man breathed in air full of wild scent
His daughted named the colours now absent

High up on the Kentish cliffs we sat
Capel-le -Ferne I found it on a map
We listened to this girl, we did not speak
Absorbing by our senses,proud and meek

Now I recollect the details very well
In those dream like memories I dwell
Snapdragons growing just beside my chair
I smell the scent as if I were still there

I may be blinded by the tears of loss
But I remember, love, our happiness