Will you pass the toast?
It depends how fast I’m driving.
Could I have some more butter?
Well you could, but I don’t know if you will.
Will you pass the jam?
No I only pass the cream.
Could you pass the examination this afternoon?
Only if it’s on the M25.
Could you pass the parcel round?
In theory yes. Why would I?
It night break the ice at Christmas
That’s all very well but will it melt
Have you open the newspaper yet?
I shall have to iron it.
I hope you won’t do that to the butter.
Who has heard of creased butter?
Is it something like greased lightning?
No it’s more like pleated thunder.
But the pleats can’t be permanent.
Few things are permanent and that is what is so cheering about life.
I have made a hundred mince pies.
When did you learn to count?
When you began to steal them.
I wonder if that would work with children?
Do you think children could make mince pies?
Not unless you like them raw.
Could you make the bed today?
I ll have a look at the instruction leaflet.
That’s what you said when I wanted to start a family.
Unfortunately it was in Hebrew.
If you had made the bed before we got married.
You’re just so lazy you want even fly to Hebrew for me
Is it modern or ancient?
It’s the same country whether it’s modern or ancient.
You need to put a watch on your tongue.
Why, do you want to time our kisses?
Well it is vital.
Is it one of the vital signs?
It depends what you are judging.
I’m wondering whether to leave our marriage.
Where?
I have a feeling that we don’t listen to each other.
What?
Time is nearly up
When?
I thought we could try free love
I suppose once the divorce comes through.
How my heart speaks 