A sense of rumour

They say I have a great sense of rumour.
And I am extremely dutiful.
My hair is like spun mould or moss
My eyes are like two isobars.
My nose is ironic like the poet’s wits
All in all I am a site to be ribald.
My cooking is extra-ordinary ,indeed it is plain.
My figure is probably zero writ on a barge.
I am a very rude housekeeper and all the furniture is witless.
My husband buys me furniture polish for Xmas made from bees wax.This is true.
Do bees ever wane?I know they can buzz.
My doctor said I was the second cleverest person she ever met and she should know as there were ten patients signed on there.I still don’t know which one was the cleverest but I don’t believe in IQ anymore.You see mine is 200… and look at my life… then you will wonder whether I have no EQ..none at all..you don’t need it to do theoretical physics.
My therapist admired my dreams as she was in most of then rowing me out to sea.
She wanted to show me a new perspective on life
but we had to call the lifeboat out… should i stop the therapy and have swimming lessons instead ?
I think if one has to keep calling out the lifeboat it is not a good omen and I could save the money and buy more wool to make an Arran sweater.