Why did Jesus cross the road?

To look back with anger.

Why did Jesus  save us?

Because his  64 GB SD card was empty.

Why did Jesus curse that fig tree?

It stopped him seeing across the road.

Why did Jesus not  use a bus?

He said it was unfair to asses and donkeys.

Why did Noah leave the Ark?

Because the two animals had become twenty  two.

Did Noah read books?

No he just scrolled.

Why do roads have two sides?

Because they are flat.

What is an enigma?

Ah,if only I could explain it!

Why did ancient people believe in salvation?

Because they couldn’t cross  a palm.

Why did the Pope sell indulgences?

Because there was a market.

When we say we repent,how do we know we mean it?

I’m stumped.?

If I go to Confession,will it be private?

As long as you don’t tweet it later.

May I receive Communion?

Don’t ask me.

Why did Jesus walk across the road?
Because there was no water.

Why did Euclid cross the road?
Because it was flatter on the other side

Why did I cross the road?
I was looking for the word

Why did the bus stop?
Because it couldn’t wait.

Why did I take a photograph?
There were no parabolas.

Why do we  have problems?
Because  not  many things are made of rubber

Why do we laugh?
Hysteria

Why are atheists so certain?
They have no doubt

Why do people go to Church?
It’s still free and they save you onto the Cloud of Unknowing

Why are mystics  unpopular?
They see things we  don’t want to know about

Is it God or am I schizophrenic?
Or both?

Why is it dark at night?
So we can  go out in  moth-eaten clothes to dance  the knight away

 

I wish I’d kept that jacket
It might have fitted me
And underneath these arches
I still long to be

I know you liked the colour
You did not like plain grey
I hope your are in heaven
Dressed in colours gay

There the folk drink whiskey
And don’t need any food
But as we are still on the earth
We shall no more intrude