How to ruin a laptop

Eat your dinner from the  open keyboard
Drink beer while typing
For a touchscreen,use a fork to move the cursor
Hit  the keyboard if you are angry
Keep the teapot nearby and hold your cups over the laptop
Watch violent films and spit as far as you can before hitting your head on the screen
Never close the lid and never clean the keyboard
Keep it in the kitchen next to the microwave
Keep it in the fridge with  raw bacon in between the screen and keyboard
Use it as a doorstop
Carry it about with you without a bag or cover
Hit people on the bus with it and refuse to apologise.