Day: February 11, 2019

Mary on benefits?

God test thee,holy gentlemen.

Wait till Jesus comes again.

Was Mary after a council flat?

Oh,yes,Joseph mentioned that.

God didn’t marry her, for if he had.

He’d have had to buy her,her own pad.

Fancy,Jesus is illegitimate.

Make sure he gets no benefits
.
Oh,mother’s mind is in full spate.

where will it all end at this rate?

Why did God not want to wed?

I don’t know,he never said.

But someone told me he is dead.

That’s just a rumour some nerd spread.

God is still in us today.

But something always blocks His  way

Doom hangs overhead

briidge-swirl

 

When true love’s gone and doom hangs over head

When life runs like a river to the sea

Then shall I take new lovers to my bed?

And with their carnal touch consoled be?

When my love lies,so breaks my tender heart.

When life seems grey and rocks bestrew my path.

Then, shall I my life of evil start?

And on the world shall I bestow my wrath?

When true love lies and wrecks all loyalty.

When puzzlement makes all my world seem mad.

Then I shall upend causality

And let myself do deeds which make me glad.

For I have love’s sweet child inside my soul

And I shall tend her till at last she’s whole

Wordplay

2013-04-23-17-21-25

The results of the experiment = the insults of the compliment

I  failed my degree = I wailed by a tree
Panic attack= Manic her trek

Last year in Marienbad = Lost tears, I carried on bad.

An evil sinner = seaweed for dinner

Do you repent = Who’re you to dissent?

I am a Jew = I almost flew/I have got flu/ who then are you?

Jesus wept= what can I say,dear Lord? I’ll weep too.
Hold my hand cos I need you===Fold the sands as we seam now

[Probably a sign of schizophrenia

 Horribly the swine and dogs in the media
!
You might enjoy it ===== you’re right,destroy it

From my very first blog in 2012

 

  • I was waiting for the ink to sigh.

    He was waiting for the ink to lie.

    I’m waiting for my pen to fill,I can’t write yet.

    Oh,I can’t write…I have to pick a lily.

    For what?

    To pay for England!

    Oh,I was waiting for the link to come by… but it was so fast it was absolutely hyper.

    She’s waiting for some misty petals.

    Or was it a new electric kettle?

    He was waiting for his mother’s views to falter.

    She was waiting for a whip to home in.

    He was waiting for your lips to come closer.

    I crack up and shout,I see!

    I make up and I look like a bee.

    I wake up and need to pee.

    I believe above the storm a boiling kettle causes alarm.

    I had wake-up fall…….. the bed threw me out!It was tired of me.

    I’d love to wake-up on the wrong side of the bed… on top of you..

    I can talk about a mile wide…but how high?

    She walks softly and carries a big lipstick.

    I was practically talking as the eggs fell.

    It was a walled garden called Eden before the government interfered.

    The walls have ears in the hospital.If only the doctors listened how happy I would be

    Gradually

     

    You have come here gradually,
    from the whirling chaos of the dreaming infant,
    anchored by the maternal hand to earth
    to this strange place.

    Do not try to fly back to heaven today.
    Be patient;your guides will,with no effort,
    Teach you the patterns and the dance.
    All you need is to be open and to trust,
    For you have a place in the world.
    We need your contribution.No-one else
    will see this world from your perspective.

    And as you trust the chaos now,fear it not
    Should it return.Every creative act
    involves the breaking of these barriers
    by which we keep the chairs and tables
    anchored into themselves.The patterns may break up
    but new ones are somewhere near.Patience
    with this suffering is the only route now.

    You cannot go back.Heaven comes only after
    you have grown roots into this earth,
    grown sunward,and travailed the storms
    and stinging blows;
    have grown your flowers and leaves
    And let them fall.

    Accept.
    The only way you can go
    is the earthly way.
    You are part of us.
    We love you.
    Our hands are reaching out
    If you just lift your eyes.
    In the Chaos,God danced and rainbows
    Flew from his hands and tears fell from his eyes.
    Those tears which fertilised our earth.

    He wept, knowing of the pain to come;
    And yet,he did not cease to dance

  •  

    The abyss

     

    I’m a thin skinned person
    On a thin skinned, spinning earth.
    We’re living on the surface,
    Creating more financial worth.

    My skin is getting thinner
    I am feeling far too much.
    My skin is very fragile,
    I may need to have it patched.

    The earth is full of danger
    But we build on it like fools.
    As if our skins would thicken
    If we covered them in jewels.

    Inside the earth are fires
    Which rage like infernos.
    But we build nuclear reactors
    In places we don’t know.

    We build our human cities
    As if we are in charge.
    Banks,shops,bridges growing,
    The built world has grown too large.

    The earth has a thinner skin on,
    But we don’t want to know.
    We just want our human cities
    To grow and grow and grow.

    My skin is getting thinner
    I feel life far too well.
    I don’t want to write poetry
    But I feel that I should tell.

    My skin is getting thinner
    I’m at one with Mother Earth
    She groans and labours loudly
    Like she is giving birth.

    Her skin is getting thinner
    Is it something she will shed?
    As adders are reborn
    When we think they are dead.

    But if we have too many cities
    The earth has no space to move.
    We’re like acne pustules dancing
    Without energy or love.

    The skin is getting thinner
    The world is going to split.
    And the energy released
    Is a fierce charge to transmit.

    We split the atom once
    And opened the abyss.
    But when we split the atom
    Who knew about all this?

    My skin is far too permeable
    I’m feeling too much pain.
    I want a thicker skin
    To survive on this terrain.

    The world groans and she labours
    And she destroys cities and trains.
    She’s giving birth to her own self
    As she struggles,works and strains.

    Her self is something fearsome,
    She is not civilised.
    When God spoke from the Burning Bush,
    We covered up our eyes.

    My skin is getting thinner
    I feel the heat again
    My skin is getting thinner
    I’m feeling too much pain.

  •  

  • Be my ghost

     

    His wit have been tried and found haunting.

    So I invited him to be my ghost.

    I saw you

     

    When I saw you waiting in that cafe
    I knew you would be mine.
    You were handsome, smiling,funny..you were specially designed.
    You looked like men I’d only dreamed about in all those years before.
    I’m so broke up,so broke up;you don’t love me anymore.

    I saw you on the station as I came from out the train.
    You wore an old green parka to protect you from the rain.
    I wanted to be one with you,to make a Love entire;
    But all you did was give me pain too bad be endured

    You walked away so quickly,I could not see you long.
    I wish I had a big guitar to draw you back with song.
    I looked at where you disappeared;what love has loss revealed?
    I wish I could just lay down on this floor and keep my face concealed.

    Railway stations sadden me, for I know we’ll never meet .
    I won’t cry more ,for tears are running almost to my feet.
    I walk fast looking straight ahead past that entrance gate,
    I pretend that you have missed your train,that work was running late.

    I count from one and one up to a thousand and many more–
    But I know for sure it’s far too late; you have closed that heavy door.
    You are hiding in a dungeon
    You are covered with white steel
    But I know you had a heart and you must surely feel.

    I lost all my illusions, and then I lost some more.
    I wish I could lay down and die,right here on this floor

  •  

    Make sure Jesus gets no benefits!

     

    BOOKS FOR YOU

    Silent spite.

    Holy rite.

    Shepherds flocks.

    Vicars frocks.

    Three Wii Men.

    We three Kings of Haunting and War.

    A million children died,children of beloved renown.

    Will you Kings donate your crowns?

    Oh little drink of bed time cheer.

    When will Horlicks get up here?

    Faith of our Fathers,time for a rethink?

    the Vatican hotline’s on the blink.

    God test thee,holy gentlemen.

    Wait till Jesus comes again.

    Was Mary after a council flat?

    Oh,yes,Joseph mentioned that.

    God didn’t marry her, for if he had.

    He’d have had to buy her,her own pad.

    Fancy,Jesus is illegitimate.

    Make sure he gets no benefits
    .
    Oh,mother’s mind is in full spate.

    where will it all end at this rate?

    Why did God not want to wed?

    I don’t know,he never said.

    But someone told me he is dead.

    That’s just a rumour some nerd spread.

    God is still in us today.

    But something always blocks His say.

    A party?

     

    Stan was down on his hands and knees washing and scrubbing at the carpet with a new microfibre cloth and
    some shampoo for dry hair.He had a bucket of hot water beside him.Happy, as always, when cleaning and
    scrubbing he whistled “The lark ascending” for his cat Emile, whilst sipping at a big mug of lager.
    Mary was down in the town buying some new earrings to match her red dress from Phase 8 Sale.Their
    granddaughter Flora had also gone to town but she wanted a nose ring not an earring.As she was a girl it was
    mandatory in the UK.
    Suddenly,quite out of the blue,the doorbell rang.They always do don’t they.It was their Muslim neighbour
    Bert.”We’re going away in the caravan.”He boasted gruffly.”Anyroad,the cat ,Nelsonia Mandelinaah, doesn’t
    want to come.Would you be able enough to feed her over the weekend without any politically correct remarks
    being issued ,as it were?”
    ” Certainly” Stan responded jovially.”When are you off?”
    “Well we went last week but we need a weekend in bed to recover from seeing Brent Cross Shopping Centre
    in Kettlewell right next to the old Post Office.[Kettlewell,Yorkshire’s idyllic village]
    “Very strange”Stan said,”Mary was in it only yesterday ,she claims,in Knittingham spending all our minute
    joint pension on new dresses and shoes.”
    “I encounter women who have seen Brent Cross down the road all the time all over Britain.Still they’re
    entitled to believe what they want!
    ” “But what will the consequences be?”
    “Is there a flying Brent Cross?”
    “That sounds rather religious,” Bert answered quickly
    ,”Is it an augury?”
    “I’d say it’s an omen,myself”
    “But of what?”
    “The times we live in?
    “But what’s going to happen?”
    “God knows.”
    “Well,does he though?”Stan’s hot water had gone cold.In fact it was frozen.”The laws of physics seem very
    mutable” Stan wrote in his journal,
    “Also my spelling has deteriorated badly ssince I began drinking lager.
    Would whiskey be better?”
    Meanwhile,he had cleaned only one third of the carpet.
    He filled the bath with hot soapy water,stepped in fully clothed and then rolled himself around all over the
    carpet to pick up all the fluff.
    When Mary came in she was amazed,
    “What’s going on?”
    “You look as if you’ve been having an orgy on the floor!”
    An orgy was something unknown to Stan as yet.”Would you like one?” he murmured.”Yes,”said Mary
    childishly “Age has not beaten me yet!””Better have it soon before my knees get too bad!”So now Stan is
    cleaning the carpet again.It’s very soft and thick,just perfect!The list of invitees is posted on his blog.
    Well,he’s been told to do something new every week.An orgy this week,the marathon later!
    But why is Mary ringing 999?
    Does she want to invite Dave,the paramedic or is it more sinister than I can tell you?
    Yes,indeed,she wants to invite Alistair Campbell and Tony Blair but she’s not telling Stan!.He’ll be furious.In fact he might be tempted to slap someone but no,even these people have the right to life.And they did some good in Northern Ireland.But would you want them at an orgy?””Me neither!”

    The stranger

     

    Have you ever had a dream,
    That you were all alone?
    Have you lived with someone handsome,
    With a heart like a cold stone?

    Have you drowned in deep,cold rivers,
    And been lost in shadowed caves?
    Have you lived with too much fusion,
    Till you drowned in ghostly waves?

    The waves run down the sea shore,
    Then up they come once more.
    The tide turns and life alters..
    Deep on that ocean floor

    .
    You were so beautiful and silent,
    Like a sword without its sheath.
    I should have let you take me,
    The way you took away my breath

    Smoke

     

    If I go I won’t tell you.

    I’ll just disappear one day.

    Like when a cigarette ,which seemed so long,

    suddenly has become smaller

    and you never noticed it

    because you were talking

    about the meaning of life

    while life was somewhere else

    blown away with your smoke

    into the sky

    and then dispersed

    never quite visible again

    but still floating on the breeze

    hoping to be caught

    in a butterfly net

    but unable to communicate

    except by flying.

    If I go it will not be today

    but it will be an ordinary day

    no one will realise

    that it’s that day

    that the bird flies

    from her nest

    to go to a new place

    only seeing the deserted nest

    he realises,

    my bird has flown

    The music of silence

    Somehow,you were here.
    I didn’’t hear you coming,
    then I saw you were here.
    Happiness fills me.
    Standing in the garden
    looking at red leaves,
    I hold your hand gently,
    and share the sweetness
    of autumn leaves,
    the distant doves cooing,
    the sun dipping down to the horizon.
    Life is good today.
    We hear together
    the music
    of silence,

    Emile and the flu jab

     

    Stan realised it was time for Emile to have his annual flu jab.He stopped polishing the windows and picked up
    the phone.Hello,it’s Stan here.Can I make an appointment for Emile?
    Yes, come today if Emile has had a bath!
    Are you joking?
    Yes,the receptionist responded cheerfully.
    Actually he did have a bath and now can swim breatstroke!
    How amazing,she said sweetly.
    Stan got out Emile’s travelling basket.He put some copies of The Independent inside
    in case Emile was bored.
    Here,Emile,I’m taking you for a ride in the car.kindly step into your basket,
    Can’t I sit by you and wear a seat belt?
    I fear it’s illegal.
    OK,grandad,Emile answered jauntily.He climbed into the basjet and sat up staring out boldly with his great
    amber eyes.
    The doorbell rang.
    Hello,Annie,Would you like to come to the vet’s with us?
    She looked down at her violet velvet tracksuit and purple trainers with real gold laces.
    Yes,I’ll sit in the back with Emile.
    After ten minutes they arrived and parked the car under an elm tree.Stan carried the basket steadily not
    wanting the poor cat to fall in an undignified manner,Annie looked at her green nails.
    Do you like my nail varnish,Stan?
    To be honest,I prefer shell pink.
    Why is that,darling?
    It is more feminine!
    Feminine!But you can see I’m feminine!
    I like you to be even more feminine.
    Oh,yes ,agreed Emile,So do I.
    You men,she cried sweetly,never satisfied.
    I wouldn’t say that,my America,my Newfoundland!
    What’s up?Swallowed the dictionary.
    It’s a poem,actually.
    You’ve been reading again.It’s bad for you.
    Don’t you like to be my new found land?
    A bit late to ask now,she murmured seductively.
    Next moment they were in the empty waiting room.Then a man came in with a big black dog.Emile stared
    fiercely and the dog whimpered and lay down on the floor.
    The vet came out and asked Stan to bring Emile in.Emile gave a yell at the dog before Stan shut the
    door.So,said the beautiful young vet,how is pussy today.
    Emile remained silent.He’s fine,just needs his flu jab.muttered Stan.
    Come now,Emile come out of there.But Emile was clinging to his basket with ll his sharp claws.
    Are you afraid Emile?He asked kindly
    No,I’m not afraid,I’m just acting how vets expect cats to act.
    So Emile speaks English?
    He knows French too.
    Je t’aime Emile.
    Bedankt,madame.
    Stop showing off and get out of there,she doesn’t speak Dutch.
    Mein mutter wast immer krank,cried Emile.
    Get out now!
    Emile came out slowly and stood by this good lady.She looks a bit like Annie, he whispered.
    The vet took out a small needle and swiftly injected Emile.
    What a good boy,she sang,would you like a jelly baby?
    A jelly baby!Cats don’t eat jelly babies!
    Well, have a go!
    Emile stalked back to his basket,put on some glasses and began to read the editorial in The Independent.
    Stan was hoping to make a suggestive remark to the vet,but Annie came in.
    Hurry up,there’s a thunderstorm coming.Her nails were now pink.
    Did you change your nail varnish?
    No,the green was artificial nails!I took them off.
    Can I have some claw varnish.demanded Emile
    What colour?
    I fancy teal,Emile miaowed.
    Teal!How ludicrous!
    What about red?
    Too pretentious.
    I don’t think I’ll bother then,the cat said languidly
    We men don’t have to bother about such things.
    Well,you are lucky said Annie.
    I hate makeup and nail varnish,blow dries and manicures but I don’t feel feminine without it.
    You feel very feminine to me said Stan,running his hand softly along her forearm
    and patting her behind!
    Stan!Not here in the road!
    Why not?enquired Emile.It looks ideal to me if you go behind those bushes.
    Annie jumped into the car and drove away leaving Stan to carry Emile to the bus stop for a tedious journey
    home.Then she reappeared,opened the door and said,come on now
    let’s all go home.I’m sorry I drove away.I’m feeling a bit blue today.
    They got in and arrived safely home where Stan brewed a big pot of tea and let Annie sit on the sofa with her
    feet on cushion.He rubbed her head gently.Lovely,she purred.
    I like having my head stroked.So do I,said Emile loudly but alas they were too busy to hear or care.

  • Cliches199

     

    I shall wail it today.

    I said a ball for the dogs!

    I hate someone re free market.More than one…

    I feel the hots.

    Oh,a cat can speak,can it

    A can of germs was bailed for £5,000 last night.Doctors said it would be happy in the fridge till being tried for manslaughter.

    You are so quaint I could eat you.

    I can’t fold a candle up.

    I can’t judge a look by the eyes alone.

    You can’t learn a psalm without understanding the words.

    I can’t pray enough for him

    i can’t teach an old dog to eat Weetabix

    I’m a pessimist but I’m ok

     

    I’m a pessimist and I’m ok
    I worry all night and I sleep all day.
    I do my shopping at 1 am
    Then I’m certain to meet some very naughty men.
    I’m a pessimist,it’s not a gay life,
    Especially if you have a watchful wife.
    I invent crossword puzzles for the Times.
    Then I write these cunning little rhymes.
    I am rich but I generally suffer panic.
    Either that or I get pissed and manic.
    I’m a pessimist and I love to laugh
    It makes women wet themselves,just like a bad cough!
    But we’re too fragile to worry about such issues,
    Just fill your handbags with plenty of thick tissues.
    I’m a pessimist,I’m neurotic and depressed.
    Will I feel better now that I have confessed?
    But I earn money by writing all night long;
    Then I lick my lover’s face with my bright red tongue.
    That is more than enough.THE EDITOR.
    No,it’s perfect.Just right.

    Word fun

     

    The Aliens have no Maps.

    A Map a Day keeps Words at Bay.

    Read a Map without eyes: Touch your Way to Happiness.

    I am a Map.

    I am a Door Map.

    Lonely and Mapless:Therapeutic advice from Angelic Geographers.

    The Map of Heaven.

    I see the Map but I have lost touch with Reality.

    Maps of Desire.

    Contour Lines for British Boys.

    Equilevel Curves for Latin Men.

    Isoquants for Greek lovers.

    Equilateral computers for geeks and their lovers.

    Triangles are ringing in my head.

    Where is the Path of Wrath?

    Isoquants for Greek Lovers.

  • My dinner

     

     

    I had a little nutmeg and drank a glass of wine

    Then I fell asleep and dreamed I was divine.

    When I was awoken by my little cat.

    She was in the kitchen fighting with a rat.

    I made myself an omelette in a special pan..

    Eggs are full of protein so I ate up 21..

    Then I had some custard,I made it yesterday.

    Here is the policeman for the 60th time today

  • The holiness of flowers

     

    Unable to travel far

    I concentrate more closely

    On the flowers in my neighbours’ gardens

    In one small road

    One thousand jewels.

    I close my eyes

    To take in the scent

    Of the late roses.

  • The intensity of flowers

     

    The colour of the flowers

    touches my eyes

    more softly than a raindrop

    Yet with the intensity of the sun

  • A witty yet good thought

     

     

    “Say what you mean, but don’t say it mean.”

    Not a poem

    He went off his huff and decided to laugh.

    Of its time..10000 years ago.

    Quaff these newts in ale.

    She stole a cough off the shelf.

    She stole the top of my head.

    You are off your blogger now…

    I feel a little old “miss you”

    Oh brother.I want mother.I feel so sad.Can I sleep on your iPad?

    Hello,God!

    Oh my blood is wetter than I expected…thanks to drinking tea all day long.

  •  

The shops split open  like heads in surgery

First you think it’s crack in the pavement that stole your pound coin
Then maybe you’ve got vertigo
The road tilts and you grab a metal pole with a sign  on it
The shops split open  like heads  in surgery
But there’s no brain
After that we roll into the dirt someone swept under the table
We seem to be tilting West, surely not  toward  Europe
To the ocean and its winds
We’re breaking up
When will I see you again?
Is this a bomb attack
Or just dry rot in England  and the rocks
Break like the tide and throw themselves higher
The bricks fron the old wall shatter car windows
Travel a while before the whole lot are bundled into a cavernous maw
Is this Brexit then,I ask
I didn’t foresee the violence held under the skin until it bulges and breaks
We’ll see what comes next
Unless it’s not us.

A fox’s tail

greywagtail2019Crop a line into an infinity of dots…it takes forever and a way.

I dropped the bucket.What lucket!

Supper was benign for the times

Whopping like flies on amphetamines.Have they got HDHD?

I try drown my sorrows but they can swim too fast.

I was as drunk as a Monk after a day of lasting abstinence.

Fly with a Crone.
.
Good luck soup… boil a horse shoe in water with an onion and some cloves,then liquidise .Wuck!

Plumb in a fox… it will wash you with its tail.

It would come in the post if it was delayed.

Selective apprehension, spare the mop

Who first  beheld  the world  and drew  the maps-
Language,words, and syntax to relate?
Who chose what to keep and what to drop?

Selective apprehension, struck by mop
Woomen’s weapon, simple undelayed
Who first engaged  with worlds  and drew  the maps-?

Before we had the words ,was God the cop?
Water hot,demonic is sins fate
Who chose what to keep and what to drop?

The settlements, the forests, twigs that snap
The centre is the home beloved, ornate
Who first  beheld  the world  and drew  the maps-?

Separate the moving from what stays
On the map the fixed we must then note
Who chose what to keep and what to drop?

Crows that fly and tigers detonate
Kill their prey and eat but don’t relate
Who first  beheld  the world  and drew  the maps-
Who chose what to drink and what to sup?

Vegan burgers

close up of salad in plate
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

https://www.olivemagazine.com/recipes/vegetarian/best-ever-vegetarian-burgers/

 

I’d be interested to know if anyone has tried this kind of diet for arthritis

Unoriginal sins

He wants to know what original sin is

I want  to  know some original sins.

You will have to go to another country as all the sins here have been committed many times

Such as?

1.Paying wages insufficient to maintain life
2.Well, adultery too as you don’t have to be married now for that

Thank the Lord.I can committ adultery  just  like married folk

Well you have to be in a  committed relationship

I have one with my cat

Don’t be ridiculous.You don’t got to bed with it

Yes,I do.

You are too literal minded

Who decided the borders?

Ir’s obvious.It means making love

Well it makes me  happy

But you must have sex

Don’t tell me it’s compulsory.

If you want to be unfaithful, it is

But noone would know if I were telling a lie

Except the cat

As long as it’s not a parrot, you are safe

Who would go to bed with a parrot?

Another parrot!

Not a cat, we hope

What would be a very original sin?

Being chaste.

But why is it wrong?

If yoi get married you are meant to have children

I don’t know.You can’t win

It’s not fair for your partner if you are  unwilling to make love

Well, he has other interests like doing a maths degree at the OU

That is grounds for annullment

What, for Protestants?

We don’t hear that word  much now

Do you mean f*ck?

No,I mean Protestant

I hear what you say

That’s good news

Well, not the Good News

What, has Doris Swansong  emigrated?

No but he got run over by a bicycle

Was he in the lane?

No, he was  walking on the M25

Why?

He thought it was original

Put him in jail

OK.How about sending him to the States to  be  electrocuted?

Would Trump agree?

Who knows?

Well I disagree.It is harsh

He brings out the anger in me

Put it back

I shall try

Bye